"I'm sad that the distance between us is once again growing. Every mile takes me farther away from you."
"Don't I know it, babe. It drove me nuts knowing you were so close last night and I still couldn't see you."
"How was your dinner?" I asked, trying to sound indifferent.
"It was great. I told Candace she should open up a restaurant. Everything she makes is mouthwatering. Culinary school is giving her some mad skills."
I rolled my eyes. "You don't say." What other skills does she have that you're experiencing while I'm gone? That's what the less mature side of me wanted to ask. Thankfully, the composed side of my brain was in charge at the moment.
"She's making lasagna tonight she claims would make any Italian weep."
"You're having dinner with her again?"
"Yeah, she needs a test dummy to try out her new recipes. Me being the dummy."
"You don't say," I repeated, laced with a noticeable amount of sarcasm. "I thought you were too busy studying and working to do much of anything else."
"Candace quizzes me during dinner."
"Well, how nice. You get a chef and a study partner."
"What?" he asked. By his tone, he saw no reason for me to be concerned.
"Nothing. It just seems like Candace is being awfully helpful now that I'm out of town."
"I thought you had no problem with it?"
"Should I have?"
"Absolutely not. You know Candace and I have been friends for years. We've finally matured enough that we can have a civilized conversation and meal together. That's it."
I grumbled a reply under my breath.
He chuckled over the line, fanning my flames. "You're cute when you're jealous."
"I'm not jealous," I lied.
"Yeah, you are, but that's cool. Don't think I don't have my own worries to deal with. By now that guy Greg has probably figured out a way to have the two of you sharing hotel rooms."
I flushed. He was unaware of how accurate he was. I didn't need to turn around to know that Greg was paying attention to our conversation.
"You still there?"
"Yeah, I was thinking about how I already got the hot cover model, so anyone else pales in comparison. You have nothing to worry about," I said loudly. I was speaking for the benefit of all of us—Alec, me, and our eavesdropper.
"I miss you, sugar lips."
"I miss you too," I said, feeling moisture forming in my eyes. The last twenty-four hours had set me in a tailspin. I could have used some time in the healing embrace of Alec's arms.
"I have to head to my next class," he said regretfully. "Call me when you're all settled in for the night."
"I will."
"Love you."
"Love you more," I said, disconnecting the call.
The tear that had welled up in the corner of my right eye slowly tracked down my cheek. I annoyingly wiped it away. My right eye was the weak one. It could never hold its shit together. I walked to the small bathroom in the RV to keep my face averted from prying eyes until I could gather myself. Somehow everything had gotten so screwed up. I had done my best to solve the issue with Greg. Hopefully he would get over it so the rest of the tour wouldn't be a total nightmare. As for Alec, all I could do was trust him. I had no other choice from hundreds of miles away.
***
The next week and a half was like living in the seventh realm of hell. Greg had taken to ignoring me, which I embraced at first, until I realized how vital he'd been at keeping the tour entertaining. I hadn't taken my spot back in the front passenger seat and Monica, Tina, and Michelle spent the majority of the time typing away on their laptops. I felt insanely jealous that they were able to write while if I even tried to look at my phone for longer than thirty seconds I would begin to feel carsick. And that was with me taking the Dramamine every day. The only bright spots were the signings, but those were always over before I knew it.
My insecurities about Alec were at an impasse. His studies pretty much consumed his time, making each of our conversations quicker than the last. I knew it was unfair to pile my woes on him, so I filled our phone chats with embellished chitchat about how well the tour was going.
Thankfully, each mile that disappeared behind the RV brought us closer to the end of the tour. January went out with a bang as a blizzard in Virginia kept us buried and stuck for a couple extra days.
"This is nice," Michelle said, sipping her coffee as she sat down in an easy chair next to me.
