“You’d rather be separated for a lifetime?” Susan questioned, frowning.
“Yes. It would be easier than dying by inches. No. Oh God, Susan, I don’t know what I want anymore.”
Her friend didn’t say anything for a long time, and when she did, her voice was gentle, understanding. “I stopped counting the times I’ve said goodbye to Jeff a long time ago. Every time I stand out on that pier and watch that huge carrier pull away, I think I’ll never be able to do it again. Letting Jeff go, and doing it with a smile, takes everything there is inside me. You’ve got it wrong, Lindy. You think I’m so brave and good, but I’m not.”
“But you are.”
“No. I’m just a woman who loves her man.”
“I love Rush, too,” Lindy returned defiantly.
“I know, and he loves you.” The tip of Susan’s finger circled the rim of her coffee cup as she averted her gaze, her look thoughtful. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget the night I first met you. We were in the kitchen chatting, and Rush and Jeff were fiddling around on the patio with the barbecue. Remember?”
Lindy nodded.
“You were holding one of the boys and I saw Rush look at you. Lindy, there’s no way I can describe the longing that came into his eyes. Just watching him stare at you with such tenderness made me want to weep. It was as if you were the Madonna holding the baby Jesus. In that moment, I knew how much your love had changed Rush, and how important you had become to him in those short weeks.
“You might succeed in getting him to leave the navy, but in time you’ll regret it. I know Rush will. Eventually it would cripple him, and in the process, you. If ever there was a man who was meant to lead others, meant to serve his country, it’s Rush.”
“Why is it always the woman who has to change?” Lindy cried. “It’s not fair.”
“You’re right,” Susan agreed, with a sad smile. “It isn’t fair. All I can say is, if you try to change Rush and succeed, he won’t be the same man you fell in love with, or the same man you married.”
Lindy bowed her head, more confused than ever.
“Rush took your words to heart,” Susan added, looking both disheartened and disappointed.
Lindy jerked her gaze up. “How do you know that?”
“He doesn’t expect you to be waiting for him when the Mitchell docks next month. Jeff wrote that Rush has volunteered for the first watch.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means he’s going to remain on board as officer of the day the first twelve hours after the crew is dismissed. He told Jeff he didn’t have any reason to hurry home since you weren’t going to be there.”
“But, I didn’t mean I wouldn’t be at the apartment!”
Susan shrugged. “How was Rush supposed to know that?”
* * *
The phone rang twice and Lindy glanced at her watch, calculating if she had enough time to answer it before meeting Susan and the other navy wives. She had no intention of being late for this last fling before the Mitchell docked. Taking a chance, she hurried into the kitchen.
“All right, all right,” she grumbled, and reached for the receiver. “Hello?”
Her greeting was followed by a short silence, and then a soft female voice asked, “Is Steve Kyle available, please?”
“Carol? Is that you?” Lindy’s heart started to pound with excitement. She’d been wanting to talk to her former sister-in-law for weeks.
“Who’s this?”
Carol’s voice was far from fragile and she could almost picture the petite, gentle blonde squaring her shoulders and bringing up her chin.
“It’s Lindy.”
“Lindy! I didn’t know you were in Seattle.”
“Six months now.”
“You should have called. I’d love to see you again.”
“I wanted to contact you,” Lindy said, her spirits lifting as a Christmas song came over the radio, “but Steve wasn’t in favor of the idea. How are you?”
“Good. Real good. Well, tell me—are you Mrs. Paul Abrams yet?” The question was followed by a light, infectious laugh. “The last time I saw you, Paul had just given you a diamond ring and you were floating on cloud nine.”
It was difficult for Lindy to remember those days. She may have been fooled into thinking she was happy, but that contentment had been short-lived. She would never have been the right woman for Paul. Once again she thanked God he’d had enough foresight to have recognized as much.
“I married Rush Callaghan,” Lindy told her.
A short, shocked silence followed. “You did? Why that’s wonderful—congratulations. I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for Rush.”
The last person Lindy wanted to discuss was her husband, especially the way matters were between them now. “Steve isn’t here at the moment, but he’ll be back soon. I’ll tell him you called.” Lindy hesitated and then decided she couldn’t hold her tongue any longer. “I don’t know what happened between you two—Steve never told me—but whatever it is, I hope you can patch it up. He misses you dreadfully.” Lindy knew her brother would have her hide if he knew she’d told Carol that.
Carol laughed, but the mirth couldn’t disguise her pain. “He’s gotten along fine without me, and I’ve learned to manage without him, too. Leave a message for him, will you?”
“Of course.”
“But tell him—” Carol added quickly, “—tell him it isn’t overly important.”
“Sure. I’ll be happy to.”
“It was nice talking to you again, Lindy. Really nice. I’m pleased for you and Rush. Be happy, you hear?”
Lindy nodded, although she knew Carol couldn’t see the action. “I will,” she mumbled. “I will.”
* * *
Rush stood at the bridge ready to be relieved of duty. The sky was a deep shade of pearl gray and he expected it to start raining any minute. The foul weather suited his mood. The Mitchell was home, and his friends had hurried off the carrier and down the gangway to a happy reunion with their wives and families, eager to spend the holidays with their loved ones.
