I wondered what she wanted.
It could be anything at all, I told myself. It was probably AA-related. Maybe she was serving as program chairman at a meeting in SoHo or Tribeca and wanted to book me to speak. Maybe she’d run into a newcomer whose story was similar to mine and thought I might be able to help him.
Or maybe it was personal. Maybe she was getting married and wanted to let me know.
Maybe she’d ended a relationship, and for some reason wanted me to know that.
Easy enough to find out. I picked up the phone and dialed her number. Her machine kicked in on the fourth ring, and her recorded voice invited me to leave a message at the tone. I had just started to do so when her actual unrecorded voice cut in. I waited while she disengaged the machine and then she was back on the line, asking me how I was.
“Alive and sober,” I said.
“ ‘Alive and sober.’ Is that still your standard response?”
“Only to you.”
“Well, I’m both those things myself, old friend. I celebrated another anniversary in May.”
“May twenty-seventh, isn’t it?”
“How did you remember that?”
“I remember stuff.”
“Yours is in the fall, and I don’t remember stuff. This month or next?”
“Next month. November fourteenth.”
“Armistice Day. No, I’m wrong. That’s the eleventh.”
Neither of us had been sober when we first came into one another’s lives. We’d met in the course of a case I was working. Years before, a woman in the Boerum Hill section of Brooklyn had been stabbed to death with an icepick, ostensibly by a serial murderer. After I’d left the force they finally pulled in the serial killer, and it turned out he couldn’t have committed this one particular murder. The victim’s father hired me to sift the cold ashes and try to find out who was responsible.
Jan Keane had been married to a man named Corwin at the time of the original homicide, and had been a neighbor of the dead woman in Brooklyn. She had long since divorced and moved to Manhattan, and my investigation eventually led me to her loft on Lispenard Street, where the first thing we did was crack a bottle and get drunk together. The second thing we did was go to bed.
It seemed to me that we were a pretty good match at both of those activities, but before we’d had a chance to practice much she announced that she couldn’t see me anymore. She’d tried AA before, she said, and was determined to give it another chance, and the conventional wisdom held that it wasn’t a good idea to hang out with a heavy drinker while you were trying to get sober yourself. I wished her the best of luck and left her to the world of church basements and sappy slogans.
Before I knew it I was finding my own way into that world, and not having an easy time of it. I hit a couple of emergency rooms and detoxes. I kept putting a few sober days together and then picking up a drink to celebrate.
One night I turned up on her doorstep, unable to think of any other way to get through the night sober. She gave me coffee and let me sleep on her couch. A couple of days later I went over there again, and this time I didn’t have to sleep on the couch.
They advise against getting emotionally involved during early sobriety, and I have a feeling they’re right. Somehow, though, we both stayed sober, and for a couple of years we kept each other company. We never lived together, but we did reach a point where I was spending more nights at her place than at my own. She cleared out a dresser drawer for me and made some room in the closet, and an increasing number of people came to know that they could try me at Jan’s if they couldn’t reach me at my hotel.
So it went on for a while, and it was good some of the time and not so good some of the time, and there came a time when it coughed and sputtered and died like a car running on empty. There were no big fights and not much in the way of drama. We didn’t run up against any irreconcilable differences. We just ran out of gas.
“I have to talk to you,” she said now.
“All right.”
“I need a favor,” she said, “and I don’t want to get into it over the phone. Could you come down here?”
“Sure,” I said. “Not tonight, though, because Elaine and I have plans.”
“I met Elaine, didn’t I?”
“That’s right, you did.” We’d spent a Saturday afternoon wandering through galleries in SoHo, and at one of them we’d run into Jan. “That must have been six months ago.”
“Longer than that. I saw you at Rudi Scheel’s show at the Paula Canning Gallery, and that was the end of February.”
“Jesus, has it been that long? I don’t know where the time goes.”
“No,” she said. “Neither do I.”
The words hung in the air.
“Well,” I said, “tonight’s out. Jan, how urgent is this?”
“How urgent?”
“Because I could run down there right now if it’s really important, or if tomorrow’s time enough—”
“Tomorrow would be fine.”
“Do you still go to that Sunday afternoon meeting on Forsyth Street? I could meet you there.”
“God, I haven’t been to Forsyth Street in ages. Anyway, I don’t think I want to meet you at a meeting. I’d rather you come here, if that’s all right with you.”
“It’s fine with me. Pick a time.”
“You tell me. I’ll be home all day.”
“Two o’clock?”
“Two is fine.”
After I’d hung up I sat on the edge of the bed wondering what sort of favor it would turn out to be and why she hadn’t wanted to request it over the phone. I told myself I’d find out soon enough, and that I evidently didn’t care all that much or I would have gone straight down there. I didn’t have anything important to do before I saw Elaine later. There was a welterweight fight on Wide World of Sports that I was planning to see, but no one was billing it as the Fight of the Century. I wouldn’t eat my heart out if I missed it.
I picked up the phone again and dialed the 718 number, and when a man answered I asked to speak to Mr. Thomas. He said, “Uh, did you say ‘Mr. Thomas’? Or did you want to talk to Tom?”
