“Did you come here expecting us to get back together or something? I’ve spent the last nine months getting over you. I’m not about to put myself in a position to be ditched again. I’ll help with the baby, but that’s about it.”
“I can accept that. I’m a screw-up.”
“You did what you did, Quinn. As much as I’ve always wanted a mate, I just can’t take the pain again. It hurt me more than you know. All I can do now is turn my heart off. I’m not going to let you break it again.”
“I’m not here to break your heart.”
“You’re here because you need help. You’ve never really wanted me. That’s fine. We’ll figure out how to take care of the child together. But us is never going to happen. Not in this lifetime. I’ve resolved to be alone.”
“Whatever you think is best,” Quinn muttered.
“Now. We need to find you a place to live.”
Quinn looked around at his fairly large house, thinking of an obvious solution. But she doubted he was going to want her here.
“I’ll call my alpha. He owns a lot of property. Maybe there is an empty cabin on the lodge grounds where you can stay.”
“That would work,” she muttered, feeling slightly disappointed.
Coming into contact with Drew again was having the exact same effect on her as it had the first time. Except now, they were bonded by the mating mark. There was a link between them, deep inside their hearts and minds. Being in the same room with Drew, she could feel the bond aching in her chest. All this time, she’d thought that ache had been because she was confused and terrified. At that moment, she realized that feeling was a result of being away from her mate.
Most of the disorientation she’d felt for the last nine months hadn’t been because she was too confused about her life to do anything rationally. It was because she’d run away from Drew. She felt his sadness inside her, and it made her muddled and fuzzy. If she had just faced him months ago, she might have been able to avoid a lot of stress and pain.
Chapter 8
Grabbing his cellphone, Drew sat down at the table across from Quinn with his own cup of tea. He’d made the tea with his own special blend of herbs and spices. The brew should help Quinn relax. As much as he wanted to hate her, his bear’s constant moaning eventually started to get to him.
“I’m sure Levi will know where you can stay,” he said, picking up his cell phone. He knew his alpha could help him with Quinn. Drew had to do something for her, even if they weren’t together.
How could he not want to be with her? She was everything, his mate. There would never be another. But the pain inside him from the hole she’d left there still stung. Not every fated mate relationship worked out. Some people just couldn’t come together. It happened more often than most people thought. He and Quinn had made a child. Maybe that was all that was meant for them.
He could live with that. He thought. No matter what, Quinn was not ready for a relationship. As he sat there looking at her across the table, he saw the light in her deep hazel eyes. She’d changed her hair. Her tight ringlet curls had grown longer and she’d cut it short on the sides. She’d taken off her coat and was wearing an off-the-shoulder white sweater made out of fluffy knit yarn. It rounded over her belly and made her look so soft and tasty.
She was the picture of cuteness, and Drew had to lean back in his chair as he hit dial on his phone. Levi’s phone rang three times before he answered.
“Levi, I have something important to discuss with you.”
“Shoot.”
Drew cleared his throat. “You know the girl I met at Charlotte’s wedding?”
“You mean Quinn, your mate?” Levi said with a small chuckle.
“Yes. Her. She’s here, right now.”
“Quinn is with you?” Levi said, surprised.
“She’s here, and she needs help.”
“Where has she been? Juliet’s been worried sick for months.”
“I know. That’s not the point of my call.”
Drew looked across the table at Quinn. She rubbed her belly, looking nervous. She bit her lip and looked up at him with doe eyes. His heart melted like a glacier in the tropics.
“What’s going on? What’s wrong?”
“Quinn is in some financial trouble and she’s…expecting.”
“Expecting what?” Levi asked.
“Expecting a cub. Like Juliet.”
The phone went garbled, and Drew thought maybe Levi had dropped the phone.
“Hello?” he said.
“Juliet wants to come over,” Levi said.
“I don’t think this is a good time, Levi. Quinn needs a place to stay.”
“Why can’t she just stay with you? You have extra rooms.”
“It’s not like that with us. She needs a place of her own.”
“I see. All the cabins at the lodge are booked up. I’m assuming she wants a house, not a room at the lodge.”
“Ideally. She’s going to need a place for the baby.”
“The cabin out across the lower fork of Fate River is empty right now. It’s a bit remote. Angus did some work over there last summer. We put in some nice new amenities. Even has satellite internet.”
“Sounds perfect.”
“The keys are under the garden gnome in front of an azalea bush.”
“Got it. Thanks, Levi. I’ll talk to Quinn about Juliet,” he said, looking up at her for her reaction.
She pressed her lips together and made a little whimper in the back of her throat. Drew hung up the phone and set it down on the table.
“He says you can stay out at the cabin across the south fork.”
“Okay,” she said reluctantly.
“Says it’s got great new amenities. We can go out there now if you’d like.”
“I should get some food and things,” she said.
“Sounds like a good idea.”
“Why don’t we stop by the grocery store on the way out of town.”
Quinn followed Drew back through his house, and they walked across the lot to where she’d parked her car. She opened the door, and he watched her get inside.
