“I know, Liam. Not a problem.”
He nods and turns back to Ellie. “Ellie, I’ll see you some other time?”
“Of course. Thanks for keeping me company.” Ellie stands up, sliding her hand in mine. “I’m so used to being the fifth wheel, it’s nice to have someone to chat with every now and again.” I squeeze her hand appreciatively letting her know how glad I am that she’s always there, willing to support me.
“Anytime,” Liam says. He calls out his goodbyes to Hawke and Gavin and disappears out the door to catch up with his very grumpy younger brother.
“That was fun,” I say sarcastically. “Ready to get out of here?”
Ellie laughs and kisses my cheek. “I’m always ready.” Her eyes sparkle with mischief. I can’t help but grin at her giddiness.
“Let’s go then. Now that the rain has stopped, I know this great park where we can continue what we started in that capsule.”
She grins as I tug her towards the door. Jesus, is it possible that I love her? I have no idea what love feels like, having never received it before, but if it feels as good as this then I’m sure I’ve been missing out. If there’s one thing Ellie does to me, it’s that she makes me feel, sensations so confusing and at the same time so amazing that I don’t ever want them to end.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s love, and as I look at the gorgeous girl next to me I realize I’m the luckiest bastard in London.
11
Ellie
Adam and I have fallen into a comfortable routine; school, his rehearsals and gigs, and the two of us snogging until my lips are chapped and both of our bodies are humming with desire.
Two months we’ve been together. I’m frustrated that Adam won’t take our physical relationship further. Waiting a little longer won’t kill me, even though sometimes it feels like it might. Adam worries way too much about corrupting me, about not being good enough for me. We’re all just people, aren’t we? Each one of us looking for someone to love, to have a connection with. What difference does it make who we are or where we’re from?
“Ellie? Where’s your head?”
“Huh?” I turn to face Kate, completely lost at this point in our conversation. Actually, I was unaware that we were even having a conversation as I was too involved in daydreaming of ways to get Adam to stop holding out on me. Not that I’m experienced enough to even know what any of these ways are or how to make them work.
Kate gives me a knowing smile. “You’re thinking about Adam again, aren’t you? Sneaky bitch,” she giggles, shoving me playfully.
“What do you think?” I mutter, embarrassed to have been caught fantasizing about my boyfriend.
“Well, he is smoking hot,” she says, fanning herself with her hand dramatically. “I’d bang him every chance I got if I were you. Maybe you need to take another spin on the Eye, that’ll do it.”
“Kate! Stop it!” I push her away, and feel the burning heat flood my entire face and neck. I knew I shouldn’t have told her that.
It’s been hard to be with Adam at school. Most of the girls here want him, and a massive amount of them have already had him. Both groups, meaning most of the female population of the school, hate me on principle and wish me dead for being the one to get him.
Naturally, me being his girlfriend doesn’t stop them from their continued pursuit. Adam, being as clueless as most boys are, brushes them off politely with a smile, making them hate me even more.
Kate laughs at me as we grab our books from our lockers and head outside and down the stairs to meet Adam.
We find Adam talking to Dax just out front, looking so unbelievably sexy that it just isn’t fair. He’s smiling, leaning against the graffiti covered brick wall that runs along the perimeter of the school property. His short, dark hair is messy, probably from his hands pushing through it all day as he ignores the teachers instead sketching or writing lyrics in his ever-present notebook. His lean, sculpted torso is wrapped up in a tight, long-sleeved shirt that hides nothing, his usual scuffed boots on his feet.
Noticing us as we get close, Adam tilts his head and his perfect smile widens for me. The small scar on his top lip from the attack has now faded to a thin white line. It only adds to his rugged sex appeal. “Hey, you girls made it! We were just going to send out the search party,” he jokes, pulling me close against him.
I melt into his side, inhaling his perfect ‘Adam’ scent. A combination of cheap soap, laundered cotton, and the coconut scented wax he religiously uses to polish his guitar. Sighing, I wrap my arm around his waist and squeeze, wanting to be as close as possible without drawing the evil stares of most of the females nearby.
