While we clung to each other, I mouth the words I knew I had to hide from her.
I love you.
In the moments that followed, I shifted on the couch and pulled her until she was cuddling with her back to my front. As we settled, I had to acknowledge the truth of it. I didn’t think I could just walk away. I’d leave if I had to. If I knew there was no other way. But until I knew that was the only choice, leaving Carly Prince just wasn’t an option.
I’d only been half-alive before I met her.
Leaving her would probably be the end of me.
Chapter Seventeen
If I’d been smart, I would’ve gotten up in the middle of the night and done something about the boxes and suitcases, especially since I’d come to the brilliant revelation that I was a dumbass. I wouldn’t have been able to unpack completely, but I could’ve at least gotten things out of sight and avoided a whole mess of issues.
But I wasn’t smart. Not even a little bit.
And my wake-up call didn’t help my brain function at all.
I went from semi-erect to dying in the blink of an eye as the wet heat of Carly’s mouth closed around my cock. Within seconds, I was awake and gasping for air. I opened my eyes to see her dragging her head back up, taking her time circling the tip of her tongue around the crown of my throbbing cock.
She stopped long enough to shoot me an impish grin, and then she returned to the business at hand. When she slid her way back down, I closed my eyes and grabbed the cushion beneath me. This was one morning I had no intention of rushing.
* * *
We moved from the couch to the shower, and while I was done far sooner than she was, I still wasn’t fast enough. She walked in while I was still scrambling to shove boxes and shit into the closet.
“What’s...?”
She stopped in the middle of the floor, the words dying in her throat as she took in the empty suitcases. I could only watch as everything fell apart. Her gaze slid to me and I readied myself to see anything there – pain, surprise, shock, anger.
I saw nothing.
“You’re leaving.” The words were flat, emotionless.
Shit.
“No,” I said, moving toward her.
She backed away before I could touch her, her hand held up as if she intended to slap mine away. I would’ve deserved it if she had.
“You’ve got suitcases out, boxes packed. That’s usually a sign of somebody leaving.”
“I’m not.” Dragging a hand through my hair, I fumbled for something to say. Bullshit and sarcasm just weren’t going to cut it this time. If I didn’t want to lose her, I had to be real. “Look, I thought for a while it was the best thing to do. Me being here...there’s some crazy fuck after you because of me and–”
She laughed. The sound was brittle, cold. It reminded me of chunks of ice breaking after a freezing winter.
“Has it dawned on you, you bastard, that maybe some crazy fuck is after you because of me?”
I came up short. No. Actually, no. That hadn’t dawned on.
She smirked, reading my answer in my silence.
But as that silence stretched out, I knew she was wrong. Knew that whole idea was wrong. I’d been getting by on my wits and instinct for as long as I could remember. I’d had to. Living with a mean drunk, I’d learned to gauge things fast. After my mom died and I ended up out on my ass, alone in the streets, I’d had nothing else but my wits and instinct to survive on. I trusted them, even when I trusted nothing and nobody else.
She was wrong. She didn’t want to hear it and maybe she didn’t need to, but this was about me.
“I’m not leaving,” I said softly. “Like I said, I was going to, but I changed my mind.”
Carly sneered at me as she strode by, clutching a towel to her breasts. I watched as she shoved my closet open and grabbed the closest shirt. I got a little weak in the knees watching as she pulled the black dress shirt on and let the towel fall. Fuck. My shirt, over her naked body.
“Yeah, I wonder what changed your mind,” she said scathingly as she turned toward me.
I jerked my gaze away from the sight of her fingers slipping buttons through the narrow little holes. Never let it be said that there’s nothing sexy about watching a woman get dressed. It makes a man think about taking the clothes right back off. Especially when it’s his clothes she’s putting on.
“Tell me.” She pulled her wet curls out from under the collar. “Since it seems like this was a recent development, just when, exactly, did you change your mind?”
She crossed her arms over her breasts and glared at me, waiting for an answer.
