CHAPTER X
Changes
Mildred's signal success at the Students' Concert was a subject of muchcongratulation to St. Cyprian's. Never before had a pupil at the Collegemade so public an appearance and obtained such an ovation. The newspapercritics highly praised her playing, and several of the most prominentmusical people in the city, who had been present on the occasion,congratulated Professor Hoffmann on the result of his teaching. Amongthese was Mr. Steiniger, a German gentleman of great influence inKirkton, who was president both of the Freiburg Concerts and of theCollege of Music, and whose opinion therefore was of considerable value.To her schoolfellows Mildred's laurels amply compensated for the lowmajority with which they had won the Alliance Eisteddfod. Many girlsfrom the other schools had been at the concert, and it was a greatsatisfaction to feel that they had heard St. Cyprian's musical championin such favourable circumstances.
Mildred herself was experiencing that strong reaction which oftenfollows great effort. Now that her ordeal was over, she felt how severehad been the strain of those weeks of unaccustomed hard work. Sheflagged visibly, and her pale cheeks and listless manner drew comment athome.
"No, I'm not ill really, Tantie," she replied to her aunt's enquiries."It's only that I'm tired of everything just at present. I think I wanta change."
And a change was coming to her--something so utterly unexpected andunthought-of that if anyone could have told her of it beforehand shewould scarcely have believed it to be possible. It began with aletter--an innocent, inoffensive-looking letter. She had brought itherself to Dr. Graham, and had noticed the crest on the envelope, andthen thought no more about it than she had done of the many others whichwere received daily at the house, and which did not concern her in theleast. That her uncle and aunt seemed to have many earnest conversationstogether, which they broke off abruptly when she entered the room; thatthey were even more affectionate to her than usual, and looked at hersometimes with a kind of wistfulness in their eyes, did not strike herparticularly at the time, though she remembered it well afterwards; andit was not until Mrs. Graham broached the subject one afternoon that shehad any idea of the strange new plans which were being discussed for herfuture.
"There's something I wish to speak to you about, Mildred. It's aquestion your uncle and I have been weighing very anxiously. I believewe've looked at it from every side, and I trust and hope that we've cometo a right decision. I have told you before that your mother's father,Sir John Lorraine, disowned her at her marriage. He never saw heragain; and although we wrote to tell him of her death and of your birth,he took no notice, and made no enquiries about you afterwards. There wasno mention of you in his will, all his property being left to his sonSir Darcy, who is the present owner of The Towers, as you know. Youruncle and I adopted you from the very first, and we have never had anycommunication with your mother's relations, who for nearly sixteen yearshave given no sign that they wished to remember you. You can imagine,then, our astonishment at receiving a letter from Sir Darcy Lorraine. Itcontained what seemed to us a very startling offer, which at first wethought it impossible to accept, until, after talking the matter over,we think it ought at least to be considered. But before you canunderstand me, I must read you the letter. It is dated from The Towers,Castleford, and addressed to your uncle:
"DEAR SIR,
"There has recently been brought to my notice a sense of my responsibility in regard to the upbringing of my late sister's child, Mildred Lancaster. I find on enquiry that so far you have undertaken her full guardianship, and have provided for her entirely. As it seems only right that she should both know her other relations and give them the opportunity of performing their fair part in her education and maintenance, I now offer her a home at The Towers, where she could share my daughter's studies, and afterwards take that position in society which she would occupy as my niece. Should you feel disposed to agree to this proposal I should be ready to make arrangements to receive her without further delay.
"I much regret that unfortunate family misunderstandings should have caused this apparent neglect of one to whom I feel I owe a duty, and I would endeavour to atone for past omissions by affording her every advantage which is within my power.
"Trusting that our negotiations in this matter may prove of a satisfactory character.
"I remain, dear sir,
"Faithfully yours,
"DARCY LORRAINE."
"He surely doesn't mean I should leave you and Uncle Colin and go andlive with him?" gasped Mildred incredulously.
"That's exactly what he proposes."
"But it's quite impossible!"
"Is it? Well, we'll talk about that later on. You don't want to leaveus?"
