I glared up at the rearview mirror. After several minutes, Dad finally got brave enough to look in it. It is amazing how much emotion one can see in someone’s eyes without having to see the rest of the face. The agony and embarrassment in his eyes nearly cracked the mirror.
Cynthia shrank down the seat. I didn’t pull my gaze from Dad’s. It was like we were playing chicken to see who would look away first. He lost. I no longer wanted to look for a car. I just wanted to go home, sit on the couch with Mom, and put my head on her shoulder like I used to do when I was little and she read to me.
“I think that furniture shop is down the street,” Dad’s voice sounded strained as if his throat was sore. We pulled up to an expensive-looking shop. “Cynthia, why don’t you run in and check it out while Zilly and I wait for you.” When I was in trouble for being rude to Cynthia, I was Brazil. Now that he’s in trouble, it’s Zilly.
I totally did not want to talk about it, but it looked like I was trapped in the back seat and would have no choice except to listen to his lame excuses. They began as soon as Cynthia scooted her perky buns out of the car. She seemed more than happy to go.
Dad unbuckled his seatbelt and turned back to face me. “I’m sorry, Brazil. I know you didn’t realize that Cynthia and I were seeing each other before your mom and I split up.”
“It’s fine. I mean what does it matter now? It just explains why Mom didn’t try to stop you from leaving. It was you the whole time. You were the one who screwed things up.” His skin seemed less tight on his face as my words struck him. Embarrassment did that to people.
“You don’t know anything about love yet, Brazil. Things happen. Feelings change.”
Tears beaded on my lashes, and I was pissed that I was crying in front of him. “I know enough about love to know that Mom’s feeling never changed.” I sat forward. “Mom never changed. She’s just as cool and pretty as she ever was. You changed though. You decided that a pair of giant boobs and supple skin was more important than true love. What will you do when Cynthia sprouts crow’s feet? Scour the local high school for a mate?”
My words flew out at lightning speed, and there was no stopping them even though each syllable seemed to stab him like a tiny poisonous dart.
He spun around and jumped out of the car slamming the door so hard, the window slid down. I sobbed into my hands.
Cynthia came back tight lipped and sort of hunched over about five minutes after Dad had returned to the car in silence. No words needed to be spoken. The car shopping excursion was over, and for the moment, Dad and I had exchanged enough words.
Mom stepped out of the house and onto the driveway with a weak smile. “You’re back so
soon,” she said to me as I scooted past her and ran to the house. She stayed outside. I’m sure Dad relayed the whole thing to her but out of earshot of Cynthia so her dainty feelings would be spared.
I sat with my knees pulled to my chest on the living room couch switching channels crazily with the remote.
Raymond and Tyler ran downstairs with freshly washed hair and ironed t-shirts. “I told you they were back,” Raymond said as he ran to the door. Tyler followed but they both stopped hard when they saw Dad’s car leaving the driveway. Mom met their disappointed faces at the door.
“Dad had to go back to Boston suddenly, guys. He said he’ll be back next Sunday to take
you out for miniature golf and burgers.” Their shoulders drooped simultaneously beneath their nicely pressed shirts. The hard pit in my stomach grew along with the throbbing in my head.
“Tell you what, since you both look so nice, I’ll get my purse and we’ll go down to the
pizza parlor for thick crust pepperoni pizzas.”
Raymond swung around. “I’m not in the mood anymore.”
“Come on, Ray, I’ll let you play all the video games you want. And we’ll get a pitcher of
that icy root beer you like so much.”
“I guess.” The sound of his sadness made tears come back to my eyes. I squeezed my legs tighter against me and pressed my face against them.
Mom’s hand squeezed my shoulder. “You come too. You spend too much time alone in this old house.” I didn’t want to go at all, but then I didn’t feel like hanging around here to be Dr. Freud for Sebastian. I had enough issues of my own to deal with.
“I’ll go but I don’t want to talk about anything and half the pizza has to be cheese.”
