“It draws me to him. If he’s around it’s like I know it on some level. But I can’t read his thoughts. He’s cagey.”
Lark laughed. “They all are. But the binding, it sets that connection. It amplifies it. I can think about it and know where Simon is right now. It doesn’t hurt that since all this got worse he makes an effort to be near me all the time. But still. I don’t need to be near him. But I know where he is. I can sense great shifts of emotion. If he’s angry or happy or hurt. They’re rebuilding Heart of Darkness right now and he was putting up shelves in his office and suddenly I just know he’s been hurt. And he’s pissed off. Given our current circumstances I flipped out and rushed over there because he’s not answering his phone. He had driven a nail through his hand and he’d done it stupidly and that’s why he was pissed. But I don’t know his thoughts. And he’s a man, so. It’s not like chances are it won’t be about food or sex at least eighty percent of the time.”
Helena laughed.
“It ties your life force to his. That’s a clumsy way of explaining something that is . . . well, it changed my life. It didn’t take anything away from me. I’m still quite able to be annoyed with him. I can still look at Gage’s butt and recognize it for the masterpiece it totally is. I’d love Simon just as much without the binding. But Leviathan now sees me as one of their own. I made a commitment to him and his family both here and in Lycia. That meant a lot to Simon. Family and pack means a lot, you know?”
“Do you think I should do it? It seems so fast!”
“It’s been months since you’ve known him. You have been through some hard-core stuff with him at your side. You know how he’ll act in a crisis. You know he’ll have your back. Do you love him?”
She thought about it carefully. This wasn’t a question she should take lightly. But the answer was inescapable and she was totally, utterly sure. “Yes.”
“And he loves you. More than that, by undertaking the binding he’s declaring you’re it. Forever. He wants to cleave himself to you. Which sounds old-fashioned, but gods, it makes me so happy. It calms me and sustains me that I have someone who commits so wholly. That’s what he wants for you. You are, as long as I have known you, the kind of person who commits to something with everything she has. You are his match. He is yours. So yes, I think you should do it. I think you deserve that kind of connection to someone. You deserve that commitment and happiness.”
“I’m so afraid of failing. Of failing him. Of failing everyone.” She grabbed a tissue from a nearby box and tried to dab her eyes without messing up her makeup. “See, this is why I hate to cry. It’s too hard to keep my liner and mascara from running.”
“Shut up. You look like a freaking model even after you barf. And look, everyone is afraid of failing. What is the point of having important things in your life if you don’t care enough about them to worry you could mess them up? I know we were raised to believe failure is unacceptable. But that’s bullshit. Failure happens because no one is perfect. And because very few things in life are totally in your control. So all you can do is your best.”
“When did you get so wise?”
“I think it might be some of Simon’s wisdom I get through the binding.”
Helena snorted. “That is a plus.” She took a deep breath. “I guess I need to just suck it up and jump, huh?”
“Yeah. I will say up front that the first few hours after the ceremony you’re sort of swimming in all sorts of Lycian pack stuff. Simon said it was like me settling into the collective space the Pack exists in. Like the heart of the Pack or something. Sort of like the Font, I guess. Will you tell me when you go? I want to be there with Simon.”
“Yeah? I’d really like you to be there.”
“Good, that’s settled. I’ll talk to you soon. And Hellie? I’m so happy for you. Faine is a lucky dude.”
She was still smiling when she came out of the conference room.
Faine was across the way, leaning against a desk and speaking earnestly with her father.
“Uh oh.” She gave them both a look when she got to them. “Should I be concerned?”
“I was just telling your father that you’d been named head of the Defense and Security arm of the COO and what some of your orders were. He and I agreed they were quite good orders.”
“And I was telling him your mother won’t break out anything with tempeh in it until he’s been around a while longer. We’re having chicken for dinner so don’t be late.”
“In all fairness, she’s a really good cook. I do not agree with her stance on vegan baked goods, but her tempeh stuff is actually quite tasty. I’ll bring something sweet.”
“Okay.” Her dad squeezed her hand and stepped back. “See you two in a bit.”
“I have an other hour’s worth of work and then we can head out. That work for you?”
Faine nodded. “You all right? You’ve been crying.”
Damn that Lycian nose of his. “It’s okay. I just had a nice heart-to-heart with Lark.”
He followed her back to her office. “A heart-to-heart that includes crying?”
“I was going to tell you once we left the office, but since you look so concerned, I’ll tell you my news now. Yes.”
“I like it when you say yes, alamah, but to what are you agreeing? Something really dirty, I hope.”
Perhaps with Faine it might be closer to 90 percent of his time thinking about sex.
“The binding I mean. You asked and I said I needed time and you’ve been very good about being patient. Mostly. And I know we need to go to Lycia and I was talking to Lark about it and we started talking about the binding and . . . and anyway, yes.”
His smile, which had been wicked and dirty, softened into something else and it brought a sigh to her lips. One of those longing type of sighs because he was so big and badass and yet totally sweet when it came to her.
“You honor me, alamah.”
