“I won’t be invited.”
“Then you should go with me.” He said the words before he had time to think about them. But it would be a shame if she didn’t go, since she was Margaretha’s sister.
Finally, she looked back at him. “Are you sure you want me to go with you?”
“Yes, I am sure. I shall escort you.”
They were entering the castle gate, and when the two guards spotted them, they cheered. Other guards and knights saw them as they moved toward the castle and also cheered, running forward to praise Gerek and to welcome Rapunzel back.
Lady Margaretha’s wedding was to be in three days. Rapunzel would only have to keep her secret a little longer. She had discussed with Frau Adelheit her plan not to tell Duke Wilhelm and Lady Rose until after Margaretha’s wedding, and she approved. In order to get the knights to go search for Rapunzel, Frau Adelheit had actually told some of them that Rapunzel was from a noble family and not a maidservant at all, and if they were to find her, Duke Wilhelm would reward them. They probably were still wondering if the story was true.
Rapunzel and the rest of the servants at Hagenheim Castle were caught up in the excitement and all the work required for Lady Margaretha’s wedding and the ensuing feast and celebration. So Rapunzel was surprised when Lady Rose summoned her to her chamber the morning before the wedding.
Lady Rose was sitting in a chair by the window, reading. When Rapunzel came in, she stood and held out her hands to her.
Her heart leapt. Had someone told her?
“You poor dear girl,” Lady Rose said, embracing her. “I am overjoyed to have you back and so sorry your mother kidnapped you! How wonderful that Sir Gerek found you.”
Rapunzel smiled back at her.
“Are you well? Are you unhurt?”
“I am well. My mother”—she had to swallow the lump in her throat to go on—“did not hurt me, beyond forcing me to drink a sleeping potion. She knows a lot about herbs and berries.”
“She may not have hurt you physically,” Lady Rose said softly, “but what she did to you must have hurt you a great deal.” She held Rapunzel’s hand.
Rapunzel took a deep breath. “I know that the way she treated me is not normal, and it’s not the way a mother should treat her child.” She didn’t look Lady Rose in the eye. The compassion in her face made Rapunzel’s throat ache with holding back the tears.
“No, it is not. I’m so sorry she did that to you.” Lady Rose hugged her again, and this time Rapunzel put her head on the woman’s shoulder, as she was slightly taller than Lady Rose, and tried not to think.
“If you want to talk about it, you can talk to me.”
“I am very well.” Rapunzel lifted her head and pulled away slightly. “I know you have your daughter’s wedding tomorrow. You should not be thinking about me now.”
“Oh, do not worry about the wedding.” She smiled. “Margaretha is spending nearly every minute with Colin. I have plenty of time to talk with you. Come, sit down.”
They sat on the bench by the window, and Lady Rose kept hold of her hand.
“Tell me what happened.”
Rapunzel took a deep breath. “My mother locked me in an abandoned tower. When Sir Gerek found me, Gothel was away, so he helped me down.”
“Were you overjoyed to see Sir Gerek?”
“Oh yes, of course. I was glad. Very glad.” Her throat ached again at the thought of Sir Gerek’s strange behavior the last day of their journey. Had she truly expected him to want to marry her? How foolish she was.
“Duke Wilhelm is planning to reward him in some way for saving you.”
“That is very good.” Sir Gerek had been so kind and friendly, even loving, when he found her. Remembering that made the tears come, and this time she could not hold them back.
“What is wrong, my dear?”
“Nothing.” She wiped at the tears, but they just kept coming.
Lady Rose handed her a cloth. “There, there. You can tell me about it. It will make you feel better.”
She buried her face in the cloth. Her heart ached as if it would burst. She had to relieve it somehow. “I love him.”
“You love Sir Gerek?”
“Yes. So horribly.”
“Love is not horrible.”
“But he doesn’t love me. I thought perhaps he did, but . . . he doesn’t want me. And I don’t know how to live if he doesn’t love me back.”