“I...” Licking my lips, I floundered for an answer. Finally, I just shoved my hands into my pockets and risked the truth. “Last night.”
The disdain on her face deepened and she took a step to move past me. I caught her arm, needing to explain, needing her to understand.
She whirled around, her hand flying out.
I let it come. The slap sent my head snapping to the side. I didn’t let go of her arm, though. I deserved her anger, but I was still going to make sure she knew the whole truth. No matter how much it scared the shit out of me.
“Feel better?” I asked.
Tears gleamed in her eyes. “No!”
I pulled her closer. She didn’t want to come, but I wasn’t about to let her walk out like this. My heart twisted with the knowledge that I was responsible for her tears. I’d thought leaving would keep me from hurting her, but, as usual, I fucked it up.
“My decision had nothing to do with making love to you,” I whispered. It wasn’t until the words were out that I realized what I’d said. Making love. Not having sex. Not sleeping with her.
I was in too deep and I knew it.
“You’re such a fucking liar.” She practically spat the words at me.
I cradled the side of her face with my hand, and when she pulled away to avoid my touch, I contented myself with toying with the ends of her hair. If she truly wanted me to let her go, I would, but I had to tell her this first. She had to know what she’d done for me, to me.
“I’d been arguing with myself about it for a while, but the minute you showed up on the front porch, Carly, I knew I couldn’t do it. That’s when I...” My voice cracked.
Carly’s eyes darted toward me, then bounced away.
Slowly, I went to my knees, my hands moving to her hips. I pressed my face to her belly, breathing in the scent of her. My soap, the fabric softener I used...and her. Just her.
“That’s when I figured it out, Carly,” I whispered, my voice low and soft. I closed my eyes as I said the words I hadn’t said to a woman in a very long time. “I love you.”
Any answer she might have made was interrupted by the blaring ring from my phone. I wanted to ignore it, would have ignored it, but this was a special ring, one programmed into the phone by Ryan, and it was the one ring I wasn’t allowed to ignore.
Shit. Perfect timing.
With a sigh, I got to my feet and picked up the phone. “What?”
“Is she there?”
Double shit.
“Yes.” I didn’t bother with an explanation. He wasn’t stupid.
“Cameo’s coming to get you both. Neither one of you leave.”
The call ended and I turned toward Carly. I set the phone down on the table. “Cameo’s on her way to pick us up. Ryan wants to see us.”
She nodded, her jaw clenched tight. We both knew we had to talk, but we didn’t have time now. This wasn’t the sort of thing we could get part-way into and then pause it to have a discussion with Ryan.
“I need to get dressed.” Carly didn’t look at me as she walked out to the living room where we’d left her clothes from last night.
I took a few minutes to gather myself and then went out into the living room to wait for Cameo. Carly was wearing her own jeans, but had kept on my shirt. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I hoped it was a good sign.
Except she didn’t sp
eak to me as we waited. Or when we came out of my house to meet Cameo on one of the carts people used to get around the estate. She didn’t say anything during the ride, despite the looks Cameo was throwing at us both. Even when we walked into the security office and Ryan gestured to the seats across from his desk, she was silent.
“Next time,” Ryan said, his voice calm despite the hard glint in his eyes. “Let somebody know where you are.”
The words were directed at Carly, but the anger was directed primarily at me.
Shit. We already had a meeting scheduled this morning, and I was sure he planned on handing me my ass as soon as Carly was out of the room.
“Carly.” His voice softened.
She looked up from her pensive study of her nails to meet his gaze.
“You know we were just worried.”
She shrugged. “I was on the grounds, Ry. I’m a big girl. If I want to take a midnight walk, I can.”
“But you didn’t come back,” he pointed out.
She gave him a saccharine smile and I braced myself for what I knew was coming. That smile was dangerous.
“That’s because I was getting fucked six different ways to Sunday,” she said, batting her lashes at him innocently.
Oh shit.
