‘You’ve just got it too good,’ Vivian said. ‘You have everything a woman could want…
‘Except kids,’ Abilene put in.
‘Oh, spare me. That’s just what I’d need. Rug rats.’
‘I’m serious,’ Vivian went on. ‘If you think life’s so boring, it’s only because you don’t have any serious problems.’
‘Or serious ambition,’ Abilene added.
‘Oh, give me a break.’
‘Maybe you need some kind of goal in life,’ Abilene said. ‘What’s yours?’ Helen asked.
‘Yeah, Hickok. Planning to syndicate an advice column?’
‘I’m going to finish my Ph.D. and get a job at a nice university somewhere
‘Like Belmore?’ Helen asked.
‘Anyplace that’ll take me. Harris has already agreed that he’ll go wherever I can find a position. And once I’ve got tenure, I’ll have a kid.’
‘You’ve got it all mapped out,’ Cora said, sounding a little disgusted.
‘I know what I want. And I’m sure not bored with my life.’
‘Well, good for you.’
Vivian sighed. ‘Geez, Cora, you just don’t know how good you’ve got it.’
‘Want to trade?’
‘You betcha.’
‘Tony’d love that.’
Helen stared at Vivian, frowning. ‘Are you kidding? Why on earth would you want to trade with anyone? My God, you’ve gotta be joking.’
‘Oh, yeah. I’ve got the world on a string.’ She set down the uneaten remains of her hot dog, and raised her left hand toward Helen. ‘What do you think of my lovely ring?’
Her hand was bare.
‘What ring?’
‘That’s the point.’
‘You’re upset because you’re not married?’ Helen sounded astonished.
‘Wouldn’t you be? God, I’m twenty-five.’
‘Enjoy your freedom while you’ve got it,’ Cora told her.
‘It isn’t freedom, it’s loneliness.’
‘You could take your pick of men,’ Helen said. ‘I mean, look at you. You’re… stunning.’
‘It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.’
‘I’m gonna start weeping,’ Finley said. ‘It must be so tough on you, being gorgeous.’
‘You’ll never know,’ Abilene told her.
‘You’re no cover girl, yourself, Hickok.’
‘Guys treat me funny,’ Vivian said. ‘You’ve all seen how they act. It’s like I’m not a person. Hell, look at the stunt those Sigs pulled.’
‘Look at the stunt we pulled,’ Finley said.
‘Man, oh man.’ Cora grinned as she shook her head.
‘They do act strange around her,’ Abilene said.
‘They do, and it’s… I’m tired of it. I’m really tired of it. All I ever attract are weirdos and slick bastards who think they’re God’s gift to women. All the normal, nice guys just run the other way. They don’t even give me a chance. It’s like they’re scared of me.’
‘If it bothers you so much,’ Finley said, ‘put on a hundred pounds.’
‘I’ve thought about it.’
‘Are you kidding?’ Abilene said.
‘There’d go your career,’ Cora said.
‘Hey, she could model tents.’
‘If you think you’ve got troubles now,’ Helen said, ‘just try being a tub.’ With a glance at Finley, she added, ‘You get stuff like tent jokes. You get people crapping on you from every direction.’
‘Geez,’ Finley said, ‘I didn’t mean anything.’
‘Yeah. They never do.’
‘At least you’ve got a man, Helen.’
‘Yeah, Viv, I sure do. And he never lets up on me. All I ever hear about is how fat and gross I am. If I looked like you… I’d be the happiest person in the world.’
‘I doubt it.’
‘Has anybody ever called you “Poiky”? ’ How would you like to have a husband who won’t take you out of the house because he’s ashamed to be seen with you?’ Helen’s voice began to tremble. ‘How would you like a husband who won’t even sleep in the same bed because he says you might roll over and squish him?’
‘Jesus H. Christ,’ Finley muttered.
Abilene felt sick.
‘Does Frank really act that way?’ Vivian asked.
‘The bastard,’ Cora said.
Starting to sob, Helen stammered, ‘He… he says… says I’m repulsive.’
‘He’s the repulsive one,’ Cora snapped. ‘Why’d the bastard marry you if he felt that way?’
