“Kate wasn’t even a twinkle in Trevor’s eye back then!” Carmen went on. “How can she blame me for something that happened before she even existed?”
Laurel laughed. “She did in fact exist, Carmen. You just didn’t know her. And I have to say, I understand Kate’s side of things. You didn’t tell her, and you were her friend. She probably feels betrayed. Not by the kiss, but by the fact that you kept it a secret from her. Keeping a secret can turn something into a much bigger deal than it ever should have been.”
“Hello, Dr. Phil,” Carmen said drily. “I didn’t see you come in.”
Laurel smiled. “Hey, I’m a reality-TV producer. Knowing people is part of the job. Trevor knows more about interpersonal psychology than your average PhD.”
Carmen had to agree with that. Trevor did always seem to be one step ahead of them, didn’t he?
Laurel sipped her coffee, then set the cup on the windowsill near the little bonsai tree that had been a gift from Carmen’s best friend, Drew. “Kate wasn’t born into this world the way you were,” she said. “She doesn’t understand all the rules. She doesn’t know that illusion is sometimes more important than truth.”
“You’re getting really metaphysical on me,” Carmen said. “It’s too early in the morning for that.”
Laurel laughed. “It’s eleven a.m. That’s not early. But anyway, I think you should apologize to Kate. Sincerely. I’m telling you this as a friend. Trevor is very interested in what’s up with you two. Your developing friendship was giving the show its heart—he’d mapped out the rest of the season with you two as besties. So, if you can’t fix it, I’m sure that Trevor will try to orchestrate some knock-down, drag-out fight, preferably on camera.”
“In a pool filled with Jell-O,” Carmen said. Laurel snorted, and Carmen put her head in her hands. “It’s so complicated,” she said.
“Look,” Laurel said. “You need to get this thing taken care of quickly. If Trevor gets wind of a love triangle, then he’s going to want to run with it. And it’s probably not going to paint you in the best light. Kate is the one wronged here, and she’s the resident nice girl.”
Carmen was about to ask Laurel if Kate was the nice girl, what did that make her … when she heard Alexis call, “Where is my actress? My Julia?”
“Whoops, gotta go,” Carmen said, rushing off. “Thanks for the pep talk.”
Laurel smiled. “Good luck,” she said.
Once Carmen and Alexis had filmed their hellos for the PopTV cameras as if they hadn’t just spent an hour in the same room while it was being set up, the costume designer proceeded to stuff Carmen inside a gown made from a strange material that Carmen had never seen before. (The dress reminded her of a golden, tight-fitting Hefty bag, with threads of silver running through it.) Carmen was still thinking about what Laurel said. Maybe it wasn’t enough to just text Kate things like HEY GIRL, WHAT HAPPENED TO U? and SHOULD WE TALK? If she wanted to mend what was broken, she was going to have to try harder and make an honest attempt at apology (even if, in her heart of hearts, she still didn’t think she’d done anything wrong).
Carmen gazed unseeingly at the abstract painting on the wall as Alexis manhandled her, tightening laces and stays. She should probably try to be more open and honest in general, she thought.
Yes, openness and honesty. She would make this resolution now, months before the new year. Be more honest. Eat more vegetables. Read more books and fewer blogs. There. Now she could sleep in extra late on New Year’s Day.
Of course, there had to be limits to her honesty. For instance, she didn’t have any plans to stop fake-dating Luke yet. For one thing, their “relationship” was keeping their names in the tabloids, and for another, she liked hanging out with him.
“Ow,” she yelped, as Alexis stabbed her in the ribs with a pin.
“Sorry,” Alexis said insincerely. “I’ve got to get this belt tighter.”
“Tighter?” Carmen said breathlessly, as Alexis gave another tug on the dress’s shining gold laces. “I feel like a sausage.”
“Ha! The golden wiener,” said a voice, and Carmen looked up to see Fawn standing in the foyer and smiling behind an oversized pair of Chanel sunglasses.
“Thanks a lot,” Carmen said.
Fawn shrugged. “Just telling it like it is. You know that brutal honesty is one of my best qualities.”