“Agreed,” Mom said. “And let’s pick up that new cell phone on the way. Which reminds me, some guy named Hank called you three times this morning while you were gone.”
“Figures.” Once a crappy day, always a crappy day.
I slipped into bed that night without a single visit from Sebastian. Might be that he was still contemplating what his uncle had done, or maybe, he sensed my own rotten mood. His nonappearance was just what I needed.
Chapter 17
It took me a moment when my alarm rang to realize what day it was-- Monday. I would have to see them all today, Hank, Seth and Gina. What joy.
My new cell phone had a message as I grabbed it off the charger on the way out the door. The number was Dad’s. I ignored it for now. I wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say. Through the night, I’d kept thinking about the whole thing and realized that I wasn’t any more disappointed in him than when he walked out on us. At least now I knew he left for a reason and not just because he got tired of us. Even if it was a ridiculously shabby reason.
Seth was standing ten feet from our lockers talking to some guys and smiling broadly. His white teeth and dangerous smile lit up the dungeon-like hallway, and my heart sank to my stomach. His long, black hair looked freshly washed and was tucked behind his ears leaving his silver hoops on full display. God, every inch of him was adorable. No wonder Gina had such a tight grip on him. It would be a major heartbreak to lose Seth Dallas.
“Hey, Babe, I tried to call you yesterday.” Hank’s loud voice thundered from behind and caught Seth’s attention. He glanced at me then looked away. It was a short glance, but it was obvious he hated me. I twisted around. Hank had the nerve to put his hand on the side of my waist. I pulled away from it.
“Look, Hank, I don’t think we have anything here. We are total opposites. So let’s just keep it on a casual friend basis.”
He stepped closer. “Don’t you know opposites attract?” He tried to make his voice sound suggestive, but he just sounded lame. He was kind of a pitiful guy once you put the whole picture together. His hand went toward my waist again, and I blocked it with my own hand.
“Well, in this case, they don’t.”
Hank glared down at me. His face sharpened into a mean sneer. “I always knew you were a bitch.”
I put my hands up. “Guilty as charged.” I scurried away before things got uglier. I snuck a sideways peek at Seth. He was watching me too. I had to pat myself on the back for making so many new friends at my new school.
Julie caught me going into chemistry. She was bursting to tell me news. “Did you hear? Seth broke up with Gina. Everyone’s talking about it. Gina is determined to get him back though.”
We threw our backpacks over the backs of our chairs and slid into our seats. I tried to act nonchalant about the news, but in truth, it made me slightly thrilled. I knew I had no chance with Seth anymore, but he was way too good for Gina. “Why do you think he broke up with her?” Not that I believed Julie had any real insight into the Seth and Gina saga, but she was a pro at catching and repeating rumors.
Julie sat back smugly, apparently excited that I had gone to her as an information source. “Supposedly, he’d had it with her games. She was always flirting with everyone and getting him in trouble.”
“Do you think they’ll get back together?”
“Probably. They’ve been together for a long time, and Gina usually gets what she wants.” Julie leaned forward as if she had another juicy nugget of information. “So is it true?”
“What?’ I asked as the tea
cher began the class. He was one of those teachers who took joy in humiliating students in front of the class if he caught you talking or not paying attention, so we both sat back and clamped shut our mouths. A small piece of paper dropped onto my desk. I unfolded it.
“So are you and Hank an item?”
A small, hysterical laugh escaped my lips. The teacher looked my way, but I stiffened and feigned that he had my complete attention. I wrote back in capital letters. “HELL NO!” Giving the emphatic denial to Julie, the gossip queen, was my perfect opportunity to make sure everyone at the school knew I wanted nothing to do with Hank.
The day was hovering at a neutral five. Gina’s day seemed to be going worse. During the lunch break, Seth and some friends who seemed more his type than the creeps that Gina made him hang with, were sitting along the wall of the quad sipping rainbow colored sports drinks.
