“I spent half my life hoping Jason would notice me. I started to fall for him in my teens, but he was engaged by then, and I swept my hopes to daydreams. When Eileen died, I realized that everything had been a delusion. Castles in the air, never meant to happen. I guess I feel I wasted my time. It’s not his fault, but if I had known about him and my mother, I never would have invested so much energy into those daydreams.”
And that was where the core of my pain lay. I had wasted years of my life daydreaming about being Jason’s wife, when I could have been building my own life. I could have opened myself to other possibilities.
“You’re right. It’s not his fault, but neither is it yours. It’s a tangled, regrettable situation, but there’s no one to blame. You don’t know why your mother slept with him—and I’ll lay odds that you’re also angry at her, but too afraid to admit it. You need to talk to Jason and find out what went on. It was his secret—and hers, but now that you know, I think facing the issue head-on is your only choice. You owe Jason for taking you in, for treating you as well as he did. You can’t just throw that all away because your ego is hurt.”
She gave me a long look, and I knew that was an order, not a suggestion.
“All right. I’ll talk to him. We’ll get past this.” I didn’t want to, but I was smart enough to recognize that my ego was wounded, rather than my heart.
“Good, because now more than ever, you need to hold your friends close. And Fury…” She paused, then walked over to where I was standing. “Try to settle in to this whole situation. We’re in for a long fight. You won’t be able to take Lyon down with a quick blow. You’ve lived in the shadows this long because Tam altered your chip, so this will be no different. There’s just somebody new in charge.”
“But everything is so different and up in the air.” I sighed, feeling overwhelmed. “Do you know how this will play out? Have the Fates given you any clue?” I wanted her to say yes. I wanted her to tell me that everything was going to be all right.
But she shook her head. “No, but I do know that Lyon won’t touch the Peninsula of the Gods. Even he isn’t that stupid or arrogant, at least for now. Meanwhile, we need to begin the next phase of your training.”
That was something I hadn’t expected to hear. “Training? I thought I finished training years ago.” I had spent most of my childhood at the temple, learning how to focus my energy, to track down the Aboms and kill them. A good deal of my training had been physical—learning to fight, to run, to climb. But for the past seven years, I had pretty much been the search-and-destroy weapon against the creatures.
“Oh, Fury.” Hecate laughed. “This is a whole new world, and everything is shifting. There are forces within you that I allowed to remain dormant because the Conglomerate would have snapped you up if they knew about your potential. But they’re no longer a factor. The world is in chaos, and I don’t care how hard they fight, the old structure is corrupt and crumbling. The Order of the Black Mist has been biding its time. They may be in charge now, but they—too—are an unstable force. The next few years will be volatile and dangerous, but perhaps the world needed another cleansing. And every Theosian who is left in this realm will be training, coaxing every ounce of power into their control that may have been left buried.”
I stared at her, two thoughts crashing in on me. One, we weren’t just at war. We were on the dawn of a new era, and that meant utilizing every advantage we had. It felt like a million miles had fallen between two weeks back, before Lyon had loosed the zombies on the city. Two, I had untapped powers, waiting to be awakened?
“I thought I had learned everything there was for me to learn—about myself, I mean.”
“Fury, you’re just beginning to wake up to your true potential. You can’t even begin to guess just how much more you have stored inside. Most Theosians are running on half-power. The Elder Gods thought it better that way—safer for all of you, given the nature of the Conglomerate.”
As I struggled to take in her words, I murmured, “The world really is being plunged into anarchy, isn’t it?”
She nodded. “And before long, all these lovely modern conveniences will be silent. Think about it, Fury. People will be leaving the city now, given Lyon’s ultimatum. But where will they go? To the other major cities of the world? Most of those are falling into chaos as well. Those that haven’t have walled themselves off and won’t welcome strangers. This isn’t a case of evacuating to a stable situation elsewhere, because there’s nothing stable left. Seattle’s already lost half her people to the zombies and disease. The workers who keep the electricity flowing, the food running? None of that will continue. And the system isn’t set to run on its own.”
“The entire city will be a ghost town.”
Hecate nodded gravely. “My territory, actually. Yes, the world will be plunged back into the state it was in shortly after the World Shift. Although, let us hope, without the catastrophic climate changes that happened when Gaia woke. Because face it, the Order of the Black Mist can disrupt the system and throw things out of whack, but they cannot effectively run a world.”
“What if they do manage to yank open the doors on the World Tree for the Elder Gods of Chaos? What happens then?”
Hecate held my gaze for a long moment. “Then, my Fury, you and I return to Olympus, if they let us in at that point.”
The others were waiting for me in the lobby. As I joined them, Kendall returned, looking a little shaken. Her arm was bandaged where they had removed her chip.
“Well, that wasn’t pleasant. What did I miss?”
I thought about everything Hecate had told me. “We need a place to plan. A safe place. Hecate reminded me of a few things that we need to take into account.”
“We can always meet in UnderBarrow,” Tam volunteered. “Even Lyon can’t break his way in there.”