Carmen laughed, which was difficult because Alexis was currently squeezing her inside the dress. “Yes, and shamelessness. I mean, do those Daisy Dukes even cover your butt?”
Fawn, grinning, ignored this; she was looking at the PopTV cameras. “Didn’t know you had your fitting today,” she said. “I just stopped by to say hi.”
But Fawn knew perfectly well that Carmen was filming her fitting today; they’d talked about it on their hike the day before. And obviously someone had miked her on her way in. Funny how Fawn had developed a habit of casually dropping by whenever cameras were rolling. Not that Carmen minded. It was fun to have her actual friend be a part of her fake reality every once in a while.
Fawn waltzed into the room, flung her glasses on the couch, and put her feet up on the tiny part of the coffee table that wasn’t covered with costume accessories. “So I have a little information that might be of interest to you,” she said, “concerning one of your friends.”
Carmen thought first of Kate. Had Fawn heard from her? Then Alexis gave her a sharp poke in the ribs. “Put your shoulders back,” she snapped. “You’re not going to slouch like that on camera, are you? You’re a princess. Also, who is this person and why is she here?”
Carmen stood up straighter. She should probably be imagining herself as Julia Capsen, post-apocalyptic princess, even as she was being fitted. But she was dying to know what Fawn had to tell her. “Spill it,” she said to Fawn. To Alexis, she said, “She’s my friend. It’s fine.”
Alexis sniffed. “That means nothing to me. Daisy Dukes here can have five minutes and then I need silence.”
“So,” Carmen said, turning to Fawn, “tell me.”
Fawn couldn’t hide her smirk. “That bottle-blond bitch has been convicted of stealing that diamond necklace, and she has to pay back the store. Plus—this is the good part—she has to do like a million years of community service at Lost Paws.”
Carmen wasn’t sure she heard Fawn right. “Los Paz?” she asked. “The Mexican restaurant on La Brea?”
Fawn let out a delighted cackle. “No, dummy, Lost Paws. It’s an animal shelter. I just read it on TMZ.”
“Well, that sounds all right,” Carmen said. “I’d rather walk a stray dog than chop cilantro. I hate cilantro.”
“Oh no,” Fawn said, shaking her head. “My friend Jeff went there once, and he calls it Lost Cause. You won’t find any rescue bichons frises there. No cute little teacup poodles, unless they’re missing an eye and have a thing for eating your underwear. They take dogs that bite, cats that pee on your pillow … It’s like San Quentin for pets.” Fawn could hardly contain her glee. “It’s soooo good, right?”
“Wow,” Carmen said, as Alexis grappled her out of the golden dress and tossed a pair of leggings at her. “I mean, it’s not like I’m her biggest fan, but poor Madison.”
“Poor Madison nothing,” Fawn said. “That girl got off easy. She may have to spend the next couple months accessorizing around a pooper-scooper, but she committed a crime—a serious one—and she isn’t getting any time.”
Carmen looked pointedly at her friend as she struggled to pull the leggings over her calves. What was all this material they were using—had space engineers woven the fabric? “May I remind you that you might have gotten something similar, had not a certain person stepped in and taken the blame?”
Fawn’s eyes widened and she turned briefly toward the PopTV camera before stopping herself. “Oh, please. That tank top was worth less than two hundred bucks. I would have gotten a slap on the wrist.”
Oops, Carmen thought, remembering the camera. Well, no going back now. “But you didn??
?t have to get that slap,” she pointed out. “I got it instead.” If Trevor decided to use this footage, then the world would know that Carmen wasn’t a shoplifter after all. Maybe her dad would finally stop being mad at her for taking the blame for Fawn.
“Suck in your stomach,” Alexis hissed, and Carmen immediately complied.
Fawn sighed. She was clearly annoyed that Carmen had brought the matter up on camera, but was trying not to show it. “I know, and you’re an absolute angel. Do you have any Zone bars around here? I’m starving.”
