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There's a tradition at Mercy Regional Hospital that the nurses take very seriously. The window blinds are always kept closed for a patient with a good prognosis. But for a patient who’s not expected to make it, the blinds are left open so the soul can be set free when the time comes. Hope Wyatt, single mother, aspiring poet and new-to-practice nurse makes the mistake of closing the blinds on a terminally ill patient her first day on the job. Her colleagues quickly let her know what a tremendous foul-up she has made, and aren’t in any rush to let her forget about it. When Hope’s friend Will ends up in the ICU in a coma, she isn’t sure if she should leave the blinds open or closed for him. Already struggling with the hard hand that life has dealt her, Hope tries her best to hold it all together and find some peace in the turmoil around her. Inspired by Saul, the husband of a cancer patient, and Marjorie, a fellow nurse on her unit, Hope adopts a new philosophy about coping with the emotional highs and lows of caregiving. One that gives her the strength to boldly defy the tradition of the blinds, and do what she knows in her heart is right.
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by
Marcus Engel & Amy Glenn Vega
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PUBLISHSED BY:
Copyright © 2011 Marcus Engel and Amy Glenn Vega
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.
All rights are reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Description
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
Chapter 1
HOPE WYATT PULLED on her brand new scrubs and stared at herself in the mirror, glancing back and forth between her reflection and the photo on her name badge. She really liked how her picture had turned out. Every strand of her wavy brown hair was smoothed perfectly in place; her eyes weren’t squinted shut like they normally did in pictures, and she had a warm, genuine smile. She looked happy, because she was.
Happy, and proud of the two letters behind her name: RN.
“You look like a real nurse, Mama,” said Sam, her son, as he leapt onto her bed, messing up the neatly made comforter and throw pillows like only a five year old could do.
“That’s because I am a real nurse now, honey.” She spun around and tapped her finger playfully on the tip of his nose. “And you, my love… you look like a little boy who needs to put on his shoes so we can get going.”
“I don’t wanna go to stool today,” he moaned, pulling a pillow over his head.
“The word is school, honey. Not stool.”
“Skooo-wooool,” he attempted. “I don’t want to go to stool today. It’s cold outside! I just wanna stay home with you.”
“Well I’m not staying home, Sam. I’m going to work. It’s my first day. You don’t want Mama to miss her first day, do you?”
“Yes,” he said, putting out his lower lip.
“No you don’t,” she said, pulling him into her arms and covering his face with kisses. “If I don’t go to work, then I won’t have any money. Then we can’t save up to go to Disneyworld.”
“Disneyworld!” he screamed. “I wanna see Mickey Mouse, Mama. Can I see Mickey Mouse?”
“Only if you go get your shoes on right now.”
Sam rolled off the bed and was out the door before Hope could say another word. He returned a moment later with his sneakers on the wrong feet.
“Come here, baby,” Hope beckoned him. “Let me help you with those.”
Sam hopped back on the bed and watched as she removed his shoes and replaced each one on the right foot.
“Mama?”
“Yes honey?”
“Can Daddy go to Disneyworld with us?”
Hope bit her tongue. “Daddy doesn’t live with us anymore, Sammy. We’ve talked about this lots of times, remember?”
“But can’t he go to Disney?”
“No, honey, he can’t.”
Sam’s eyes filled with tears, and for a moment, Hope thought hers might as well. Since becoming a mother, there were few things in the world that could break her heart quite like the sight of her own little boy in pain.
“When can I see Daddy again?” Sam asked in the most pitiful voice she’d ever heard.
“I don’t know, honey.”
Sam wiped his eyes. “Can you tell him to come see us, Mama?”
“I can try.” Hope’s stomach knotted at the very thought of Jason, her ex-husband. They’d been married for eight years, and she’d been trying to conceive since the honeymoon. After years passed with no luck whatsoever, and just when Hope had all but given up, she found out she was pregnant.
At first, Jason panicked as the reality of impending fatherhood set in. It will change everything. Having a baby is so costly… and there’s so much responsibility, he fretted. I’m going to have to make so many sacrifices, he would often whine to her, usually while she was hovering over the toilet with morning sickness.
But then he got past it, or so she thought. As his reservations about parenthood diminished, he was attentive and helpful throughout the rest of her pregnancy. He wept when Sam was born, and was a loving father for the first two years of his son’s life.
But then everything changed again, almost overnight.
It was like someone had simply flipped a switch. All of Jason’s worries suddenly resurfaced from out of the blue, along with a lot of misguided resentment and restlessness.