“Sure you can’t come with us, Sweetheart?” he asks, his breath moving across my ear, sending shivers down my spine. I love when he calls me that.
“Can’t. I have to study for the big chemistry exam tomorrow,” I tell him for the hundredth time as I pop a mint into my mouth.
He lets out an exaggerated huff of air, “Fine, we’ll have to make do and practice without you. I just won’t have any inspiration at all and my music will suck, but I’ll live.”
“The way you’re staring at her, I’m sure you won’t forget much,” Kate says. “See you later! I’ve got footy practice and coach doesn’t care that it’s cold enough today to freeze piss.” She waves before jogging around the back of the school towards the fields.
“C’mon, we’ll walk you home on our way to meet Gavin and Hawke,” Adam says, tugging on my arm.
“Ellie, you better ace that exam. If you’re skipping to cram, he’s going to be whinging the entire time and we won’t get anything done. Make it worth it, yeah?” Dax says, a smirk on the large boy’s face as he shoves Adam playfully.
“Yeah, I will. You know I wouldn’t miss it otherwise,” I tell them.
Adam hugs me tighter, making my pulse race with desire. “We know you wouldn’t.”
We reach my flat less than ten minutes later. The guys leave with a promise from Adam to pay attention during practice and from Dax to make sure Adam doesn’t pine away for me the entire time.
“Don’t worry, Dax. I want him pining away,” I joke as I steal a final kiss from Adam and head into my building.
I step around the rubbish that litters the stairway so I can walk past the flat down the hall from mine. I’m still afraid of, but no longer flinching away from, the strange noises that come from behind the shoddy door.
Unlocking the two separate bolts that Dad had installed on our door, I duck inside and immediately relock both. I decide that I should get started straight away on my studying. I cross the tiny lounge, dump my bag on the tiny desk in my room, and pull out my textbook. Mum and Dad will both be at work for another few hours at least. Crappy jobs, but jobs nonetheless.
If I’m missing an afternoon with Adam I may as well make it worth my time and learn this stuff, so I settle into my chair and locate the first chapter.
I lose track of time, not realizing how long I’ve been studying until my stomach growls loudly and my neck is aching from bending over my book. A glance at my watch tell me that my mum and dad should have been back over an hour ago. I hadn’t even realized that it’s dark out, and has been for some time now.
“Weird,” I mutter to myself.
My parents will probably appreciate a hot meal when they get home. I pull out the ingredients for a curry and get to work heating the oil and chopping vegetables. Dinner is almost done when I hear the locks disengage and my parents come through the door.
“Hey Mum, Dad, I’ve made a curry,” I call out as I pull three plates down and begin to dish out the food. No one has answered me yet. I glance over at the doorway. The spoon in my hand clatters to the floor when I see their pallid, drawn faces.
“Mum! Dad! What’s going on? Are you okay?” I run over and stop in front of my mum.
She says nothing, her vibrant blue eyes are glazed over, seeing something far away. Something that isn’t here in this room with us. Her blonde
hair is windblown and tousled, her pale face haggard. I can see the red tinge around her eyes, a sign that’s she’s recently been crying. Mum has cried a lot since we had to move, but this… this is different, and I’m scared to death.
“Mum!” I yell, reaching out to touch her arm.
She startles, as if surprised to find herself here in our flat, with me in front of her. Dad shuffles past me to the table and drops heavily into a chair.
“Ellie,” she whispers, sagging against the front door. She looks older, much older. She’s not the vivacious, beautiful woman she was before our lives went to crap.
“Here,” I say, taking her coat and handbag, tossing them over the sofa. “Come sit.” Guiding her to the small table, I push her down gently into a chair, hiding my shaking hands behind my back.
Unsure what to do, I pick the spoon up off of the floor and bring three glasses of water over to the table. Then I get the plates, putting one in front of my mum, one in front of my dad, and sit down across from them with the last one.
“Where have you both been?” I ask cautiously, afraid of upsetting them further but freaking out from not knowing what’s going on.