I checked the message slips. “It says ‘Mr. Thomas’ here,” I said, “but my messages tend to be more or less accurate depending who takes them. My name’s Matthew Scudder and somebody left two messages for me to call a Mr. Thomas at this number.”
“Oh, right,” he said. “I see what happened. I’m the person who called you, but they made a slight mistake on the name. I didn’t say ‘Thomas,’ I said ‘Tom S.’ ”
“I guess I must know you from the rooms.”
“Actually,” he said, “I don’t think you know me at all. In fact I’m not a hundred percent positive I got the right person. Let me ask you something. Did you ever speak at a meeting called Here and Now?”
“Here and Now.”
“It’s a Brooklyn group, we meet Tuesdays and Fridays in the Lutheran church on Gerritsen Avenue.”
“I remember now. It was a three-speaker meeting, and a fellow named Quincy had a car so he drove. And we got lost and barely got there in time. That must be a good two years ago.”
“More like three. I can be fairly precise about the date because I’d just made my ninety days. In fact I announced it at that meeting and got a round of applause.”
I almost congratulated him.
“Let me just make sure I got the right person,” he went on. “You were a New York City cop, you quit the police department, and you became a private detective.”
“You’ve got a good memory.”
“Well, nowadays I’ll hear somebody’s qualification and forget it ten minutes later, but the ones you listen to in the first few months make a deep impression. And the night you spoke I was hanging on every word. Let me ask you, are you still doing the same thing? Working as a private detective?”
“That’s right.”
“Good. That’s what I was hoping. Look, Matt—excuse me, is it all right to
call you Matt?”
“I guess so,” I said. “And I’ll call you Tom, since that’s the name I’ve got for you so far.”
“Jeez, that’s right. I still didn’t say my last name. I dunno, I’m not handling this so good, am I? Maybe that’s the best place to start, with my name. The S stands for Sadecki.”
It took a minute, but then the penny dropped. “Oh,” I said.
“George Sadecki’s my brother. I didn’t want to leave the name before because, well, I just didn’t. Not that I’m ashamed of my brother. Don’t think that, because I’m not. He was always a hero to me. Certain ways he still is.”
“I gather he’s been having a rough time.”
“For years. He hasn’t been right since they brought him back from Vietnam. Oh, he had his problems before then, you can’t go and blame everything on the war, but you can’t deny it changed him. At first we kept waiting for his life to straighten out, for him to get a handle on it. But it’s more’n twenty years, Chrissake, and a while back it became clear nothing was going to change.
“Early on he had different jobs but he never held on to one for very long. He couldn’t get along with people. He didn’t start fights or anything, he just couldn’t get along with people.
“Then he became completely unemployable, because his manner got very strange and he would have these weird facial expressions, and also he stopped being clean about his person. I know your home group’s on Ninth Avenue and you live in the neighborhood, so maybe you knew George.”
“Just by sight.”
“So you know what I’m talking about. He wouldn’t bathe and he wouldn’t change his clothes, and of course the beard and the hair. If you bought clothes for him you were just wasting your money because he would wear one pair of pants until they fell apart even if he had six other pairs hanging in his closet.
“It was like he had a certain way to live and nothing was going to make him change. He had a place to live, you know, or maybe you don’t know. They hung that homeless tag on him and that’s all you hear, but actually he had a basement room on Fifty-sixth Street. He found it himself and he paid the rent on it.”
“By taking back aluminum cans?”
“He gets a couple of checks each month, the V.A. and SSI, and that covered his rent with a little left over. Right after he got the room, my sister and I made an arrangement with the landlord, that if George ever missed coming up with the rent we’d take care of it. Never happened once. You see a guy, dirty bum on a park bench, you figure here’s a person incapable of functioning. Yet he paid the rent on time each month. In the sense of doing the things that mattered to him, you would have to say he functioned.”
“How is he holding up now?”
“All right, I guess. I had a very brief visit with him yesterday afternoon. They had him on Rikers Island and I drove all the way out there only to find that they’d moved him to Bellevue for psychiatric evaluation. He was in the prison ward on the nineteenth floor. I only had a few minutes with him. I hated to leave him, but I got to tell you I was glad to get out of there.”
“How did he look to you?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I suppose most people would say he looks good because they cleaned him up some, but all I could notice was the look in his eyes. George tends to stare, it’s one of the things about him that puts people off, but now he’s got this haunted look in his eyes that could break your heart.”
“I assume he has an attorney.”
“Oh, sure. I was gonna get a lawyer for him but they had already appointed someone and the guy seems all right. He’s weighing a couple of options right now. He can plead my brother not guilty by reason of insanity or diminished capacity, or he can avoid a trial altogether by arranging for him to plead guilty to some sort of reduced charge and be sentenced to a long term in a treatment facility. It amounts to about the same thing either way. He winds up institutionalized, but it’s not prison and there’s the possibility he can get some help.”
“How does George feel about it?”
“He’s okay with it. He says he might as well plead, seeing as he figures he did it.”
