Gib met us outside her room. I could see Min, Isabel, and Ruth in a waiting area at the end of the hospital corridor. They started our way. I closed the room’s door. “Don’t believe a word she says,” I told Carter, looking hard into his eyes. “She doesn’t mean it.”
Tears slid down his face. “How could she think that way about me?”
“Tomorrow she’ll cry and apologize.” I hoped.
“What’s the problem?” Gib asked. His eyes were troubled and knowing as he looked at me.
“She hates me,” Carter concluded desperately. “Maybe she blames me for not wantin’ a baby so quick. I told her we should wait a year or so, but I wasn’t all that serious about waiting, and we sure weren’t careful—”
“You risked getting her pregnant when you weren’t ready to be a father,” I said between gritted teeth.
“No!”
“That’s not what he said,” Gib interjected patiently. “It’s bad enough that Ella’s hysterical. Don’t add to the problem by making irrational accusations yourself.”
I stared at him. He had the good grace to regret what he’d said. I could see that in his face. But when he put a hand on my arm I flinched. I began to feel my old superprotective, me-against-the-world defensiveness returning. “My sister lost a baby,” I said with grim emphasis. “Any woman who’s lost a baby would be hard to reason with right now.”
“You’re right. But Carter deserves some sympathy, too.”
Min, Isabel, and Ruth hurried up to us. Ruth’s flinty expression gave me chills. Carter began to pace. He looked so upset I couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. When he halted in front of me I almost backed away. I knew he was about to ask questions I didn’t want to answer. “Why did she talk the way she did?” he asked. “Like this wasn’t the first time she’d lost a baby?”
I glanced at Gib, who confirmed his opinion with a stone-faced nod. I should tell Carter her history. But I wasn’t certain that would help at the moment.
“Listen,” I said companionably, as I latched my arm through Carter’s. “Don’t worry about the kind of nonsense she mumbles tonight. And don’t be mad at her for hiding the pregnancy from you. If you really love her you’ll give her time. You’ll be sweet and gentle, and just listen. She’ll talk to you. Maybe that’ll make all the difference. You’re her husband. Let her know you’re not going anywhere. She’s never had that kind of security before.”
“Well, sure, of course, I’ll treat her like she’s made of eggshells, but why’d she do things this way? I feel like I’ll lose my mind if I don’t understand—”
“You’re not the one whose mind’s in trouble,” Ruth interjected. Min and Isabel, flanking her, looked puzzled. My stomach twisted as Ruth went on quickly, “I’ll tell you the truth. I did some checking on her medical records. Ella was pregnant a couple of years ago up in Detroit. She lost the baby and had a breakdown. Spent a month in a mental hospital. It wasn’t the first time she’d been put away either. The men in the white coats locked her up after her daddy died, too.”
Ruth smiled at me with unyielding victory. I swung around and looked up at Gib incredulously. He shook his head. “No. I didn’t tell her.”
“But you knew she’d found out on her own.”
“Yes.”
“How could you not warn me?”
“I gave him my word I wouldn’t let the cat out of the bag,” Ruth explained.
I pivoted to look at her again. “I see how little your word is worth, then.”
“This situation changes everything. All bets are off.” She faced Carter. “You’re not going to like hearing this, but I’m counseling you the way I’d want to be counseled. When you married Ella she deceived you about her true condition—physically and mentally. I believe you have grounds for an annulment.”
I lunged at Ruth, both hands balled into fists. Gib caught me around the shoulders. Min stepped between Ruth and me, and Isabel stared at us all in horror, her hands pressed to her mouth.
“She lost a baby—she was pregnant with another man’s baby?” Carter said in a low, stunned voice. I shivered. Another man’s baby.
“Did you hear anything beyond the fact that she was pregnant before?” I asked him bitterly. “Did you notice the part about her being hospitalized for depression? I don’t think so. I think all you care about is that another stallion got to your personal broodmare before you had the chance.”