Lady Rose gathered her in her arms and she sobbed on Lady Rose’s shoulder. She couldn’t seem to stop herself. She should not have told Lady Rose all of this. How foolish and weak to love him when he didn’t love her! Had she fulfilled Gothel’s prophecy about her by falling in love with a man who ultimately didn’t want her? Was she just like Gothel? And now she was wetting Lady Rose’s shoulder with her tears.
When her sobs subsided and she was able to wipe her face with the cloth, Lady Rose let her pull away, and she looked her in the eye. “Listen to me. You deserve to be loved. And someday I pray that you will get married and your husband will love you. But in the meantime, your heavenly Father loves you more than any man on earth could love you. Do you believe that?”
“Yes, but . . . God can’t put his arms around me and . . . and tell me he loves me.”
“God is putting his arms around you at this very moment.” Lady Rose’s arms held Rapunzel tight. “He is telling you he loves you now.”
What did she mean? Rapunzel sighed.
“Let me tell you a story.” Lady Rose pulled away and allowed Rapunzel to sit back against the chair beside hers. “When I was very young, I wanted to get married to someone who would cherish me and make me feel loved. When I married Duke Wilhelm, my dream had come true. He loved me and he cherished me. But deep in my heart, I still did not feel satisfied. And when my husband had to go on journeys, to do the things that a ruling duke must do for the sake of his people and his region, I would feel sad and lonely and disappointed. I would have that same desperate feeling I had when I was a girl, longing for someone who would love me.
“And then, when my little girl Elsebeth died, I thought my heart was broken and would never mend. But I realized that my husband was also devastated and heartbroken. Only God could heal our pain. And if I loved my husband as I said I did, then I needed to comfort him. That is when I began to understand that he was only a man—a very good man who loved me, but a man nevertheless. He was not God. So I stopped trying to make him the god of my life, expecting him to bring me healing, and started expecting perfect love and satisfaction from God alone.
“So, you see, a man can love you, but only imperfectly. It is God alone who can be God.”
Rapunzel nodded, even though she didn’t understand how God could give her healing from Gerek not loving her.
“Can you tell me exactly what happened between you and Sir Gerek?”
Rapunzel inhaled a shaky breath and began from the beginning, telling what had passed between her and Sir Gerek from the first day they had met. When she came to the part about being alone with him for the journey back to Hagenheim, she said, “But on the final day, his manner toward me changed. I still don’t understand it.” It must have had something to do with her secret, but she wasn’t ready to tell Lady Rose about that.
“He did not take advantage of you in any way when you were alone, did he?”
“No, no. He never even kissed me.” The tears started to come back again, but she blinked them away. “He just doesn’t want me.”
Lady Rose was quiet for a few moments. Then she said, “I have known Sir Gerek since he was a boy. You might not realize it at first, but he is very thoughtful. He thinks a long time before he makes a decision. Because of the way his father was, he has a fear of being impulsive and of falling in love.”
She paused, placing her hand on Rapunzel’s shoulder, then said, “Here is my old Psalter. I want you to have it.” She reached into a box by her chair and handed her a leather-bound book. “I want you to read it, and every place that
speaks of God’s love, I want you to believe that it is talking about you. In Psalm 18, when David writes, ‘He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters,’ I want you to know that this is about you. God saved you from that tower prison because he loved you. Just like the psalmist, I want you to say, ‘I trust in His unfailing love.’ ”
Rapunzel nodded, holding the book lovingly between her palms.
Lady Rose embraced her again. “I am very glad you talked with me today. I shall want to hear how you are feeling in a day or two.”
“Yes.” Rapunzel embraced her mother. “In a day or two, I shall tell you how I am feeling.” And much more.
Chapter Thirty-Four
The wedding day arrived, and Lady Rose sent Rapunzel a dress—a red silk cotehardie—to wear to the wedding. It was bright and shimmery and the most beautiful thing she had ever worn. And when Sir Gerek sent a maidservant to tell her he was ready to escort her to the wedding, she took a deep breath and thanked God she could face Sir Gerek wearing something beautiful.
