Speaking of tongues wagging, Declan’s face is hovering a little too close to mine. His lips swoop down, but only catch my cheek. What is he doing? I’m not going to make out with a guy I’m not even dating. I mean, I might do that elsewhere, like at a bar, but not at a school dance. If I make out with him, I’d look stupid next week when he ignores me. I wouldn’t let just anyone kiss me. Even Melvin, my birthday kiss, had some redeeming qualities.
The song changes again, but he doesn’t release me from his grip, so I settle in, comfortably dancing in the cocoon of his arms. He seems to be having fun playing with my tutu, which makes me laugh. Nearby—nearer than they were a couple of minutes ago—Jared and Brooke and their friends are dancing. For a second, I catch Jared’s eye, and he stares at me intently, as if he’s trying to send me a message. But I don’t know what he’s getting at, so I shrug it off.
I have to say, Jared looks like a fish out of water. Brooke and Kirsten Cook are gyrating on either side of him, creating a Jared sandwich. He’s frowning as if he never intended to be part of such a sandwich.
When the music changes to a boppy song, I glance at Jared, who looks like he wants to shoot himself. I see him try to leave the dance floor, but Brooke grabs his arm. He shakes her off and walks away. Brooke glances at Declan, as if to see if he noticed the exchange, but Declan is still focused on playing with my tutu. She looks even angrier and stalks off the dance floor.
Soon after, a slow song comes on. To my surprise, Declan doesn’t move along to another girl, he hugs me close. I have to admit, it feels good having his strong body against me, even if he’s on the sweaty side. There’s something about being close to a guy, even if it doesn’t mean anything. I think about Tracey, and send up a prayer that she’s not with Scott right now.
Declan tries to kiss me again, and I only narrowly dodge it. “Hey, don’t get fresh,” I tell him, hoping he’ll get the picture. A couple of minutes later, his hands slip to my butt, and I take a step back, saying, “I don’t think so.” He grins sheepishly and moves his hands back to my waist.
As the ballad fades, I feel a hand on my shoulder, and turn to find myself staring into Jared’s cool blue eyes. “You promised me a slow dance. It’s our last chance.”
“Um, okay.” I turn to Declan.
He looks mildly annoyed, but also tired and drunk. “I’ll get a drink,” he says. “You want a drink, Kayla?”
“No, thanks.”
Declan moves away. All around us, couples are changing partners, leaving or coming onto the dance floor. Jared puts his arms around me rather stiffly.
“What’s going on?” I shout over the music.
“You and Declan. He’s bad news.”
“What do you mean?”
“He treated Brooke like shit. Totally screwed her up.”
“We were just dancing. It wasn’t going to go any further than that.”
“I hear he’s a charmer.”
I have to laugh. “Who says? Charming guys don’t smell like beer and try to grope your butt.”
Jared looks disgusted. “Then why’d you bother with him?”
“I don’t know. It was just something to do. Where’s Brooke, anyway?”
“She left. I’m meeting her later.”
“Whatever.” It came out snarky, but I can’t take it back. I notice the way he’s holding me at arm’s length; we look like grade sevens who can’t stand touching the opposite sex. I step back.
“Look, you wanted to say your piece about Declan, and you did. Thanks. Now I’m going to get something to eat.”
His eyes flicker. “I’d better go.”
And we leave the dance floor, forking off in different directions.
twelve
I WISH HE HADN’T DONE THAT, I tell myself for the hundredth time. As I’m lying in bed later that night, I can’t get Jared out of my mind. Why did he care if I was dancing with Declan or not? He must care about me, even if it’s just as a friend. Of course it’s just as a friend, I remind myself—he’s dating Brooke, not me.
What he did was gallant, even though it was totally unnecessary. It’s not like Declan or I had any real intentions. In fact, Declan never came back to me. Instead he moved on to a freshman who had no hesitations about getting some tongue action. I doubt he’ll remember our little dance, and it’s just as well.