I nodded in agreement. As soon as it started snowing, I'd gone down to the lobby of the hotel and claimed a spot near the large bay windows that overlooked a pristine lake. I hated being stuck, but this was the type of snow I had hoped to see in New York City. Big flakes steadily floated down, covering the ground in a beautiful white blanket. When I made myself comfortable in the chair, I planned on getting some work done, but the snow was more of a distraction than I anticipated. Coming from Florida, I was fascinated by the large flakes that almost looked fake. "I planned on cranking out a couple chapters, but I can't seem to stop watching the snow fall," I said to Michelle.
"That's cute. If I was home I'd be stuck shoveling a path to my car and then scraping the windshield while I waited for it to warm up. It's so much more enjoyable this way." She propped up her feet on the coffee table in front of us. "How you doing, hon?" she asked, taking another sip from her steaming mug.
I turned away from the window to look at her. "I'm fine."
"You don't look it, sweetie," she said, patting my hand.
"Gee, thanks," I threw out lamely. "Nothing like being told you look like crap."
"That's not what I mean. You're still your usual cute-as-a-button self. I'm talking about what's underneath. It's obvious something is bothering you," she said with concern.
I grimaced. Nothing like waving my feelings around like some freak flag. I tried to be careful, not wanting to be the Debbie Downer of the tour. "I thought I was doing a better job of hiding it," I sighed, slumping back in my chair.
"Oh honey. Anything short of you being your normal bubbly self is a sure-fire sign. It's one of the things I love the most about you. You're always like a ray of light for all of us with dark souls."
I snorted. "It's been a curse my whole life. I need to work on being dark and brooding. That way I can disguise my feelings."
"Why don't you share those feelings, and I'll be the judge of whether they're stupid? It can't be good bottling everything up."
I pulled on my lip, debating whether I was ready to release the lid on Pandora's box. Keeping everything trapped inside had become my norm the past couple weeks. In a few days the bus tour side of the trip would be over and I could move on to the final leg of my appearance schedule. Greg would be returning to New York with the Love Bus, and the rest of us would be flying off to our next destinations. And in a month, I'd finally be home. I could power through this.
"I'm a great listener," she persisted.
Her insistence was all the urging I needed. Everything I had kept buried for two weeks tumbled out of me like a tumbleweed blowing across the desert. I felt a twinge of guilt for unloading on Michelle, but there was no denying that each word that left my lips made me feel lighter.
She waited until I was completely drained of words before giving her two cents. "I knew something must have happened between you and Greg. He's been sulking around watching you like a lovesick puppy."
I groaned, burying my face in my hands. In my vain attempt to ignore him, I made a point to avoid even looking at him or engaging him in conversation unless absolutely necessary.
"Honey, it's not your fault that boy wants to take a dip in your well," she teased.
"That's just wrong," I muttered, looking up at her sparkling eyes. "I feel so bad for leading him on."
She laughed, winking at me. "I think you're beating yourself up too much. Your personality is a magnet. You're funny, down to earth, and probably the easiest person on the planet to talk to. You can't blame t
he boy for getting a little smitten. You're easy to love. As for your beau back home, anyone with eyes can tell he's crazy about you. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt anytime your thoughts want to play tricks on you. I know this trip hasn't been as fun as you expected. I would feel the same way if the Love Bus made me as sick as it does you. Plus, you haven't been able to get as much writing done as the rest of us have. For the rest of the trip, I'm putting my laptop away so we can chat more."
I flushed, feeling bad she felt that was necessary. It wasn't her job to entertain me. "You don't have to do that. We only have a few days to go, and there's no reason to stop if you're on a roll."
She shook her head. "I want to. Truthfully, I haven't been overly happy with anything I've written in days. I'm just upset I didn't close it down sooner. I've been missing hanging out with you, and to think, the fix has been in front of my face the whole time."
A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. For the first time in weeks I was in a better place. I still couldn't help feeling partially responsible for the Greg situation, but my insecurity over Alec was exactly that—my insecure feelings.