Rush had stood on the bridge, hungrily scanning the crowds through his binoculars, hoping with everything in him that he’d find Lindy there. He would have given his retirement pay to have found her among the well-wishers, waiting for him.
But Lindy hadn’t been there, and a small part of Rush had died with the knowledge. Cheryl hadn’t been there for him, either. Rush shouldn’t have been surprised. Lindy had told him in Hawaii she had no intention of standing on the gangway, and she’d meant it. He was a fool to even have expected her.
His watchful gaze scanned the outline of the city of Bremerton and the Christmas decorations that hung from the streetlights. For the past six weeks of the cruise, he’d closed himself off from thoughts of Lindy, mentally chastising himself for exposing his heart a second time. Over and over again, he’d told himself women were too fickle to be trusted. But now that he was in port everything had changed and he knew he would eventually have to face her.
Marrying Lindy had been a gamble—he’d known it the day he slipped the wedding band on her finger. Her brother had had every reason to come down on him so hard. His friend was right. Rush had taken advantage of Lindy. He’d cashed in on her pain and insecurities, used her infatuation with him for his own purposes. It wasn’t any wonder Lindy was confused and miserably unhappy now. Everything that had happened between them was his fault and he accepted full responsibility. Lindy wasn’t ready to be a wife and she wanted out.
Rush didn’t blame her.
His relief arrived and, after making the necessary notations in the log, Rush picked up his seabag and headed down the steep gangway. A stiff, cold breeze hit him and he paused to raise the collar of his thick wool jacket. There was no reason to hurry, and his steps were heavy.
His left arm was free of the cast now, but he still hadn’t regained full use of it. His shoulder ached almost unbearably at times, but Rush had welcomed the pain. Th
e physical throbbing somehow helped overshadow the mental agony of what had happened between him and Lindy.
Halfway down the gangway, something made him glance up. He stopped, his heart thundering against his rib cage, unable to believe his own eyes. There, alone at the end of the pier stood Lindy. The strong wind plastered her long coat to her torso and beat her thick dark hair roughly about her face. Her hands were buried in her coat pockets and she’d raised her chin, her loving eyes following his movements, patiently waiting.
Years of discipline, weeks of control, snapped within Rush as he dropped his seabag and started walking toward her. His chest felt as though he was on fire, he was fighting so hard to bury the emotion that pounded through him. His pulse started to beat in his temple. She’d come. His Lindy had come.
Rush quickened his pace and Lindy started running toward him, her arms outstretched. He caught her and pulled her into his embrace, burying his face in her soft hair, breathing in her delicate scent.
He tried to speak and found he couldn’t. His tongue might as well have been attached to the roof of his mouth, and after a half second, he gave up trying to voice his thoughts. It came to him then how unnecessary words really were.
He sighed and reveled in the warm glow of Lindy’s love at full strength. It worked on him like a healing potion, a relentless tide surging against him at full crest. It was as though they had exchanged their wedding vows there, at that moment on that pier, so strong was the love that flowed between them.
“Rush,” she cried, tears in her voice. “I’m sorry, so sorry.”
She held him so tightly that Rush could barely breathe. He closed his eyes, letting his heart and mind soak up her words. Each one tenderly removed the barbs of doubt that had tormented him, each one healed the pain and deep sense of loss these past weeks of separation had brought him. Each word confirmed what he’d always known but had been afraid to admit, fearing it would cripple him for life. He loved Lindy, loved her beyond anything else there could ever be in his world. He loved her more than the thrill of navigating the oceans, more than serving his country and commanding men. From the minute she’d given him her heart, Rush had only one mistress, only one wife, and that was Lindy.
“I love you,” she said fiercely. “I’ve been such a fool.” Lindy felt home at last in Rush’s arms. This was where she belonged, where she planned to stay. It had taken these long weeks apart for her to realize what a fool she’d been to risk losing this wonderful man. Everything Susan had said was true, and Lindy had finally recognized the truth in her friend’s words.
“You?” His voice was strained and husky with emotion. “If anyone was a fool, it was me. I should never have walked away from you in Hawaii.”
The muscles in his lean jaw bunched and she kissed him, not able to wait a moment longer. Her hands lovingly stroked the sides of his face, relishing touching him so freely. Her mind groped for the words to explain.
“I was wrong, Rush, so wrong to try to force you to choose between me and the navy.”
“Lindy, stop.” He held a hand to her mouth to cut off her words. “Listen to me, my love. The reenlistment papers are in my pocket. I haven’t signed them, and I won’t.”
She broke away, her face tight with disbelief. “You most certainly will sign those papers, Rush Callaghan.”
From the look he gave her, Lindy knew she couldn’t have shocked him more had she announced she was six months pregnant. His gaze narrowed as he studied her.
“The last time we talked, you were dead set against the navy. You wanted to be first in my life. I’m telling you I’m willing to give you what you want.”
“You came so close to dying,” she reminded him softly, and her voice trembled slightly with remembered pain. “I don’t know if you’re even aware of how badly you were injured.”