‘I don’t know. I wasn’t so… heavy when we started going together.’
‘You were never exactly svelte,’ Finley said.
‘But I got bigger. After we were married. If you wanta know the truth, I think he was… mostly interested in my money.’
‘You think he married you because of your inheritance?’ Abilene asked.
Helen nodded, sniffed, and wiped her nose. ‘He just… pretended to love me.’
‘You don’t know that for sure,’ Vivian said.
‘No. But… he doesn’t love me. Not any more. Probably never did. If he loved me, it shouldn’t have made any difference when I… put on more weight. I think he just got tired of faking it. He moooos at me. Like I’m a cow.’
‘Bastard,’ Cora said.
‘You oughta dump him,’ Finley suggested.
‘Oh, sure.’
‘I mean it.’
‘Yeah,’ Cora said, if somebody treated me like that…’
‘I don’t wanta… be alone.’
‘There are other men,’ Abilene told her.
‘Oh, sure. Not when you look like me.’
Abilene reached out and rubbed her shoulder. ‘Hey, there are plenty of guys out there. They’re not all creeps.’
‘Only ninety per cent of them,’ Vivian said.
‘Those aren’t such bad odds,’ Abilene said. ‘That’d mean a hundred out of a thousand are okay.’
‘I’ll never find anybody,’ Helen muttered, I’d… rather have Frank than no one.’
‘There are guys out there,’ Abilene repeated. ‘All you’ve got to do is find the right one.’
‘Yeah,’ Finley said. ‘Remember what’s-his-face? The poet?’
‘Maxwell?’
‘Right, Maxwell Charron.’
‘Max,’ Cora said. ‘I wonder what he’s up to, these days.’
‘He wouldn’t even remember me,’ Helen said.
‘That’s ridiculous,’ Abilene told her. ‘You two were in love. He’d remember you.’
‘He dumped me, remember?’
‘He didn’t dump you. He transferred to USC because his mother was sick.’
‘Yeah, but… he didn’t keep in touch.’
‘I bet we could find him,’ Cora said.
‘What’s the use.’
‘You never know. Maybe he’s available.’
‘Whether he is or isn’t,’ Abilene said, ‘the important thing is that there are guys like him around. You don’t have to be stuck with Frank forever. It’s not a question of him or no one.’
‘I don’t know,’ Helen muttered.
‘Do you still love him?’
She nodded. ‘That’s what makes it… so awful.’
‘Get skinny,’ Finley said.
‘Do you think I haven’t tried? The more I try, the heavier I get.’
‘Then you just aren’t trying hard enough,’ Finley said. ‘All you’ve gotta do is eat less.’
‘Sure. That’s all.’
‘She’s right,’ Cora said. ‘In spite of all the psychological matters involved, what it comes down to is a simple matter of calorie intake. Eat less, exercise, and you’ll lose weight.’
‘I know all that.’
‘Easier said than done,’ Abilene said.
‘Right,’ Helen said. And leaned forward. And poked her fork into the last hot dog sizzling on the skillet. And, not bothering with a bun, guided the frank toward her mouth.
Abilene grabbed her wrist.
‘Hey,’ Helen said.
‘Do you really want to eat that?’
‘Does somebody else want it?’
The others shook their heads.
‘Then it’ll just go to waste.’
‘Eat it,’ Finley said, ‘and it’ll go to your waist.’
‘Very funny.’
‘She’s right,’ Cora said. ‘Look, why don’t you let us help you? The flight home isn’t for five more days. I’ll bet you could lose seven or eight pounds by then.’
Abilene plucked the hot dog off the tines of Helen’s fork, bit off its end, and passed it to Finley.
‘Real cute,’ Helen muttered as Finley took a bite.
‘We’re helping you,’ Finley said with a mouthful. She handed the remaining half of the hot dog to Cora.
‘Whether you like it or not,’ Cora said, bit, and passed the stub to Vivian.
Vivian popped it into her mouth.
‘This is a vacation,' Helen protested. ‘How’m I supposed to have fun if I’m starving?’
‘You won’t starve,’ Cora told her.
‘Besides,’ Abilene said, it’s not really a vacation, it’s an adventure.’
it’s my adventure. And it is a vacation. You don’t diet when you’re on vacation.’