“You can follow me. I’m parked around back of the brewery.”
He closed her door and she started her car, looking up at him one last time before he walked away. What the hell was he doing? Should he even let himself get this deep into this thing? The Quinn ship had sailed a long time ago. But the feelings he’d had for her that night were coming back in a torrent.
Not only did he feel that animal attraction to her, it was worse now. She had that round, ripe belly that he wanted to caress and lick down between her juicy thighs. He growled at himself as he pulled open the car door. What was he thinking?
He knew what he was thinking. He was thinking about his mate. He wanted her bad. That couldn’t be denied.
With the baby coming, he wanted to protect her too. It was stronger and deeper than the desire to feel her body warmly around him. This was in his gut and in his heart. Quinn and her child were precious and needed to be kept safe. He wanted to care for her as strongly as he’d ever wanted anything in his life.
It battled with the pain inside him. The pain wanted nothing but to run from her as quickly as possible. The humiliation he’d felt after she’d left could not be repaired. She’d gone to such great lengths to hide from everyone and everything. And why? Because she’d made love to him and asked him to mark her as his mate.
That’s what sent her into hiding. His love. His commitment to her. How could he ever allow himself to offer it to her again? Maybe he was a weak man. But he knew he felt things deeply in his soul, in ways that maybe other men didn’t.
When he’d been in the moment with Quinn, he’d felt as swept up in it as she had. He’d let himself go because the love and desire between them had been so intense. So real. It was the realest thing he’d ever experienced, and it had made his heart sing and weep all at the same time.
Drew slid behind the wheel of his SUV an
d pulled out of the parking lot behind the brewery. He drove around to the front where Quinn was parked, and she followed him out into the street. Taking a right on Main Street, Drew drove down to Fate Mountain Grocery and parked in the parking lot. Quinn pulled up beside them, and they walked together into the store.
“Thanks for doing this,” she said, yanking on a cart. It was stuck in the line of carts, and she couldn’t get it loose.
“Wait,” he said, stopping her. She let go and backed away so that he could pop it free from the other carts.
“Thanks, again,” she said, looking up at him.
Drew could tell she was nervous. The undercurrent of Quinn’s shame was not lost on him. Their mate bond was still there, totally connected and energized by their new proximity. Her shame sat in his stomach like a cold wound. Both of them were in pain, that was clear.
Quinn pushed the cart down the aisle and began putting items in the basket. They walked through the produce department and Quinn picked out bunches of grapes and bananas.
They continued on and she picked out a loaf of sourdough in the bakery and half a dozen blueberry muffins. Shopping with Quinn as she waddled down the aisles of the grocery store felt incredibly domestic.
He imagined that it would have been like this if she had stayed all those months ago. They could have gone to the grocery store together all the time. They could have gone on walks along the river. They could have made love under the stars. But all that time they could have been together had been squandered, and now they would never have that chance.
They wandered into the meat department, and Drew picked up a package of steaks.
“Do you like steak?” he asked her.
“Of course,” she said. “But those are a little pricey, don’t you think?”
“I can get your groceries…if you want.”
She gave him a desperate look as if to say, “You’re being too nice to me.” Drew couldn’t take the look in her eyes. She needed someone to be nice to her and take care of her. For the sake of the baby. Even though Drew knew that they couldn’t be together romantically, he still knew that she needed to eat and get enough nutrition for the child growing inside her.
“You don’t have to do that,” she said.
“If you aren’t able to buy all the groceries you want, then I do need to help you.”
“I can get by. I just need a place to stay and to sell my condo as soon as possible.”
“I’ll ask Levi about the condo. He knows a lot of people, a lot of shifters. There might be someone in Portland who can help unload it for you.”
She stopped pushing the cart and gave him that desperate look again. He wished she would stop doing that. She might have broken his heart, but she was still carrying his child, and he didn’t want her to be destitute or broke.
“It really isn’t a problem, Quinn. I would do the same for anyone in my clan. You’re carrying my child; that means you’re part of the clan too. Even if you aren’t a bear and we aren’t together.”
“I just didn’t expect you to be so welcoming,” she said, putting a package of almonds into the cart.
“I can understand why. You and I have baggage. But shifters always take care of their own.”
“I’ve heard about that kind of thing. I just never imagined it would be a benefit to me. My parents always said…” She stopped talking and pushed the cart up the aisle.
He followed her to where she’d stopped in front of the boxes of cereal. “What did your parents say?”
“They said that shifters only care about themselves.”
“What?”
“Can we just drop it? It’s been something I’ve been struggling with my entire life.”
“Sure. Fine.”
Until earlier that day, Drew had no idea that Quinn’s parents were shifter haters. Quinn didn’t seem like a person who hated shifters. She didn’t come across that way on the surface, anyway. But if her parents were part of a shifter hate group, then it all kind of made sense.
Even if Quinn herself wasn’t prejudiced, it would make sense that it was hard for her to overcome all of the messages she’d received as a child. Drew felt kind of bad for judging her.