“That will work. The only other safe place would be here, on the Peninsula of the Gods, but I’m thinking the less accessible, the better.” I glanced around. “We need to find Hans, Greta, Tyrell, and Jason, and head back.”
“Everything feels so up in the air,” Elan said.
“That’s because the rug’s been pulled out from under us. Don’t expect anything to go back to normal, either. It’s only going to get worse.” I wondered if I sounded as grumpy as I felt. I had liked my life—maybe a few things weren’t incredible, but overall, I was used to my routine and it had suited me.
Tam took my hand. “Take a deep breath and let it out. Kendall and you—you’re still new to the world. Those of us who have been around for thousands of years have seen nations rise and fall. I walked through the World Shift, and trust me, you think this is chaotic? It’s nothing compared to what Gaia set loose. It took centuries for things to calm down after that.”
I had forgotten that Kendall and I were the youngest of the group. Greta was a little older. Elan and Laren weren’t nearly as old as Tam, but they were far older than we were. Hans was around Jason’s age—in his two hundreds.
“How do you go through change this drastic and keep your sanity? How do you manage when nothing seems stable?” I squeezed his hand, holding tight. He felt incredibly solid to me right now, a welcome anchor in an uneasy sea.
“It’s simple to give advice, not easy to take it. But…you must quit expecting the world to run smoothly. Life is a bumpy ride, and we’re just all along for the journey. Find your center and core deep inside of you, and hold on tight. As long as you stand in your own power, the world can run like a kaleidoscope and you’ll always have your footing.”
I stuck my tongue out. “That’s one of the most pithy pieces of advice I’ve ever heard. But I guess you’re correct. So, blink, and society crumbles. A new order rises, and we take it in stride. And Hecate’s planning out a new training session for me, and I have no idea what that’s about. But she says I haven’t reached anywhere near my full potential.”
“Athena told me the same thing,” Kendall said. “I’m to begin training next w
eek. I have no clue what to expect.”
I nodded, thinking back. Several times, when the need was strong, I had summoned a fire strike. While fire was my element, I had never been trained to control it, only to wield it in my weapons. My gut told me that was what Hecate was planning. I was being readied to walk through the fire again.
We stopped at the Temple Valhalla, where Hans and Greta joined us.
“I’m flying up tomorrow,” she said.
“You’re getting your wings?”
“Yes, Freya told me today. Can you come to the ceremony? She said to bring my family, and you are as close to family as I have.”
We promised to be there. At that moment, Jason joined us.
“I was watching the news in one of the restaurants. Did you see?”
As I looked at him, I realized that I had no desire to continue our quarrel. I was with Tam. My mother and father were dead. The past no longer mattered.
“The Regent? Yes. We have a lot to discuss, so we’re heading back to UnderBarrow where we can be sure of privacy. Jason, walk with me, please?” I patted Tam’s hand and he gently withdrew, slowing to allow Jason and me to pull ahead.
As we sped up, I sought for my words. I was blushing, but it had to be done.
“My mother…”
“I never meant for you to find out that way. I never meant for you to find out at all.” Jason ducked his head. “Remember, I’m almost two hundred years older than you are. You weren’t even—”
“Around. I know. Hecate told me that you aren’t my father, by the way. She saw the DNA report when I was bound to her.” I paused, trying to figure out just how much to explain. After a moment, I decided to come clean. “You know that as I grew up, I looked up to you. For whatever reason, I ended up on your doorstep.”
“I think Marlene programmed it into you. She told you over and over when you were a baby that if you were ever in trouble, to come to me. That I’d help you. I told her that I’d be there for you if needed, especially after she found out your father was ill.” He looked as uncomfortable as I felt, but at least we were talking.
“I see.” I stared at the snow as we came to the great gates separating the Peninsula of the Gods from the rest of the city. “Jason, why? Why her?”
“There’s a lot you don’t know about your parents. Your mother never told you. She wanted you to remember only the good things.”
“I remember my father dying. I remember him coughing his lungs out. I remember being so afraid and so angry that I told kids at school that he had gone on a long trip and wouldn’t be back for years. I was afraid of what the disease had turned him into—a shell of the man I had looked up to.” I bit my lip. “Queet told me that you were there for both of them when he was sick. I don’t remember you.”
“You were always focused on Terry. I think, the times I saw you, you barely noticed I was around. He loved you dearly, but…Kae—Fury—he wasn’t very nice to your mother.”
I froze. “What do you mean? He was a good-hearted man.”
“Yes, but the disease… How much do you know about blue-lung disease?”
“I know my father died from it. Isn’t that enough?”
He reached out to tilt my chin up so I was gazing into his eyes. “Kae, blue-lung disease changes not only your body, but your personality. Your father was suffering from the beginnings of it before you were conceived. It takes a long time to present, and then a few years to kill you off. It made him unpredictable. Marlene—” He paused as I flinched.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s just, still a jolt.”
“Your mother had a hard time coping with the changes. He’d go out and spend all the rent money on gambling. I gave your mother money to cover your rent five or six times before she talked to the Metalworks and had them start directly depositing the cash cards into her account. She was able to get power of attorney over your father. He was still able to work, but incapable of making good decisions.”