He shook his head.
Rush had changed in so many ways since Hawaii. His shoulders were broader and his eyes less clouded, letting her look into his heart and know his thoughts.
“I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, Rush. It terrified me. I decided that if I was going to be forced to give you up, I’d rather get it over with quickly instead of letting go of you a little at a time. That was why I asked you to give up the navy. That was why I told you I wouldn’t be here when you returned. Believe me, I know how crazy that sounds now. But at the time I felt I was doing the right thing.”
“That’s the most twisted piece of reasoning I’ve ever heard.”
“I know,” she whispered, dropping her gaze.
“Lindy, I meant what I said about those reenlistment papers. If you want a civilian for a husband, I’ll do my damnedest to adjust.”
She met his intense gaze and smiled through her tears. “Sign the papers, Rush. I’ve done a lot of maturing these past six weeks. You wanted a navy wife and by God, you’ve got one.”
He stared at her and a strange, unidentifiable light flared in his gaze, darkening and then lightening their cornflower blue.
“You mean it, don’t you?”
She nodded vigorously. “You bet I do. I may make mistakes along the way, but I’m willing to learn. I love you, Rush.”
“I love you, wife.”
“Navy wife,” she amended.
Rush laughed and folded her in his arms, holding on to her as though he never planned to let her go. When they broke apart, Rush retrieved his seabag, and with their arms wrapped around each other’s waists, they stepped forward toward tomorrow—a naval officer and his first mate.
* * * * *
The
ESSENTIAL COLLECTION
Navy Blues
#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
Debbie Macomber
One
Seducing her ex-husband wasn’t going to be easy, Carol Kyle decided, but she was determined. More than determined—resolute! Her mind was set, and no one knew better than Steve Kyle how stubborn she could be when she wanted something.
And Carol wanted a baby.
Naturally she had no intention of letting him in on her plans. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. Their marriage had lasted five good years, and six bad months. To Carol’s way of thinking, which she admitted was a bit twisted at the moment, Steve owed her at least one pregnancy.
Turning thirty had convinced Carol that drastic measures were necessary. Her hormones were jumping up and down, screaming for a chance at motherhood. Her biological clock was ticking away, and Carol swore she could hear every beat of that blasted timepiece. Everywhere she turned, it seemed she was confronted with pregnant women, who served to remind her that her time was running out. If she picked up a magazine, there would be an article on some aspect of parenting. Even her favorite characters on television sitcoms were pregnant. When she found herself wandering through the infant section of her favorite department store, Carol realized drastic measures needed to be taken.
Making the initial contact with Steve hadn’t been easy, but she recognized that the first move had to come from her. Getting in touch with her ex-husband after more than a year of complete silence had required two weeks of nerve building. But she’d managed to swallow her considerable pride and do it. Having a woman answer his phone had thrown her for a loop, and Carol had visualized her plans swirling down the drain until she realized the woman was Steve’s sister, Lindy.
Her former sister-in-law had sounded pleased to hear from her, and then Lindy had said something that had sent Carol’s spirits soaring to the ceiling: Lindy had claimed that Steve missed her dreadfully. Lordy, she hoped that was true. If so, it probably meant he wasn’t dating yet. There could be complications if Steve was involved with another woman. On the other hand, there could also be problems if he wasn’t involved.
Carol only needed him for one tempestuous night, and then, if everything went according to schedule, Steve Kyle could fade out of her life once more. If she failed to get pregnant … well, she’d leap that hurdle when she came to it.
Carol had left a
message for Steve a week earlier, and he hadn’t returned her call. She wasn’t overly concerned. She knew her ex-husband well; he would mull it over carefully before he’d get back to her. He would want her to stew awhile first. She’d carefully figured the time element into her schedule of events.
Her dinner was boiling on the stove, and Carol turned down the burner after checking the sweet potatoes with a cooking fork. Glaring at the orange-colored root, she heaved a huge sigh and squelched her growing dislike for the vegetable. After she became pregnant, she swore she would never eat another sweet potato for as long as she lived. A recent news report stated that the starchy vegetable helped increase the level of estrogen in a woman’s body. Armed with that information, Carol had been eating sweet potatoes every day for the last two weeks. There had to be enough of the hormone floating around in her body by now to produce triplets.
Noting the potatoes were soft, she drained the water and dumped the steaming roots into her blender. A smile crowded the edges of her mouth. Eating sweet potatoes was a small price to pay for a beautiful baby … for Steve’s baby.
* * *
“Have you called Carol back yet?” Lindy Callaghan demanded of her brother as she walked into the small kitchen of the two-bedroom apartment she shared with her husband and Steve.
Steve Kyle ignored her until she pulled out the chair and plopped down across the table from him. “No,” he admitted flatly. He could see no reason to hurry. He already knew what Carol was going to tell him. He’d known it from the minute they’d walked out of the King County Courthouse, the divorce papers clenched in her hot little hands. She was remarrying. Well, more power to her, but he wasn’t going to sit back and blithely let her rub his nose in the fact.
“Steve,” Lindy insisted, her face tight with impatience. “It could be something important.”