“How can I not? Don’t let it go to your head though.”
He laughed and snuck a quick kiss. “Too late. I want to do this as soon as possible. When can you get away?”
“Right now? I really don’t know. I . . . things are hectic and I just took on this new job. I know you want to do it and I absolutely agree. But I’m not sure when I’ll have that sort of time.”
“When things calm down we can go for a few weeks and stay. I want you to know Lycia.” He took her hand, entwining his fingers with hers. “But I want to do the binding as soon as possible. We’ll only need a few hours for it.” He paused. “It will make you stronger. The link between us will enhance both our natural power and also we’ll share of each other. I don’t know how it will work for me. Simon tells me he’s faster now. That he can shift with more ease and more often without fatigue. His senses are heightened. I imagine it will be similar for me. For you? Your life will be longer. You’ll be physically stronger and have more endurance.”
He smiled then and it made her tingly. The rogue. But then he quickly got serious again. “And that means you’re better equipped for this damned war. I can’t do what I really want. Which is to grab you and run as far away from here as I can. You have a path. I can wait however long it’s necessary for the binding. But it can help you. And that would make me really happy. Along with all the rest of it. Please?”
It was the please.
Oh, who was she fooling? She wanted it too. And that he wanted it for reasons that were more about her than him touched her deeply.
“Go ahead and see what you can do. It’s not like you can call home though, right?”
“No. But I can call my brother and if he’s here, he can go home and have them put things in motion. Cardinian, not Simon.”
“Ah, he’s the one with a Fae wife and a Fae husband too, right?” She waggled her brows and he laughed.
“Yes. He and I share a mother, so he’s also half demon. Mei, his wife, is Fae royalty. You’ll like her. She’s a warrior like you. As is Card’s other spouse, Jayce. Card likes to
live here and split his time in Tir nA nOg where Mei and Jayce have family.”
“You and Simon are lagging behind. No princesses in this lot of sisters.”
He brushed a hand over her hair a brief moment. “I’m the luckiest of all.”
She smiled because he knew he got to her with all his sweet talk. But it was sweet nonetheless.
“I’m going to call him to get things moving. I’ll come for you in an hour for dinner.”
She wandered back into her office and got to work. She had enough to stay long past midnight, but she promised her mother they’d be at dinner and she supposed they had an announcement to make anyway.
Chapter 21
HE’D shown up at her office door and stood there glowering until she finally got herself free and came along with him to the car.
At least she’d eat well at her parents’. He’d feel better once they were clear about how seriously involved they were and they could announce the binding too. That, and he knew Rain would make sure her daughter was taking care of herself.
“Card is headed to Lycia tonight. He’s going to get everything set up for the binding. He’ll contact me when he gets back. He’s excited to meet you and Lark both. He was in Tir nA nOg when Simon and Lark performed their binding. Might I invite your parents as well? I know it will be a quick trip there and back so there’s no pressure for them to stay over or anything.”
“I think they’d really like that. And so would I. You’re very good to me. Thank you. I mean that. I don’t say it often enough and I apologize for that. But you take care of me and I want you to know I see it and it makes me happy.”
He took her hand, kissing her fingertips. She had no idea how happy she made him. And when she said things like that it only made things better. “I was made to love you. It pleases me. But thank you for saying so. We take care of each other, no?” He knew the way she’d agreed to the binding had a lot more to do with how it made him feel than the fact that she’d get stronger afterward. Knew too that the little things he found at his desk, a cinnamon roll, a cup of coffee or a sandwich, were her way of saying how she felt about him.
“We’ll ask them tonight then. So I convinced you to move into an enclave. How much work do you think it would take to get your mother and father to do it?”
She scoffed. “It’s never going to happen. My mother has woven her power and her magick into the ground here for nearly forty years. She won’t go. This is her land. And I understand it. And my dad, well, don’t tell him this, but he thinks he’s strong enough to protect them here. And maybe he is. The neighborhood is one they’ve lived in a long time and they haven’t had as many problems as others have experienced. But that also means they’re known. Lark and I are worried, but there’s only so much you can do when it’s your parents.”
Faine laughed. “Yes. I know. It finally took all of us to gang up on my father and urge him to let Pere take over. Pere is strong. He can take a beating and not even bat an eye. But my father, well, he’s getting older. It’s hard to deal with the constant dominance battles a Pack leader has to deal with when you’re his age.”
“Like how old is he? I mean, if you’re four hundred and Simon is six hundred. What’s the life span?”
“My father is thousands of years old. He doesn’t give any exact dates, he’s wily that way.”
He told her about Lycia. About the places he loved and planned to show her. He thought about the house he had there and the way he wanted to make her comfortable in it. Perhaps add a nursery when she was ready.
“Oh, crap. I forgot I said I’d bring something sweet. Make a right up here. I’ll run into the grocery store ahead. It’s got a great bakery.”
He did as she asked. “You don’t have to come in,” she said as he pulled into a space. “I’m just going to run inside. It’ll take me five minutes.”
He frowned but got out, moving around to open her door.
