You know, some people say a night was magical, and you think, oh really? Was it full of wizards and unicorns dancing together on clouds? No joke, if I saw a wizard and a unicorn jerking each other off that night I wouldn’t have looked twice, that’s how magical it was.
Porter danced to every song with me, he held my hand, brought me home and kissed me. I was ready to give myself over to him, and when I went to change in the bathroom, he left without me knowing, never saying another word to me.
My magical night turned into me being absolutely gutted, humiliated, and destroyed. I can still feel the emotions from that night bubble up inside of me on occasion, as if it was yesterday.
“But you did it anyway, why?”
“Because,” he strokes his beard. “I couldn’t keep my distance. I needed to see what it felt like to be with you for one night, but then we got back to your room and I saw your new luggage you got for going to college, and I remembered we were on different tracks in our life. You were about to take off, start a future, and I was still the farm boy with nothing ahead of him.”
“I would have made it work,” I practically yell. “Porter, I would have made it work for us.”
He shakes his head. “I would have held you back and you would have resented me for it.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.” He stands up, making the room seem smaller once again. “There’s nothing I can do about it now except wish things were different between us. I fucked up, Marley, big time. I will forever regret how I treated you that night. I only wish we could move beyond that night and be friends again. I miss you…a lot.”
He bends down to the ground and grabs his items, his face somber, and his stature a little deflated. I’ve always known Porter as a proud man, so to see him like this cuts me right to my heart. I can’t stand to see him distraught, so that’s why I find myself chasing after him.
I know what you’re thinking, stupid, stupid girl. But you try looking at those deep brown eyes and tell me you can let him walk away.
“Maybe we can be friends,” I offer.
He lifts an eyebrow at me, a mild smirk on his face. “Really?”
Ugh, I hate that he’s so hot.
“Yeah. I mean, I’m going to need some help planning revenge against Paul when he strikes back. I could use your devious mind.”
His smile brightens. “I would enjoy that.”
“Okay.” I stand there awkwardly, pulling on my shirt, not really knowing what else to say.
Apologies always make me feel uncomfortable, especially if they stem from a heated argument, because honestly, how are you supposed to act afterwards? Are you supposed to act like you didn’t just rip each other’s hearts out and yell your faces off? That’s never worked for me.
My dad is notorious for losing his temper, letting the eyebrows take control, president swear words popping out of his mouth, and then pretending like he didn’t just act like a drugged out, psycho historian on a lecture tirade.
“Come here,” Porter holds out his arm and pulls me into his chest, his toiletries sharing snuggle time with me.
I hug him and breathe in his scent, trying to remind myself that we are friends, just friends. Friends that smell each other and maybe rub our cheeks against each other’s rock hard bodies.
“Have a good night, Marley. I have to get back to protecting Tacy with your dad and brother. Ever since your dad saw those, how did he put it, low-hanging pant street youth walking by, he’s terrified Tacy is going to be messed with.”
I laugh and pull away. “Well, I don’t want to keep you from your duty of protecting Tacy from street youth.”
“Are we okay?” He is about to walk out my door and I want to beg him to stay, to talk some more, but I know we have a long trip to do some catching up.
“We’re good.”
Before he exits my room, he winks at me and then takes off. The feeling of euphoria washes through me as I realize what the next couple of days hold for me: Funyuns, hot dogs, whiny Paul, boisterous Bernie, Polaroids, and lots of time with Porter.
INTERMISSION - PROM NIGHT
**PORTER**
“Dad isn’t home, want to come up to my room…and hang?” Marley asks, her beautiful blue eyes staring up at me.
I can tell she’s nervous. Her hands are practically shaking as she holds onto the lapels of my jacket. This entire night I’ve been weighing in with my conscious, wondering what the hell I’m doing, wondering why I’ve allowed myself to not only take Marley to prom but to treat her as if she’s mine for keeping.
Even though I know I should say goodnight to her right now, I can’t help how my heart feels and I give in.
“I would love to.”
The smile that lights up her face right now is worth all the pain I will face later.
Her tiny little hand takes mine and she leads me up to her bedroom. Her long yellow dress flows behind her likes she’s floating across the hallway and I try to keep my eyes away from the slit that rides up the front of her leg.
When she walked down the stairs earlier today, her hair loosely curled, cascading down her shoulders, and her tiny frame wrapped in a beautiful, strapless dress that danced with her every movement, I knew I was in for a long night of yearning.
She looked exquisitely beautiful.
Awkwardly we stood in front of the staircase as Bernie took pictures of us, posing in all different positions and exchanging yellow corsages. I wore an understated black suit with a white shirt and black tie. I wasn’t into the whole matching with your date thing and I didn’t feel like renting a yellow vest or cummerbund. Even though my outfit was simple, I saw the appreciation in Marley’s eyes.
In my rusty old Ford, I drove us to prom while we listened to country music and joked about Paul’s reaction if he saw us dressed to the nines. We weren’t uncomfortable, we were content in each other’s company, relishing in the alone time we were granted.
