Chapter 25
Cecily, on the other hand, woke up too sick to think anything at all. Her eyes popped open and she sprinted to the bathroom. She heaved into the toilet and sank to the ground beside it, shaking and weak. Her mouth felt like cotton so she opened the cupboard to search for mouthwash. She saw the pregnancy test she had purchased right after her honeymoon and froze. Surely not, she thought. She tried to count the days since her last cycle, but she couldn’t remember. But they had been careful, she comforted herself, and then sat up in alarm. Except that one time by the stream. Now her heart, which had stopped briefly, was hammering double time.
She sank into a sitting position, pulled out the test, and read the directions. It said first thing in the morning was the best time, so she opened the test and took it. She washed her hands and made herself wait the requisite five minutes before looking. What she saw made her sprint to the toilet and throw up again. She was pregnant. She didn’t need to open a second test to confirm what her heart and body were telling her. Somewhere in the back of her mind she realized she had known for a while now, but refused to allow herself to believe it.
Her hands shook as she threw the test away and tied it up in a bag so it wouldn’t be discovered. That was all she needed, for Dante to see the box in the trash and learn her secret. She grabbed a washcloth, ran it under cool water, and pressed it to her forehead. Now no one would ever believe she hadn’t gotten pregnant before her marriage. It was true that it hadn’t happened until a month after her wedding, but most people wouldn’t stop long enough to calculate the time difference. They would know a baby occurred less than a year after the wedding and assume the worst. Especially her mother-in-law. This would only add more fuel to the fire she had built against Cecily.
“So what?” Cecily said out loud. She threw down the cloth and banged the cupboard shut. So what if people talked about her? They were bound to gossip about her in some capacity anyway. Her only real worry was Marcus and his reaction to the news. As if thinking of him conjured him, she heard an insistent pounding on the door that could only be him.
“Oh drat it all,” she yelled. In her haste to get away she hadn’t told him she was leaving, and then she fell asleep before she could call. He was going to be livid, and rightly so.
When she opened the door, he stood on the other side looking thunderously angry for about thirty seconds, and then he threw aside his hat, picked her up, and kissed her breathless.
He had intended to yell at her, he really had. But when he caught sight of her standing in the doorway, fragile and sad and wearing her faded old nightgown with horses on it, and all he wanted was to hold her.
“You can’t leave me, Lee,” he said when the kiss was over. He gripped her shoulders tightly for emphasis.
“Marcus, I,” she started, but he interrupted her.
“Let me speak. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you about Mom. I had no idea she was as messed up as she is. In my defense that’s not the same mother I’ve always known. I want you to forgive me, please, baby.” He kissed her again and she clung to him tightly. The fact that she was carrying his child made her want to be closer to him, as close as she could get. That was why when he tried to let her go, she stood on her toes, kissing him again.
“I guess we’re made up,” he said lazily as they lay cuddled together that night.
She smiled against his shoulder.
“We need to talk about Libby,” he said. She tensed, and he winced. He lightly traced his fingers down her arm until she relaxed. “I didn’t believe you when you said my mother was holding Libby over your head. I knew she and Libby were close, but I thought she moved on when Libby and I did.” He levered himself down so they were eye to eye. “Cecily, despite the fact that I proposed to her, Libby and I weren’t that serious. She was what I thought I wanted, what I thought I needed to make the ranch a success, and so I pursued her. But I was in college and only saw her about one weekend a month. And, I’m ashamed to admit, I wasn’t faithful to her. I was dating Lacey and a handful of other girls on the side. My mind wanted Libby, but my heart never did. I proposed to her because I was twenty two and graduating college. I panicked that I hadn’t found ‘the one.’ Libby was sweet and pretty and already an excellent ranch wife. She’s still all those things, but she’s not mine, and she never has been. She never loved me, and I never loved her. I never loved anyone until you.”
“You love me?” she asked, awed and overwhelmed.