“Then he admits he killed Holtzmann.”
“No, he figures he did it, figures he must have done it. He doesn’t remember it but he understands the evidence against him and he’s not stupid, he knows how strong their case is. His take on it is he can’t swear he did it but he can’t swear he didn’t, either, so they’re probably right.”
“Was he in a blackout?”
“No, but his memory is never what you’d call reliable. He’ll recollect events but be completely wrong about their sequence, or he’ll misremember something, he’ll have an incident or a conversation different from the way it actually happened.”
“I see.”
“You’ve been very patient with me, Matt, and I appreciate it. I know I’m taking all day to get to the point.”
“That’s all right, Tom.”
“The thing is,” he said, “everybody’s satisfied, you know? The cops have the case cleared and the press off their backs. The D.A.’s looking at either a plea bargain or a trial he can’t lose. George is ready to go along with whatever his lawyer decides, and the lawyer’s ready to get the case off his desk with a minimum of aggravation, at the same time knowing he’s doing the best thing for all concerned. My sister says once he’s in a mental institution she won’t have to lie awake worrying he’s not getting enough to eat, or that he’s in some sort of physical danger, dying of exposure or somebody hurting him. My wife says the same thing, and she also says that he’s probably belonged in an institution for years, for his own protection and for the good of society. We’re just lucky he didn’t kill an innocent child, she says, and the real tragedy is that he wasn’t put away earlier so that Glenn Holtzmann would be alive today.
“So everybody’s telling everybody else how it’s all working out for the best, and I’m sitting here feeling like the only fly in the ointment. I’m the pain in everybody’s ass. You think my brother’s crazy? I’m the crazy one.”
“Why’s that, Tom?”
“Because I don’t believe he did it,” he said. “I know how ridiculous that sounds. I can’t help it. I just do not believe he killed that man.”
Chapter 5
“I appreciate this,” he said. He spooned sugar into his coffee as he talked, stirred, added milk, stirred some more. “You know,” he said, “I almost let it go. I came this close to not calling. I looked up private investigators in the Yellow Pages. Well, all I knew was your first name, and I didn’t see any guys listed named Matt, and I figured maybe I’m supposed to keep my hands off this one. Let go and let God, right?”
“That’s what the bumper stickers say.”
“Then I thought, Tommy, take one shot and see what happens. Don’t knock your brains out, don’t go and hire another detective to look for this detective, but at least pick up the phone and see where it gets you. Don’t push the river, but at least get your feet wet, and who knows? Maybe you catch a wave, maybe you can go with the flow.”
The flow thus far had led him to the Flame, where we were sharing a booth in the smoking section. Years ago I used to meet prospective clients in bars. Now I meet them in coffee shops. I’ve gone with the flow myself, and look how far it’s carried me.
“So I called Intergroup,” he said, “and I asked for a contact person at Keep It Simple, because I knew that was your home group. Unless you switched home groups since then, or moved to another neighborhood or out of the city altogether. Or even picked up a drink, because who knows, right?”
“Right.”
“Anyway, they gave me a guy to call, and I called it and I told a lie. I said I met you at a meeting and you gave me your number and I lost it, and that I never did get your last name. He didn’t know your last name either, but he knew right off who I meant, so that let me know you were still sober and still in the area. He gave me another number to call, a fellow named Rich, and I don’t know his last name
either, but he knew your last name, and he had your number in his book. So I called, last night and again this morning, and you called back, and here I am.” He drew a breath. “And now you can tell me I’m crazy and I’ll go home.”
“Are you crazy, Tom?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “You tell me.”
He looked sane enough. He was about five-eight or -nine, the same height but a little thicker in the body than those welterweights I was currently missing on Wide World. He had a round face, its boyishness offset by frown lines on his forehead and creases at the corners of his mouth. His light brown hair was worn short and thinning on top. He had wire-rimmed eyeglasses, and I guess they should have been bifocals, because he took them off to study the menu before ordering his cup of coffee.
He wore a light blue sport shirt tucked into pleated chinos. His shoes were brown penny loafers with crepe soles. On the seat next to him he’d placed his jacket. It was teal trimmed in navy, with an L.L. Bean logo over the breast pocket. He wore a plain gold wedding band on the appropriate finger and a Timex digital watch with a stainless-steel band, and he had a pack of Camels in his shirt pocket and a lit one in the ashtray. He didn’t look like a style-setter, but he certainly looked all of a piece, a Brooklyn neighborhood guy, a family man who worked hard and made a living at it. He didn’t look crazy.
I said, “Why don’t you tell me why you think George is innocent?”
“I don’t even know if I got a reason.” He picked up his cigarette, flicked ashes from it, put it back down again. “He’s five years older’n me,” he said. “Did I mention that? There was him, then my sister, then me. Growing up, of course I looked up to him. I was fourteen when he went into the service, and by then I knew there was something different about George, the way he had of staring off into the distance and sometimes not responding to questions. I knew this, but still I looked up to him.” He frowned. “What am I trying to say? That I know him and he could never kill another human being? Anybody could. I came this close myself.”