"Then, it really got bad. I've been very, very sick. Austin...
"I know. They've got control of your fever and the infection."
"I think there's something else going on beside another infection."
"What?"
"I think I'm pregnant" I said.
He stared for a moment and then his lips softened and his eves brightened.
"That's possible," he said. "We were a little too passionate and threw caution to the wind too many times."
"I'm afraid. Austin."
He nodded.
"I'll have the doctor check you," he said.
"We once discussed the possibility of someone in my condition getting pregnant. Austin. You told me about another client of yours "
"Yes."
"What are the dangers for me?" I asked.
"Let's talk to the doctor. I'm not really any sort of expert about it," he said.
"Should I have an abortion. Austin?" I asked. He studied me a moment.
"Let me start by telling you this. Rain. I'm goingto marry you no matter what you decide to do."
I smiled back at him.
"You're crazy,'" I said.
"Crazy in love." he replied.
The nurse came in to check my medications and my temperature and shortly afterward, the doctor arrived. Austin stepped aside, waiting near the door.
I was surprised to see my doctor was a woman who looked to be no more than in her late thirties. She had hair almost as dark as mine and a very soft, friendly smile. Her glasses were in an attractive pearlcolored frame. She didn't look to be much taller than five feet one, yet she did carry herself with authority and confidence.
"I'm Sheila Baker," she said. "How are you feeling?"
"Numb," I replied. She laughed, check the charts and then began to examine me. As she listened to my heart. I spoke.
"I think I'm pregnant." I said.
She stopped listening, studied me for a moment and then glanced back at Austin.
"Oh? And why do you think that?" she asked. I told her my symptoms.
"Okay. we'll see if that's the case," she said.
"If it is, what sort of complications would I experience?" I asked. "I mean, in my present condition?"
She lowered her glasses, which she kept on a jeweled tie.
"Well, I've got your charts and your history, so I can tell you some things. There's a chance you'd experience what we call autonomic hyperreflexia, uncontrolled reflex motion. This syndrome's effects range from mild, annoying symptoms to the fatal possibility of intracranial hemorrhage. Usually, bouts of hyperreflexia don't harm the fetus. A little more care must be taken to be sure the fetus doesn't suffer hypotension or hypoxernia. which is lack of oxygen in the blood. It's best you give birth in a hospital equipped to handle the complications.
"The site of your spinal injury makes it less likely that this would occur," she added with a smile.
"But not completely unlikely?"
"I hate to say never, ever," she replied.
"What else?" I asked. There had to be more. I thought.
"Premature delivery is more common for women in your condition. You'll be able to perceive the beginnings of labor and you need some education about what to look for. You'll have to have weekly cervical examinations and late in the pregnancy, you'd have to be in a hospital setting.
"However. I would not expect you to require Cesarean section. Sometimes forceps delivery or vacuum extraction are used through the final stages.
"In short, nothing is as easier for you now as it is for someone without your injuries, but I wouldn't tell you not to get pregnant."
She looked at Austin. "Is this your husband?"
"Soon to be," he said. "Soon to be, husband and, I hope, soon-to-be father."
We locked our eyes so intently. Doctor Baker felt uncomfortable being anywhere in between.
"Well, okay. You're doing fine for now. I'll see you later," she said and left us.
"Are you sure about all this. Austin?"
"When I leave here. I'm going right to the printer to start on the invitations," he said as a response.
I laughed.
And then I thought a wedding. What would that be like?
Late in the afternoon, two police detectives came. One was so short and overweight. I couldn't imagine how he could be a policeman. In my mind I envisioned television detectives and saw him trying to chase a thief or killer. The other detective was tall with very short dark brown hair and a very
businesslike manner and seemed more like an FBI agent.
I described what had happened. The tall detective took notes and then they left, giving me the impression they were just going through procedures and weren't looking for any surprises.
They both seemed very uncomfortable talking to me in my hospital room anyway and looked grateful for my cooperation. I was just as eager to have it all over. I didn't want to ask any questions or hear any gruesome details about Aunt Victoria's death.
Four days later I was released from the hospital. Austin was there to take me home, and when we drove up to the house. I saw that he had arranged for the ramp to be reinstalled. I knew that he had also already moved his clothing and accessories in.
"There's another surprise waiting for you," he told me.
After he wheeled me up the ramp and into the house. I saw what else he had done.
"Your attorney and I discussed it and we decided to make an executive decision," he said.
He had gotten a mechanized chair installed on the stairway. All I had to do was transfer myself into it, press a button and it would take me upstairs to a second chair.
"The mistress of the house no longer sleeps in the maid's quarters." he declared.
"Oh Austin." I cried. "you really are going to look after me."
"Til death do us part," he said. "Which reminds me. Under the circumstances,' he continued, patting my stomach. "I thought a wedding as soon as possible would be in order. I have another surprise for you," he added with an impish grin from one ear to the other.
"Austin Clarke, what else have you done?"
