The journey here was pretty quiet, only a few words exchanged between us.
“You can put your bag anywhere,” I tell her, gesturing towards the small living room.
“Jesus Cam, you’re living in a bleeding shoebox,” she cries, turning full circle looking everywhere.
“It’s not much but it’s home now,” I shrug.
“Christ,” she sighs.
She stops circling and stares at me.
“You look different,” she observes.
“You’re one to talk, look at you,” I laugh, still amazed at her transformation.
“Oh this,” she says tugging at the bottom of her hair, “It’s been like this for a while now. You though, you look no different but you do.”
I break the stare and look away first, unable to bear her scrutiny any longer. It doesn’t matter that we haven’t seen each other for two years, she knows me. She has always been able to see through me when I hide what I am feeling.
Tears burn my eyes and I distract myself pouring us two shots of vodka I got in especially for her arrival.
“Never mind a drink, talk to me,” she says, coming up behind me, “I know you Cam and I want to know what’s going on in your head.”
I turn around and face her. Inhaling deeply doesn’t stop the tears that burst free and she envelopes me in her arms. The warm contact makes me cry harder. It has been so long since I have been held and I grip to her for dear life.
“I’m so sorry I ignored you, I should never have done that. You’ve needed me all this time and I’ve been a selfish bitch because I was jealous that you followed happiness and left me behind.”
Her admission rocks me. I laugh bitterly and pull away from her. I lead her to the sofa and we both kick our shoes off and curl up at each end.
“What is there to be jealous of Lor? My boyfriend has been in prison since last Christmas, I live here on my own counting down days till I can have him back. For months, all I’ve done is work at the café then watch crap on television during the evening.”
“You’ve never told me why he got sent down? I figured you didn’t want to talk about it over the phone, now I’m here I’m hoping you will tell me.”
I barely talk to Drake about it and I have never told Marg, I figured Drake would and that she knew not to bring it up with me. Now Lorna is here, I can open up and get everything out in the open. This is what I missed with her, the ability to talk to her about parts of my life I couldn’t with Marg or Drake while he is in prison.
I take a deep breath and go back to the Christmas that should have been the happiest of our new beginning.
“Drake and I were in the pub on Christmas Eve just after I left, everything was perfect. His friend came over to talk and everything was just right. A fight broke out after I came out of the bathroom and I got caught in the middle. One guy fell on me and I hit my stomach pretty hard on a chair.”
I watch her expression change from intrigued to angry as she listens so I carry on before she can say anything.
“Drake started hitting the guy but then my stomach hurt badly, I remember the pain, it was so intense. Drake took me to the hospital and we found out I was pregnant. The pain was me losing the baby. That’s how we spent our first Christmas, grieving together. Anyway, a few days later Drake demanded I leave the flat because I hadn’t been out of bed and he was worried about me. We ended up at the pub where it happened and I was okay about it. Then the guy who landed on me was there, he was drinking and laughing like nothing had happened. I have never been so angry as I was right then, I asked Drake to hurt him so when the guy left, Drake followed him out and attacked him.”
I shudder as I recall the scene down the alley and the blood dripping from Drake’s hand that he held the knife in.
“There was a witness and evidence it was Drake, the police came the next day and took him away and he pleaded guilty for a lighter sentence,” I finish.
The rest she knows. She sits there silently processing everything I told her and then she smiles. I narrow my eyes waiting for her to explain why the hell she finds this amusing.
“You know, I always expected you to turn up on my doorstep because things with him didn’t work out. I know you would never go back to your parents but I thought maybe you would come to mine. It shocked me shitless that you stayed after you told me he has been in prison all this time. Now I know why you stayed, I understand.”
She moves closer to me and holds my hands.
“What he did for you is what guys are supposed to do in honour of their woman, or whatever. That sounds really caveman like but in a weird way I feel better knowing he looked out for you like that,” she smiles and it is a smile I used to see from her.
“This isn’t just love, I can’t explain it right Lor, but Drake is nothing like I’ve met before and I owe it to him to stay even though it scares me senseless being here on my own.”
“I’m here now and there will be no more ignoring you. Whatever you need, I’m here, well until I have to go home but even then I am only a phone call away,” she laughs.
“So, what’s the plan while I’m here?” she asks, lightening the mood.
“I thought we could take in the sights and go shopping.”
Yesterday, Marg had thrust a grand into my hand and gave me specific instructions from Drake to enjoy myself and waste as much money having a good time as I could otherwise he wouldn’t send me a visiting order next month and ban me from seeing him. I knew he wouldn’t be able to stick to it but I got the message and took the money graciously.
“What is the plan for tonight?” she asks.
“Um?”
She rolls her eyes and jumps off the sofa.
“Where’s your local pub? We can go for a drink like old times then come back and order some Chinese food. How does that sound?”
The mention of going to the pub fills me with apprehension. Drake won’t be happy to hear that I’ve gone there with Lorna. His concern that I’ll be left on my own when Lorna goes off with a guy is rightly so but I don’t think she will be going off with anyone while she is here.