He had that pained look on his face again. She remembered what Lady Rose had said. If Rapunzel truly loved Sir Gerek, then she should realize he was a man and think about what he might be feeling.
He offered her his arm, and she placed her hand on it. “Thank you for escorting me to the wedding. It is very kind of you.”
He looked surprised. “I think it is important for you to be here. I hope you will tell Lady Rose your news very soon after the wedding.”
“I will.”
They made their way to the front of the castle to wait for the joyful couple to emerge and lead the way to the Hagenheim Dom. The Hagenheim Cathedral had been the site for Valten’s wedding almost two years before, as the other servants had explained to her, but Gabe had married his wife, Sophie, in Hohendorf three years before. He, his wife, and his two children had arrived a week ago for his sister Margaretha’s wedding.
How odd it was to know that Valten and Gabe were her brothers, and to see her sisters, Margaretha, Kirstyn, and Adela, as well as her other brothers, Stefan and Wolfgang, and the little Toby, whom Lady Rose and Duke Wilhelm had recently adopted into their family. None of them had any idea that she, Rapunzel, was their lost sister, Elsebeth.
Finally, the beautiful bride and her handsome English husband, both smiling—mostly at each other—led the way to the cathedral. They acknowledged their vows in front of the church door and the priest. Afterward, they all went inside for the wedding mass.
On the way back to the castle, Rapunzel’s heart felt heavy. Would she ever be as overjoyed as Lady Margaretha, or feel loved the way she wished to? But she reminded herself of what Lady Rose had told her: a man could only love her imperfectly, but God could give her the perfect love she desired. Lady Rose had learned to comfort her husband in his pain instead of expecting him to heal her own.
She glanced up at Sir Gerek. He seemed almost afraid to look at her or speak to her. The corners of his mouth drooped and his brows were drawn together to form a crease between his eyes. Truly, she did not know why he seemed so despondent, but her anger left her and she suddenly wished she could comfort him.
As they walked with the rest of the crowd, who were all talking among themselves, she leaned closer to Sir Gerek.
“I am sorry I was so cross with you on the night we arrived back in Hagenheim.”
His eyes eagerly met hers, but then he quickly lowered his gaze.
“I am so grateful to you for saving me from that tower. If you had not persevered and kept searching for me, I don’t know how long I would have remained there. So I want to thank you.”
His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “I am grateful that God led me to you.” If the intense look in his brown eyes was any proof, he meant it.
When they returned to the castle, Rapunzel said, “It was a beautiful wedding. Thank you for escorting me. Now I have to go help in the kitchen—after I change clothes, of course.”
He opened his mouth but didn’t say anything. So she turned and started walking toward the servants’ quarters.
“Wait.” His hand wrapped around her arm.
He came around in front of her. “Rapunzel.” He ran his hand through his hair and blew out a loud breath of air. “I . . .” He glanced around. People were walking by, turning their heads to look at them. “I need to talk to you. Please.”
“Very well.”
Her heart beat fast as he took her hand and led her around the side of the castle. He passed the kitchen and walked toward the giant beech tree that stood between the kitchen and the stable.
No one was around, and no one could see them from the castle courtyard.
He brought her to the other side of the enormous tree trunk, then turned her around and faced her. He leaned his hands against the trunk on either side of her head. She tried to step back, but her foot hit the tree and her back pressed against the trunk. Her breath seemed stuck in her throat. It was the way he was looking at her, so intent and anxious.
“I have to ask you something.” He scrunched his brow, opened his mouth, then closed it. For a long moment, he said nothing, his expression growing even more anxious.
“Then ask me. If you have something to say, don’t be a coward. Say it.”
He leaned closer. “I want to know how you feel about me.”
“You want to know how I feel about you? After I rode with my head on your chest, hugging you for hours? After I cried on your shirt? How many men do you think I’ve ever embraced in my life? How many men’s shoulders do you think I’ve cried on?”
He leaned closer, and his intense brown eyes locked on hers. “Please. Just answer the question.”