Carmen couldn’t help but laugh again, which prompted Alexis to frown deeply at her. Fawn was so … Fawn. She was self-centered and gossipy, but she was also funny and smart. And she was a good actress, too. When they first met in that acting class in WeHo, it was Fawn who’d been the best student. As Carmen listened to her friend rooting around in the cupboards and drawers, she wished, under her breath, that Fawn would get a break one of these days. Her voice-over work was paying the bills, but Fawn wanted to be seen. Maybe if she made it past Trevor’s edit, someone would notice her.
“These Cheerios expired last year,” Fawn called. “Also, I don’t get this fat-free half-and-half crap. It’s half what, and half what else? Just drink the coffee black, for God’s sakes.”
Alexis looked up at Carmen from the floor, where she was adjusting the cuff of the leggings. “If you don’t get her out of here in the next minute, I am going to throw her out the window.”
Looking into Alexis’s fiery black eyes, Carmen could almost believe this.
“Hey, Fawn,” she called. “I sort of have to deal with this now. Want to meet later?”
“Always,” Fawn said, coming into the room with a handful of Zone bars. “You don’t mind if I take these, do you?”
“No,” Carmen said. “I don’t. If I want to wear these costumes without passing out, I’m going to need to eat air for the next few weeks. Air and lettuce.”
“Don’t lose more than three pounds,” Alexis said sternly. “Or I’m going to have to do this all over again.”
Having this costume fitting had seemed so glamorous until Carmen was actually in the middle of it. In reality, it was about as pleasant as a trip to the dentist.
“I won’t,” she whispered.
“That’s what I want to hear,” Alexis said. Then she smiled, and it was like being smiled at by a spider.
“Later,” Fawn called. She let herself out, but then poked her head back inside. “Oh, and those leggings you’re in now? I swear I saw it on that guy over on Robertson who wears Rollerblades and carries a boom box on his shoulder.”
Carmen raised her hand as if to wave good-bye to Fawn, but instead she gave her the finger.
“Kisses!” Fawn called, and then she was gone.
Carmen shook her head in amusement. It was appropriate that she worked in entertainment, because she certainly knew a lot of characters.
4
A LOT LIKE JAIL
Madison sat in the parking lot of Lost Paws, sipping the cooling dregs of her nonfat latte and gazing grimly at the dirty white building in which she would be spending three hundred court-ordered hours. Its paint was stained and peeling; steel bars covered its small windows. On the other side of its chain-link fence was a mini-mart (Slushees only fifty-nine cents!) and a dingy-looking Laundromat. It was a Southern California no-man’s-land—a place of barren streets and merciless sun.
Her phone buzzed on the seat next to her. ICED COFFEES BY THE POOL LATER—YOU IN?
The text was from Kate. Madison appreciated how she reached out now and then—her concern seemed genuine (unlike, say, Sasha’s). But Madison would not be joining Kate in the sun this afternoon. For one thing, she had to walk dogs all day, or whatever one did at a shelter. And for another, Madison didn’t want to encourage a real friendship with Kate. She might be tempted to confide in her then, which was an obvious no-no. Madison couldn’t afford to look back; she had to keep looking forward.
But the view forward was so depressing! Seagulls picked at little hills of trash while airplanes, descending into LAX, rumbled and roared overhead. She glanced down at her Rag & Bone skinnies, her Miu Miu top, and last year’s black Chanel flats. She thought she’d dressed down, but no: She didn’t even have the clothes in her closet to dress this far down.
Madison figured that working with the animals wouldn’t be too bad—even in a dump like this—but she wished it didn’t have to be filmed. Because every second Trevor showed Madison being punished was another second that the Fame Game viewers got to judge her. Or label her a criminal. (Or see her in an old pair of shoes!)
She’d asked Trevor if he could skip filming the whole community-service business, and he had laughed.
“Madison Parker asking not to be filmed?” he said, leaning back in his Aeron chair. “I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Don’t pretend I’m being unreasonable,” she’d argued. “This isn’t exactly the image I’ve worked toward.”
“Then you shouldn’t have pocketed a diamond necklace.” He scanned her face for a reaction, but she gave him none. “Listen, do you want to be on the show or not?” Trevor had asked. But it wasn’t really a question, because he already knew the answer. “This show is about your life in L.A. And right now, Madison, this is your life.”
