“No, please, just go.” The attention she was getting from her neighbors and those in the foyer was highly embarrassing.
Sheila Coan didn’t bother to hide her disappointment. She handed Julia her card. “Please call me if you have a change of heart.”
“I’m not giving you or anyone else an interview.”
The reporter motioned toward the cameraman that it was time to leave. Julia heaved a sigh of relief when the two left the building. Her heart rate slowly returned to normal. That was a narrow escape.
“Julia?”
Her heart wanted to explode at the pain she heard in Cain’s voice as he whispered her name. Whirling around, she found him in the area by the mailboxes, tucked back in the corner close to where the newspapers were delivered. He had the newspaper clenched in his hand. His eyes were wide with incredulity, with disbelief, as if she’d heartlessly thrust a knife into his back.
“You blogged about it? About killing me with kindness?”
Her mouth felt as if it was filled with dry cotton balls. She found it impossible to answer.
“I’m Ebenezer?”
Her eyes drifted closed. Cammie had warned her. This was the worst scenario possible for Cain to learn what she’d done, and now it was being played out before her eyes.
“Answer me,” Cain demanded, his disbelief replaced by anger so deep it caused her to flinch.
Julia’s eyes flew open. “Yes, you’re Ebenezer.”
“Why would you do that?”
“I…I was asked to do a blog. Two of us were up for the same position working social media for Harvestware. As a final test we were both asked to write a blog. The one with the highest number of followers would be awarded the job.”
“The job you got?”
Slowly, she nodded. It wasn’t like she could deny it. It hurt to speak and so she swallowed, and answered, unable to make eye contact. “Yes.” The word was soft and low, so low she could barely hear it herself.
“You must be thrilled.” The comment was weighed down with sarcasm so heavy his voice dropped an entire octave.
Answering him would only condemn her and so she remained silent.
Cain exhaled and leaned his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “I never learn, do I? How could I have been so stupid?”
“Cain, please, let me explain.”
His returning laugh was filled with bitterness and anger. “You want to explain? I don’t think so. I’ve heard more than enough already. We’re done.”
“Please.” She placed her hand on his arm, which he quickly shook off as if he found her touch repugnant.
“No. Don’t even try. I trusted you the same the way I trusted someone else. With both of you I was simply a means to an end. Nothing more. Someone to be used and discarded once you got what you wanted.”
“That’s not true. If you’d only listen,” she pleaded.
Shaking his head, he walked away and didn’t look back.
Julia slumped against the wall, as the weight of all that had happened was more than she could carry or bear. A tingling sensation went through her as she struggled to come to grips with the pain she’d caused him.
Cain was unbelievably hurt, and she was responsible. Knowing what she’d done wounded her, too. When Cain hurt, she hurt. She didn’t know if that was what happened when you cared deeply about someone, when you loved them, but she strongly suspected it was.
It went without saying that Cain wouldn’t be joining her for Christmas dinner. She strongly suspected he would do whatever possible to avoid being anywhere close to her from this point forward. To him, whatever it was they’d shared was finished. He wanted nothing more to do with her.
Depressed and sick at heart, Julia headed out of the building and started walking. Everyone around her seemed to be in the Christmas spirit, full of cheer and goodwill.
Her, not so much.
She made an effort to smile and return season’s greetings, but it demanded more effort than she felt.
—
An hour later she found herself outside Manor House. She must have walked the three miles, but she barely remembered the long trek. Once Cain’s grandfather learned what had happened, he was likely to cancel Christmas dinner with her, too. She wouldn’t blame him.
Bernie was in his room, napping in his recliner, when she knocked politely against his door.
“Come in,” Bernie called out.
Julia tentatively opened the door and let herself into his small apartment.
He frowned when he saw her and motioned for her to take a seat. “You better tell me what happened,” he said, not waiting for her to speak.
“Did you talk to Cain?”
“Briefly.”
Julia sat on the edge of the chair and leaned forward, intent to learn everything she could. “What did he say?”
“Nothing much, just that he wouldn’t be able to join us for Christmas dinner. Knew right away there was more to it than he was telling me. You want to fill in the blanks?”
She clenched her hands on her lap and looked down at her intertwined fingers. “He found out that I’d been blogging about my kindness project.” She glanced up and saw that Bernie was waiting for more of an explanation. “Cain assumed I’d used him to get that job, and the truth is I did. I didn’t mean to hurt him, Bernie. I don’t think I’ll ever forget his expression. It was as if I’d betrayed him the same way that woman he worked with did. I think he hates me.” Julia had often heard that the line between love and hate could be paper thin. She believed that now, seeing the look in Cain’s eyes.
“What’s a blog?” Bernie’s frown was intense.
He lowered his recliner and listened intently as Julia explained it to him.
When she finished, she waited impatiently for his reaction. Her fear was that he, like Cain, would condemn her.
“I see what you mean,” he said after an awkward moment. “Cain would hate being the focal point of this blog thing.”
