“Any changes we need to make before Friday, Bryne?” the director asked.
I shook my head. “It's taken care of.” The last thing I wanted was to get a reputation as a difficult actor. Aside from the fact that I didn't want to be that kind of person in general, most people didn't want to work with an asshole with a diva complex.
“All right.” He clapped his hands. “Let's get this scene done and then we'll break for lunch.”
I let out a small sigh of relief. At least Todd wouldn't have to ask for it now, and I'd still get a bit of a break. I hadn't realized how much the emotion of the play would make it hard for me to contain my own feelings, but I could handle one more scene.
I took my place and slipped into character. Gretchen had been through some tough times in her life, but her mother wasn't being held prisoner. Her boyfriend wasn't responsible. She wasn't helpless to do anything about it. She was dealing with her issues and was falling in love with a great guy. That's who I had to be now.
And, somehow, I managed to do it.
Todd didn't say anything as we walked two blocks to a new little diner that'd opened a couple weeks ago. Snow had been flurrying on and off all day, but there was very little wind, so the walk wasn't entirely unpleasant. If anything, the cold air and the now-familiar noise of the city was far more soothing than the light chatter between scenes that I'd been listening to all morning.
We took a booth in the back, placed our orders, then Todd reached across the table and took my hand. I stiffened, knowing what was coming next.
“We're going to eat, then we’ll talk.” He squeezed my fingers. “It's not good to keep so much emotional weight bottled up.”
I nodded, relieved for the momentary reprieve. The silence between us as we ate was comfortable, and I found myself relaxing enough to eat a bit despite the knots in my stomach. The food took the edge off my headache, and by the time we were finishing up, I felt like I might be able to manage giving Todd the answers he wanted.
He ordered us both more coffee, then settled back in his seat with an expectant look on his face.
“I'm not sure where to start,” I said, giving myself an odd deja vu flash to Dax saying something similar when I told him that I wanted to know everything.
“Just get it all out. If I have questions, I'll ask.”
I nodded, took a slow, deep breath, then began. I started with what Todd already knew, about Dax and what'd been going on between us, then transitioned into Dax showing up last night to tell me everything. Todd's eyes widened when I gave him the summary, but he didn't say a word until I told him about the phone call.
“Motherfucker.”
The oath came out low, but there was plenty of anger behind it. He grabbed my hands, squeezing them tight as I finished telling him where things stood now. He shook his head, then got up and came around the booth so he could sit next to me. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and I let myself leaned into his embrace.
“I don't know how you're even functioning right now,” he said. “I get why you guys haven't gone to the cops yet, but why didn't you stay home?”
“And do what?” I asked. “Sit around and do nothing? It would've driven me crazy. Besides, I'm pretty sure Gavin's been reaching out to people all morning. I would've been by myself.”
“Wouldn't Dax have been with you?”
I didn't answer. That was the thing I'd been trying to avoid, the reason that I hadn't wanted to admit. I didn't want to be around Dax right now.
“You're angry with him.” As usual, Todd said it straight out. “And you have every right to be.”
I shook my head. “It's not his fault.”
“Bullshit.”
I pulled back, surprised. Todd's expression was tight.
“Yeah, this Booker guy made the choice to grab your mom, but if Dax had been honest with you from moment one, you would've at least known the risks that came with being with him.”
“I don't think it would've changed anything,” I admitted. And that brought a whole other kind of guilt. The kind that said I probably would've put my mom in the same sort of danger even if I had known everything about Dax's life and lifestyle, because I wouldn't have given Dax up.
“It doesn't matter,” Todd said. “He didn't give you that choice. Who knows how differently things would've gone.”
“So you don't think I should forgive him?” I asked.
Todd's gray eyes met mine. “I think there's more to it than absolving him of blame simply because he didn't actually commit the crime that Booker is holding him accountable for. I think you need to process the fact that you're angry with him on a whole lot of complex levels, and it won’t be as simple as you want it to be to make things right.”
I sighed and closed my eyes. Some people might've wanted their friends to only tell them the nice stuff, but that wasn't me, and Todd understood that. He would tell me how it was and then be there for whatever I needed from him.
“What should I do?” I looked up. “Seriously, Todd, I have no idea what I should be doing right now. About Dax. About my mom. About any fucking piece of my life.”
Todd's arms tightened around me. “Hon, I wish I could give you all the answers and tell you that everything's going to be okay, but I won’t lie to you.”
“Which is why I love you,” I mumbled into his shoulder.
He chuckled. “Love you too.”
He kissed the top of my head, and I wondered if this was what it felt like to have a brother. Except if he was my brother, he'd know exactly how I felt about our mom being missing. I supposed he was the next best thing though.
“I know you don't have all the answers, but do you have any suggestions? I'm pretty much stuck at this point.”
“I may have a couple.” He held up a finger. “First, be honest with Dax. You'd want him to talk to you if he was upset, so tell him.”
I blew out a breath. “I told him I wasn't angry.”
“Explain it to him, even if you don't understand it yourself,” Todd continued. “You can't say that you forgive him if you aren't being honest with yourself, or him, about everything.”