She crossed her arms in front of herself, hiding behind her anger and defiance. Still, something made her answer truthfully, “I love you.”
His chest rose and fell quickly, his eyes boring into hers. “You are a duke’s daughter. You deserve to marry a duke, or someone else wealthy and powerful.”
“Do I look like I want to marry a duke? Have I ever seemed as if I wanted to be wealthy or powerful?” She wanted to yell at him, to beat his chest with her fists and accuse him of being addled and stubborn and blind.
“I said things.” He narrowed his eyes. “I did things. When I thought you were poor, I said I wanted to marry a wealthy heiress. I was rude to you. How can you not hate me?”
“What were you going to tell me the last day of our journey? You were going to tell me something about why you no longer wanted to marry Lady Lankouwen. What was it?” She leaned closer to his face.
He looked away.
She jabbed his chest with her finger. “Tell me.”
The pained look was back in his eyes. “I was going to ask you to marry me.”
“When you thought I was only a maidservant?”
“You don’t believe me. I knew you wouldn’t.”
“I want to.”
“Then believe me.”
He reached out and touched her face, his fingertips caressing her cheek. Her breath came fast and shallow as she gazed into his eyes.
“I realized it would be wrong not to marry you.” His intense stare dipped from her eyes to her lips. “Would be wrong to marry Lady Lankouwen when I loved you, Rapunzel.” His thumb brushed her chin. He leaned down and hovered, his breath on her temple. Then he pressed his lips to her cheek.
Her heart stuttered and her breath froze in her chest. He kissed her other cheek. She lifted her face to look up at him. He cupped her face with one hand and pulled her closer with the other. He kissed the corner of her mouth, then gazed into her eyes.
She slid her hand behind his head and closed her eyes. He kissed her full on the lips.
Her knees went weak, and he lifted her feet off the ground, reminding her of their embrace when he had rescued her from the tower.
He suddenly broke off the kiss and put her down. “I shouldn’t have done that.” He was breathing hard as he pressed his forehead to hers.
> “Why not?”
“Because I love you, and your father will not like it.”
“Duke Wilhelm will be pleased. That we fell in love.”
“I will ask him, then.” He brushed his lips over hers. “If I can marry you.”
Her heart soared. She stood on tiptoe and kissed him. “He will say yes. Lady Rose will tell him to.”
He held her face between his hands. “Duke Wilhelm will think I only want to marry you because you’re his daughter. I would dare to defy Duke Wilhelm to marry you, Rapunzel. But are you sure you want me? Are you sure you wouldn’t regret marrying me, a man who has nothing to give you except his heart?”
“Your heart is what I want. I want your love. I want . . . I want you. Just say you’ll love me forever.” She clung to his shoulders.
“I promise. Forever.”
“And never hurt me.”
“I will never, ever hurt you the way your mother hurt you, or the way my father hurt my mother.”
“I know.” She never imagined trusting someone could fill her with so much joy.
He kissed her again, in the shade of the giant beech tree, between the kitchen and the stable.
The next day, as Colin and Lady Margaretha left on their journey to England, Rapunzel prepared to return her dress to Lady Rose—and to reveal her news.
She climbed the steps to the solar. Lady Rose appeared to be alone and called to Rapunzel to come in.
“Oh, my dear, you didn’t have to bring back the dress so soon.”
“I also had something I wanted to talk to you about. It is very important.” Rapunzel’s stomach did a somersault inside her.
“Come and sit beside me.” Lady Rose patted the long bench. She smiled. “My girls have deserted me. Gisela is taking care of her baby in her bedchamber, and Kirstyn is moping about because she misses Margaretha. Adela and the boys—including little Toby—are on an outing with some of the servants, playing a game of blind man’s buff in the sheep pasture, and so it is only me here today. Not that I mind, but Toby has been my constant shadow these last few weeks, and Duke Wilhelm thought I needed some time alone.” She smiled and sighed contentedly. “But I am glad to see you. Tell me what it is you wanted to talk about.”