When we arrived at prom, I was surrounded by Marley’s high school friend’s gushing over her dress and her hair, but while they spoke to her, she only paid attention to me. A light smile graced her beautiful face and her eyes sparkled up at me under the twinkle lights surrounding the event space. My heart had never felt so full.
We spent the night with each other and no one else. We danced to every song, even the cheesiest ones and when a slow song started to play, I didn’t even pause before I pulled her into my chest, resting my hands on her hips and pressing my cheek against her head. Her body relaxed into mine, her head resting against me and her hands linked around my neck. Nothing around us even mattered, not the annoying giggles coming from immature school girls or the douchey boys who thought they were too cool to dance. When we were together, it was just me and Marley.
If I could, I would have stayed in that position all night but the prom had to come to an end and now, even though it’s the worst idea ever, I’m gripping on to any bone Marley might toss my way so I can spend just a little more time with her.
“Why does it feel so weird having you up here?” Marley asks, closing in on her bedroom door. “It’s not like you’ve never been in my bedroom before.” The nervous giggle that pops out of her lips is adorable.
“Why does it feel like I’m living out my Kevin Arnold fantasies and I finally have a chance with Winnie Cooper?” I place my hands on Marley’s hips and slightly push her against her door so her back is pressed against the wood.
She melts into my grasp and stares up at me with admiration in her eyes. “You think I’m Winnie Cooper?”
Speaking the truth, I say, “I think you’re a more beautiful and interesting version of Winnie Cooper.” I sigh and lick my lips. “Like Kevin Arnold, I finally get to hold the girl next door who’s always captured my heart.”
I glide my hands up to her soft face and capture her cheeks in my palms. Her eyes search mine just as I lower my head to her luscious, sweetheart shaped lips. All thought of the possible fall out after tonight escapes me as I
move past the last few inches and kiss Marley for the first time.
Butterflies float in my stomach as her hands slide up my chest, stopping at my farm boy shoulders that barely fit in the tailored jacket I’m wearing. Her lips press against mine, her mouth opening only slightly, not enough for me to explore deeper but just enough to have me begging for more.
Carefully, I run my tongue against her bottom lip, causing a little gasp to pop out before her mouth opens wider. Tentatively, her tongue meets mine in the middle where we explore each other’s mouths deeper.
A wave of warmth settles over me, a blanket of security calms my nerves, and I fall even harder and deeper in love with Marley in this one moment than I have in all the years I’ve known her.
One of my hands finds the door behind her and presses against the hard wood so I can hold up my own body that wants to buckle at my knees. My other hand still holds her cheek, keeping her close enough that she can’t pull away just yet. I want more. My body needs more.
Her hands that have settled on my chest start to drift lower until they meet the waistline of my dress pants. Her fingers hold onto the edge of my waistband and my breath catches in my chest from the thought of her hands being so close to the desire I’ve built for this smart, charming, yet delicate woman.
Reluctantly, I pull away, not because I want to but because I don’t want to have whatever is going to happen between us take place in the hallway.
Insecurity washes over her as I step back, trying to catch my breath. I notice the uncertainty in her eyes and before she can regret everything we just did, I grab her hands and kiss her knuckles, reassuring her of the connection we just made.
“You going to invite me in?” I ask, nodding at her bedroom door. “Or are we just going to stand out here and make out?”
A shy smile forms on her lips. “Let’s go inside but no making fun of my pig ribbons.”
“I would never,” I scoff. “I spent many years hooting and hollering for you on the sidelines as you showed off Piggly Wiggly and Nester. I can still recall those short frayed jean shorts you used to wear with your cowgirl boots to win the attention of Creed, the creeper judge.”
“Worked every time,” she winks, showing off a bit of her spice I’ve come to adore.
We walk in her room and it’s just as organized and clean as usual. The only difference is on her desk there is a small vanity mirror, a curling iron, and a small bin of makeup. It’s rare when Marley wears makeup, but when she does, she wears it well, emphasizing her beautiful features and never going overboard with the thick stuff. Personally, I like her face bare but that’s just my opinion.
Next to her little makeup station is a framed picture of her mom. My heart breaks in two thinking about Marley getting ready for prom without her mom, only a framed picture to keep her company.
Without thinking, I walk over to the picture and pick it up. Memories of Mama McMann surround me as I stare at the same blue eyes Marley was blessed with. Marley likes to say she is just like her dad, but I beg to differ. Marley’s creative and vivacious spirit come from her mother, as well as her nurturing tendencies and smart mouth.
“I miss her. She would have been over the moon about us going to prom together,” I laugh.
Marley stands next to me, holds on to my arm and stares down at the picture as well. “She would have never let us leave the house because she would have wanted more pictures.”
“We would have appeased her.”
Marley looks up at me and nods. “We would have.”
Carefully, I put the picture back on the desk and wrap my arms around Marley, hugging her tightly, never wanting to let her go. “Your mom would be so proud of the woman you’ve become.”
“You think?” The questioning tone in Marley’s voice makes me pull away so I can see her expression.