‘You do,’ Cora said. ‘Starting right now.’ it won’t make any difference.’
‘Sure it will,’ Abilene said, if you lose a few pounds, you’ll feel a lot better about yourself.’ it won’t even show.’
‘Sure it will.’
‘It’s a start,’ Abilene said. ‘By the time you step aboard that jet in Burlington, you’ll know that you can lose weight. All you’ve gotta do is keep at it.’
‘Pretty soon,’ Finley said, ‘Frank’ll be calling you “slim.” ’
‘I’ve got an idea,’ Vivian said. ‘Helen has a point about how losing a few pounds won’t show all that much on her.’ She faced Helen, narrowed her eyes. ‘Is there any reason you have to get back to Portland right away?’
Helen shrugged. ‘I don’t guess so.’
‘Then why don’t we change your ticket? You can fly back to L.A. with me. I’ve got a guest room in my condo. You can spend a couple of weeks - a couple of months - whatever it takes. Stay as long as you want. We’ll get that weight off you. By the time Frank sees you again, you’ll be looking terrific.’
‘That’s a great idea!’ Cora said.
‘I don’t know,’ Helen muttered.
‘Come on. We’ll have a great time.’
‘You don’t want me in the way.’
‘You wouldn’t be in the way of anything. It’ll be fun to have you around. I’ll keep my schedule light. We can go to Disneyland, Knotts, do the Universal tour.’
‘Don’t forget the wax museums,’ Finley added. ‘I know two of them with terrific Chambers of Horror. She’d love ’em. Hell, I could take her to those.’
‘Yeah. Fin’s only a half hour drive from my place. We can show you around together.’
‘This is sounding better and better,’ Abilene said. ‘Wish I could come along.’
‘Do,’ Vivian told her.
‘Can’t. I’ve got a graduate seminar in Dickens that starts in a couple of weeks. Besides, Harris would start climbing the walls.’ Cora huffed. ‘See what I mean about being tied down?’
‘Okay. Put it this way. I’d start climbing the walls. I’d miss him too much.’
‘How about you?’ Vivian asked Cora.
‘No way. Me in L.A.? Crowds, traffic, smog, earthquakes? Not a chance.’
Finley chuckled. ‘She’s just afraid Tony might put his foot down.’
‘Bull. Tony has nothing to do with it. I’d have to be nuts to spend time in L.A. when I can be home in Aspen.’
‘Good point,’ Abilene said.
‘I don’t think I should do it, anyway,’ Helen said. ‘I mean, I appreciate the offer. I really do. But… even if I can lose enough weight to make any difference…’
‘You can,’ Vivian assured her. ‘I know you can.’
‘It’d take a long time.’
‘So?’ Cora said.
‘Frank…’
‘Screw Frank,’ Finley said.
‘You’re miserable with him, anyway,’ Abilene pointed out. ‘For Godsake, go with Vivian. It’s a great opportunity. Lose some of that weight. Lose it, and then go back to Frank. If he doesn’t start treating you right, forget him.’
‘Dump his sorry ass,’ Finley said.
Helen grimaced. ‘I don’t know.’
‘You don’t have to make up your mind right this instant,’ Vivian told her. ‘Just think about it, okay?’
‘And in the meantime,’ Cora said, ‘we’ll see to it that you knock off a few pounds while we’re here.’
‘I guess… it wouldn’t hurt to think about it.’
‘Great,’ Finley said. ‘Now. What’s for dessert?’
She was seated on the floor between Abilene and Cora. They both struck out. Cora, quicker, hit her first. The two rough, open-handed shoves rocked her from side to side.
‘Hey hey hey! Easy on the merchandise! I was just kidding, for Godsake!’
Helen sighed. ‘Remember those sundaes they had at the Delight?’
‘Oh, they were great,’ Finley said.
‘Maxwell and I used to go there all the time. You could build your own at the sundae bar, load them up with hot fudge and marshmallow toppings - butterscotch - and a big pile of whipped cream on top - maraschino cherries and nuts.’
‘You shouldn’t even think about that kind of thing,’ Cora told her.
‘My weight never bothered Maxwell.’