He had a point.
“I don't want to blame him,” I said, straightening. “I mean, I want him to see that he's not a bad person, and if he thinks that I'm blaming him for–”
Todd put his hand over my mouth, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “You're over-thinking things. Just be straightforward and make sure he knows that you love him.”
“Anything else?” The words came out muffled.
He dropped his hand, his eyes losing their shine. “I think you should go home. Call Dax, have him come get you.”
I shook my head. “We have to go back to rehearsal.”
“No, hon.” His voice was firm. “You need to be with people who love you. Well, other than me. You need to be able to cry or scream or do whatever.”
“The play–”
“Taking the rest of the day off won’t hurt us,” he said. “In fact, it might do us some good to get a bit of extra rest before opening night. We've been doing great so far. We can take half a day.”
My resolve weakened as the seconds ticked by. All of the reasons I'd come up with for why I should go to work were starting to sound less important.
“I'll talk to–”
“Call Dax.” Todd picked up my purse and put it on the table. “I'll take care of things with everyone else.”
“I can call a cab on my own.”
“You shouldn't go anywhere alone. Call Dax and let him come get you.”
I debated for about three seconds before digging out my phone and making the call.
Chapter Four
Dax
I'd never hated myself more than I had from the moment I took that call from Booker. Bryne said she didn't blame me, but I still blamed me. The looks Carrie and Gavin had been giving me all day said they blamed me. I couldn't even bring myself to tell my mom what I'd done.
Then my phone rang, and it p
ulled me out of my pity party. Gavin and Carrie paused in whatever they were doing, but I shook my head. “It's Bryne.” They turned back around, and I answered.
“Can you come get me?”
I was on my feet before the last word was out of her mouth. “I'm on my way. Where are you?”
She gave me the name of a diner that I recognized as being close to the theater, then she ended the call. She hadn't said much, but I'd heard the pain in her voice in just those few words, and it killed me.
“Bryne wants me to pick her up,” I said as I reached for the doorknob. “I'll call for a cab–”
Gavin shook his head. “There's a car waiting downstairs. We'll call another one.”
“Gavin and I will be out when you get back,” Carrie added. “We have to go talk to a couple people.” She paused, and her eyes grew bright with unshed tears. “Take care of her, Dax, or Gavin won't be the only one to kick your ass.”
I glanced over my shoulder and nodded at her. I wasn't sure what to do, but I intended to do whatever possible to make things right with her, to take care of her.
She must've been watching for me because the driver had barely pulled up to the curb and she was coming out. One look at her face told me that going to work hadn't been quite as distracting as she'd hoped it'd be. The moment she slid into the backseat next to me, my arms were out to catch her.
“Put up the divider,” she whispered.
I nodded. “Take us back to the loft,” I said to the driver before hitting the button to lift the privacy divide. “Gavin and Carrie said they'll be out when we get back. I think they have some leads.”
She nodded, then looked up at me. “I have to tell you something.”
A cold hand gripped my heart. Here it came. She realized that she was better off without me, that she deserved better than me.
“I wasn't entirely honest when I said I wasn't mad at you.” Her smile didn't reach her eyes. “I don't blame you completely, but...”
“It's okay.” I ran my hand over her hair. “You can blame me. I blame me.”
“Probably not for the same reasons,” she said. “Todd helped me see it.”
I ignored the stab of jealousy that went through me.
“I blame you because I wasn't prepared,” she explained. “If you'd told me the truth from moment one, I would've known what to expect. That's why I'm angry at you.”
A stronger wave of guilt washed over me. “Baby, I'm so sorry.” I cupped her face between my hands and rested my forehead against hers. “I hadn't thought of it that way.”
“I know.”
The next words almost stuck in my throat. “I understand if you don't want to be with–”
She shut me up with a hard, quick kiss. “Being pissed doesn't mean I don't love you. We work through it. We tell each other the truth, and we work through it. Got it?”
I nodded, my heart beating wildly as I let myself hope that she meant what I thought she meant. “What do we do now?”
She moved until she was seated on my lap, her arms around my neck. “Now, we go back to my bedroom, and you distract me.” She pressed her lips to my ear. “I'll bet there's something you've had in mind for a while that could keep my mind off of everything that's been going on.”
As my blood rushed south, I was pretty sure I had a very good idea of what I could do.
* * *
Preparation was the key for something like this, and I fully intended to make sure Bryne's memories of losing her anal cherry were as pleasurable as when I'd taken her more conventional virginity. So we shared a shower, and I helped get her get thoroughly clean. Once we got out, I watched as she brushed her hair and braided it. By the time I had her stretched out on her stomach, all that wonderfully bare skin glistening and flushed with arousal, I was hard as a rock.
I climbed onto the bed, spreading her legs apart as I knelt between them. The small pillow under her hips tilted them up so that I could see how turned on she already was, her pussy just begging to be filled.
Not right now though. I'd pay it some attention, but my goal was a little higher up.
I ran my hands up her legs and gave her ass a gentle squeeze. “You might get a little uncomfortable, but if you really want me to stop, we're going to have a safe word.”
“Sky.”