“I didn’t use his name. No one ever needed to know it was him,” she said, defending herself, and then hung her head. “It wouldn’t take a genius to figure it out, though; I did write that Ebenezer was my neighbor.”
“You called him Ebenezer?”
“Yes, when I first started the experiment the name fit, but it doesn’t any longer.”
“What would you call him now?”
Julia didn’t hesitate. “Sweetheart.”
Bernie grinned, his eyes brightening with pleasure. “You have feelings for my grandson?”
Julia remembered the disappointment and hurt in Cain’s eyes and how it had cut at her, too. “I’m falling in love with him.”
Bernie considered her words. “Did you try talking to him?”
“I begged him to give me a chance to explain, but he was having none of it.” She could only hope that given time, Cain would be willing to hear her out, although she doubted it would be anytime soon.
At her news, Bernie’s shoulders slumped forward and he looked as downtrodden as she felt.
“If he read the blogs himself, then maybe he’d feel differently.”
“He won’t.”
“How…how do you know that?” This was her one hope, the only way she would find the path to redemption in Cain’s eyes.
“I know my grandson. Cain isn’t about to subject himself to any more ridicule than he already feels. The last thing he’ll do is read those blogs.”
“I didn’t ridicule him.”
“I’m sure you didn’t, but Cain won’t see it that way.”
The one avenue she had to set matters straight between them was closed. Her gaze reverted to her clenched hands. “He mentioned the other woman…her name is Dani.”
“Dani? Oh yes, she must be that girl from work he took an interest in. He never said much about her.”
“He claimed we were alike; that he trusted us both…basically, that he was a fool for ever having allowed himself to be vulnerable to either one of us.” It hurt that
Cain would associate her with the other woman. In retrospect, she couldn’t blame him. Cain believed she was no better and possibly even worse.
“He’s not going to get past this, is he?” she whispered brokenly. Although it was a question, she was well aware of the answer. Covering her face with both hands, she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against her knees.
“Come now, Julia, you can’t let my stubborn grandson upset you like this.”
She lifted her head as she struggled within herself.
“It’s Christmas,” Bernie said as he reached out and patted her hand. “These matters have a way of righting themselves. Give Cain time to sort through this. He’s a smart boy. Eventually he’ll come to his senses.”
Julia so badly wanted to believe that was possible. Deep down she knew it could happen, but it wasn’t likely. Cain might be a lot of things, but with his background and his experience with women he wouldn’t believe Julia was any different. It was almost as if he’d been waiting for her to betray him. It was what he expected, what had been the repeated pattern in his life.
“Will you still come for Christmas dinner?” she asked.
“You sure you want me?”
“Of course I’m sure.” She didn’t feel much like cooking, but for Bernie she’d make the effort.
“I’ll need to rearrange plans with Cain, but that shouldn’t be a problem. He doesn’t seem to be much in the mood to celebrate. I’ll suggest we do brunch.” Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, Bernie offered a smile of encouragement. “You go home and do whatever it is you need to do for our dinner and leave Cain to me.”
“You’re going to talk to him?” It was more than she had hoped.
“No promises, but I’ll do my best to get him to listen to reason.”
Filled with gratitude, it was all she could do not to leap forward and hug the older man. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Hope was intoxicating. Cain loved and respected his grandfather. If Bernie talked to him about the blog, then just maybe he’d give her a chance to make things right. It was the best chance she had of explaining herself, of getting a second chance.
—
Once she finished her shopping Julia returned to her apartment. Standing in the hallway, her arms loaded down with grocery bags, she paused and stared at Cain’s door. In the last twelve days she’d felt like that door had opened to her, inviting her into his life and into his heart. Seeing it now, that same door appeared closed and locked. It made her ache inside to realize all she had lost.
Once she unpacked her groceries, she started cooking. The first item on her list was a homemade pumpkin pie. She was up to her elbows in flour when someone pounded against her door so hard it was a wonder his fist didn’t go through the wood.
Her blood pressure spiked. It could only be Cain, and from the sound of it he wasn’t in the best of moods. It didn’t matter. She’d take him any way he chose to reach out to her.
With her apron wrapped around her middle and her hands dusted with flour, she answered the door.
Just as she suspected, Cain stood stiff and proud on the other side. His face was tight and menacing. “Stay. Away. From. My. Grandfather.”
She winced at the anger and emotion in him. “Is that what Bernie wants?” She remained outwardly composed, hoping her calm sincerity would have an effect.
“I don’t care what Bernie wants. You might have fooled him but not me. I learned everything I need to know about you this morning.”
“You can believe I’m a horrible person, Cain. You even probably think I’m diabolical and selfish and that I used you for my own personal gain. But I would never do anything to hurt your grandfather.”
“I don’t want you anywhere close to him.”
“He’s coming to dinner on Christmas.”
His eyes narrowed. “Not if I can help it.”
They continued to stare at each other, neither willing to back down. Neither willing to give an inch. After what seemed like an eternity, Julia swallowed against the knot in her throat and spoke.