"I took the liberty of contacting a certain English professor in London."
I shook my head.
"You don't mean to say..." He nodded.
"Yes, he's coming with his wife. He sounded very excited about it. too."
My heart began to pound in anticipation. "Austin, you've done so much."
"It's just a small, church ceremony with a little reception here afterward. My mother has been a great help. Actually, she's taken care of all the
arrangements," he said. "I hope you don't mind."
"Mind? I'm overwhelmed, I feel like I might faint," I said.
He laughed.
"I probably should have waited until you were settled in and comfortable before unloading all this news, but now that I've gone this far..."
"What?"
"Your mother wants to come to see you tomorrow."
"My mother?"
"She and her husband came down for your aunt's funeral yesterday and they stayed to handle the legal work."
"Why didn't they stay here?"
"I don't know," he said. "Maybe they just weren't comfortable with the idea. They're at a hotel. Your attorney has been talking with Grant and he passed all the information to me to give to you,
"If you're not ready. I could call and have her postpone her visit to another time. Grant has given me an indication they will attend our wedding."
"Really?" I thought for a moment. "But do they know that my father is coming from London?"
"Not exactly." he admitted. "I thought I'd leave that to you to tell her."
"Maybe we should have just eloped,' I muttered.
"We could still do that, of course, but your father would be disappointed. I think. I know my mother would."
I nodded.
"Let's try this contraption out and get you upstairs. I didn't think you'd want to go back to what was your grandmother's room.
so I had the room you told me you originally used to use set up for us. Is that all right?"
"Yes, but someday soon. I'd like to move back into Grandmother Hudson's suite. I know she would want that. Austin and I can't let what Aunt Victoria did stop me from doing so."
"I understand," he said and helped me out of my chair and into the mechanized lift.
He laughed as it carried me up.
"You look like a queen rising above your subjects." he kidded. I insisted on making the transfer to my upstairs chair myself.
"You're not going to be hovering around me day and night," I explained.
"Fine. You're doing a good job of it,"
"I'll rest now," I said permitting him to wheel me into our bedroom. "but if this is going to work. I have to be trusted to do my share."
"Trusted? Expected is a better word for it," he said, feigning sternness. "When I come home from work. I will require a hot dinner ready and waiting. Especially now that I know how good you can cook," he added with a smile.
"I can't wait to do it." I said, meeting the challenge.
"For now though, you are to rest and regain all your strength. You will need most of it for the days ahead. We are going on a honeymoon, you know. A wedding without a honeymoon is like a birthday without the cake."
I laughed at his over-the-top lusty eyes. but I also agreed. Getting into bed and resting was important. I slept like a baby until I woke to find Austin bringing in a tray of food.
"That all smells very good. How did you make that?" I asked looking at the chicken, potatoes and vegetables suspiciously.
"I used an old recipe my grandmother passed down to my mother. It's called. 'Calling for take-out'," he replied.
How we both laughed and how good it felt. He held my hand and smiled at me and kissed me softly.
"All our days will be days of joy," he predicted. "We won't ask for very much, just the chance to enjoy each other."
"Are you sure about all this. Austin, really, really sure? You can still back out." I said.
"Remember when you threw yourself into the lake and I told you I felt I had gone in with you? Well, when I watched the ambulance taking you away, I felt I was in there. too. Rain. We're connected. It's forever," he said with such intensely firm and determined eyes. I could barely breathe. "I hope you're happy about it."
"Of course, I am. I never thought I'd ever be this happy again. Austin."
He kissed me.
"Eat and get strong. You're going to be a mama soon. you know," he said.
.
My mother arrived late in the morning. I thought she looked remarkably well for a woman who had been through all the turmoil and sorrow she had experienced. Her face was lightly tanned and her hair was radiant.
I was in my wheelchair just gazing out the window of my bedroom, looking toward the lake and beyond, reminiscing about my horseback riding and how free and happy it used to make me feel. I had just written another letter to Roy, practically begging him to contact me. I hadn't heard a word from him or about him since his army attorney's call, informing me of Roy's courtmartial.
I don't know how long my mother was in the room, Suddenly. I had that warm feeling on the back of my neck, that sense of being watched from behind and I turned my chair around to face her.
Her eyes flooded quickly with sadness and pity as soon as she saw me turn the chair and not rise out of it to greet her.
"Hi,' she said. "How are you?"
"I'm fine. How are you?"
She shrugged.
"I take it day by day now. Some days go faster than others. Some seem to take weeks."
"That sounds familiar," I said and she nodded. She glanced around the room.
"This was my room, you know,"
"I know,"
"It doesn't seem possible now."
"What?"
"That I lived here once. that I had a life here once. Maybe that's good. Maybe that's the way our minds protect themselves from really going mad. Forgetting is not such a bad thing sometimes."
She laughed and crossed to the bed.