Behind us, Cameo choked. Dave, the only one of us with a family, was standing a few feet behind Ryan, and he hid a smile behind a quick cough. Ryan rubbed his face and lifted his eyes to the ceiling. I had a feeling he was praying for patience. Or maybe a blunt object to beat me with.
My neck prickled, and I shifted casually, taking advantage of the movement to put Ridley into my peripheral vision. He stood by the window, pure, undiluted loathing in his gaze. No, it was even more than that. Whatever it was that had made him instantly dislike me had ratcheted up to full-out hatred.
I’d already known never to give that man my back, but that look made me start to wonder if it was safe for me to be alone with him at all. He would try to take me down at some point, I knew it for certain now. But he wouldn’t try a fair fight. He’d go for weaknesses, exposed points. He’d fight ugly, dirty.
Abruptly aware that others were staring at me, I jerked a shoulder in a shrug, but didn’t look at any of them. “What?” I demanded. “If you want a step-by-step replay of the night, you’ll have to see if Carly will help you. I don’t kiss and tell.”
This time, neither Cameo or Dave attempted to hide their amusement. Ryan, however, was fed up.
“Everybody, get out.” He pointed a finger at me and Carly. “Stay. Just you two, stay.”
Carly crossed her legs, one leg swinging quick and flat. Her foot was bare, her toe nails painted lipstick red. Her eyes flashed as Dave moved past her toward the door. “Ryan, this is probably going to escape your notice, but I pay you, not the other way around.”
“This has got nothing to do with money, sweetheart.” He came around the desk and crossed his arms, staying quiet until the door shut behind Dave. “Carly...” His gaze slid from her to me, then back. “Look, sweetheart. You’re going through a really rough time right now...”
“Spare me.” Her voice was cold. So cold, I jerked my head to stare at her, but she only had eyes for Ryan.
He blinked, caught off guard. She’d gotten short with me before, of course, but she’d never spoken that way to Ryan.
“Yes, I’m going through a rough time. And it was worse than it had to be because somebody I wanted to lean on wasn’t there because of you and Jake.” She slid me a look and then jerked her head away. “I...shit. And now these letters. He was planning to quit. That’s why you were so pissed, wasn’t it? He found out about the letters I was getting. I told you we needed to sit down and talk this out, but you insisted you knew best.”
“That’s my nature, Carly.” Ryan didn’t look the least bit sorry, either. He slanted a look toward me, and the expression was flat, hard as stone. “Just like when things get hard, it’s Bobby’s nature to run.”
I bolted out of my chair and got into his face. He didn’t even try to move. “You think this shit is scaring me off?” I snarled. My hand curled into a fist.
Temper sparked in his eyes, but his voice was calm and easy. “Well, you’re the one who had your bags packed. What happened earlier? You decided you needed a quick fuck before you hit the road?”
Carly’s sound of outrage didn’t even penetrate.
Ryan took the first punch, but when I swung again, he caught my arm, trapped it and spun, slamming me face first against the desk. “You still let that temper of yours control you, kid,” Ryan said tonelessly. “Now I’m going to let you up and we’re going to talk.”
He let me go, and I would have gone after him again, except Carly caught my arm. “Bobby.”
I didn’t want to listen. I didn’t care that my shoulder joint was on fire from where he’d wrenched it, and I didn’t care that my face felt bruised from where he’d slammed me into the polished stone surface of his desk. I cared about the shit he’d been insinuating about how I’d treated Carly.
But she was tugging on my hand, so I let her pull me back. I didn’t want to look at her though. I couldn’t see on her face that she believed what he’d said. It would kill me.
No sooner had she gotten me away than she stepped between us, her cheeks flushed and her eyes snapping. “You are not going to nose around my private life, you ass!” she shouted. Ryan was on the receiving end of her sharp fingernail, and he took it without comment. “What I do and who I do it with is none of your fucking business! You and Jake acted like you always knew what was best for me, but I’m not some fucking princess in a tower! I’m going to have the life I want, whether you like it or not!”