Of course he was right. What else was there to say? She’d gotten up to go. But Trevor had stopped her at the door. “Oh, and Madison?” he called. “Move back into your apartment. That’s about enough hiding out at your dad’s place.”
She gritted her teeth. He knew everything. “No problem,” she said, making her voice breezy. “I’ve really missed tripping over camera cords all the time. Bret never puts everything away. You know that, right? I’m going to start selling your equipment on eBay.”
Trevor shrugged. “Well, apparently you could use the cash....”
She’d said nothing to that; she’d just clenched her fists and left.
Trevor hadn’t known it, but he was already getting what he wanted: She’d been planning on moving back into Park Towers. Not because she missed Gaby and her horrible boyfriend, Jay. No, Madison simply couldn’t afford the rent on the bungalow anymore—not with the Luxe payments.
Madison gave herself one last check in the rearview mirror before gracefully stepping out of her car. She made her way toward the crew van so they could slip a mike on her before documenting day one of her humiliation. The sound guy didn’t say anything as he peeled the backing from a strip of tape and quickly secured it to the inside of the neckline of her top. Come to think of it, none of the crew had had much to say to her since her incident with Luxe jewelers.
Laurel gave her a cool glance. “Can you get back in the car and pull out of your parking spot?” she asked.
Madison nodded silently. She knew what they wanted: one long shot of her driving in, stepping out of the car, looking up at the Lost Paws sign, and then walking in. Trevor would be milking this day for everything he could. And Madison had no choice but to let him.
She wasn’t inside the building for more than thirty seconds when a bubbly, silver-haired woman whose name tag read Glory said, “You’ll be wanting these today.” She thrust a pair of thick plastic gloves at Madison’s chest and smiled.
Madison took the gloves from her slowly, with narrowed eyes, wondering what sort of job required them. Glory winked at her. How did she manage to be so cheerful here in this small, dirty employee-break room, where even the smell of bleach and burned coffee couldn’t cover the rank tang of animal urine?
The other new volunteers—who had apparently all arrived early, bright-eyed, and bushy-tailed—included a seventy-something woman, as tanned and wrinkled as a golden raisin; a pair of twins around Madison’s age, with lank, dark hair and goth eye makeup; and a middle-aged man with forearms the size of Christmas hams. No one, in other words, that Madison was eager to get to know.
But the guy who stood quietly in the corner was a different story. He had light brow
n hair, sea-green eyes, and a body like a Greek deity’s. If she’d known that volunteers could look like that, she would’ve been giving back to the community all along. Who was he? Madison wanted to know. And why was he off to the side, so carefully avoiding the cameras?
Glory moved to the front of the room; all eyes followed her. “Lost Paws relies on its volunteers to keep its doors open,” she told them. “And while not all of you are volunteers,” she added, looking in Madison’s direction, “I hope you will all have a great experience during your time with us.”
Madison rolled her eyes up to the ceiling, which was stained acoustic tile. “Can’t wait,” she muttered.
Glory either didn’t hear her, or else she chose to ignore Madison’s lack of enthusiasm. “We accept challenging pets,” she went on. “Lost Paws is the place that people come when they have no other options. When you meet some of these animals, you’re going to have to remind yourself: It might be ugly or it might be mean—or, honestly, it might be both—but every animal in here deserves to be taken care of and loved. Remembering that makes a big difference. These animals are in some of the most difficult circumstances of their lives. They’re in cages. They’re frightened. Even though we do our best to try to take care of them, we are a shelter. We are not a home.” She looked at all of them, her vivacity suddenly muted. “Our job is to make this feel as much like a home as possible.”
Madison suppressed another eye roll. Was this lady for real or was this speech for the cameras?
“Sounds good to me,” said the guy with the giant forearms. “I dig it.”
Madison decided instantly that she hated him.
“So let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves, all right?” she said.
Forearms said his name was Stan. The twins were Hazel and Ivy, and the raisin said that her name was Sharon. Madison felt she needed no introduction, but she offered her name anyway. It was clear that neither Stan nor Sharon had heard of her before (well, she never claimed to be a hit with the Geritol crowd), but Hazel and Ivy gazed at her with what seemed like awe.