CHAPTER IX
RACHEL AND RODDY
"Tell me, Praise, and tell me, Love, What you both are thinking of? O, we think, said Love, said Praise, Now of children and their ways."
WILLIAM BRIGHTY RAND.
I
Breton had gone; the room was empty.
Rachel came and, kneeling on the floor, hid her face in Roddy's coat. Heput his hands about hers.
His only desire now was that there should be peaceful silence. Hishatred for scenes had always been with him an instinct, natural, alert,untiring, so that he would undertake many labours, forgo many pleasantprizes, if only emotional crises might be avoided.
This afternoon had showered upon him a relentless succession ofreverberating displays, he had perceived one human being after anotherreveal quite nakedly their tumultuous feelings. It was, for him,precisely as though the Duchess, Rachel, Breton had stripped therebefore him and expected him to display no astonishment at their sodoing--that he should have been the author of the business made it nobetter; he reflected that he had even looked forward with excitement tothe affair. "If I had only known how beastly...."
He was ashamed--ashamed of his own action in provoking these things,ashamed of his own lack of understanding, ashamed to have watched thesharpened tempers of his friends.
He would never, Heaven help him, take part in any such scene again!
But out of it all one good thing had come--he had got Rachel! As shehad looked across the room, meeting his eyes, he had known that at lasthis long pursuit of her was at an end....
It never occurred to him that most husbands, after such a declaration asRachel had just made, would have stormed, reproached, ridden, for a longtime to come, the high horse of conscious superior virtue.
It did not seem odd to him that at the very moment of Rachel'sconfession he should feel more sure of her than he had ever been before.At last the Nita Raseley debt was paid off. At last he knew, beyondquestion, that Rachel loved him. Best of all, perhaps, he had seenBreton and felt his own superiority.
That being so, he wanted no words about the matter. He would like to liethere on his sofa, with her hands enclosed in his and nothing saidbetween either of them--very pleasant and quiet there in the dusk. Hehoped that he would never again have to explain anything or speak toanyone about his feelings--no, not even to Rachel.
Then he discovered that she was sobbing as she knelt there, and his facecrimsoned with confusion and alarm. Rachel, the proudest woman he hadever known, kneeling to him, crying!
He tried to lift her, pressing her hands.
"Rachel dear ... Rachel."--Her words came between her sobs.
"I should have told you ... long ago ... I tried to--I didindeed ... but it was because I was frightened ... because I ... Oh!Roddy! you'll never trust me again!"
He was burning hot with the confusion of it: he was almost angry bothwith himself and her.
"Please, Rachel ... please ... don't ... it's all over, dear. There'snothing the matter."
"It's fine of you ... to take it like that ... But you'll never forgiveme, really, you can't--It isn't possible. This very afternoon ... I wasgoing to tell you--if all this ... hadn't happened. You'll be differentnow--you must be ... just when I want you so much."
He glanced in despair about the room. He looked at the sporting printsand the case of birds' eggs and at last at Rachel's photograph. Howproud and splendid she was there! This dreadful abasement!
He stroked her hair.
"See here, old girl--we've had a rotten afternoon, haven't we? Awfullyrotten--never remember to have spent a worse. All my fault, too--poorold Duchess!... but look here, it's all right now. I understandeverythin' and--and--dash it all--do stop cryin', Rachel, old girl."
"It's been bad enough," she said, her voice steadier now, "theway I've been to you all this time, but I thought--at least--I washonest--I've tried--I've made a miserable failure--But, Roddy, youneed--never--never--be afraid of anything again--I'm yours altogether,Roddy, to do anything with....
"All about Francis--I was mad somehow--It was grandmamma--feeling shehad driven me into marrying you. And then Nita ... and then I didn'tknow you a bit--all there was in you--but now," and she raised her eyesand looked at him, "I love you with all my heart and soul and strength."
He bent down his head and rather clumsily kissed her.
"You know, Rachel, I was a bit frightened myself this afternoon--thoughtyou might be angry because I took you by surprise. You bet, if I'd knownwhat it was going to be like ... Well, thank the Lord, it's done, andwe'll never have another like it--I'll see to that. Scenes are rottenthings, aren't they?--I always loathed 'em even when I was tiny--so didthe governor.... If he had me up for lickin' all he ever said was, 'Downwith your bags!' That was all there was about it."
She leant her cheek against his.
"You've forgiven me all, everything--absolutely?" she asked.
"There isn't any forgiveness in it," he answered. "It's all the otherway, if it's anythin'.... You see, I've been thinkin' a lot while I waslyin' here. When there was that business over Nita I said you shouldalways be free just as I told you I ought to be. Well, since--since Igot that old tumble--I haven't any right to hold you at all. I'm just anold log here, no good, anyway, and only a nuisance. And if I thought Iwas keepin' you tied I'd be miserable. You see, I know you're fond of menow. I've got that.... Don't let's talk any more about it. You've got meand I've got you--and we aren't afraid of any old woman in the world."
He held her closely to him, his arms strong about her.
"There's something else to tell you."
"Something else?"
"Yes. We're going to have a child, you and I, Roddy. And now that you'veforgiven me it's all right--but that's partly what's made me afraid allthese last weeks. As it is, you've got me, got me, got me, safe for everand ever!"
"Well, I'm damned!" said Roddy.
She could feel his hand trembling upon hers.
"Oh," she whispered, "I was frightened this afternoon--terrified. Ithought you'd never see me again."
Roddy was turning things over in his mind.
"A kid ... my word. Just the thing. A boy ... it'll be jolly for thePlace and I can teach him a lot. It'll be somethin' to go back to thehouse for. Gosh! There's news!"
His eyes wandered round the room.
"Good thing I kept all those eggs--nearly broke 'em up too. They're ajolly fine collection. I'd have prized 'em like anything if they'd cometo me when I was small." He caught her hand so fiercely that she gave alittle cry.
"What a day! We'll have to see about the shootin' down at Seddon again,old girl ... Lord, what an afternoon!"