“Of course I do. Why else would I have asked you to marry me?”
“But you never said,” she told him. “I’ve been saying it every day and you never reciprocate.”
“I do say it every day,” he said sheepishly. “I just wait until you’re asleep.”
She frowned and propped herself up on one elbow. “Why?”
He shrugged. “I may be twenty six, but that doesn’t make me mature. I cheated on Libby. I cheated on Lacey. I thought for a while that was just my nature. I didn’t realize until I found you that it was because I was never in love with them and had no real desire to be with them.” He took her hands and his tone became fervent. “Lee, do you have any idea how you’ve changed me? How you’ve altered my world? Two years ago I pulled you out of a bullpen, and you turned my life upside down. Suddenly all I could think of was you. I couldn’t get enough of you. I still can’t. I never will. I love you.”
He pulled her into a crushing embrace, and she returned it, hugging him almost violently. She thought maybe she had never been happier. There were still things looming between them, though.
“Marcus,” she began tentatively when the hug was over. “I don’t think I can go back to that house with you knowing how unwelcome I am.”
He expelled a long breath. “I know. I’m sorry I made you stay as long as I did. I really thought our presence there would help Mom heal. I’m afraid it only made things worse for everyone.” As he talked he absently traced his hand over her, pausing at her stomach. He liked the feel of it, the way it was slightly and pleasantly rounded. All of her was soft, sweet, and pretty. Strange he had never dwelled on her stomach before. He leaned down to kiss it and she froze.
“How did you know?” she asked.
He pulled back to smile at her. “Know what?”
She blinked at him. He had to know. Why else would he be smoothing his hand over her stomach and kissing it? Was that why he was being so conciliatory? Was it all about the baby?
She wrenched out of his embrace and scooted away.
He frowned. “Lee, what is wrong with you?”
“How did you find out about the baby?”
She knew by the way his face turned the color of rice paper that he didn’t know.
“The baby?” he choked. His arm was still outstretched toward her.
She swallowed hard and moved under his hand again. She pressed it to her stomach. “The baby. Our baby. I’m pregnant. Surprise.” She tried to sound cheerful, but she was uncertain. She had no idea how he would react to the news.
He stared at her, unblinking. “But you said we didn’t get pregnant on our honeymoon.”
“We didn’t. Remember that day by the stream?” She tried to smile, but his lack of reaction was making her nervous.
She didn’t have to wonder what he was thinking for long, however. He tackled her and knocked her from the bed onto the soft carpet, using his arms as a shield to absorb the impact. “If it’s a girl, can we name her River?” he asked, and then he kissed her, not waiting for an answer.
They slept fitfully that night, waking up off and on to cuddle and talk, mostly about the baby. They were staying in the guest room of her parents’ house. Her parents’ room had a king-sized bed and private bathroom, but she felt strange about sleeping in their bed.
“We’ll get a new bed as soon as possible and then we can move in there,” Marcus murmured drowsily as they were finally falling asleep.
“I like this one,” she said.
“It
’s a double,” he said.
“I like to be close to you,” she told him.
He smiled. “Talk like that will get you pregnant.”
“Too late,” she said. She pressed her palm to his cheek. “How did it go when you went home to get your things this afternoon?”
“It was all right. Mom was subdued. Dad was the same, although when he helped me carry things to the truck he said he thought we were doing the right thing. And he said he’s worried about Mom. He’s never seen her act like this, either.”
Cecily nodded. That was some small consolation she supposed. “You didn’t tell them about the baby?”
He shook his head. “It’s our secret for now.”
“Our secret,” she agreed. She bit her lip. “Marcus.”
“Hmm.” He was half asleep already.
“I wasn’t leaving you. I came here to clear my head and I fell asleep. I would never leave you.”
He smiled. When he spoke his voice was barely audible. “Doesn’t matter. I would never let you go.” He clasped her hand, and then he fell asleep.