“We…we…” she stammers, “we were at the clinic,” she says.
“What do you mean? Are you ill? Is that why you’re so pale? Do I need to get you some medicine?”
I turn to Dad and he’s just sitting there, his expression as unseeing and vacant as Mum’s was. He’s completely still. He doesn’t even blink. It’s like something died inside him.
My mum’s eyes are filled with tears when she finally meets my gaze. The sadness in that look, the total despair, the pity for me… I see it all as plain as day.
“I’m not well, Ellie,” she whispers, her voice barely loud enough to hear over the thumping of my heart behind my eardrums.
“No,” I say, squeezing my eyes shut, willing this to be a dream. This isn’t happening. I shake my head from side to side, “No! No, no, no!”
“Ellie, yes,” Mum says. “Cancer, ovarian cancer. Stage two.”
I suck in a breath and hold it, my mum can’t be ill. A million questions fly through my head. She can’t leave me, she’s too young. What will we do? How will we survive if she can’t work? Does Dad make enough money for us? I’m not even out of school yet.
“But… what about?” I can’t form a coherent sentence before the tears start. Soon, I’m sobbing uncontrollably, helpless to stop myself, unable to be strong for my mum.
“Shhhhh , Ellie. It’ll be alright.” My mum has circled the table and is crouching down next to my chair. I throw my arms around her, clinging to her. I can’t lose her. Dad finally snaps out of his trance, coming over to wrap us both in his arms.
They bring me over to the sofa where we manage to discuss her plans. Our plans. Chemo, surgery, social benefits, leave of absence from work. First and foremost, they insist that I finish school and take my A-levels as planned. No matter how much I argue that I should quit school and get a job, they refuse to budge on this. I agree just to keep them happy. At this point, I’ll do anything to make it easier for my parents, anything.
When I finally drag myself into bed and lay down, I’m too exhausted to cry, to think, to make sense of anything. All I can do is feel, and it’s the one thing I wish I couldn’t do.
12
Adam
“Where’s Ellie today?” Dax asks me after our first class.
“I have no idea,” I answer. “She didn’t look ill yesterday, and couldn’t have rung me even if she were.” It’s not as if my mum is conscious enough to have a phone installed let alone pay the bill every month. Hell, I’m lucky to have heat and electricity, and that’s only because I live in council housing.
“That’s odd. You going to stop by her place after school?”
I think about it for a minute before making a decision. “Nah, I’m going now. I’m only at school to see her, so what’s the point of staying?” I punch Dax on the arm, “See you later?”
“Yeah, practice at six,” he says, grinning. “And Adam, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
Smiling, I shake my head, “She’s ill, idiot. What kind of bastard do you think I am?”
Dax busts out laughing. “The kind of bastard who used to be in anyone’s skirts who was willing!” He says as he takes off for his next class. Amused, I leave the school and head towards Ellie’s. If she’s not well, I can repay the favor she did me when she nursed me back from my stab wound.
My brother Danny still hasn’t caught the fuckers who jumped me, not that I talk to him all that much. He said I’m too ‘hot’ right now to run his drugs for him, and he doesn’t want anymore of his stash nicked. At least he promised to keep the pressure on Callum and Ryan to stay away from Ellie, I just have to slip him thirty quid a week.
Thanks for the sympathy, jerkoff.
Don’t worry that your only brother was nearly killed doing your dirty work. Bastard’s only worried about the drugs that they swiped off of me when their knife went into my side. My fucking family sucks.
Ellie told me her flat number once, thank God. Otherwise, I’d be knocking on every door in the building until I found her. It takes so long for her to answer the door that I’m about to give up. When she does, I think I die a little at the sight of her, all disheveled and red-faced, with tired, swollen eyes.
“Ellie?” I croak out, my heart pounding in fear. Something is wrong. Very, very wrong.
“Oh Adam,” she wails and collapses against me, sobbing uncontrollably.