A little spark of hope lit in his heart. Maybe there was something deeper going on that he hadn’t seen before. That hope inside him bumped up against all the pain, making his heart ache once again. He pulled a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator and put it in her cart.
“I think that’s everything,” Quinn said, angling her cart towards the checkout.
“Let me get this,” Drew said.
Quinn didn’t object as they pulled up to the checkout and started to unload all of her groceries onto the counter. The grocery store clerk began to scan her things and put them into bags. When the total rang up on the cash register, Quinn took a sharp breath through clenched teeth. But Drew quickly ran his credit card through the machine and paid for the groceries before Quinn could say anything about the cost.
The checker put her bags into the shopping cart, and Drew pushed the cart out into the parking lot where he loaded them into the front seat of Quinn’s car. When everything was loaded, Quinn opened the driver’s door and slid behind the wheel. Drew stood inside the open door.
“Just follow me down the road, and I’ll take you to the cabin across the south fork.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Drew closed her door for her and walked back to his SUV, his contrasting emotions clashing with each other like a violent storm inside him.
Chapter 9
Quinn followed Drew’s SUV down the highway and onto a side road. After about three miles, they turned onto a dirt road and drove for another four miles. By the time they crossed the bridge over the south fork of the Fate River, they were a long way out of town.
Both cars pulled up in front of a rustic cabin that was surrounded by lush green trees and dense forest. Quinn parked the car and got out, hoping the inside of the cabin looked better than what she saw on the outside. It was definitely not five-star hotel quality.
As she waddled up the stone path, the little cabin came into clear view. It was made of hand-hewn logs, insulated with plaster and mud. The one modern amenity she could see from the outside was a satellite dish, clinging to a newish roof. She stopped short. Quinn had never stayed in a place like this in all her life. She couldn’t imagine staying here now, nine months pregnant.
“Seriously?”
“Levi said the key was under a garden gnome in front of an azalea,” Drew said, distractedly.
“I don’t know if I can stay here.”
Drew bent down and tilted a gnome away from the ground, pulling a key out from underneath.
“Here it is.”
“Drew, I really don’t know if I can stay here.”
“You haven’t even seen the inside.”
He walked up the stairs of the rickety old porch and shoved the key into the lock. Drew turned the handle and opened the front door. They both walked inside, and Quinn was immediately bowled over by the smell of must and dust.
“Is that mold?” she said. “Because you know mold can be very dangerous for a developing fetus.”
“That’s just the smell of the old wood,” Drew said, sniffing the air.
Quinn walked further into the small front room. There were a few items of furniture. A rickety looking futon with a patchwork quilt thrown over it. An old easy chair with a compressed cushion for a seat. There was an old-fashioned television and a very handsome looking table. The table looked completely out of place in the rest of the surroundings.
She walked into the kitchen and found some decent appliances and fairly clean counters and cabinets. As she was opening the refrigerator door, a little mouse scurried across the kitchen floor, scaring her nearly to death. Quinn screamed and jumped backwards, covering her mouth. Drew came up behind her, growling.
“What is it?” he said.
“A mouse,” she gasped.
“You scr
eamed like that because of the mouse?” he said, sniffing the air.
“It scared me. Rats carry diseases.”
He gave her a side-eye and then walked into the kitchen, his nose twitching. Drew opened his shoulders and roared loudly. Quinn could hear the bear within him come through the man’s throat. The sound of it scared her more than the mouse had. She stepped back and folded her arms around herself. The child she carried within her would be the same as the man who had put it there.
All these months, Quinn had been battling with herself over the reality of her predicament. She had loved her child from the first moment she found out she was carrying him. But deep in the back of her mind, she knew the child was a shifter, a grizzly bear, who would grow into a full grown grizzly someday. In some ways, it was like having a monster in her belly, growing off of the nutrients she provided it. That small part of her liked to remind her of all of the horrible things her parents had always said about shifters.
Quinn refused to let her parents’ prejudices turn her against her own child. But those messages were too hard to turn off completely when the reality of her life was so foreign and frightening. She rubbed her stomach, feeling the baby kick at the sound of his father’s roar.
“I think you frightened the baby,” she said.
Drew turned to her, worry in his eyes. “My cub isn’t afraid of my roar.”
“I think he is.”
“He?”
“It’s a boy.”
“I’m going to have a son.” Drew turned away, hiding his expression from her eyes.
Quinn could feel the storm of emotion coming from Drew. He was just as confused as she was. All these months she’d spent in hiding, Quinn had been able to feel Drew’s feelings all along. The mate bond was ever present, even at such a distance. But now that they were together, in the same room, the bond was even stronger. She knew exactly how hurt he was. She also knew that he could feel how hurt she was as well.
The two of them together with their conflict and emotions, feeding off each other—it wasn’t a healthy environment for her child. As much as she felt for Drew, she knew they needed to keep their distance from each other. The pain and the hurt was just too much. It would be stressful for her baby, and that was the last thing she wanted.