Gina stood nearby, making sure she was in Seth’s line of vision, laughing and giggling with a group of people. It was a pathetic display of look at me, look at me, see what you’ve lost. It reminded me of sixth grade when a new cute guy had moved to our school, and my friends and I followed him around at recess, not actually talking to him but staying close enough hoping he would notice one of us and fall madly in love. Our ploy never worked. Gina’s didn’t seem to be working either. Seth didn’t look her way at all. Of course he never looked my way either. It was majorly disappointing but I had to face the fact that Seth was not going to have anything to do with me now that I’d been tainted with Hankness.
Mom was working so I walked to the barn. Julie walked with me part of the way and filled me in on some of the other spicy stuff that had happened last year at school, like one of the senior cheerleaders caught with her short skirt up in the boy’s locker room with the assistant water polo coach. And three of the basketball stars were suspended before a big game for smoking pot in the photography dark room. On top of that, the photography teacher, who Julie was sure was leading a double life as a porn star, had provided the guys with the stuff. For such a small town, it was a colorful, sordid place. Just like a hundred plus years ago when Sebastian’s uncle was plotting sinister things against his wealthy nephew and everyone seemed to ignore it.
The soft snort of horses felt like coming home as I reached the stables. I didn’t see Moses or Trudy but found a message on the whiteboard hanging in the tack room.
Lunge Pipe Dream. Don’t forget the stud chain. Saddle Legend and walk him around the arena for twenty minutes. Ride Dusty too. Make him trot and canter both ways. The new ranch hand starts today. I should be back by the time he arrives, Moses.
I threw on my riding shoes. A brisk sea breeze was blowing on shore and creeping its way through the barnyard, so I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head and braced myself for a wild lunge session with Pipe Dream, the circus act.
In the round pen, Pipe Dream circled me like an animal possessed, even with a chain beneath his chin. He’d kicked up a major cloud of dust and was snorting like a dragon in heat when a voice startled me.
“Is Moses here?”
“He should be back in a minute,” I said over my shoulder.
“Brazil?”
I maneuvered my feet around so I could see the person behind me, but the sudden flurry of nerves in my gut already let me know who it was. “Seth? Are you the new stable hand?”
He nodded. “Is that your horse? He looks psycho.”
“He is psycho but he’s not mine. Moses pays me to work some of the horses.”
“So you work here too?”
“I guess since I’m getting paid, it’s work. But working horses is the best work I can think of.”
His hands were deep in his pockets, his shoulders were hunched, and there were dark rings under his eyes like he’d been suffering through some serious shit lately. Maybe he missed his girlfriend. Thinking about him pining over her after their break-up was even worse than thinking about them together as a happy couple.
Pipe Dream kicked out. I yanked the line to settle him down before he ripped my arm off. “Although this particular horse is not that fun.”
I could see Moses approaching from behind. I motioned with my head. “There’s the boss.”
Moses reached the round pen and laughed. “Have you ever seen such a ridiculous animal?”
I smiled. “Some of them are just goof balls on the end of the line.”
Moses turned around and stuck his hand out to Seth. “I’m Moses and I see you’ve met Brazil.”
“I’m Seth.” They walked away.
I took a deep breath, realizing it was the first real intake of air I’d had in the last few minutes. Having a guy who hates you take your breath away is probably not ideal. Now I would have to see him at work. I was trying to decide if this was good or bad.
****
When I walked up our driveway, I braced myself for a ghostly encounter. I had not seen Sebastian in more than a day, mostly because I’d made a point of sticking around Mom and the boys. Even though it wasn’t my fault that the diary was gone, I felt the guilt of failure and tried to imagine myself in Sebastian’s place. It had to be terrifying stuck in one place, the place where your last days were spent in terrible pain both physically and mentally. That thought brought me back to his uncle. There was no doubt in my mind that the horrible man had plotted Sebastian’s death. Talk about a bully. His uncle made Hank look like the Easter Bunny.
I contemplated prying more details out of Sebastian about his illness, his uncle, and his seemingly unexplained death, but for the moment, I decided to let the idea rest.
My cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I fished it out and flipped it open knowing full well it was Dad. I couldn’t keep ignoring him.
“Brazil, it’s Dad.”
“Yes, I recognize your voice, Dad. Plus, the little screen on my cell phone read
D-A-D.”
He laughed nervously at my sarcasm. “I’m sorry yesterday went so badly.”
Yesterday? Was he kidding? How about I’m sorry the whole last year went so badly. “I’m sure I’ll recover.” I squished the phone between my ear and shoulder, a feat that was never easy with a razor thin phone, and unlocked the back door.
“Listen, I searched on-line and found a cute hybrid car, which I special ordered for you in that baby-blue color you like. They’re going to install a custom stereo too.” Parental guilt was always good for new things. Mom bought me a new phone because she felt guilty she’d never told me about Dad’s affair, but it was nothing compared to the avalanche of guilt Dad must have been feeling about actually having the affair. I was getting a custom car. Seems like the value of the ease my guilt gift was directly proportional to the amount of guilt being experienced. And that little notion spurred a brilliant idea.
“Actually, Dad, I’ve decided I don’t need a car.” Sebastian popped onto the kitchen table and startled me. I gasped.
“Is anything wrong, Zilly?”
“Nope, nothing’s wrong.” I could hear the sounds of the airport terminal in the background. “Where are you flying to?”
“London. Why don’t you want a car?”
“It’s a small town. Everything here is in walking distance . . . and I want Carrington back instead.” I opened the fridge and reached for the carton of milk. It floated out and up into the air. It hovered above my head. I jumped for it.
“Why does is sound like you’re on a trampoline?”
“Just reaching for the milk.” I scowled at Sebastian who was having what he would probably refer to as a jolly good time watching me struggle to reach the milk. “Do you think we could buy him back from Bridgett?”
“Carrington? I thought you were through with horses.”
“Keep it, you boob,” I said to Sebastian and turned my back on him.
“Huh?” Dad asked.
“Oh sorry, Dad, I was talking to --. Never mind that. I’m working at a local stable now, and I realize I miss riding a lot. I should never have given it up, Dad. Not
hing else is the same in my life right now except Mom, the twins, and the pets. I would really love to have that piece of my existence back.”
He got quiet, no doubt from the stab of guilt that shot through him with my last statement. I hadn’t said it to get that reaction. It was the truth.
“Let me talk to the Kents, Zilly. I’ll see what I can do about getting your horse back.”
An ice cold milk carton pressed against my neck. I sucked in a sharp breath and spun around to face Sebastian.
“Zilly, what is going on there? Are you with a boy?”
A short laugh escaped me. “Not technically.” It was the only thing I could think to say.
“I’ve got to go, Dad. I’ve got a ton of homework.”
“I understand, Zilly.” His voice was suddenly distant and sad sounding. My throat tightened.
“Dad,” I said before he hung up.
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“Safe landing.”
“Thanks, baby. Talk to you later.”
I flipped the phone shut and sort of wished I hadn’t been such a butthead yesterday.
The carton of milk plopped onto the table. “You’ve been avoiding me.”
I glanced up at Sebastian. “No. It’s just that I had problems of my own to deal with, Mr. The World Revolves Around Me.”
“Actually, it is Two Worlds. And they don’t revolve around me. Rather, I revolve around them.”
I rolled my eyes. “OMG, it was just a little sarcasm. Don’t do a whole factual analysis of it.”
“I don’t know this OMG term, but you have been spending an unusual amount of time around your family, which I can only assume means you don’t want to see me.” A glass floated from the cupboard and landed gently on the table.
I poured myself some milk. “I told you I was dealing with some stuff.” I took a long swig then sighed. “Besides, you have ruined my chances with the one guy who I really like at school.”
“I ruined it? How so?”
He is the mortal enemy of the Warner guy. Now he thinks I’m a Hank skank.” I smiled at my newly made up term.