"How about we join the others in the bar for something a little stronger?" She shivered as someone walked into the lobby from outside, bringing a gust of cold air with them. When the weather people said blustery, they weren't kidding. I made the mistake of thinking a walk around the lake with the snow falling around me would be nice, but I lasted about ten seconds. The damp wind felt like shards of glass. I half expected my skin to fall off in shreds.
I looked toward the bar, considering Michelle's offer.
"Don't worry. Greg is nowhere in sight," she said, taking my hand to pull me up with her.
"Okay, let me call Alec real quick," I said, pulling my phone out of my bag.
"Tell that hunk I said hi. See you in a few." She waved over her shoulder as she walked toward the hotel bar.
I pulled up Alec's number from the top of my recent calls list.
Expecting to hear his warm familiar greeting, I was surprised when a tiny female voice answered instead. "Hello," she squeaked.
"Lily?"
"Yes," she answered, probably wondering how the person on the other line knew her name.
"It's Nicole," I said, hoping she wouldn't hang up on me.
"Nicole," she squealed. "Where are you? You missed my birthday. I'm six now," she stated proudly.
"I know, sweetie. Did you get my present?" I'd bought her the horse from the American Girl store while I was in New York City. It was like walking into a little girl's fantasyland and made me wish I was six years old again. Three floors of doll splendor, selling anything you could possibly think of to outfit and accessorize your purchase. There was even a beauty salon where no less than six stylists stood behind the long counter fixing and primping the hair of the dolls. I'd never seen anything like it. The funniest part was the shell-shocked fathers who looked like they had no idea how they'd gotten there.
"I did! I named her Cricket," Lily said excitedly. "I love it."
"I'm so glad. One day I'll take you to the store where I bought it."
Her squeal of delight could have shattered several windows. I held the phone away from my ear, laughing.
"Can I talk to your dad, sweetie?" I asked when she finished clearing her pipes.
"He's in mommy's shower."
"What?"
"Mommy and Daddy are in the shower. They told me to watch my new Tinker Bell movie."
Her words registered through the phone, but they felt like a noose around my throat. My vision blurred and my breath wheezed out in ragged gasps. I gripped the arm of the chair, slowly lowering myself down. Without giving it conscious thought, I disconnected the call. My worst fears had come to a head. A little voice in my head taunted me, blaming me for freaking out during Christmas over the idea of deep commitment and becoming a ready-made family. I never expressed those fears to Alec, but somehow he must have known. Then I left for weeks on end. I practically handed him over to Candace on a silver platter. That didn't mean he had to go willingly. Only a snake cheated.
I shook my head, trying to clear Lily's words from my memory. I didn't doubt the truth in them. I'd been around Lily enough to know she was honest to a fault. What I couldn't believe was how they were getting it on with Lily in the next room. How wrapped up in each other were they? Just plop your kid down in front of the TV and get down to business? Bile rose up in my throat as I fought to remove the image of Alec and Candace from my head.
Anger surged through me. That son of a bitch. For weeks I'd been beating myself up for not trusting him, blaming myself for allowing another guy to crush on me. I was disgusted over all the wasted energy I had turned on myself.
I surged from the chair, forcefully shoving my phone into my purse. I needed a drink. Hell, I needed several. Within seconds I found my group at the bar and wasted no time getting the bartender's attention. I tapped my fingers impatiently on the counter while he took his time checking my ID.
The moment the shot of bourbon hit the counter, I downed the contents without pause, much to the astonishment of my friends.
"Damn, girl. You're not playing around," Tina crowed, signaling the bartender for another round. "You okay?" she asked, getting a look at my face.
"Fine." I tipped my second drink up to my mouth, welcoming the warm fuzzy feeling that spread from my tongue to the back of my head and down my body.
Michelle appeared at my side, elbowing me with concern."Nicole?"