“Sounds good, let me get my purse.”
Walking into The Old Dagger feels like travelling back in a time machine. I have been in here several times since Drake’s arrest with Marg and then with Marg and William and each time I am taken back to the times I came here with Drake.
For once, Lorna stammers at my side when walk in and are greeted with the locals staring at us. Some of them greet me curtly and the rest smile and offer to buy me drinks. When they see Lorna beside me their eyes rove up and down her body and from the sly smiles I can tell they like what they see.
I take hold of Lorna’s hand and pull her towards the bar.
“What can I get you, Cammie?” Denny, the barman and landlord of the pub asks.
He isn’t much to look at and with his short height and slim build you would assume he isn’t capable of running a pub when it kicks off, but he is like a Rottweiler in a terrier’s body when he needs to be.
“Two Vodka and cokes please, make them large too,” I smile, digging in my purse to pay.
“Wow, this place is something else,” she murmurs, taking in the dirty wooden floors and battered table and chairs.
“It does have a certain charm about it, doesn’t it?”
She looks at me like I have lost my mind and we both burst out laughing.
“Come on, let’s find a table,” I say, grabbing our drinks from Denny.
Luckily, there is a free table in the corner away from most of the drinkers and we settle in with our drinks.
“Do you come in here often? Oh God, please tell me you don’t come in here on your own?” Lorna rambles on.
“No,” I assure her, “I rarely come here since Drake went away and when I do, I come with Marg. You’ll meet her before you leave.”
“What’s she like?”
“She’s alright really, a hard woman and she hated me when I first came here. Now she looks
out for me because she tries to look out for Drake. She was his mother’s best friend.”
“His mother is dead, right? I think I remember you saying she was.”
I nod in agreement and take a sip from my drink. I quickly look around the pub to see who is in tonight and wonder which of these men will tell Drake I’ve been out drinking. I like to think I am the only one he contacts while he is locked up but from little things he mentions in our visits of what I do sometimes, I know he keeps tabs on me and they all can’t be from Stan.
Speaking of whom, he has just walked through the door and I’m the first person he sees.
He smiles brightly before heading to the bar.
“Who was that?” Lorna asks, following him as he stops to talk to someone at a table.
“That’s Stan, he is a friend of Drakes,”
She rips her eyes away from him and turns back to me.
“He’s gorgeous,” she whistles in admiration.
I never saw anything in Stan but a kind and quiet man. Then again, I only have eyes for Drake, no one can compare.
“I’m sure you’ll meet him, he’s asking if we want a drink,” I say, seeing Stan waving a glass at us.
“Say yes, Cam,” Lorna grates out, managing to smile at the same time.
I mouth we are drinking vodka and coke and Lorna throws me an appreciative smile.
“Be nice to him, he makes sure I’m okay and I’m positive he reports everything back to Drake,” I tell her when Stan makes his way over to our table.
“You must be Cammie’s friend, Drake said you were coming to visit, I’m Stan,” he introduces himself saving me the trouble.
“I’m Lorna, it’s nice to meet you,” she smiles flirtatiously.
They don’t break eye contact as he hands her a drink and then sits next to her and passes my drink over.
Oh God, this can’t be happening, not tonight and not with my friend.
“Cammie hasn’t told me a lot about you, Drake has told me some stuff but I think you should tell me,” he purrs, keeping his eyes trained on her.
“Drake doesn’t know anything about me, I only met him the once before he whisked my best friend away from town,” she tells him.
“His mistake then, so come on, tell me about yourself,” he pushes her.
“Well, I’m here to catch up with my friend who I haven’t seen in a long time so thank you for the drink but we should get back to catching up.”
Stan’s eyes are ready to pop out of their sockets, I don’t think he has ever been turned away before but then again, I doubt he has met anyone quite like Lorna before. I am secretly pleased she done that, I thought for a brief second she would have wanted to get to know him better the only way Lorna knows how to but she didn’t.
“How long are you here for?” he asks, still his eyes are trained on her casually falling down to her cleavage every now and then and then back to her eyes.
“A few days,” she tells him, not giving him specifics.
“Then I’m sure we’ll meet again,” he smiles, tipping his chin.
He turns to me and says, “If you need anything, give me a call.” Then he leaves us in peace.
Lorna watches him leave and sighs heavily.
“Before you say anything, I was never going to get it on with him.”
“I’m proud. It must have been hard,” I laugh.
“Not really, that night Drake came back for you and I was the one who had to make my way home alone, I realised just how much of a shitty friend I was to you. How come you never moaned about it?” she asks.
“We were young and it’s not like I went home alone all the time, I had my fair share of one night stands,” I shrug.
“Yeah but not as much as I did,” she argues, “Anyway, believe it or not, I rarely go out anymore. I’m finishing my studies in Design and fashion.”