"Of course not! All the Sir Darcys and Lady Lorraines in the worldwouldn't make up! Tantie! How can you even speak of it?" said Mildredreproachfully, getting up and flinging her arms round her aunt. Mrs.Graham held her very close for a moment or two.
"You've been our little daughter for so many years that we could illspare you, sweetheart. What we think, however, is that you ought to gothere for the summer holidays at any rate. We wish you to pay them aseven weeks' visit. Sir Darcy is your relation after all, just as muchas we are, and it's only fair that you should have an opportunity ofgetting to know him and your aunt and cousin. Your uncle and I feel thatif, for our own selfish love of your company, we were to refuse to partwith you, you might some day justly reproach us for having kept you fromsocial advantages which we cannot give you. You are young, Mildred, andhave never known any place but Kirkton, and we think you ought to make atrial of this other home before you finally choose between the two. Ithas always been my dearest wish that you should study music; but ifafter visiting Westmorland you find the life there is really morecongenial to you than our plain workaday existence here, we would notallow the affection you feel for us to interfere in any way with yourprospects. You would be perfectly free to cast your lot with whicheverrelations you believe could make you the happier. Do you quiteunderstand me? It's our very love for you that makes us willing to partwith you."
"I understand, but I don't want to go, all the same. I feel theLorraines have forgotten me so long that it's rather late suddenly toremember my existence. You and Uncle Colin have been caring for me allthis time. Can't you say I won't go?"
"We've already arranged to send you. As it happens, it fits in mostcuriously with an offer which arrived by the same post, inviting youruncle to go out to Canada for the Medical Congress, as representative ofthe Kirkton Public Health Association. He has not been well for sometime, and the voyage would do him good, while very fortunately Dr. Holtwould be able to look after both the practice and his appointmentsuntil his return. He is most anxious that I should go with him, and asthe opportunity occurs for you to pay this visit while we are away, Ifeel we might leave with a free mind."
"Tantie, I can't take it in! You and Uncle going to Canada!"
"Only for a six weeks' holiday. It is a great honour for your uncle tobe chosen to represent Kirkton at the Congress, and one he can hardlyrefuse; while it seems such an excellent arrangement for you to spendthe time of our absence at The Towers that I feel we can't do betterthan accept Sir Darcy's offer."
"What will the Professor say? He had decided that I might be allowedthree weeks' rest, and after that I was to go to his house for lessonstwice a week until school began again. He wouldn't hear of my spendingthe whole of the holidays just practising by myself. He said I shouldget into bad habits, and undo all the progress I had made lately. He wasmost determined about it."
"That's the unfortunate part. I'm sorry beyond words for you to missyour lessons, but, after all, a few weeks is not a very large slice outof your life. You need a change for your health's sake, and if youreally decide that you wish to study music, you will be able to make upfor lost ground afterwards."
"The time will seem ages to me," declared Mildred. "I shall c
ount everyday till I'm home again."
"You mustn't say that, dear. I want you to promise to try to like SirDarcy and Lady Lorraine. I think they are anxious to make up now forhaving overlooked you so long, so don't be ungracious, or allow anyunforgiving remembrances about the past to creep in and spoil the goodfeeling they seem willing to show to you. Just let bygones be bygones,and be ready to make friends."
The change which awaited Mildred seemed an earthquake in her hithertouneventful life. The more she thought about it the less she liked it.Although she was nearly sixteen she had never been away from home alonebefore, and she shrank from the prospect of spending seven weeks withthose unknown relations. Naturally of a nervous and sensitivedisposition, she was shy with strangers, so what to many girls wouldhave appeared an attractive invitation, to her meant a species of exile.
"I don't know whether we're wise," said Dr. Graham to his wife. "Thechild's fretting already. Can't we take her with us to Canada? Is itreally right, when we've brought her up so carefully, to be willing tohand her over to those who probably have very different standards fromours? She's just at an age when she will be led most easily. If she seessocial success and amusement put as the great aims of existence, willshe still hold to what we believe to be the higher ideal in life? I'm alittle afraid for her, I confess. One side of her disposition is soready to take the easier path and shirk difficulties that I feel as ifremoving our influence were a throwing away of our responsibility."