"I'm fine," I repeated, downing the rest of the shot. The amber liquid burned its way down to my stomach, but I welcomed the pain."I'll take another one," I said, waving the bartender over again.
"Are you sure you want another one?" Michelle asked.
"He's in the shower with her," I blurted out, chuckling. I couldn't fathom why I was laughing. Nothing about the situation was funny.
"No," she whispered, horrified. Monica and Tina looked on curiously, but it didn't take a genius to discern who I was talking about.
"Yep." I tried swallowing the sudden knot that had appeared in my throat. "Lily said they told her to watch Tinker Bell while they took a shower. Those were her words." My voice shrilled in my ears. I clamped my lips closed, not wanting to hear myself anymore.
Without pressing for details, Michelle guided me to one of the booths and ordered another round of drinks. It wasn't a shot of bourbon, but I didn't care. It could have been acetone and I would have drunk it. I just wanted to escape. The liquor didn't seem to help though. Even with the better part of three drinks floating around in my stomach.
Monica and Tina joined us in the booth and tried initiating light conversation. I didn't even bother to participate. I was too far gone in my dark place. With the last of my drink finished and my heart still aching, I stood up to leave, finally feeling the effects of the liquor in my system. I was a lightweight drinker and usually became slightly buzzed from a glass of wine. Michelle called the bartender to order another round, but I was done. The drinks had not given me the relief I needed. I reached into my purse and threw whatever money I could grab onto the table. The room had tilted slightly from when I stormed in earlier.
"I'll go with you," Michelle said, standing up.
I waved her off. "I just need to be alone for a little while," I said, gripping the back of the booth. "I'm going to head up to my room."
"Okay, sweetie." She patted my hand. "We'll talk in the morning."
I left the bar, taking mindful steps toward the elevators. Everyone's rooms were on the third floor, so the ride was short. Short was good. Short didn't provide the opportunity to dwell on things. Stepping off the elevator, I trudged down the hall with the alcohol swimming through my bloodstream. I felt numb.
I pulled out my key card and started to slide it into the lock before changing my mind. Turning back around, I moved three doors down and raised my hand to knock on the door.
I waited a few seconds and knocked again.
It
was a sign. Even in my slightly drunken state, I could see that. I turned to leave just as the door opened. Greg stood in the doorway in nothing but a towel, looking puzzled to see me standing there.
My throat dried up at the sight of him in terry cloth. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out.
"Nicole?"
I lurched forward before I could lose my nerve. My arms wrapped around his neck, dragging his lips to mine.
Chapter 16
Greg stood rigid in my arms for a moment before gathering me close. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, deepening the kiss. The thin towel did nothing to hide the evidence of how badly he wanted me. My hands moved to his chest, wanting to slide lower to rip the towel from his body. His tongue slid past my lips as his fingers weaved into my hair. I waited for the fireworks. The spark of intense heat that never failed to burn through my body anytime Alec kissed me. I pressed closer to grind against him, trying to spark the fire to life. Nothing. It was as if my hormones were broken. The lying, cheating bastard broke my libido.
I pulled away in defeat. I shouldn't have started this. In my misery, I shamelessly dragged Greg into my pit of despair.
"What's wrong?" he asked, pulling me closer.
I shoved him away with as much strength as I could muster. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here," I turned to leave, but he snagged my wrist.
"Obviously you've had a few too many. What happened?" Surprisingly, he didn't look upset, but more concerned.
Sighing, I slumped against the doorframe, losing the will to hold myself up. "Alec is cheating on me." The words felt as heavy as bricks trying to push me down and break me.
"Shit," Greg muttered, wiping his hands on the towel wrapped around his waist. "So you came here for revenge."
Tears of embarrassment streaked down my cheeks. "You're right. I'm an awful person. No one ever wants to believe it, but deep down I'm pond scum."
He chuckled. "You're not pond scum. You just overreacted. Believe me, I would have preferred you knocking on my door because you couldn't resist my animal magnetism."