"I…I…I don't have any money."
Nina was ready to give the ice cream back and walk with bowed head back towards her mother who was probably angrier than ever now.
"You don't have any money?" the lady said and tilted her head. She chewed heavily on that bubblegum. "Well you know what?"
Nina looked up with her big blue eyes. Was there still a way? Was there still a possibility that she might get the ice cream after all?
The lady looked to the sides, then whispered. "Come around the back. I have some extra that we usually don't sell but keep for ourselves to eat."
Nina nodded eagerly, gave the glittering ice cream back to the lady who winked at her before she closed the hatch to the magic ice cream truck. Nina looked carefully around to make sure her mother was nowhere to be seen, then walked behind the truck. The lady opened the back door, and peeked out.
"Come on inside, it's in the back."
Nina felt like she had somehow found an escape-way to heaven and was filled with excitement as she took the first step inside the truck. The smell inside was incredible, she thought and she never noticed the door being locked behind her.
It wasn't until the truck started moving that she realized she wasn't going to taste the ice cream any time soon.
Chapter 4
April 2013
Patrick felt like he was losing control again. It scared him a little, but also filled him with excitement. The frightening part was that he sometimes found it hard to know what was reality and what was his fantasy. Patrick had always had many fantasies, but lately he had begun living and acting them out and that caused him to lose control of reality from time to time. Simply because he slipped into a world of his own and then there was no knowing what he was up to.
He looked at the Asian woman he had just picked up from the street. She was small, and he liked them small. He liked them young too, but he couldn't always get everything, now could he?
He accelerated in the small BMW convertible that the TV-station had rented for him while he was in town.
What town was it again? Viborg, that's right. Gotta keep track of what's going on around you, Patrick. Can't lose complete control.
As usual they were only in for a week, then off to a new town. It was like that all throughout the season of the show. Patrick loved it when a new season started and they toured around in the country. It was the third year the TV show had aired and every year it grew more and more successful. The first three episodes this spring had had the highest ratings any reality show on Danish television had ever had, so it was fair to say it was a success. He was a success. Patrick had been the host for the show since the beginning and his face was synonymous with it to the viewers. When he walked out the door he represented the TV show, they told him. They expected him to act like it.
"Where are we going?" the Asian girl asked with a slight shiver when she noticed they were leaving town.
"I know a place outside of town," he said. "More private like that."
The Asian girl closed her mouth and nodded. Patrick looked at her voluptuous lips. They were painted pink. Patrick didn't like that, he didn't care much for pink, in fact it gave him the creeps. He found a napkin and handed it to her.
"Here wipe that lipstick off. I don't like it."
She did as he told her. Now that was much better. Now her lips looked real. He had offered her two hundred for an hour. Figured she wasn't worth much more. She had accepted and jumped in his car without anyone seeing Patrick's face. He always made sure to use a back entrance when he left the hotel where his fans camped along with the paparazzi and he disguised his face by wearing a hat or a hood from his sweater, since he was, after all, representing the TV show. The girl had recognized him once she was in the car, naturally, but that didn't matter.
She was never going to be able to tell anyone anyway.
Patrick spotted the right place, a rest area far enough from town to be completely left in darkness at night. Not a soul would ever see them. Patrick was beginning to feel worked up, almost high, by the thought of what was about to happen. It wasn't something he was able to control, it just kind of happened, came over him, like a wave inside of him. It was a rush of emotions, of maniac ecstatic feelings that got him so high he could no longer control himself.
"What are we doing here?" the Asian girl asked as he took the exit towards the rest area. Patrick turned off the car’s headlights and let it roll into the area. It was empty alright, just as he had expected it to be. He found a spot and parked the car. The Asian girl looked at him and smiled. He could see the contrast of her white teeth on her brown skin in front of him. He fought the urge to knock them out, to smash her face in.
"So you want to do it here?" she asked with an accent.
"Yes, I want to do it here," he repeated mocking her accent.
"Okay," she said and took off her small jacket that barely covered anything. She was chewing gum and blowing bubbles while arranging her stockings.
"So what do you want to do first? Do you want me to blow you or do you want to get inside of me right away? Remember, I don't do anal. That's off limits. But tell me your fantasy and I'll try and make it come true. After all, you are my first celebrity."
She blew another bubble. It annoyed Patrick immensely. Patrick reached over and grabbed her neck. She shrieked. He put his fingers into her mouth and pulled the gum out, then dropped it in her hair. With a finger he pressed it into her thick black hair.
"Hey!" she yelled and tried to remove it, but it was already stuck. Now it was on her fingers as well. "Do you have any idea how difficult it will be to get that kind of thing out of my hair? That's gonna cost you extra. At least fifty more."
Patrick laughed manically.
"You think it is funny, do you? Well it's not. Why are you being so mean? I always thought you were a nice guy. You seem so sweet on TV," she said, pouting now.
