“I hate this confusion,” he muttered. “I’m good at helping my clients sort through their feelings, good at writing about them—but not good at experiencing them. It makes me…miserable.”
“I’ve been pretty miserable myself,” Cassie said.
“Then we should both find ways of dealing with these emotions because I’m not changing my mind.”
“So you’ve said.”
“I mean it, Cassie.”
She wasn’t going to argue. “Yes, I know.”
He stared at her, eyebrows raised. “Don’t be so agreeable. I’m not used to it, and I don’t know how to react when you’re amenable to everything I say.” She nodded.
“See? That’s what I mean.” He pointed accusingly at her. “Listen. I know what kind of man makes a good husband—and I’m not it.”
Cassie had to smile. “That’s something I don’t agree with. You’ve shown me truths about myself. Let me do the same for you.”
Simon shook his head as if that possibility was beyond him.
Cassie wasn’t about to let him assume he was incapable of love when she knew otherwise.
She stood and walked purposefully toward him. He was still pacing, so she caught his hand. Her fingers curled around his and he turned back to stare at her. Not giving him a chance to object, she leaned forward and placed her mouth on his.
Simon slipped one hand around the back of her head and kissed her with a hunger that thrilled her.
“We’ll start with teaching you to accept my love,” she whispered when he broke off the lengthy kiss.
Again he briefly closed his eyes.
“Love is one thing,” he muttered. “But you want children. I don’t know about children except in theory. I’m not good with them,” he said. “They cry and make messes in their diapers and drool.”
“That they do.”
“I don’t understand why people willingly submit themselves to the uncertainty and stress of raising children.” He splayed his fingers through his hair.
Even as he spoke she heard the longing in his voice. Despite his claims to the contrary he desired a family, just like most people did. Just like she did. Unable to resist a moment longer, she slid her arms around his waist and hugged him close. He resisted at first and attempted to break free.
Cassie held tight. Smiling up at him, she stood on the tips of her toes, rested her hands on his shoulders and pressed her mouth to his. It was only a matter of seconds before he became fully involved in the kiss.
When her legs were about to give way, Simon tore his mouth from hers and stepped back, still holding on to her, which was a good thing. Otherwise Cassie would have collapsed in a heap on the floor.
He wagged a warning finger at her. “No more of that.”
“Sorry.” She felt she should probably apologize but giggled instead. “I couldn’t help myself. Oh, Simon, you’re right. I do want children—your children. We’ll have very special babies.”
His expression was wry. “They won’t cry and make messes and—”
“Of course they will,” she said, nudging him.
“Like I already said, I have no skills in this area.”
“But I don’t, either. We’ll learn together, the way other parents do.”
She wasn’t sure if she’d convinced him or not because he continued to stare at her.
Then, as if he’d noticed the Christmas decorations for the first time, he frowned and said, “When you came to me, you talked about a perfect Christmas.”
She nodded.
“I’m not big on Christmas.”
“I think that’s kind of a weak argument,” she told him. “Seeing how every assignment you gave me had to do with the holidays.”
“Only because there’s a surfeit of them at this time of year.”
“True, but there are plenty of others and you chose the Christmas-related tasks.”
“You’ve found some hidden meaning in that?”
“Yes. It’s obvious to me that you enjoy the holidays.”
When he started to protest, she held up a hand.
“Let me amend that. You enjoy watching other people enjoy Christmas. You understand why it’s important to them, the same way you understand—in theory—why love and marriage and children are important. If you don’t like Christmas, it’s because you’re alone. You don’t have anyone to share it with. But, Simon, that’s about to change.”
“Aren’t you making assumptions you have no business making?”
“Is this really so difficult?” she asked.
“Yes,” he groaned.
Cassie gently laid her head against his chest and sighed meaningfully.
His sigh echoed hers. “Oh, I give up. You knew I’d fallen in love with you.” He drew her toward him and rested his chin on her head.
“I hoped so.”
“I do love you, Cassie.”
“And I love you.”
He leaned down and shattered what remained of her composure with a single kiss.
“You seriously want to marry me?” he whispered.
“More than I’ve wanted anything in my entire life.”
“And children. You want children.”
She nodded, knowing he wanted them as much as she did. “Two or three, at least.”
He closed his eyes.
“You’re going to be a wonderful father. And a wonderful husband.”
“Our babies are going to inhabit my heart the same way you have. I see it happening already.” He gazed down at her with such tenderness it nearly brought tears to her eyes.
“Inhabit your heart,” she repeated. “And you’ve moved into mine.”
“I couldn’t forget you for even a second,” he whispered, holding her close and breathing the words against her hair. “I’m not sure what it is about you that’s different from all the other women I’ve met, the other women who fell in love with me…or thought they did. I just know you were right when you told me I loved you.”
His arms tightened around her. “You’re right about Christmas, too.”