It was probably just a midlife crisis, Hope’s friends and family assured her, when Jason packed his bags and left to ‘find himself’ just after Sam turned three. Don’t worry, they all said to her. He’ll get over this and come back to you and Sam.
But he didn’t.
Instead he sent divorce papers, which Hope numbly signed and returned.
A month later, another letter arrived from Jason at Hope’s small apartment in the sleepy little town of Gator Bite, South Carolina. It was the most affordable housing that she had been able to find after they’d sold their house in a neighboring town.
The postmark on the letter was from somewhere in Florida. Inside the packet was a picture of Jason with a new woman and another baby. Please give my love to Sam and tell him that he has a little brother now! Jason wrote. I’m happy, Hope, for the first time in my life. I hope you find happiness too.
She kept the picture, but never showed it to Sam. There was no sense in breaking his little heart while hers was broken enough for the both of them. It was the last she’d heard from Jason, and that was nearly two years ago. Apparently, his new definition of happiness did not include Sam.
Thankfully, she hadn’t had much time to dwell on it. Hope had been a full time mom while married to Jason, but after he left, the need for a steady job became a pressing reality that she had to face. She knew it would require going back to school – and she had always loved helping others, so she enrolled in the nursing program at the local community college.
For two years she would wake up before sunrise, get Sam dressed, feed him breakfast, drop him off at daycare, and then not see him again until after the sun went down. She missed being with her baby boy so much during those tough years. It was only the firm belief that she was doing the right thing for her son and herself t
hat kept her going.
And now? Just two weeks after graduation, she was donning her new scrubs for her first day at her dream job; a nurse at last! She was lucky to be a December graduate, she’d been told by her instructors. Nurses who were planning for retirement often waited till the end of the year to make it official. They would leave in December, which meant that the hospital would have open jobs ready for new nurse graduates to fill. Hope had been fortunate enough to land one on her unit of choice, critical care.
This is really happening, she told herself, sneaking a glance in the mirror once more. I’m really a nurse! I’m going to help people every single day, and I’m going to make enough money to live comfortably and raise my little boy.
Looking at him now in his school outfit – a navy blue polo shirt and khaki pants, white sneakers, and a child-size knapsack hanging from his shoulders – she wondered again where the time had gone. Her baby was four months into kindergarten already. He was growing up way too fast.
She reached up to wipe the tears in his eyes. “I know it hurts you that Daddy isn’t around anymore, and I wish I could change that, baby. But I can’t. You know I love you very much, don’t you?”
He smiled and nodded his head. “I love you too, Mama.”
She took him into her arms and held him tightly. Words were pulling together in her head, forming a poem. There were times when that just seemed to happen, with no conscious thought or intention on her part.
Sam
A brief flash of knowing –
Wise beyond years
a glance in your eyes
It’s all hiding there
The promise within you
Kindness and strength
The boy child you are
The man you will be…
Hope had a poet’s heart, her mother had told her. She had filled up notebook after notebook in her youth, but had shared them with few other people. Just her mom, who had been Hope’s greatest fan up until the day she died, and Jason, who showed no interest after she read him some of her work. Which is why Hope stopped after her mom passed away the year before Sam was born. It seemed pointless to waste the time writing a poem if no one was going to appreciate it.
It didn’t stop her from being a poet; it just stopped her from writing down the words. Whenever the inspiration hit, she still crafted verses inside her head, but kept them locked safely away in her grey matter.
She ruffled Sam’s hair and kissed his cheek before standing up. “Let’s head out to the car, Pumpkin.”
“Can I just go to work with you today, Mama?” he asked.
“Oh come on, Sam… stool is not that bad,” Hope said playfully, as she took him by the hand and walked him out of her room. “Besides, Katie will be sad if you don’t show up today. Who will she play with at recess? Who will she sit with at lunch?”
Sam blushed a little. “I don’t want Katie to eat lunch with anyone but me. ‘Cause she’s my best friend, nobody else’s.”
“That’s what I thought,” Hope said with a grin.
She bundled Sam up in a warm coat, gloves and a hat, then stepped outside, being careful not to slip on the ice on the way to the car.
“Mama?” Sam asked as she buckled him into the back seat. “Could Katie come to Disneyworld with us?”
Hope met his eyes and smiled. You don’t know how much I’d love that, if Katie and her daddy could come with us, she almost said. Instead, she kissed him on the forehead.
“Make a wish,” she said to her son. “Who knows? Maybe it will come true.”