He rammed both hands through his inky, tangled hair. “She should’ve been honest with me!”
“You seduced her and you married her three days after you met her! Your big conquest! You made yourself look good for the glorious Cameron gallery of quaint stories about family romances!”
“I—I need to hear Ellie’s side of this—” He started for the door of her room. I broke from Gib’s grasp and blocked his way. “She’s asleep. Leave her alone. Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage for now?”
“I’m not going to hurt her, but that was my baby she lost today! Not some other guy’s! Mine! And she’s my wife! I’m going to wake her up. We’ve gotta talk.”
“No. I’m not letting you harass and upset her by prying into the past. She’s fragile. I’m not going to let her end up like last time.”
“Get out of my way, Vee.”
Gib stepped between us. “Carter, you won’t do Ella any good in the mood you’re in. Take a walk. Come back when you’ve calmed down. Let her sleep.”
“Cousin, I don’t want to punch you, but I will—”
“If you try that you’ll need a hospital bed, too.”
Min and Isabel grasped Carter’s arms. “Gib’s right,” Isabel begged. “Come and walk with us. Please.”
“Walk, Carter,” Min ordered.
His shoulders sagged. He moved leadenly down the hall between Min and Isabel. Gib faced me. “He’s her husband, and he loves her. You’ve got no right to keep him away from her or talk to him the way you did.”
“Now that he’s heard the truth he doesn’t want to be responsible for her. She’s not pure enough anymore.”
“You don’t know how he really feels. You didn’t give him a chance to say much or even think about it.”
“Just like you didn’t give me a chance to prepare for Ruth’s viciousness.” I stared past him.
Ruth had watched the entire chaotic scene without saying another word. She had a look that said she might not be altogether pleased with the mess she’d caused. But then she shrugged. “Gib refused to tell Carter about his wife’s history. I begged him to do it. You wouldn’t tell Carter. Ella wouldn’t. Carter has a moral and legal right to know. Now he’s got to deal with it. The miscarriage isn’t his fault. Ella should have had enough sense to tell him she was pregnant and warn him she might crack up if she lost the baby.”
“Get your sister out of here,” I said to Gib, “or I’m going to find a new use for the nearest broom handle.”
“Go,” Gib said to her. His tone was flat, cold. “You gave me your word and you broke it. I’ve got nothing else to say to you. I can’t even look at you right now.”
“Gib!” She gazed at him with the raw recognition that she’d crossed a line she might always regret. “I thought you believed in laying out the facts, no matter how hard it is. You and I have always—”
“You didn’t give a damn about anything but hurting Vee and Ella. You’ve done that now.” She walked away, her mouth set.
Gib took me by the shoulders. “Let’s go sit with Ella. You calm down. She’ll be all right.”
“I’ll sit with my sister alone.”
Silence. After a brittle moment in which he studied me with growing disbelief, he said softly, “You’re shutting me out?”
“I don’t need your help. Obviously, I can’t trust you. You took care of your family. Now I’ll take care of mine.”
He dropped his hands. “I’ll be nearby.”
I went into Ella’s room and shut the door.
She slept through the night. Carter and I
sat in her room, not speaking. Min and Isabel went home with Ruth. Gib sat in the waiting area. It was excruciating.
“If you tell her you know the truth she’ll be worse than yesterday,” I warned Carter when she began to stir. He nodded curtly. “I know when to talk to my own wife,” he said. “The question we got to settle is why she doesn’t think she can talk to me.”
To my dismay, Ella didn’t cry or apologize for anything she had said to Carter. She gazed at him dully when he tried to comfort her. “You blame me for losing our baby,” she repeated in a small voice. “You think you’ve married a woman who’ll never have children. You may be right.”
Gib and I drove them home in one of the Hall’s vans, and she sat on the opposite side of the backseat from Carter, wrapped in a heavy coat and hugging a pillow as she gazed out the window at the frosty mountains.