It was strange, though, the way Jared held me. It was like he felt awkward about getting physically close to me. But why? Oh, I’ve got it. Even though Brooke had already gone, some of her friends were still there. If Jared was seen to be getting close to another girl, it would get back to Brooke, and she would freak.
Picturing Jared as a whipped boyfriend is hard to do, but I can’t think of any other explanation. He was definitely keeping my body at a distance. I’d love to think it’s because my nearness drove him wild, but maybe he just didn’t want to tangle with my tutu.
I can’t believe I’m pining for a guy with a girlfriend. If someone had called the Oracle with this problem, I would’ve told her to move on.
But what if they’d told me the guy had cut in while she was dancing with another guy and seemed concerned about her welfare? What would the Oracle say then?
SUNDAY NIGHT AT AMY’S, my friends hurl questions at me left and right. What was it like dancing with Declan? What sweet nothings did he whisper in my ear? Why did Jared cut in, and why did he look angry? Why didn’t I slip my phone number in Declan’s pocket so he’d find it when he sobered up?
I don’t give them any juicy tidbits to satisfy them. If they knew he tried to kiss me and grope me, they’d blow it out of proportion and I’d never live it down. So I tell them that I met Declan’s criteria for a dance partner (female), and that Jared wasn’t some jealous lover, but rather a concerned friend who wanted to warn me against getting involved with Declan. Yada yada yada.
When I get home, I’m not in my bedroom five minutes when Viv IMs me wanting to hear about the dance. Thankfully, I manage to steer the conversation to Evgeney’s wild performance.
LostGirl: For the first time, I’m sorry I missed a school dance. Seeing Evgeney dance like a maniac sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Kaylalala: Judging by the way he was received, he’ll be doing it again. Maybe dressed as an elf at the Christmas dance. You’ll have to come just in case.
LostGirl: I will. *sigh* My grounding will be over by then, thank God. I haven’t been out in ages.
Kaylalala: We’ll have to go out and celebrate afterward. How are you feeling? I mean, about the Max thing…
LostGirl: I’m doing okay. I think Max and I are going to be friends again. We’ve texted a bit in the past few days.
Kaylalala: Is he handling it better?
LostGirl: Yeah. He still thinks we’ll get together one day… For now, we’re not ready to sever the friendship.
Kayalalala: Less than two years until you’re off to college. Then you’ll do what you want.
LostGirl: Exactly. My parents know that they can only control me while I’m under their roof. After that, they’re going to have to accept my decisions. I don’t know what the future holds for me and Max. But for now, at least we can be friends.
Kaylalala: I’m so glad.
LostGirl: When are you going to put the Oracle site back up? I need more of your blogs to read.
Kaylalala: Not this again. I told you, the Oracle isn’t coming back.
LostGirl: But there’s nothing like it out there! Most advice sites are run by adults and are totally lame. You’ve got to put it back up!
Kaylalala: I’m sorry, Viv. I can’t.
LostGirl: You’re so stubborn! The world needs the Oracle.
Kaylalala: Look, it’s late. We’d better get to bed.
LostGirl: Fine. Just promise me you’ll think about it. Kaylalala: I’ll think about it.
But I knew I wouldn’t be putting the site back up. The Oracle is dead and gone.
MONDAY MORNING, the hallways are buzzing with gossip.
r /> Amy is ready with the scoop when I get to my locker. “You’ll never believe it—Brooke dumped Jared! They had this huge fight after the dance Friday night. Apparently he wanted to have sex and she didn’t. We all know Declan was her first. I guess she wasn’t ready for another one yet.”
“What? Who said this?”
“Brooke. She’s telling everyone he’s an asshole—which I guess he is. I mean, come on, what kind of guy can’t wait more than two weeks for sex?”
What kind of guy indeed? I wonder if there’s more to the story.
“What does Jared say about this?”
“When Andrew Becker asked him, he pretty much confirmed it.”