“I’ll admit I have my faults, and I’m sure you’d be more than happy to list them for me. It’s true I kept the blog a secret. I should have told you. I was wrong to use you as the subject matter without letting you know, I’ll readily admit that. But I always believed you to be a fair-minded person. I didn’t like you in the beginning, mainly because you were rude to me.
“You can condemn me if that’s what you believe, if it makes you feel better about what I did. It might even be what I deserve, but if you do then we’re both losers. I’ve been happier in the last twelve days than I have been in a long while, and I’d like to think you have been, too.
“And here’s the thing: I wrote about kindness, wondering if it would make a difference, and when it did, others decided to try it, too. I was shocked with how fast the idea caught on, and the response I got. I truly believe it’s done a lot of good and I never meant for it to be at your expense. If you read the blog yourself, you’d see what I mean.”
His eyes narrowed to thin slits. “No way am I reading those posts.”
His refusal hurt, but she had no choice but to accept his decision. “We had something special, Cain. I’m sorrier than you know that it’s over. As for dinner with Bernie, I think it might be best to leave that decision to him.”
Julia had said all she could, and when he refused to meet her gaze, she gently closed the door, leaned against it, and released a deep sigh. She swore she could hear Cain on the other side. It felt as if their hearts beat as one. Turning, she pressed her cheek against the door to better hear him. Her hand was splayed against the wood, reaching out to him.
Several minutes passed. Two. Three. Four. Long enough for her to consider opening the door and reaching out to him, not caring if he pushed her away.
Just when she found the courage to reach for the door, she heard Cain move and return to his own apartment.
Julia’s Blog
TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
December 24
The Final Chapter
* * *
* * *
Merry Christmas! It’s just before midnight on Christmas Eve. I’m back from church and loved hearing the words to my favorite carol, “Mary, Did You Know?” The song asks Mary several questions about this baby she delivered.
It begged the question of me. Did I know when I started this experiment where it would lead me?
I didn’t.
I had no clue.
In retrospect, I think my friend who suggested this must have had an idea what would happen. She knows me well. Cammie was sure it would be big, but neither one of us came close to guessing just how big.
This morning I was stopped by a television reporter who wanted an interview. She said this blog has been trending nationwide.
If my words have inspired others, then that inspires me.
My neighbor was unpleasant and unfriendly. I thought—hoped, really—that kindness would change him. It was a challenge even to be in the same elevator with him. He made sure I understood he had no desire for my company, and, frankly, the feelings were mutual. If kindness could change him, then great. Mission accomplished.
The shocking part for me is that kindness changed me, too.
Not only did my attitude toward Ebenezer make a drastic U-turn, but I learned a great deal about myself. I’d allowed his negativity to rub off on me. He didn’t like me, and so I made sure he knew I didn’t like him, either. That defensive wall went up and I regarded him with condescension. Ebenezer was unworthy of my friendship. As a result, I’d been far too willing to judge him and criticize his behavior.
I’ve grown a lot in the last twelve days.
As for the question I asked you recently—if I should tell Ebenezer or not—I want to thank you for your responses. It’s been an even split—half for and half against.
However, it’s a moot point now. He found out on his own and he wants nothing more to do with me. The last thing I’d eve
r wanted was to hurt Ebenezer, and that’s exactly what I’ve done.
The experiment is over, and while in some ways it might have been a success, I feel like I’ve failed. I hurt the one person who means the world to me.
Today is the final chapter.
Julia knew spending Christmas Day with Bernie would be a treat and a challenge, seeing that her relationship with his grandson had gone south with the speed of a jet-fueled rocket. He’d changed dinner plans with Cain and the two had gotten together earlier in the day for brunch at Manor House.
“You got your cribbage board ready?” Bernie asked her as soon as he arrived. Standing just inside the apartment door, he closed his eyes and sniffed appreciatively. “It’s been far too long since I had a home-cooked Christmas dinner. Smells divine in here.”
“I think so, too.” Julia had the turkey breast in the oven along with a number of traditional side dishes. It was far more food than the two of them could possibly consume, but she wasn’t about to short them. Many of the recipes were family favorites handed down from her mother and grandmother.
The thought of Cain spending the day alone rather than suffer her company pained Julia. The sad part was that there wasn’t anything more she could say to change his mind. It would be a waste of breath to try to convince him to join Bernie and her.
As if Bernie could read her thoughts, he came all the way into the apartment, removed his coat and hat, and said, “My grandson is far too stubborn for his own good. At breakfast I asked him to join us. He refused. I tried again just now and got the same response.” He set his cane by the sofa and sat down. “That boy is missing out on a mighty fine meal.”
Julia didn’t mention Cain’s visit from the day before when he’d warned her to stay away from his grandfather. She couldn’t help but wonder if he’d had the same discussion with Bernie, warning his grandfather away from her. While she was curious, she was afraid to ask, for fear she already knew the answer.
While the turkey breast baked, they played several hands of cribbage and then, sitting side by side on the sofa, watched Julia’s favorite Christmas classic movie, The Bishop’s Wife, with Cary Grant and Loretta Young.