He doesn’t even look up. “I miss the noise,” he says. “My Nan used to chatter like a magpie. She talked all the time. The woman never shut up. I used to have to kiss her so that I could get her to be quiet long enough to get a word in edgewise.” He takes a deep breath. “Yes. I miss the noise the most.” He looks up at me finally, and smiles. “It’s been really nice having you here this week,” he says. “A little noise in the house is a good thing.”
“Thank you for letting me hide out.”
He snorts. “Let me guess. It’s time for you to go back to your family.”
A smile tips the corners of my lips. “Paul just texted me.”
His brow arches. “Oh yeah?” He grins. “What did he have to say?”
“He pretty much said he’s a dumbass and he won’t be one again.”
Henry laughs.
My voice goes quiet. “He really said he’s been taking care of people his whole life, and it’s always been his job to solve everybody’s problems. It’s a hard habit to break.” I spin my chair around again. “What do you think?”
“I think he loves you.” He looks up and shrugs. “That’s all I think. He loves you. You love him. That much is obvious. What else do you need to know?”
I draw in a deep breath and spin.
“You need to know he won’t leave you? That he won’t betray you? That he won’t leave you all alone? That he’ll love you until the end of time?”
I stop spinning, but I can’t open my mouth because everything in my head seems stupid, even to me.
Henry lays his tools down. “I’ll tell you one thing. I’d take five minutes with my Nan over never having had her at all. If I had five wonderful minutes and then it all went to hell, I’d remember the five minutes just as much as the part that was shot to hell.”
I watch him. He doesn’t look sad.
“People keep the bad things in their heads, but let me tell you, pretty lady, when you’re as old as me, you learn to shove all that shit to the back of your mind and relive the good times. All the five minutes are what stick in your head. They give you strength. They keep you going.”
“I’ve been stupid, haven’t I?”
He shakes his head. “You’ve been careful.”
I bared my soul to Henry that first night he brought me home with him. We never did watch a movie. We sat up for hours, and he listened to my whole story. I told him things I never told anyone. I told him things I didn’t even know were buried deep in me until they started to roll out my mouth.
“Paul has been raising kids since he was one,” Henry tells me. “He grew up quick. But inside, he’s still a stupid young man, just like all of us are at one time.” He grins. “And you can tell him I said so.”
“He hasn’t even tried to come and see me once.”
Henry’s face flushes. “That might be my fault.”
“What do you mean?”
“I might have threatened his life with a baseball bat.” He scratches his bald head.
“Henry,” I scold, but I like that he’s taking care of me. I like it a lot, and it makes me feel all warm inside.
“You needed time to get through all that crying.” He waves a hand through the air as though he’s brushing a bug from his face.
“I think I might go home soon. What do you think?”
“I think that’s the best idea I’ve heard all week.” He grabs the edge of my chair and spins it for me, and I laugh as I go around in a circle.
“Do you want to be my date for Hayley’s recital?”
He rubs his hands together. “Can’t wait. Little girls tripping over one another wearing funny shoes and little, fluffy skirts. What could be better?”
I get up and press a kiss to Henry’s weathered old cheek. “I wish you were my grandfather, Henry,” I say to him.
“Someday, when you get married, I get to walk you down the aisle. So reserve my space.”
“You got it, Henry.”
I go and pack my things because, very soon, I’m going home.
###
Henry and I make a stop on the way to the place where the recital is being held. My nerves are right on the surface as I ring the bell. Henry puts his hand on my shoulder. “Chill, dudette,” he says. He grins. “Did I say that right? I learned it from Pete.”
I shake my head. “You really shouldn’t repeat what Pete says, Henry. It’s not healthy.” I laugh at his crestfallen expression.
The door opens, and Jacob stands in the doorway. His mom is right behind him. Jacob sees Henry and steps behind Jill’s leg, and he wraps his arms around it, hiding his face.
Henry reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a piece of candy. He holds it out to Jacob. He looks up at his mom, and she nods. He reaches out and takes the candy, and Henry has made a friend for life that quickly.
“Thank you for letting me take him,” I tell Jill.
“Thank you for calling. I was worried that we would never see you again after Saturday.” She blows out a heavy breath.
“You can call me if you get worried,” I say. “I promise to keep my phone on.”
“I have a date planned,” she whispers loudly and dramatically. “I sincerely doubt I’ll call you for anything. But you can call me if you need me.”
I hold out a hand to Jacob, and he fits his tiny one into mine. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. He still doesn’t know who I am. He thinks I’m just a friend of Hayley’s, and he wants to go with me to watch Hayley dance. He has no idea that he grew inside my body, that he’s a part of me. But I’m closer to being able to tell him than I have ever been.
I take the bag that Jill hands me, and she bends down and kisses Jacob on the forehead. She lingers over him, and I’m guessing she’s taking in that little-boy scent just like I did at the park.
But then she steps back, waves to us, and we walk off hand in hand. My son has his hand in mine and we are walking down the street together like we’re just two people walking down a fucking street.
Henry dances a jig on the sidewalk beside us, and he teaches it to Jacob on the way to the auditorium. By the time we get there, they have become fast friends as they dance side by side. Jacob giggles, and Henry guffaws, and I am so damn happy that I could just burst.