“Ellie, you’re scaring me, Sweetheart.” I wrap my arms around her and lift her up, carrying her to the sofa and sitting down with her on my lap. I tuck her into my chest and breathe in her vanilla scented hair, feeling completely and totally helpless as she cries into my shirt.
“Please, Ellie. Tell me what’s going on,” I beg her. Sliding my hands up to her face, I tenderly pull her chin until she’s looking up at me. Her face is puffy and red, and her eyes are so swollen that she can hardly open them. “Please! I’m going mental here thinking the worst!” I run my hands up and down her body, looking for defects or broken bones or anything that would explain her level of distress.
She sniffs and wipes the tears away with the sleeve of her tattered jumper. “It’s my mum,” she cries, her voice on the verge of cracking. “She’s… she’s ill, Adam. Really ill.”
I need to swallow, but the lump that’s formed in my throat is too big to manage. It’s stuck there, uncomfortably large and painful. With my heart about to jump out of my chest, I trace a shaky thumb across her cheek. “What do you mean ill?” I whisper.
“Cancer,” Ellie says in a voice so low I can hardly hear her. “What am I going to do Adam? Dad works all the time and I haven’t got anyone else.” Her lip trembles and I can tell she’s about to start sobbing again. I lean forward and place a small kiss on her mouth.
“You have me.” I squeeze her tightly in my arms, feeling totally useless. I can’t make it better, all I can do is hold her and listen to her hitched breathing. We sit there for what seems like hours but is really only minutes, our foreheads pressed together, El straddling my lap with her arms around my neck and her legs wrapped around my waist.
To get more comfortable, Ellie shifts on top of me and I hiss at the friction it causes against my crotch. Her body is rubbing across mine intimately and I can’t control my reaction, no matter how inappropriate the timing is. She meets my gaze and I watch as her eyes drop to my mouth. She experimentally shifts again, pulling a deep groan from my throat.
“Ellie, what are you doing?” I ask hoarsely, my cock now uncomfortably hard and pressing painfully against the zipper of my trousers.
“I need you Adam. To feel close to someone, to you. I’m so alone.” She wiggles on top of me yet again, drawing another groan from my lips.
I can’t help myself. As wrong as this situation is, it feels so right to have her on top of me, fitting perfectly. I grasp her hips and drag her roughly
across my lap, getting the deep pressure we both crave. When she gasps, I lose all control over my brain. I lower my head and kiss her feverishly, my senses so full of everything Ellie that I give in to the overwhelming need that I’ve been holding back these last few weeks.
Ellie kisses me back passionately, giving as much as she’s taking, tasting and exploring, her hands caressing up and down my back and into my hair. She pulls back to give me a nervous smile, then reaches down and tugs her shirt over her head, tossing it to the floor. My cock jumps in my trousers, trapped by the tight fabric that restrains me.
“Jesus.” I let my eyes drop, taking in her creamy skin, the soft curves of her breasts spilling out of the top of her blue satiny bra. Looking back up I see longing in her eyes, and sadness, which makes me falter. “Are you sure about this, Ellie?”
She answers by taking my mouth with hers, plunging her tongue in roughly as she writhes on top of me, her hands threaded through my hair to keep me close. Unable to question this, to hold back after weeks of being the good guy, of not pushing her innocence too far. My body takes over and leaves reason far behind.
I glide my hands up her silky smooth back, her skin so perfect and soft. Running my fingers back down the gentle curve to her loose sweats, I cup them under her and stand. Instinctually, she wraps her slender legs around my waist and clings tight, our kiss never broken.
“Which way,” I murmur against her mouth.
“Left, first door,” she breathes as her lips move down my neck, sending electric pulses down my spine. I bend down so I can blindly scoop up my school bag on the way to her room. Never stopping the frantic kisses that are driving us both mad with lust.
I toss my stuff on the bed and collapse next to it, skillfully maneuvering Ellie beneath me. Her hands drift down the muscles of my back to find the hem of my T-shirt. She yanks it up, forcing it between us so she can get it off. I kneel so I can reach behind my neck and help her, ripping the shirt off and throwing it aside.