When we arrived at the entrance to the valley she announced, “Take me to the cottage, please.” I turned around and eyed her steadily. She began to cry. “I need to be with you, Sis. You’re the only one who understands how I feel. I want to stay with you at the cottage.”
Carter looked stunned. “You can’t do that to me.”
Ella moaned, “You don’t want me.”
“This isn’t how a wife treats her husband.”
“You blame me.”
“Goddammit, Ellie, quit lying to me! I know what’s eating you! I know you lost a baby before! And I know you nearly lost your mind over it, too! I don’t blame you for anything but lying to me by not telling me any of that! And I’m mad as hell that you didn’t even do me the courtesy of telling me you were knocked up with my baby!”
She turned white. She opened the van’s door and staggered out. I jumped out behind her and caught her by one arm. I had to hold her up. Gib and Carter rushed to us. Carter tried to take her in his arms but she shoved him away. One look at Carter’s stricken face told me he wished he could cut his tongue out. “I only meant—” he began, holding out his hands to her.
She backed away wildly. “You … you know about Detroit! Vee, did you tell him?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Who would do that to me?”
“My sister,” Gib admitted. “I wish to God I could tell you it wasn’t a member of the family, but Ruth learned the truth and told Carter.”
She groaned. “It was the only secret I cared about! Now everyone knows what a failure I am. Vee. Help me. Vee.” She dissolved into sobs. I latched an arm around her. “We’re going to the cottage. Shhh. I’ll take care of you.”
Carter turned numbly and disappeared into the woods. Gib said nothing. He drove us to the cottage, carried Ella to the bedroom, then walked out and stood, just looking at me. “You don’t want me here,” he said flatly.
“I don’t want any Camerons around her right now,” I answered.
He left.
I tried very hard not to fall back into the old mothering routines Ella welcomed easily. Carter took on the gaunt-eyed look of a lost soul. Gib looked after him with Jasper and Hoss and Bo Burton, who showed up casually with gifts of interesting gourmet foods and flowers that everyone ignored.
Over the next several days Ella became quieter and more withdrawn. Blue circles bloomed beneath her eyes. She never mentioned the baby. She spent all day huddled in bed. I played the piano for her, coaxed her to eat, and fussed over her obsessively.
“You need to stop avoiding Carter,” I said. “I’ll call Gib. He’ll find Carter and bring him here.”
“He doesn’t want me.”
“Okay. Then you need to hear him tell you that in person.”
Unfortunately, Gib did find him—drunk, on the back porch of Hoss and Sophia’s house, with a pair of his sympathetic ex-girlfriends and the goat on hand for comfort.
“What was he doing with the women?” I asked bitterly.
“Nothing. Sitting. Drinking.”
“What would have happened if you hadn’t found him, you think?”
Gib looked at me frankly. “He’d have ended up leaving with them. Not that he was sober enough to do much. The goat would have had a better shot at it.”
“If we don’t get this settled between them soon, he’s going to get in trouble and Ella will never forgive him.”
“Your sister is the problem.”
“If Carter is so easily provoked to adultery, I’d say he’s the problem.”
We stared at each other. “Let’s not do this to ourselves,” Gib said. “I miss you.”
He went back to the lodge. Ella was asleep—or pretending to sleep—in the cottage’s bedroom. I sat on the porch in the dark and listened to the silence of the winter night, thinking of Gib, missing him in ways I couldn’t allow myself to put into words.
• • •
The next day I found Ella curled up in the empty bathtub with her wedding ring clutched in one hand and a half-empty bottle of wine nestled in her lap. She was wearing one of Carter’s flannel shirts. She looked up at me blearily. “He’ll never want me again,” she moaned. “We’re doomed to roam the world without a home, without love, without respect. That’s the only tradition we Arinellis have perfected, Vee.”
“I’ve had enough of your morbid shit. This family is in a mess and we need to either help or get out of the way. Which is it going to be?”
“That won’t work,” she said. “You can’t bully me with tough love. This isn’t something you can understand, Sis. You’ve never wanted children the way I do.”