"I used to think it would be wonderful for every day to really be a new day. I mean, to be born again each day. You reach a point in your life when you've grown as much as you will and then you start these multiple existences. Today. I'll be Megan. Tomorrow I'll be... Diane. The day after I'll be Clara, and it will be more than just a change of names. I'd have a different history each day and a different personality, too. That would be more fun, don't you think?"
"If that happened, how could you ever fall in love or be part of anything significant or become anything?" I asked.
"That's the point. You'd just start something and never finish and never, ever be disappointed. It would all end too soon for defeat and sadness.
"We become different people before we die anyway. Rain. I'm certainly not the person I was when I lived here. and I'm not the woman I was in college. I'm not even the woman I was last year, not now. anyway.
"You'll see." she said.
"Maybe I already have," I replied.
"Yes," she said, staring at me and nodding. "Yes. I think you have. Anyway. I'm glad you're okay. I can't even imagine what it must have been like with Victoria. She could be very cruel. She was never a happy person. never. I know she hated me."
"She envied you." I said.
"That's the same thing in the end. You get so you hate the things you can't have or can't be. It's true for me now," she nearly whispered. Then she shook her head as if that would shake out the bad thoughts and smiled. "So, what's this I hear about a wedding?"
"He's a madman,' I said. "but I love him and I'm pretty sure he loves me. No one else would want to do this."
"Fiddlesticks," she said. "You're a very pretty girl and a bright girl, too."
She sighed looked at a picture of Grandmother Hudson that was on the dresser and then turned back to me.
"I want you to know I really never blamed you for Brody's death. I mourned hard because I knew I was totally to blame not only for his death, but for your sense of guilt. I felt I had destroyed two of my children."
"Neither of them can hate you. Mother," I said. She smiled, softly.
"No. I'm the only one now who can do that, I suppose. I have no right to expect anything of you, Rain, but I'd like to come back and I'd like to try again to be your friend."
"I never wanted anything else," I said, Her smile widened,
"I'm looking forward to your wedding."
"I have something to tell you. Actually, two things you ought to know. I'm determined to shut secrets out of this house and my life from now on," I added.
"Good," she said. "I'll try to do the same."
"My father's coming to the wedding," I said.
"Larry?"
"Yes, and with his wife Leanna."
"Oh." She was silent a long moment. I expected she would say she couldn't attend now, but she surprised me. "Well, I'll deal with it."
"And Grant?"
"Heil have no choice." she said with surprising assurance. "What's the other revelation? The famous second shoe?"
"I'm pregnant?"
"What? Pregnant? But how... can you be pregnant?"
"Yes. Mother. I can and I am," I said. laughing.
"Oh," she said, her smile fading.
"What's the matter? Will it bring more disgrace or something?"
"No, no." she said, shaking her head. "That's the last thing I fear about it."
"Then what?"
"Don't you realize what this means?"
"Well, I know what I realize. What do you realize?"
"I'll be a grandmother." she said. "I'm too young to be a grandmother,'" she wailed.
We stared at each other.
And then we laughed,
And laughed until she hugged me tightly.
I felt her tears on my face when she kissed my cheek.
They were already mixing with my own.
Epilogue
.
My wedding was a great success, in a large part
due to Austin's mother's enthusiasm. She was, as he described, a real Southern lady who in many ways reminded me of Grandmother Hudson. Her name was Belva Ann Clarke and her attention to detail was impressive. She had an arch of white and pink roses created for us in the church and one of Austin's little nieces was the most adorable flower girl. Belva Ann took care of the printing of the cards and arranged for the ushers at the church.
My mother helped me choose my wedding dress and then decided she wanted to work with the caterers to do the reception. There was such a storm of excitement around me because of the speed with which everything had to be done that I found myself spinning with new information and decisions every day.
Mother and Belva Ann got along famously. They both possessed a reverence for those small details that made an occasion like this extra special. They marched up and down the hallways together, thinking of things to do to dress up the house for the reception. On and on it went, a discussion about forks and spoons, napkins, colors, ribbons and even festive balloons to be hung on the trees and bushes. Austin and I soon felt like outsiders, observing someone else's marriage. When they were gone for the day, he performed imitations of both of them.
"Now let's see, should we use the hand-painted imported porcelain dishes or the everyday china, and what about the champagne Glasses? Isn't it uncouth to use those plastic things, even though more and more people today are doing so for receptions like this? Do you favor bright red napkins? I just hate paper napkins. We need at least cotton ones, don't you agree?"
Sometimes, he was so accurate, he had me bent over with laughter.
"Now you see why we should have eloped." I teased Austin.
"But they're having so much fun," he said. "Of course, we could let them do it all and then not show up. We'll get on a cruise or something and leave a note behind."
"And be responsible for a two suicides? No thank you." I said.
The only sour note in all this was my half sister Alison. My mother finally had told her all there was to tell about me. and Alison had a predictable reaction. She went from denial to anger and then to indifference and rebellion. My mother told me she didn't think Alison would attend the wedding.