For the first time in a long time, I genuinely smile and feel happy. It is about time she carried on with her dream. She never suited working for someone else and she has too much talent to be stuck in a nine to five-day job.
“I’m so proud of you,” I tell her and mean it.
“I guess we’ve both changed and it isn’t necessarily a bad thing,” she says.
“I guess we have, but it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I need you in my life whether Drake is here or not. When I left, I didn’t leave you, just everyone else.”
There hasn’t been any talk of my family up to this point and I don’t know if I want to hear anything now. I haven’t heard from my parents or brothers, even though I have kept the same number all this time. Not once have they tried to get in contact with me, not even my mother.
“Have you heard from them?” Lorna asks, as if she can read my thoughts.
I shake my head and plaster on a smile.
“Fuck them, they never deserved you,” she smiles.
“Have you seen them at all while visiting your parents?”
I assume they are still neighbours.
“I’ve seen your mum a few times, she smiles at me then quickly moves on.”
That is all I want to hear. It hurts a little that my own mother can’t ask my best friend how I am behind my father’s back.
For a fraction of time I had hoped she would have at least asked after me.
“How about we start over, neither of us are the same as we were back then, how about we make a fresh start as we are now?” I offer.
“Love it,” she beams.
“So I hope you brought some boots with you, we have a lot of walking to do over the next couple of days.”
Changing the conversation, I stop think about what used to be.
We delve into planning the next day of visiting all the landmarks in London and what shops we want to hit.
The night is what I needed, my best friend back and she does a brilliant job on taking my mind off of Drake.
Chapter Twelve
Drake
Visiting day. The only day in the month I countdown more than I do to my parole hearing. The day I am reminded how beautiful my girl is when my memories do not do justice to her. I hear her voice everyday on the phone but when she is sitting opposite me, I catalogue every syllable and tone and replay it when I am alone in my cell of a night to drown out the noises that bounce around the brick walls and echoes till the sun rises the next morning.
Not long to wait, the screw should be round any minute now to call time. I jump on the spot trying to distract myself from the rush that is overtaking me. Every visit with her is a month closer to being with her every God damn day far, far away from this place.
“Calm yourself, Deveroux. I can see your hard-on from here.”
I turn to see Maxwell walking towards me.
“Fucking right you can,” I grin.
He is currently halfway through his twenty-year sentence, in the cell five up from mine and is the top man in here. At dead on six foot in height and built like a fucking giant, his size has never intimidated me. I first met him when I was locked up back in 2000 after being found guilty of assault and affray. My I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude gained me notoriety with him and I fast learned that being under his wing was on par with being a fucking rock star. I hurt a lot of people for him over the course of my stay that time, he thought I was his new bitch boy but to be honest, I craved the adrenaline that I needed to vent my anger and the types of criminals I got to beat to within an inch of their lives were the scum of the earth. I mean, I’m no law abiding citizen and most people would say society would be a better place without people like me a part of it, but the people I hurt and left scars that would never heal, physical and emotionally, were the types that would make you vomit when you heard their crimes against women and children. People can say what they like about me but my crimes don’t hurt vulnerable people what so ever.
Maxwell stands beside me and we both lean against the rail on the top landing looking down on everybody else.
“I’ve heard whispers you’re getting a new
cell mate, he should be arriving at some point today.”
I sigh heavily, I pray to God this one isn’t a chatty little fuck like Ash. He was released last month and while I found it strange that I had the cell to myself for all this time, I have loved it.
“Have these whispers said who it is?” I ask.
Maxwell doesn’t play games normally unless he is trying to manipulate someone, so if he tells me he has heard whispers then it is true and he also knows who.
He nods and smiles, “Tommy the Tank.”
Humph, I haven’t seen him for at least two years. I had heard shortly before my arrest that he had been banged up but I assumed he would have been released by now.
The bank job I did in Norwich just after I started seeing Cammie was with Tommy. After, we had all gone our separate ways trying not to been seen together while we laid low which I found easy because I had Cammie to think of.
“At least I know he won’t talk my head off all hours of the fucking day,” I laugh, non-committed to a more detailed answer.
“Any of you that actually have people who want to see you today, make your way to the left gate.” A screw yells.
“That’s me,” I whoop and slap Maxwell on the back, “Thanks for the heads up about Tommy,” I tell him, jogging down the stairs.
“No worries.”
She is sitting at our usual table when I catch sight of her through the barred partition separating us as I wait for the screw to walk us into the visiting room.
Her blonde wavy curls are piled on top of her head with a few wispy curls falling loosely around her face. Natural beauty at full glory. I ache every time I see her and I long to touch her without being under supervision. The second we’re in the room, I make a bee line for her and hold her in my arms as soon as I reach the table.
“You smell so good,” I tell her, pushing my nose deeper into the crook of her neck.
Like strawberries and coffee. She would have worked the morning shift today before coming here and wouldn’t have had time to shower but I like it. It reminds me of the outside.
“I missed you so much,” she says, pulling away and sitting down.