“Pretty much?”
“He didn’t deny it.”
“So he neither confirmed nor denied it.”
“Something like that. Brooke won’t let her friends talk to him anymore, so he’s back to being an outsider. That’s the shortest time at the top I’ve ever seen!”
My first thought: Poor Jared. My second thought: Wait a minute—if Brooke’s story is true, he got what he deserved!
When I walk into class, Jared is at his desk, doodling as usual. He looks up and says hi, smiling at me. It’s a cheerful smile, which catches me off guard. We’re not in the habit of exchanging smiles like that anymore. And shouldn’t he be depressed about the breakup?
Apparently not, because his mood is so good, he’s humming a tune.
I am dying to know what really happened. I mean, the Oracle side of me is dying to know. Isn’t a match between a hottie and a hot rocker made in heaven?
But I don’t have the guts to ask Jared if the rumors are true. It’s none of my business, anyway.
We don’t interact for the rest of the class. At lunchtime, as I’m eating fish sticks and tartar sauce, I keep thinking: a) Jared can’t possibly be as bad as Brooke is portraying him. b) Jared could be as bad as Brooke is portraying him. c) I’m almost over him. Almost. So Jared being single should mean nothing to me. d) If b) is true, then I wouldn’t want to be with Jared, anyway. e) This cafeteria food is terrible. I have to start packing a lunch.
“I know what you mean,” Viv says. “I don’t think it’s really tartar sauce—it’s just mayo.”
I look up. Did I say it aloud? I hope I didn’t say all of my thoughts aloud.
Sharese slides in beside us with her lunch tray. “Hey, guys. Did you hear about Jared and Brooke?”
Ryan nods. “Shocking, huh? Who knew Brooke would refuse to give it up?”
“That’s not the shocking part,” Sharese says. “It’s that Jared was such a jerk. And I thought he was a nice guy for warning Kayla against Declan.”
“You can’t believe everything you hear,” Viv points out. “We’re just hearing Brooke’s version.”
“Yeah, but Mark Baker—you know, from the Environment Club—went up to Jared and asked him if it was true, and Jared said yes!”
That’s damning information. Everyone knows Mark Baker is the school’s ethicist and moral puritan. He wouldn’t lie about what Jared said.
So it really is true.
I feel something inside me sink. Sure, I’d already decided that Jared was an idiot for going out with Brooke, but I guess I’d been hoping he’d redeem himself. If Jared actually treated Brooke that way, then he really is a jerk. And I’m lucky I never got involved with him.
It’s strange, though. Why didn’t he deny the story? Then it would be his word against Brooke’s, and since she’s known for being a drama queen, a lot of people would doubt her story. Why did he confirm it?
As the day wears on, I’m no closer to understanding the situation. My intuition tells me that Jared would never be aggressive that way. Or are my feelings for him clouding my judgment?
In art class, I can’t take my eyes off him. Thankfully, he doesn’t know I’m staring, because he’s two tables in front of me. Weird, but I really thought I had good instincts about people. Like with Scott, for instance. I pegged him for an emotional pariah the moment I set eyes on him. I knew he’d hurt my sister, and he did.
But Jared was different. Despite having a certain arrogance and antisocial bent, despite the mistakes of his past, I thought he was, deep down, a good person. Maybe at some level I told myself that Brooke had brainwashed him into going out with her, and that he’d smarten up soon enough.
Jared turns his head, his eyes questioning. I feel heat rush into my cheeks. He must’ve felt me staring at him. He raises his eyebrows and beckons me. I look around in confusion, realizing that people are pairing up.
Uh-oh. I have to work with him again. Maybe I should try to find another partner. But it’s too late—Jared’s taken my hesitation for a yes. He picks up his stuff and puts it down beside me.
“I didn’t catch the instructions,” I say.
“We’re drawing hands.”
I give him a blank look.
“I’ll show you. Cup your hands and rest them on the desk. I’ll draw them.”