I smiled. “You've given that some thought.”
She looked over her shoulder at me. “From the moment I realized what went on at Club Privé.”
Damn.
“Sky it is.”
I got comfortable, then palmed her cheeks. She gasped as I ran my tongue across her anus, then moaned as I started to tease that tight, pink muscle. Over and over, I licked her, then slipped my tongue inside.
“Dax!” She pushed back against me, hands fisting in her sheets.
My fingers replaced my tongue as I slowly stretched her, taking the time to pay attention to her pussy as well, coaxing her toward an orgasm before returning to her ass. I kept her on the edge, determined not to send her over until just before I was ready to fuck her.
Finally, when she was squirming, panting, I sat back on my knees. A quick rinse with the mouthwash I'd brought out because I didn't want to avoid kissing her was followed by a coating of cinnamon-smelling lube on my aching cock. I was pretty sure it was going to take more self-control than I had to keep from coming the second I pushed into her ass, but I was determined to make it happen.
“You're going to come,” I informed her. “And then I'm going to fuck your ass until you come again.”
I pushed two fingers into her pussy, rubbing her g-spot with hard, brisk strokes as my thumb moved over her clit. It took only moments before she was coming, screaming my name as she clenched around my twisting fingers. I could spend my life making her come and die a happy man, I decided.
But first...
From the moment I found out that Bryne had been a virgin after our first time together, and I told myself I would never be with her again, I hadn't been able to stop thinking about being the first man in her mouth and in her ass. All of her firsts...and if I had my way, I'd be her last too.
This wasn't the time for those thoughts though.
It was time.
Her body was limp and relaxed, basking in the afterglow of her orgasm. I gripped one hip and held my cock with the other. “Steady breaths, and try to relax.”
I squeezed my eyes closed as I pressed the tip of my cock against her ass. Bryne whimpered as I pushed inside, and I swore. She was a fucking vice. I'd never felt anything like it. The sounds coming from her was like a drug, and her muscles quivered around my shaft, making it even harder to keep from exploding.
“Dax,” she practically sobbed my name.
I stilled, halfway inside her. “Do you need me to stop?”
“No.” She started to twist. “Please don't. Please don't stop. I need...I need...”
“Shh, baby.” I ran my hand up and down her back. “I'll get you there, I promise.”
She nodded, turning her head so that I could see the tears streaming down her cheeks. Trust, I reminded myself. I had to trust her to tell me if she couldn't handle it. If I wanted this to work, that's how it had to go.
A few inches more and my balls were resting against her pussy, my cock about ready to explode. I reached underneath her, fingers teasing her clit until her muscles began to relax again.
“Let me make you feel good, sweetheart.” I leaned down and kissed between her shoulder-blades. “Close your eyes.”
She did, and the show of trust made my throat close up. After all that'd happened, she was letting me do something so intimate, giving herself over to me in such a risky way. I promised myself that I'd never give her reason to take that trust away again.
And then I set out to show her how good this could be.
Slow, deep strokes that soon had her moaning. Her clit was swollen, her pussy dripping, and I focused everything I had on getting her to come again. I wanted to spend hours like this, buried in Bryne's bod
y, taking her as high as possible, hearing her cries of pleasure, seeing her body respond to my touch.
But being in her ass for the first time, I didn't have much more control left. It was almost painful, holding back.
“Do you like having my cock in your ass?” I pushed a finger into her pussy, felt my cock through the thin wall. “Answer me, baby. Don't you want to come?”
“Yes! Yes, please!” She scratched at the sheets, her breath coming in pants.
“Do you want to come on my cock?” A second finger in her pussy even as I drove into her ass faster.
“Yes!”
“Then tell me. Do you like me fucking your ass?” I needed to hear her say it, needed to know that she was enjoying this as much as I was.
“Yes!” She looked back at me, eyes wild and desperate. “Yes, I love it. Please, let me come.”
“Do you want me to come in your ass?”
She nodded. “Yes, yes, I do. Want you to come. Want to come. Please. Please.”
Her words faded into nonsense and then into a wail as she came. I was gone the moment she tightened around me. I ground out her name, fingers digging into her hip. My body covered hers, and I wrapped my arms around her, holding her as our climaxes ran over and through us.
* * *
It might've been minutes later, or hours, when I finally had enough strength to roll off of her. She hissed as I pulled out, but didn't move otherwise. Her eyes were closed by the time I returned from the bathroom, and she didn't even twitch when I set about cleaning her up.
I glanced at the clock as I tucked her into bed and saw that it was closing in on the deadline Booker had given me. I'd managed to distract Bryne, but I hadn't forgotten. She would sleep for a while, I was sure.
I took a quick shower, then headed out into the living room. Gavin and Carrie were still gone, and I had a feeling that wasn't a good sign. I hadn't really expected them to find a solution, but now I knew it for certain. It was my responsibility to make this right.
It was too late to go to the cops. I'd spend too much time trying to get them to believe me, and they'd probably still fuck things up and get Allison killed. I didn't have the drugs, or even close to enough money to hope to buy Booker off, but I did have one thing I could at least try to trade.