‘That’s where you two went the night Wildman got you,’ Abilene said.
‘Yeah, that’s right. We went there after the movies.’
‘Wildman,’ Finley said.
‘What a crud,’ said Vivian.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
BELMORE GIRLS
They kidnapped Andy ‘Wildman’ Wilde during their sophomore year.
They were living in an apartment half a mile from campus. A few times, on the rare occasions when they were all together with free time on their hands, Cora or Finley had suggested adventures: a weekend excursion to the ocean fifty miles west, hitchhiking (though they had cars), and sleeping on the beach; a clandestine overnight stay inside the Belmore Galleria shopping mall.
Abilene, remembering her vow to avoid further adventures, had insisted that hitchhiking to the beach was foolhardy and dangerous. Vivian and Helen had agreed. No one except Finley had been in favor of breaking into the shopping mall.
So they’d agreed, at least for the time being, to forget about spicing up their lives with another adventure.
That was a few weeks before Andy Wilde made the mistake of messing with Helen and her boyfriend, Maxwell Charron.
Maxwell, a poet, was a tall, soft-spoken young man who struck most people as being effeminate. He was generally referred to as Sharon.
Helen, who saw him frequently around campus, figured him for a pansy.
Then, on a beautiful day in early spring, Helen caught him
staring at her while she was eating her lunch in the shade of an oak tree. He sat cross-legged on the grass, a notebook on one knee. He gazed at her, looked down, scribbled with his pen, gazed at her some more.
For a while, he didn’t realize he was being observed. Then his mouth fell open. He closed his notebook, got to his feet and started to hurry away.
Helen rushed after him. ‘Hey!’
He halted. He faced her, grimacing and blushing.
‘What were you doing back there?’
‘Me? Nothing.’
‘Were you sketching me?’
‘No. Honest.’
‘I mean, it’s all right if you were.’
‘I wasn’t. No.’
‘Could I see?’
‘No, really. I was only…’
‘Please?’
&n
bsp; With a long sigh, he opened his notebook and handed it to her.
She sits lonely, so alone,
Like me Outcast
Solemn in her solitude
Lovelv
Solitary tulip
In rank weeds
Unloved
Unpicked
Kissed only
By the shy breeze
Caressed only
By my eyes
‘You wrote this just now?’ Helen asked.
He shrugged and nodded.
‘It’s about me?’
‘Well… Kind of. I guess you might say you were the inspiration. You looked sort of lonely sitting there.’
‘I think it’s beautiful,’ she said. ‘Could I make a copy of it?’
‘Well, I’ll copy it for you.’
‘Would you like to go over to the student union with me? We could have coffee, or something.’
That was how it began. She told Abilene and the others about it, late that night. She showed the poem. She told about their conversation in the student union, and how they’d both cut theii afternoon classes and spent hours wandering together, eaten supper at a downtown diner, gone to a movie theater and watched The Hungry Dead, then roamed through the parks.
‘He’s just so fabulously wonderful,’ she said. ‘He even likes horror movies. Can you believe it? I think he really likes me.’ After that, she saw him every day. She was often out late at night. Abilene had never seen her so happy.
Until the night she came home bloody and crying.
She and Maxwell, returning on foot after enjoying their sundaes at the Delight ice cream parlor, had been halfway across a street when a Porsche failed to stop for the red light and stunned them with a quick right turn. As it shot by, barely missing them, Maxwell kicked its side and shouted, ‘Asshole!’
Brakes screeched.
‘Uh-oh,’ Maxwell said.
‘Let’s get out of here!’ Pulling his hand, Helen raced for the corner.
She didn’t dare look back. But she heard a second squeal of brakes. Heard a door slam. Heard a shout. ‘You’re gonna die!’ Then quick smacking footfalls on the sidewalk behind her.
The street was empty and quiet. The shops on both sides were closed for the night.
‘This way,’ Maxwell gasped. He dashed into the street, Helen at his side. They ran up the center line. It seemed like a good idea. Better to be out in the open, under the bright glow of lights, than off to the side where their pursuer might overtake them in the shadows and work his violence in the privacy of an alley or store entryway. And a car was sure to come along, sooner or later. Someone would stop and help.