“And you were there to comfort her.” The thought made me queasy, but a part of me understood.
“Neither one of us ever planned on getting involved. One night, she came down to the store to talk to me. Terry had stayed out all night drinking. She was in tears. He had called her an ugly name—which I will not repeat—and then told her he was sleeping with a play-girl. We were alone, and I was trying to comfort her, and…”
“And you ended up in the back, I assume?” I frowned. None of this was making me comfortable, but I had to hear the truth. And I knew Jason well enough to know he wouldn’t lie now that everything was coming out.
“Yeah, we did. I wanted to take her away, to make her smile. But she wouldn’t leave your father because he was sick, and I couldn’t leave, because…I knew that Eileen and I were about to be engaged.” He said her name with a hint of regret. “Your mother and I had no future together, but we made life bearable for one another, for at least a little while.”
“How well did you know Eileen?”
“Not well. In fact, I didn’t want to get married, at least not to her. But the Cast would never have accepted your mother, especially since she was already married. I would have run away with her if she had asked me to, but Marlene never would. Then she got pregnant with you—I knew she was still sleeping with your father on occasion. I didn’t begrudge him that, or her. And once she knew that you were on the way, she broke it off with me.”
“You loved her.” It hit me that Jason and my mother had been star-crossed lovers.
“I did. And she loved me. But I also loved your father—or the man he had been before the disease addled him. Once he knew she was pregnant, he began taking the medication designed to make the disease easier on the mind and emotions. But the drug worsens the physical symptoms. He did that for your mother, and for you. I realized then that I needed to back away a little. To give Marlene and Terry the years together that they had left, without influencing her feelings. I needed to let you all be a family.”
I wanted to cry. My mother had never told me any of this. I had thought that blue-lung disease only destroyed the body, but I had never known that it tore apart the mind, as well. My father had accepted an early death just so he could be there for Marlene and me in spirit.
“Did you like Eileen?”
“You mean when we were engaged? Not particularly. I barely knew her. We got along all right, but I was in love with your mother. Eileen found out. She found a couple of the notes I had kept that Marlene wrote to me. She threatened to tell the Cast that I had been sleeping with a married woman. Human lovers they can accept, to a point. But a married woman? No. The Cast is very particular about such matters. I asked what it would take to keep her silent. She wanted to be part of my family—we’re higher in caste than hers was. So she said that as long as I kept my nose clean and was never alone with Marlene again, she’d keep quiet about the affair.”
“What happened when I showed up? What did she do?”
A dark cloud washed over Jason’s face. “Eileen laughed and said that, at least she wouldn’t have to worry about me running off to Marlene ever again. I slapped her—the only time I’ve ever struck a woman. I hit her so hard I knocked her on her ass. She knew she had gone too far, and we spent a couple weeks apart. She apologized and agreed that I should raise you. That was that. But I think she was always jealous of you because you reminded her that she wasn’t really the light of my life.”
Now was the perfect time. I let out a long breath as we trudged through the Trips. “I was always jealous of her, to be honest. You know that I…” I paused, still unable to say the words.
Jason glanced down at me. “I haven’t made it easy. I treated you like a child long after you left those days behind. But I couldn’t give you hope, Kae. Do you understand? I couldn’t let you think that I might ever…”
I nodded. “I do now, but I wish you had told me this earlier. It would have saved me a world of wasted daydreams, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” I reached down
to scoop up a handful of snow. “I guess it’s over now. I’m with Tam and you finally found someone you can love—and don’t protest. I see the way you look at Elan. Just promise me one thing?”
“What’s that?”
“That if you and Elan get together, you’ll always have room for good friends.” I straightened. “I’m happy with Tam, and I love him. But you’ve always been special, Jason. And now, I know how special. Thank you for helping my mother. For being there for both of them.”
Jason was about to answer when Queet rushed up around me, gusting like the wind.
Fury, Abom coming up. Bring up your Trace screen.
And just like that, I was back in action.
Chapter 12
“Abom incoming. Get behind me.” I motioned for Jason to move as I brought up my Trace screen. I tried to gain my bearings. We were partway through the Trips, on foot because Hecate had warned me that most of the roads were still blocked by abandoned cars and bodies from the zombie fallout. I had no desire to get stuck where a bunch of the walking dead might be hunting.
As the others shifted position, I scanned for the Abom. There, on my screen, was the familiar blip. This one was near. Without me around to stop them, the Aboms had moved into the city proper. I glanced for a side street—half a block ahead. The Abom was just around the corner.
Queet, how big?
Big enough. He’s going to be an ugly brute, because he put on a human vehicle that was already dead. A zombie.
Wonderful. This was the first time I would have to go against the combination. Queet, do you know who’s driving the vehicle? The Abom or the zombie?
I think the Abom, which means their control is greater than that of the desire for food. But Fury, the body will be harder to kill. You’re going to have to go over to the Crossroads for this one.
That means I need to lure him into the intersection ahead. Can you—
Go bait him? Queet’s words tickled my ears with a hint of a laugh.