“I figured as much.”
“Am I so easy to read?”
“No.”
“We’re going to have a very good life together,” he murmured. “And every Christmas—”
Her phone rang, interrupting him. Cassie was content to let it ring until Simon released her.
Checking call display, she said, “It’s my brother.”
“You should answer it.”
Nodding, she reached for the receiver. “Hello, Shawn.”
“Merry Christmas.” Shawn’s greeting sounded happier than she could remember hearing in a long, long time.
“Merry Christmas,” she said in return.
“You seem happy… Any particular reason?”
“Simon’s here.”
Shawn hooted with laughter. “He couldn’t hold out, could he?”
“Thankfully, no. Christmas came early for me.”
“Me, too,” Shawn said. “Come and join us, both of you.”
Half an hour later, the four of them sat in front of a crackling fire in Angie’s small rental house in West Seattle. The clock above the mantel chimed midnight.
“It’s Christmas,” Angie sang out as she leaned against Shawn.
Simon’s arm was around Cassie’s shoulder. “Christmas,” she echoed. Then she spoke softly into his ear. “My perfect Christmas, Simon. I have it right here, right now, with you.”
Epilogue
From: Cassie
Sent: Thursday, December 1, 5:35 p.m.
To: Mom; Pete; Shawn&Angie; Phyllis&Harry; Amanda Snelling; Bob; JohnFitz
Cc: Simon
Subject: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Hi, Everyone,
I know what a busy time of year this is, so wanted to send our invitation now. I’m not even going to try to fancy it up.
Here goes: You are all invited to dinner with Cassie and Simon on Christmas Eve. Come at 7. Our house. Signif
icant others welcome! Bring a favorite Christmas memory to share! RSVP.
Not to be a bossypants, but the sooner you can let me know, the better. Look forward to catching up with everyone!
Cassie (and, of course, Simon)
From: Shawn&Angie
Sent: Thursday, December 1, 5:45 p.m.
To: Cassie; Mom; Pete; Phyllis&Harry; Amanda Snelling; Bob; JohnFitz
Cc: Simon
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Hi, Cassie and Simon,
Thanks for this! Shawn and I will be delighted to attend. We’re flying out of Portland and into SeaTac on the 23rd, staying with my mom and dad.
What’s on the menu? Let me know what we can bring.
I’ll bet you can guess my favorite Christmas memory (and yes, it involved your charming brother, Shawn!) Angie
From: Cassie
Sent: Thursday, December 1, 6:30 p.m.
To: Shawn&Angie
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Thanks, Angie. Email and phone calls and texting are great, but I am so looking forward to seeing you two in person! As for dinner, just bring yourselves. I’m making the same thing I did for my famous Christmas dinner two years ago—my third task, remember? Turkey, stuffing (and I’ll try not to lose my wedding ring in the stuffing!), mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans with almonds, salads. And a selection of pies for dessert. Plus a nice Washington State wine, which Simon will select. (With both of us being pregnant, you and I will have to skip that this year.)
Let’s talk soon!
C
From: Mom
Sent: Thursday, December 1, 6:32 p.m.
To: Cassie; Shawn&Angie; Simon
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Darlings, I’m so sorry but we won’t be able to leave Hawaii this Christmas, after all. Joseph and I have guests coming from New Zealand.
Cassie and Shawn (and Simon and Angie)—I’ll talk to you Christmas Day. I want you all to come for a midwinter holiday in Honolulu, well before the babies arrive. That’s my Christmas gift to you. Confirm ASAP!!!
Meanwhile, say hello to your father for me.
Much love,
Mom
From: Cassie
Sent: Thursday, December 1, 6:39 p.m.
To: Mom
Cc: Shawn&Angie; Simon
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Hawaii? Oh, Mom, what a great gift. Sun, sand, palm trees…
I called Simon (he’s working late) to check with him, and we’re thrilled to accept. I hope Shawn and Angie will be able to come, too. We were thinking end of January. (Does that work for you, too?)
We’ll miss you and Joseph this Christmas but seeing you in January will make up for it, especially in Hawaii! We’ll book the tickets this week.
Love,
Cass
From: Shawn&Angie
Sent: Monday, December 12, 7:42 p.m.
To: Cassie
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Works for us, too. Shawn will email your mother tonight. Late Jan. should be fine, since I’m due in April and your Simon, Jr. (or whatever you decide to call him) won’t make his appearance until May. Which reminds me: make sure you let us know when the two of you settle on a name. Shawn hates it that I refuse to find out if we’re having a boy or a girl, but as you know, I’ve always enjoyed a bit of suspense!
Here’s something else to keep you guessing. I’m making your Christmas present. Yes, me, Angie, the science geek. I told you I took knitting classes, right? Well, I’m knitting something wonderful for you. I’ve already made a baby Santa hat for your little guy to wear next Christmas! Aren’t you proud of me, knitting and all?