“Really, Helena, I don’t know why you bother to say those things. We both know I’m coming in.”
She took his hand with a smile. “I know. But I don’t want you to feel obligated.”
He frowned at her, but it didn’t have any actual menace. She knew it and grinned back.
The store was pretty empty as it was just after seven and all the folks who’d stopped in on their way home had cleared out. She led him through the aisles toward the back where the bakery was.
“We don’t have anything like this in Lycia. The first time I came here, in recent time anyway, and I stepped into a grocery store, I think I stood in front of the toothpaste for about half an hour. Dazzled and a little stunned by the sheer variety.”
“So what do you have then? Outdoor market stalls and stuff?”
He nodded as she gazed at the pies and realized she couldn’t hear a nod. “Yes. But also stores. Usually though they’re more like your bodegas. Small with a limited stock.”
“I guess you probably get things fresher though. I mean if I had a boulangerie nearby I’d eat fresh bread every day. Also I’d weigh a million pounds because I am powerless against bread. Most carbs really. When I’m on vacation I make bread. And then I eat it all. I tell myself I’m going to give it away but I’m a total liar when it comes to bread.”
“Shouldn’t you be looking for vegan pie?”
She laughed. “Though she does love to talk up vegan baking and about half of what she makes is vegan, she’s not totally there. She is very health conscious. But she loves baked goods and she will totally have some of this really yummy Dutch apple pie. And I’m bringing real whipped cream to go with. Maybe some ice cream too. I’ll have to run extra tomorrow, but it’ll be worth it.”
“Come on then. Let’s get the rest. I don’t want to be late the first time I eat dinner at your parents’ house. That’s bad form.”
She grabbed the whipped cream and some vanilla ice cream as well and they headed out.
Or they would have if they hadn’t been stopped at the checkout.
The checker clearly recognized Helena, and Helena recognized her and smiled. Only the checker picked up a little plastic sign that said “Aisle Closed” and placed it on the counter in front of the food Helena had just put down.
Helena’s smile faded. “Really? You must be kidding.”
“We don’t do business with your kind.”
“I’ve been shopping in this grocery store my entire life. This store has stocked the pantry of my house and then even after, when I moved out on my own as well.”
“Now we know what you are.”
“A paying customer without which you wouldn’t have a job?”
“We’d like to speak with your manager. Please.” Faine added the please, but it wasn’t sincere and the creature behind the register knew it.
“You need to get out of this store. Your kind isn’t welcome.”
A few customers had gathered, waiting to pay. All listening. Discomfort and anger radiated from Helena and he yearned to make it better. But he knew she had to deal with this in her way. He’d be there whatever the outcome.
“I need to speak with a manager. That’s twice we’ve asked. Do be a dear and make that happen.” Helena’s smile was tight and sort of scary. The checker stared, but she was no match for Helena, who stared back with so much intent it sent a thrill through him.
Her magick didn’t rise and he knew she made a concerted effort to keep it that way. She could have used it to make things happen her way, but then she’d be proving them right. And his female was far too stubborn to prove anyone right but herself.
“You can wait over there.” The checker pointed.
“No, that’s all right. I’ll wait right here.”
“I need to check these other people.”
“You need to deal with my groceries first.”
The checker glared at Helena, who appeared to not have mustered up a single fuck.
“You’re inconveniencing humans. It’s bad enough you have the nerve to come in here. Now go wait ove
r there.”
At this point Helena bristled and squared her shoulders and the checker finally began to understand she wasn’t pushing around any old pretty, well-dressed woman who happened to be an Other.
Her eyes widened and Helena’s narrowed.
The person standing behind them spoke. “Jesus Christ. Just check her damned pie out and keep your opinions to yourself.”
The person behind them agreed.
But the woman with the small child in the next line piped up. “We know what they are now. You heard it yourself from Senator Hayes and Carlo Powers. They’re abominations and no decent person should have to deal with them.”
“Ma’am, I can help you.” Another checker approached and spoke to Helena before turning his attention to the checker. “Nancy, take a break. Take your drawer with you.”
The checker did her business and hustled off with muttered threats and curses.
“Helena, right?”
The new checker began to run the items through.
“Yes. I’ve been shopping here my whole life.”
“I know. We went to school together. I graduated a few years before you did. I apologize for what just happened and I hope you’ll give us another chance. Not all of us are Nancy. Fourteen sixty-five.”
Helena gave him fifteen.
He leaned close and Faine wanted to growl, but didn’t. “I’m a manager here. I’m going to recommend she be disciplined for that. It’s clear we need some storewide meetings about this issue.”
She took her change and nodded. “Thank you.” And then looked around Faine’s body to the people behind him. “And thank you.”
Those who’d come to her defense nodded and the guy immediately behind Faine said, “Shit got real today with that nutty asshole speaking out. I know things are scary but I hope you remember we’re not all that way.”
“I appreciate that. And I’d love it if you’d take a second when you got home to send your legislators a note. We need all the support we can get.”
Faine grabbed the bag and the pie and they headed out.