After a moment of silence following her proclamation, he asked mildly, “Are you done?”
“No.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m tired and hungry and pissed, but I’m sure I’ll figure out something else to yell at you about in a few minutes.”
She glanced at me.
My heart squeezed in my chest as I moved to her, cupping her face in my hands. “It wasn’t...he’s wrong, Carly. It wasn’t like that, I swear.” I kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry,” I said softly. “Don’t stay mad at me, please baby.”
“You deserve to have me mad at you,” she said, a mulish note threading into her voice.
But she turned her face into my neck and I breathed a silent sigh of relief. I curled my arm around her shoulders and pulled her in closer. She snuggled against me, and I marveled for a moment at how perfectly her body fit against mine.
From the corner of my eye, I could see Ryan settle his hips against his desk. He reached up to touch his eye. A glorious bruise was already spreading, and it gave me more than a little pleasure to see it. I liked the guy, but what he’d said about me and Carly...he deserved a black eye. As soon as he was aware that I was looking, he lowered his hand.
Carly pulled away, studied Ryan for a minute, and then reached down, lifting my right hand. “You hit him pretty hard,” she said after a second. “Your knuckles are bruising.”
“My eye’s going to be swollen shut, and you’re worried about his hand?” Ryan asked. He almost sounded amused.
“You were being an asshole.” Carly gave him a dirty look, and then brushed her lips across my knuckles.
Suddenly, I didn’t feel any pain.
“And lover-boy wasn’t being an asshole, sleeping with you when he plans on quitting?”
“I’m not quitting,” I said before Carly could respond. “I already told her that. I changed my mind.” I sighed. “Hell, I probably couldn’t leave even if I tried.”
I stared at Ryan, daring him to say anything else.
But he smiled. A slow, cocky smile that made me want to punch him again. “It looks like you actually do have a functioning brainstem somewhere among all those hormones after all, Bobby.” He shoved off the desk and moved toward the door. “You two need to talk. Use my office.” His eyes narrowed. “But if you two have sex in here, I’
m going to make you both clean the entire place. With bleach.”
Then he paused and looked back at us, watching as I stroked my hand down Carly’s cheek.
“We’re going to have to let it slip to the media.”
We both turned to look at him. I could feel Carly tensing and I reached for her again, sliding my arm around her waist.
He held up his hands. “Nothing to be done for it. You two couldn’t hide this if you tried.” He shrugged and reached for the doorknob. “To be honest, it’s a miracle nobody’s figured it out before now. Since the two of you hadn’t been seen in public much since that kiss in Kentucky, people have been speculating, a bit, but it’s gone way off track. Now...well, one look at the two of you and it will be clear to everyone that something’s going on.”
Before he could go, I had to know one thing. “What are we going to do about the letters, Ryan?”
“Same thing we’ve been doing.” He met my gaze, his grim. “Keep waiting for the shit-head to mess up so we can nail his ass.”
Then he was gone and it was just Carly and me, alone.
To be fair, we did talk. Or rather Carly talked, and I argued. Then I argued, and Carly talked. We talked about the letters, and about how I almost left.
We didn’t, however, talk about what I’d said to her, and the words hovered between us, unmentioned, like a ghost. I could almost pretend she hadn’t heard what I said, but I knew she had. But I didn’t push the subject. Instead, I let other matters take precedence.
“If I let fear control my life, Bobby, I would have locked myself behind a stone wall when I was eight. Hell, six. I never would have come out from behind that wall, and I never would have met Ryan. I never would have learned to ride a horse, had a dog or even taken a walk down the beach.” She threw a leg over my thighs and straddled me so that our faces were level. “I don’t live a life where I can just be ignored. I wish I did, but it’s not going to happen.”
She was right. I knew she was. Didn’t mean I had to like it. I rested my head on her chest, breathing in the warm, soft scent of her.