"I don't think you need have any fears," replied Mrs. Graham. "This willcertainly be a great trial of Mildred's character, but I believe she'llstand the test, and will come back to us infinitely more our own, if shehas chosen us voluntarily, than if she had never had the chance of adifferent life. Surely some of the seed we have sown for fifteen yearsmust have taken root, and if we only have the patience to stand by andwait, we shall see the harvest blossoming by and by."
It was decided that Mildred was to start for The Towers directly theholidays commenced. There were many preparations to be made before herdeparture--new clothes to be bought, and a selection made of articleswhich she wished to take with her. Among other treasures she did notforget to pack her diary.
"Dear little book, I wonder what I shall find to write in you?" shesaid. "Tantie, don't you wish we could take a tiny peep into the future,and see beforehand what's going to happen?"
"No, I think it's often better to have it hidden. I hope you will findthe next seven weeks pleasant ones, and whatever choice you make at theend of them, you must always remember that your uncle and I have actedfor what we believe to be the best."
Mrs. Graham had acquainted Herr Hoffmann with the facts of the case, andwhen Mildred went to say good-bye to her teacher, she found that he tookthe parting badly.
"It is what you call 'hard luck'," he declared. "I have taught you allthese years, and to no other pupil have I given more attention andtrouble. I tell you even in Berlin Conservatoire no professor could havelaid you a better foundation in bowing. At one time you were idle. Youdid not like to work. Then, just when you wake up, and begin to makereal progress, you leave me! And all my labour is for nothing! You sayyou will come back, but that I cannot tell. I hear other relations wantto keep you. If you have any true love for your art, any desire tomaster your instrument and to give your life to music, you will return.Practise by yourself, but do not let anybody give you what they call'lessons on ze violin'. Lessons! I am the only one who can teach you,out of Germany! All others would spoil what you have already learnt. Iunderstand you go to a very great and rich house. I wish you well; yetdo not quite forget ze old Professor, and think too of the music, whichis a gift of Almighty God, more to be esteemed and held in honour thangold or high name."
"I won't forget, I won't indeed!" cried Mildred, her eyes moist at theProfessor's emotion. "You know I love the music. I did like it all thetime, even when I slacked, except the scales and arpeggios. But I'llpractise even those to please you, and I'll work just as hard as youwant at everything--when I come back."
* * * * *
One morning at the beginning of August found Mildred ensconced in acorner of a ladies' compartment in the northern express, steaming out ofKirkton station on her journey to Westmorland. Her grief at parting fromher uncle and aunt had been keen, and at present she felt somewhat likea small boat suddenly cut loose from its moorings, and drifting on aswift current towards an unknown land. It is a great event in our liveswhen we first leave the safe shelter of home, where constant familiarityhas made everything dear to us, and even our faults have been judged bythe tolerant standard of those who love us, to be plunged into a worldwhere we know we shall be taken at a different estimate, and where, to acertain extent, that absolute reliance on another's judgment must giveway to a sense of duty and responsibility on our own account. HithertoMrs. Graham had been Mildred's conscience, the one being in the world towhom she could take each trouble and difficulty, and could lay bareevery part of her soul; and there had existed between the two thatentire confidence which is only possible with those who have known usfrom our first years, and who also have that rare gift of absolutesympathy which makes them able to understand our innermost mind.
We seldom question our earliest friends. They have grown dear to us longbefore we are at an age to criticize them, our love afterwards blurs oursight to what failings they possess, and consciously or unconsciously weare apt to measure all others by their standard. Mildred felt that hernew relations, however kind they might prove, would never be the same asthose who had stood to her in the place of father and mother. Thisseparation must necessarily cast her on her own self-reliance; it wasthe break between childhood and womanhood, the parting of the ways, whenshe must loose the hand that had guided her so carefully, and take herlife into her own keeping. That it would be extremely good for her, Mrs.Graham had no doubt. Mildred was so childish for her age, so dependentand lacking in initiative, that it was time indeed she should begin tothink for herself, and gain greater confidence. She needed to be shakenout of her dreamy ways, and given a wider knowledge of the world. Sevenweeks among entirely fresh surroundings would be a wholesome probation,and at the end of the holiday she would be in a position to decidewhether the new or the old regime was the more congenial.