Then I see Paul.
Paul
I look out at the audience through the curtain on the stage.
“She here yet?” Matt asks from over my left shoulder. He sets his chin on it and looks out, his face really close to mine.
“Get the fuck off my shoulder,” I grouse.
He steps back. “I guess that’s a no,” he says. “She told you she was coming, right?”
I nod. “For Hayley, though. Not for me. Because I made her feel guilty.”
“Hey, whatever works,” he says. He grins at me.
“Fuck you,” I say.
Hayley runs up to me from across the room and tugs on my pant leg. She holds out her hair bow. “My bow fell out.”
“Where’s your mother?” I ask.
She points toward the audience, and I see that Kelly is sitting with her fiancé. She looks anxiously toward the stage, her foot tapping.
I take the hair bow and fix Hayley’s hair, clipping it into place. I am a dad, but dads can fix hair. I just wanted her to find her mother so that I could keep looking for Friday. But I quickly realize how selfish that is and do what needs to be done. I’ve been fixing Hayley’s hair since she was a baby, and I still do it now, particularly when something goes wrong. Fuck gender stereotypes. Dads rock.
I know I give Matt a hard time about turning in his man card, but the true definition of manhood is doing what needs to be done when it needs to be done. It doesn’t matter if it’s fixing hair, changing the oil in the car, or washing dishes. If it needs to be done, it gets done. That’s manhood. It’s instilling in our daughters that dads can and will do anything that needs to be accomplished.
I want to be the be-all and end-all when it comes to my daughter. I want to b
e the man that every other man has to look up to. I will treat her like a princess because if I don’t, she might go out and latch on to the first man who does. So yeah, I open car doors and I take her on dates and I buy her flowers for no reason. Because I want her to know she’s worthy of all of those things. And I fix hair.
I pop her on the bottom, and she scowls at me before she smiles and runs back over to her friends. They’re all dressed in pink tights, tutus, and pink leotards. They have pink hair bows, and it’s like a pink elephant threw up all over the room. Except it’s really busy pink. Really busy. They’re so excited that they’re spinning around the room. Pink in motion.
I hear the dance teacher get up to start her first speech. Matt looks at me and wrangles his two girls—they’re also dressed in pink and performing tonight—into the groups where they’re supposed to be. I shift the edge of the curtain and look out. Then I see her, and my heart fucking stops.
Friday is sitting with Reagan and Emily. And next to her is Henry. On her other side is… Who is that? Oh my fucking God. That’s Jacob. My heart soars, and I feel almost giddy. She brought her son. She brought Jacob. That must mean that things are going well.
“Is that him?” Matt asks from right beside my shoulder. His chin is almost resting on my shirt, and I don’t try to move him away.
“You know?” I ask.
He nods. “I’ve always known.”
“What?” The breath that I was holding escapes me in a rush.
“Friday and I used to spend a lot of time alone together in the shop.” He shrugs. “We talked.”
“About that?” I can’t believe she told him.
“When Pete did her tattoo,” he says. He looks at me sheepishly. “We both knew. We didn’t and still don’t know details, but we knew she had a kid.”
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” I’m irked. I can’t help it.
He shrugs. “Wasn’t my story to tell.”
I wish someone had fucking told me.
“You were so busy trying to get into her pants that you didn’t really get to know her. Not the real her.”
“That’s not true,” I sputter.
“Yes, it is.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes. It. Is.” He glares at me. “You saw the glam girl that everyone else sees.”
“There’s so much more to her than just that.”
“You were fucking Kelly, so you didn’t really have room for anyone else.”
He’s right. I scrub a hand down my face. He’s so right. “Okay,” I say.
“He’s cute,” Matt says. He nods toward the audience. “Her son. He looks like her.”
“He’s a lot like her. In a lot of ways.”
“Is he the reason she stopped talking to you?” Matt asks.
“Sort of.” I scratch my head.
“You think she’ll talk to you today?”
“I’m not going to give her a choice.”
He squeezes my shoulder. “Good.” He looks at me for a minute, blinking those blue eyes at me. “Anything worth having is worth fighting for.”
I fake a punch to his shoulder. “I’m coming out swinging,” I say.
He grins.
The music starts, and the curtain opens. Matt and I step back and out of the way. Pete, Sam, and Logan are helping, too. We’re all waiting on the stage so we can move props around between sets. Seth is in charge of the music, and he’s standing there with headphones on and his sound mixer in front of him.
Matt watches the dancing closely because Mellie is in the first number. She dances, but it’s more like jerky running around than dancing.
“I think my kid is the best one out there,” he says. He’s smiling so broadly that I can see every tooth in his mouth.
“Until one of your other ones gets out there. Then that one will be the best.” I chuck his shoulder.
“Damn straight,” he says.
Matt’s the best dad I’ve ever seen. So much better than ours ever was. Ours couldn’t even tell Pete and Sam apart most days.
“Where’d you learn to be such a great dad?” I ask.
His gaze jerks to meet mine, and he doesn’t look away. “From watching you, dumbass.”