Did I tell you we’ve narrowed down the names? Julia, Katherine, Savannah or Kristin. And for a boy, Luke or Karl.
One more thing—Shawn’s going to paint name cards for you again (like he did two years ago). The theme this time will be…a surprise.
Ange
From: Amanda Snelling
Sent: Friday, December 2, 9:02 a.m.
To: Cassie
Cc: Simon
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Hello, Cassie,
My husband, Robert, and I accept your invitation with pleasure.
I’ve mentioned this to Simon but knowing him, he’ll probably forget to mention it, so I thought I should let you know myself.
Please tell us what we can bring. Robert’s very good when it comes to choosing wine. Look forward to seeing you.
Amanda
Amanda Snelling
Assistant to Simon Dodson
From: Pete
Sent: Friday, December 2, 12:15 p.m.
To: Cassie
Cc: Shawn&Angie
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Cassie, thanks for the invite. I’ll be there if I can. OK if I let you know closer to the date?
Pete
P.S. Is your mother planning to attend?
From: Cassie
Sent: Monday, December 13, 12:15 p.m.
To: Pete
Cc: Shawn&Angie
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Pete/Dad,
Fine, but could you confirm by December 21st?
And no, Mom’s got a friend visiting from New Zealand and can’t make it.
Please feel free to bring a companion if you want to—just let me know!
Cass
From: Phyllis&Harry
Sent: Friday, December 2, 4:30 p.m.
To: Cassie
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Dearest Cassie,
Harry and I would be thrilled to come for dinner. Thank you so much for thinking of us!
I’ll bring my famous apple pie. And did I tell you Harry’s making wine these days? He’ll bring a bottle or two. (It’s not too bad, especially if you’ve already had a few glasses of something else to—how shall I put it—dull your palate.)
By the way, what’s a five-letter word for “perfect”? I’m working on today’s crossword.
Love,
Phyllis
From: Cassie
Sent: Friday, December 2, 4:41 p.m.
To: Phyllis&Harry
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Hi, Phyllis,
How could anyone refuse your apple pie? By all means, bring one and thank Harry for the offer of wine, but Simon and Amanda’s husband, Robert, are taking care of that. Your special pie is more than enough. My mouth is watering already.
5-letter word for “perfect”? Hmm. What about “ideal”? Does that work?
Cassie
From: Phyllis&Harry
Sent: Friday, December 2, 4:43 p.m.
To: Cassie
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
That’s perfect!
From: Bob
Sent: Friday, December 2, 9:16 p.m.
To: Cassie
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Hey Cassie—
Sounds cool. I’ll volunteer to bring the music. I have a great rap CD of the Xmas classics. You haven’t heard anything until you’ve heard “Not So Silent Night.”
Your friend and former neighbor,
Bob
From: Cassie
Sent: Friday, December 2, 4:41 p.m.
To: Bob
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Hi, Bob—
Thanks for the offer but just bring yourself.
Cassie
From: JohnFitz
Sent: Friday, December 2, 2011, 5:20 p.m.
To: Cassie
Cc: Simon
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
Cassie & Simon,
Christa and I would love to join you for din
ner on the 24th. We had a lovely time with you last weekend and hope to return the favor soon.
By the way, I have news… Christa and I have set the date for the wedding next summer. You two and the baby will definitely be invited. After all, Simon, you introduced us! Come to think of it, Cassie, Simon did a good job matching up the two of us—but not to each other! Kind of ironic, isn’t it? I couldn’t be happier, and I know you feel the same way.
Just to be on the safe side, let me check—no one will be required to complete any tasks before we’re allowed to eat our dinner, right?
John
From: Cassie
Sent: Friday, December 2, 5:32 p.m.
To: JohnFitz
Cc: Simon
Subject: RE: Dinner on Christmas Eve—Save the Date!
John, don’t worry! The only thing required will be your presence. By the way, congratulations to you and Christa. I think this is a perfect match—and I’m so glad we’ve all become friends….
Cassie
From: Simon
Sent: Friday, December 2, 5:39 p.m.
To: Cassie
Subject: Dinner TONIGHT—Save the Date!
C—plan on dressing up. I’m taking you somewhere special tonight. I want to escort my wife—my pregnant wife—out on the town for a pre-Christmas treat! Reservation’s at 7:30. Sorry for the short notice! I’ll pick you up at the house around 7.
S
From: Cassie
Sent: Friday, December 2, 5:45 p.m.
To: Simon
Subject: RE: Dinner TONIGHT—Save the Date!
Simon, dinner tonight would be perfect. You’re perfect. I’ll be there, waiting for you, with bells on. And speaking of bells, I’m bringing a bunch of ten-dollar bills so I can give one to every charity bell-ringer we come across!
All my love,
Cassie
Cassie’s Ideas for the Perfect Christmas Party