Barely had she finished the sentence before Patrick couldn't hold himself back anymore and he punched her in the mouth hoping it would make her shut up. She screamed and spat out a tooth. Blood was gushing from her mouth. She seemed dizzy from the blow. Her lip was broken and bleeding, too. Her head was spinning and her eyes were rolling up like she was about to fall unconscious. Patrick laughed, mainly because he was happy that he had finally made her shut up. Then he leaned over and kissed her, licked off the blood from her lips and drank from her. She tried to push him away but her small Asian arms were strengthless. Patrick fumbled with his hand in his pants and pulled out his knife. She didn't see it, but protested slightly when he leaned over and held her down. Very close to her ear, he whispered:
"This is my fantasy."
Chapter 5
April 2013
I had no idea what to say. My dad had taken me and the kids out for lunch after the book signing, along with his new girlfriend that I had heard nothing about up until today.
"So, Emma. It's so exciting with your book, huh?" the woman said.
I was eating my sandwich and had my mouth full when she asked. I stared at her while chewing not knowing what to say to her. That I was in state of complete shock? That I had no idea she even existed? That I had seen my dad at least three times a week since he moved to the island to be closer to us, but he hadn't once mentioned her name? That I thought she looked like an old version of Pippi Longstocking? What? What do you say in a situation like this?
"Well, not everybody finds it so exciting on this island," I answered.
"Helle is not one of them," my dad said.
"Are you a newcomer like us?" I asked.
She shook her head. "I've lived here all my life. But I was never part of the church. My parents stayed away from all that."
"That's good to hear," I said and smiled. She seemed nice. I especially liked her eyes, and I was certain that once I got over the shock, I would be ready to give her a chance. At least my dad suddenly seemed very happy, almost cheerful, and that was a new approach for him, so maybe, just maybe she coul
d do what my mother never accomplished? Could she be the one to make my dad happy finally? I wanted him to move on from my selfish mother who had left him to move to Spain with some guy that I just hated. I wanted him to be happy again, to be at peace and enjoy his life.
I opened my mouth and took another bite of my sandwich, still while staring at her and her very red hair, her fluttering orange dress, and many rings and bracelets. She had that look of an artist or a writer, and I couldn't help but admire her slightly for daring to stand out like that.
"Your children are beautiful," she said.
I looked at Maya and Victor who were both eating in silence. I guessed they were just as surprised as I was. "I know," I said and smiled. "I'm very lucky." I ate more of my sandwich feeling proud of my children. They had both been doing well in school all spring, even Victor had improved, his teacher said. He was interacting with the other children and that was a huge step for him. Maya had gotten good grades and a new best friend named Annika who she spent most of her time with. She was growing up to be such a great girl.
"Do you have any children?" I asked Helle when I was done chewing. I washed it down with a coke that I wasn't supposed to have, since I had once again started a diet and this time I really meant it.
Helle smiled awkwardly. "My daughter is no longer with us."
I almost choked on my ham. "My God. What happened?" I cleared my throat. "If you don't mind talking about it, that is?"
My dad put his arm around Helle's shoulder. "Maybe another day," he said.
Helle put her hand on his arm. "No, it's okay. I don't mind talking about it." She drew in a deep breath. I stopped eating sensing this was too serious a subject. Helle's lips became tight, her eyes moist. "We think she drowned. It's the only explanation they have been able to come up with after all these years. But sometimes kids run out into the ocean by Fanoe Vesterhavsbad and get lost. When it is low tide you can walk to an island there and then they are surprised when high tide comes rushing in. They never found any trace of her though. Not her body or even a piece of clothing and I have no idea what she was doing out there without me knowing it. Last time I saw her we were at a playground, when I looked away for one second to talk with another mother, she was gone. The police think she might have run down to the beach not far from there and then walked into the water thinking she could reach the island, Soren Jessen's Sand. Maybe she wanted adventure, they said. But my girl was never adventurous, not like that."
I looked at the woman and suddenly felt the deepest sympathy for her. I put my hand on her arm. "That's terrible, Helle."
She nodded and bit her lip. "I know. Took me many years to accept that she was gone and wasn't going to come back through the front door with some fantastic story about how she’d gotten lost but found her way home. Her father wasn't in our lives. She was all I had. But now I have finally learned to live with it. I still can't help myself though, when I see a girl that looks like her or looks the way I think she would today. I guess I'm always on the lookout for her. I don't know if it'll ever stop."
"How old was she?"
"Six. She had just turned six years old."
Chapter 6
July 1997
"Your daughter is very lovely," the woman who had approached Miss Polly said. Miss Polly didn't care much about talking to strangers and always told Nina to never do so. But when they complimented her only true love in this world, her beautiful daughter, Miss Polly could never resist answering them.
"Yes, isn't she?" Miss Polly replied happily.
The woman rocked the stroller. Miss Polly could hear a baby fuss inside of it.
"How old is she?" the woman asked.
"Six. She just turned six years old."
"Gonna be some heartbreaker for the boys, huh?" The baby was fussing again and the woman rocked the stroller a bit forcefully while hushing it. Miss Polly stared at the woman feeling her heart accelerate. It was the word she had used. The boys. Miss Polly strongly resented the very idea of her precious little girl having anything at all to do with those disgusting…filthy creatures.