“You have no idea what I want. You think the world revolves around you and your heartfelt emotions. I don’t look for feathers and I don’t talk to angels, and I don’t suffer dramatically with migraines and nervous twitches, but I do have feelings.”
“You should be happy that your dire predictions have come true. You never believed in my fantasies. You were right.”
“I’m sick of your self-pity. We don’t need fantasy here—the reality is pretty good. We have friends, we have, dammit, we have family, we have work, we have goals. You have a husband who’s miserable over the way you’re treating him. He really loves you. All right, I’ve admitted it. Hear me? He loves you and you can depend on him.”
“I love him but I don’t understand him. I’m disappointed in him. I never thought he’d be so casual about our children. To him our lost baby is only a trial run.” She was crying by then, and gesturing wildly with both hands. “And he thinks I’m crazy.”
“Ella, he’s not a poet. He’s a twenty-four-year-old guy whose idea of talking to women, before he met you, was limited to cheesy one-liners and quotes from country-western songs. If you don’t get yourself under control you’ll damage this marriage past the point of recovery. Stop looking for fantasies and appreciate what you’ve got. Grow up.”
“You’ve changed. Before we came here you would never have talked to me this way.”
“Maybe I should have. I’m ashamed of you.”
“Oh, Vee!” She huddled over her wedding ring, sobbing.
Olivia and Bea drove up to the cottage in their golf cart. Isabel clung to the side. I walked out into the yard as if guarding the cottage’s front door. Bea spoke. “Herself says a woman must grieve inside without words in the way. Leave Ella to her own means. She’ll come about when she can speak without pain.”
This didn’t reassure me. Olivia had not overcome the loss of her children in half a century and counting. I wanted my sister to develop the Cameron strength but not the tendency to mourn destructively for a lifetime.
“You must come to the Hall,” Bea ordered. “Emory’s shown up a day early. He’s conniving.”
“I can’t leave Ella.”
“I’ll stay with her until you get back,” Isabel begged. She climbed off the golf cart and looked at me wistfully. “Please. Maybe I can talk to her.”
“She’s asleep.”
Bea read a note Olivia held out. “Herself says what Ruth did was unforgivable, but do no’ be adding to the misery yourself. Gib’s taken Carter to K
noxville for the day to get his mind off Ella. He’s no’ here to defend our side.”
“He’s not at the Hall?”
“No, he’s away all afternoon. Herself needs you more than ever today. I think you care for Gib”—Olivia prodded her arm with a fingertip, and Bea sighed—“All right, all right, anyone with eyes can see you and Gib are all for each other. Do it for him, eh?”
“That’s not—” I stopped. Gib and I were no secret, obviously. For a moment longer I struggled with refusal. Then, to Isabel, “If Ella wakes up tell her I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Isabel nodded eagerly. “I want to talk to her about something. Min gave me permission. If you think it might help.”
“What is it?”
“Min and Simon were married for over ten years before Jasper and Kelly were born. They’d almost given up on ever having children. Min miscarried five times.” Knotting her hands together, Isabel waited for my reaction.
“All right. If Ella feels like talking, you can tell her that.”
“And I’d like to tell her that I was in therapy last year. After my divorce, and Simon’s death. I couldn’t take antidepressants because I was nursing Dylan. I went to a counselor twice a week.”
“I’d rather you not talk about psychological problems and babies any more than can be helped. It upsets her.”
“Certainly. I’ll be very careful. Vee, we really aren’t rejecting her. Nobody but Ruth wants to be cruel, and Ruth realizes everyone’s angry at her tactics. That’s all I’m trying to tell you.”
“The damage is done. It’s not me you need to convince.”
Bea snorted. “Come along, Venus. Leave Isabel to watch over your sister. And stop worrying. Poor Ella’s no more looney than the rest of us.”
Olivia nodded her agreement. Her eyes, direct and fiercely calm, said she’d been judged far more harshly.