Friday
I sit with Reagan and Emily, and Kelly and her boyfriend are right in front of us. She introduces me, and I like him. I like him a lot. I don’t particularly like that she was fucking both him and Paul at the same time, and I can’t help but wonder if he is aware of that little fact. Not my business, I guess. But he probably deserves better.
Jacob is being really good, and he sits on the edge of his chair when the recital starts. “I can’t see,” he complains.
Next thing I know, he’s crawling into my lap. He sits his skinny little body right on top of mine and leans back so that his head is resting on my shoulder, and he snuggles in. He still smells like the outdoors and purple shampoo, and I want to hold him like this forever. Tears fill my eyes, and I blink them back furiously. Henry reaches into his pocket and hands me his cotton handkerchief. I wave him off. I’m going to keep it together, I promise myself.
“Can you see now?” I ask Jacob. He nods, and his cheek brushes mine. I close my eyes and drink in the feeling.
I see one of Matt’s girls, the older one, and she dances with the second group. I point her out to Jacob and tell him who she is, and he claps for her when I do. God, she’s so adorable. She trips over her own feet a couple of times, and one time, she lands on her face in the middle of the floor.
I gasp and Jacob sits up. She looks like she’s about to cry. But Matt dashes out onto the stage, picks her up, dusts her bottom, and he starts to do the routine with the little girls, and Mellie jumps up and gets back into it quickly. He looks ridiculous, this great big tatted-up guy dancing with all the pink little girls. But he does it, just because she needs him to. He backs away as soon as she gets moving again and fades off the stage.
Sky claps and shakes her head. She loves every second of it, I’m sure.
Hayley and Joey, Matt’s oldest daughter, are in the same class, since they’re the same age, so they dance at the same time during the next dance. I can see Paul lingering by the curtain, and just the sight of him makes my heart thump in my chest. I’ve missed him. I’ve missed all this. I’ve missed having a family.
Their last dance is next, and while they’re still sort of clumsy, they have so much more form than the younger group that it’s kind of artsy to watch. I need to ask them next year if I can paint their backdrops, because they need something a little more creative.
Next year? Am I really planning for next year with Hayley and Paul? I suppose I am.
Jacob seems to be pretty content sitting in my lap, and I love having him this close to me. I never dared to dream that I could have a life this wonderful. I was homeless, pregnant, lost, and fearful. Now I have Henry, an honorary grandfather figure by my side, my son in my lap, my boyfriend and his daughter on the stage, and all of his brothers and their girlfriends and wives. My fucking cup is running the fuck over. And I wouldn’t change a thing.
When Hayley is done, I set Jacob to the side so I can give her a standing ovation. I put my fingers in my teeth and whistle, and I hear a whistle from beside me. I look down and see that Jacob is doing the exact same thing. He whistles loudly. Kelly covers her ears in front of us.
“Do it again,” I whisper with a grin. He does, and Kelly scowls. “That’s enough for now,” I say.
I sit back down, and he crawls back into my lap.
The teacher comes to the microphone and makes a quick announcement, thanking the girls. After some of the older, much more talented students have danced, she tells us there’s one more performance.
She grins. “We had to convince these guys to perform, but they were easy to win over.” She points to the curtain, and it opens slowly. “I give you the Reeds, performing to Taylor Swift’s ‘You Belong with Me.’”
The curtain opens, and Paul, Matt, Logan, Sam,
and Pete are all standing in a line. They’re all dressed in jeans and sleeveless T-shirts, and you can see all their tattoos and they’re so fucking handsome that I can’t even believe they’re mine. I see Hayley, Joey, and Mellie standing on the side of the stage, all waiting anxiously to watch their daddies and uncles.
Seth starts the music, and he’s underlaid some kind of hip-hop track beneath the beat, but you can still pick out the music. It’s a song about unrequited love and realizing that what you wanted was right there in front of you the whole time, but you were being too stupid to see it. It’s told from a girl’s point of view, so some of the words don’t exactly fit the boys, but it makes it all the funnier.
The Reeds have moves. Serious moves. I think everyone woman in the auditorium sits forward in her seat so she doesn’t miss seeing the shaking hips and flexing muscles. Paul even picks Matt up and spins him around one time, and Sam does the same to Pete. I can’t stop laughing. Even Logan dances, and I can imagine the kind of work it took for him to learn this routine when he can’t even hear the music the same way everyone else can. He can appreciate music, just in a different way.
As the song starts to close, Matt, Pete, Logan, and Paul all point out at the audience when the words, “You belong with me,” play. Matt points to Sky. Pete points to Reagan, and Logan points to Emily, who is holding the baby in her lap. And Paul points in my direction. Those four men jump off the stage and come toward us. They sing and dance all the way down the aisle.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Kelly get up to intercept Paul, but he doesn’t even notice her. He points past her, and sings out the last line, “You belong with me,” in my ear. He picks me up and spins me around, and I have never felt more happiness in my whole life.
The music stops, and everyone looks to the stage. Sam has sat down on the side of it, and he looks pretty dejected. He’s holding a sign above his head that says, Available.
After this, he won’t be available for long, because every woman there now has a crush on all the Reeds, and he’s the only one who isn’t taken.