Boys. They only want one thing from you. And once you have given it to them, they leave you.
Miss Polly knew the day would come when she would have to face this problem with her Dolly. Up until now she had merely decided that her daughter was never going to be with any boys when she reached her teens. Miss Polly simply wouldn't allow her to be with them. But deep inside she knew that it was going to be a fight that she might end up losing eventually.
Just the thought of one of them ... touching her. Defiling her. I won't let her be besmirched by them. I simply refuse to let that happen.
"So will she start school after the summer?" the woman asked.
Miss Polly was pulled abruptly out of her thoughts. She shook her head. "No, I will be homeschooling her."
"Homeschooling? That's unusual." the woman said.
Miss Polly was getting tired of this conversation and wanted the lady to leave now. All those questions were annoying and tiresome. But she was right. Miss Polly knew it was very unusual in Denmark for people to homeschool their children. It was mostly people who had children with severe autism or other disabilities, and even those had help. Miss Polly was going to do this completely on her own. Even if she had no idea how to. There was no way her precious baby doll was going to go to those noisy, filthy places called schools and be blemished by all those other dirty, filthy children. No she was staying home where it was safe for her to be, where Miss Polly could watch her every moment.
"Yes, well that's what I've decided," she answered a little harshly in the hope that the woman would go away if she sensed Miss Polly wasn't enjoying the conversation. But apparently the woman had no sense of decorum or any sense at all for that matter. She kept right on talking.
"That's really difficult, isn't it? I mean you have to follow a program or something, right? To make sure the child is taught the exact same as the rest of the children. And what about the social skills? How will she learn how to be a team player?"
Miss Polly looked into the woman's eyes while the anger rose in her.
Stupid Danish people. Always talking about everybody being equal, all that socialism is destroying our beautiful country. Don't they see it?
"My daughter will not be a team player," she burst out, knowing very well that her opinion was not like most people on the island, or even in the country. "She is special and I will raise her to know that. She will not go out and be ordinary, she will do many incredible things in life and when she is a grown up everybody will know who she is, since she stood out in the crowd, since she is special and not like all the others. See, I do not believe we are all born to be equal. I believe some are destined for greatness. Now if you'll excuse me, I will take my child home before she catches the bug of mediocrity that has become so common these days."
Miss Polly snorted and stood up in front of the woman.
"I'm sorry," the woman said and held a hand up in the air. "I was just trying to make conversation. Geez."
But Miss Polly was no longer listening. She stormed past the woman and towards the children playing. She tried to spot Nina amidst all the noisy children running around, but she couldn't see her anywhere.
Where are you baby doll? You're not running around getting dirty like all those common children, are you?
Miss Polly was walking faster now while scanning the playground area.. "Nina?" she called out thinking she might be standing somewhere where she could not see her. Miss Polly searched under the slide and on the swings. There was no sign of her precious baby doll anywhere. Now her heart was racing rapidly and she had to put a hand to her chest to calm her breathing down. Where could she have gone? Miss Polly saw the boy that had been talking to Nina earlier and stormed towards him.
"Where is Nina? Where is the girl you talked to earlier?"
The boy looked at her indifferently and shrugged. "I don't know."
Miss Polly grabbed his shoulders and start
ed shaking him, "Where is she? Tell me immediately. What have you done to her, you filthy animal?"
The boy started screaming and a couple of parents ran towards them. They pulled Miss Polly away from the boy. "What's the matter with you?" a woman said to her. Probably his mother; she had the same ugly nose. The ugly mother looked at Miss Polly disapprovingly, but she didn't care. It didn't matter. They didn't matter. All that mattered was finding her precious baby girl before it was too late, before someone… Don't even think it…the very thought of someone harming her felt like knives in her body. She could hardly bear it.
"He has done something to my girl. I can't find her," she said. "Where is she?" she yelled at him.
The boy whimpered while his mother put her arm around him and pulled him away. Miss Polly felt the playground start spinning. Could it be the woman that had been talking to her? She’d seemed a little too fond of Nina. Miss Polly started spinning to see if she could spot the woman, but she too seemed to have vanished.
What is happening here? Where is my girl?
Miss Polly was hyperventilating now and could hardly breathe. She bent over and took in a few breaths, while feeling very dizzy. Her poor weak heart couldn't take this. When she lifted her head to start the search again for her precious baby doll, she spotted it in the grass. Miss Polly gasped and ran across the lawn. She was panting and pushing kids aside who got in her way. Parents were yelling at her, telling her to get the hell out of the playground, you crazy bitch. But Miss Polly didn't hear them. Her eyes were fixated on one small thing in the grass.
Little Miss Jasmine.
Miss Polly was crying hysterical when she picked her up. She held the doll close to her chest while crying.
"Where is she, Little Miss Jasmine? Where did she go?" she mumbled while the tears ran down her cheeks. It felt so good to hold the doll again, just like when Nina had been a baby and Miss Polly would hold her in the exact same way. She held her tight to her body while desperately scanning the area surrounding them. Her lip was quivering and her tears falling to land on the doll's face. Miss Polly wiped the tears away from the doll's face with her hand.