Another impossible assignment. I cup my hands and put them on the desk. He stares at them and begins to draw.
The silence between us is painful. Occasionally he’ll ask me to move my hands this way or that, but he never touches them. I feel like I should say something, but I don’t know what.
“Did the dance get any better after I left?”
“They didn’t play Vengeance Against the Establishment, if that’s what you mean.”
“So you had fun?”
“Yeah. It’ll go down in history as the best dance ever.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because of Evgeney Vraslov’s dance show.”
He quirks a smile, though his eyes are still fixated on my hands. “I saw that.”
“Sorry to hear about…you know.”
He raises his head. “About what?”
He appears genuine, but I figure he’s not making this easy for me. “You know, you and Brooke breaking up.”
A wicked look enters his eyes. “Are you really sorry?”
I swallow. What’s he getting at?
“C’mon, Kayla. You’re no fan of Brooke. Truth is, I don’t think I ever was, either. So there’s no need to be sorry.”
He continues drawing in silence. When he’s done, the resulting sketch is wonderful, as usual. He makes my hands look far more elegant than they really are. Now I have to draw his hands. Oh, joy. He places his hands on the desk, cupping them together. And for a second I think about what it would be like for one of his big, strong hands to hold mine. And then I picture those hands groping Brooke.
Jared looks at me. “Something wrong?”
“No. I’m just frustrated—you know I can’t draw.”
“Your other project’s coming along nicely.”
“I still have to paint it. I could ruin everything.”
His eyes narrow. “What’s up with you these days, Kayla? You’re on edge or something.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You. How you’ve been lately. You go switching desks and you don’t even say why. And you’re not…cheerful anymore.”
“Was I ever cheerful?”
“Actually, yeah. Now it’s like you’ve got PMS every day.”
My jaw must’ve hit the floor. “Thanks a lot. Let’s just get this done, okay? I need this grade.” I’m sketching again and making a mess of things.
He touches my hand. “Sorry. I thought you’d laugh. We always give each other a hard time, don’t we?”
I glance at him. “Yeah.”
“So I guess you heard the story of what happened between Brooke and me.”
“I heard.”
“And? What do you think?”
“I think there’s more to the story. There always is. And I think part of this is your fault for not denying it when you had the chance.”
“Why should I? No one cares about the truth.”
“So are you saying it’s not the truth?”
His eyes lock with mine, like he??
?s seeing right through me. “Do you care about the truth?”
“Yes.”
“Fine. Ask yourself this—what if the person you’re dating is a total pain in the ass, and the only thing that remotely interests you is the possibility of having sex?”
“Are you serious?”
“Partly.”
“So it is true.”
“Look, Brooke and I weren’t good together, anyway. She’s totally self-centered and jealous. That’s why she embarrassed you at the party. I’m glad your friend put her in her place. I wish I’d been quick enough to do it myself. Brooke was going on about it the rest of the night. She’s in love with drama. Anyway, she was never interested in the real me. She just wanted to date a musician.”
“But you still wanted to have sex with her?”
“I wanted to scare her off. So I told her it was time we had sex, and I wasn’t all that nice about it.”
“Wait, back up a minute. You said that to make her dump you?”
“Yeah. She’d already told me she wasn’t ready, so I figured it was a safe bet. I didn’t think she could take another rejection.”
“But you’re hurting your own reputation! You must’ve known she’d go around telling everyone.”
“Of course I did. How does that hurt my reputation? I’m just another guy who wants sex. So what? At least this way Brooke can hate me instead of getting all broken up about it.”
“I still don’t get it. If she was so annoying, why do you care so much about her ego?”
“She’s still upset over Declan dumping her. He treated her like shit. Anyway, she’s gotta be the most insecure person I’ve ever met. I didn’t want to see her get hurt again.”
“I can’t believe this. You did that out of compassion. And now everyone who likes her is ostracizing you.”
He winks. “That’s just a bonus.”