“Of course. You have a bright future ahead of you.”
Nervously, Marley looks at the ground and says, “I got an internship in California to help at an up and coming beauty magazine.”
The announcement surprises me for a second. When did this happen? I knew she was thinking about going to college in California but I didn’t think she made a decision yet. This internship pretty much sealed the deal if she took it.
Knowing I need to put on a good face, I grip her arms and smile brightly at her. “That’s great, Marley. Congratulations.”
Her face lights up from my praise and before I can hold onto her forever, she pulls away, runs to her closet and pulls out a set of teal suitcases. She pushes them at me and practically dances around the room in excitement.
“Look what dad got me as a graduation present, new luggage. He said if I’m going to be living in California and working for a beauty magazine, I have to travel in style. Apparently my old travel suitcase I used to bring on our road trips wouldn’t be sufficient.”
Excitement and joy surround her as she shows me the compartments of her new suitcases and she tells me all about her new endeavor moving across the country to live under the sun in warm California.
She goes into great detail about her new school, her dorm room, and all the fun and exciting opportunities she will have by moving out to California. The entire time she speaks of her new adventure, I slowly and painfully die inside. With every shot of excitement that passes over her eyes, a dagger digs deeper and deeper into my heart, causing a trickle of sorrow to run through me.
What am I even doing here? Marley has a future ahead of her. She has opportunity, plans, and goals she wants to accomplish. I have nothing besides a steady job working on her dad’s farm. I’m a twenty-two year old man with zero education and work experience that rivals Old McDonald’s.
By being here, I’m only messing with my own heart but worse, I’m messing with hers. What would happen if I stay? If we go through with my fantasy of fulfilling my wildest dreams with this woman whose stolen my heart.
Only heartache and confusion will come from tonight if I see this through. Marley deserves better than to be with someone like me. In the back of my mind, I know that if I stay, if I worship her the way I want to, she will want more from me. Easily I could hand over my soul to her but I don’t want it to ruin her plans for the future. I don’t want her to give up anything because of a possible chance there might be something long lasting between us.
I want her to live her life. I want her to leave this small town and make something of herself. That’s why I find myself planning an escape route.
“You’ll visit me, right Porter?”
‘What?” I ask, still in a daze of shock.
Her big, beautiful eyes pierce through me. “You’ll come visit me in California, right?”
“Oh.” I rub the back of my neck. “Yeah,” I lie.
“Everything okay?”
Confusion sits in her gaze and because I’m a masochist, I pull on her arm and bring her in for a hug. Her arms wrap around my waist and I kiss the top of her head, taking in her scent one last time. I feel gutted, sick to my stomach, on the verge of breaking down and crying in her arms but I hold it together as she pulls away.
“I’m going to, uh, run to the bathroom real quick. Make yourself comfortable.” On her tippy toes, she presses a quick kiss to my mouth before she takes off for the bathroom.
The minute her bedroom door clicks shut, I grab the strands of my hair and pull on them as I look around her room. I have to leave, by the look in her eyes, things are going to heat up quickly.
With a huge knot in my stomach and regret eating me alive, I tip toe out of her room, down the stairs and out of the house. I go straight to my little shack of a house, pack a bag, and write a note to Bernie that I will be helping out his friend Thomas for a little bit on his farm.
Not looking back, I get in my truck, stuff my bag in the back, and turn on the old automobile, praying Marley doesn’t hear me.
Like the coward I am, I drive off into the dark, away from the one person who I know I will never be able to get out of my system. Marley M
cMann is made for me, our souls are entwined, it’s a shame our paths are going in two different directions.
Little did I know, I wouldn’t see her until four years later.
CHAPTER SEVEN
**PORTER**
There is nothing appealing about sharing an RV with two other men. Basically, we are all sleeping in a box on wheels, breathing in each other’s air, farts, and burps. It’s vile, and to top it off, I had to sleep on the bitch bed because no one takes Bernie’s bed, and Paul was still crying over his beer and said that stealing his bed would have pushed him over the edge.
I want to say the light floral smell coming off the pillow from Marley’s perfume made my night’s sleep better, but that would make me a liar. Truth, the pillow made me horny as hell.
Last night was a breakthrough in talking to Marley. I knew she was still holding that night against me, and rightfully so; I know what I did, how I destroyed her, but I would still stand by that decision today because it got her out of our small town and out into the world to do what she wanted to do. It might have hurt like a son of a bitch to say goodbye to her, but it was for the best.
My back is aching and my dick is practically pounding against the zipper of my jeans. Yeah, I didn’t take them off because, once again, I’m in a tin can with Paul and Bernie, sleeping in my underwear almost seemed like one step away from a sausage fest. And as much as I love Paul and Bernie, I’m not about to slap swords with them.
The bitch bed is really made for someone who isn’t built like a barn. I’m over six feet tall and have a chest span that would make any football player jealous, thanks to my long days on the farm. Fitting comfortably in the bitch bed is impossible, which could explain my aching body.