Don’t make me repeat myself, it’s a waste of time. Tell me you understand.
Of course Nanase understood only too well. But with great effort she tried to look stupid. “Uh, well… sort of…”
Moron. Her father was smarter.
Shinzo continued explaining, his annoyance increasing. “In short, I want you to take the same test. It’s clear that your father had a special ability. So I’m thinking that you might have inherited his ESP, his extrasensory perception. How about it?” Shinzo asked her in as light a manner as possible, and yet in a tone that would have made it impossible to refuse. “Will you give it a try?”
“Uh…” Nanase fidgeted. “Now?”
“Uh, yes.” Shinzo wavered for a moment. He realized he lacked the witness necessary for the experiment. But he told himself that if the results were good, he could then have her officially tested at the university. “That’s right. Now, if possible.”
“Well…” Nanase’s voice faltered. “I have to prepare dinner before the mistress gets back. I’ll be in trouble if I don’t. She’ll be home soon.”
Shinzo’s eyes burned in anger.
Idiot. The girl’s an idiot.
He had always looked down on uneducated people for being unable to understand his research, and the fact that Nanase was using his wife as an excuse made him resent the girl even more.
“I told you that didn’t matter, didn’t I?”
It occurred to Nanase that playing the dull-witted girl might be to her benefit. If Shinzo thought that she couldn’t possibly have ESP, he might give up the experiment. But Nanase also knew that Shinzo would never give up so easily. Inside his mind, she could see ambition, self-interest and a lust for fame.
Shinzo himself was more interested in the research he was currently tackling than in parapsychology, but he was thinking that if Nanase did prove to have ESP, he could publish new discoveries on its hereditary nature, and at the same time present the unpublished results of the late Professor Kabashima’s work as his own. It was even conceivable that the mass media might pick up on the sensational nature of his research. He realized, of course, that the Japanese academic world still made light of parapsychology, and this might pose a problem. But in America and the Soviet Union, universities with parapsychological research centres were not uncommon, and so if all else failed, he could hope for a warm critical reception abroad.
Nanase was determined to avoid an ESP test at all costs. She did not know if she had clairvoyant powers or not. Since she would inadvertently read her opponent’s mind, she had always avoided playing cards and similar types of games. But even if she deliberately chose wrong answers, she’d have no idea what kind of unexpected evaluation might be formed – there was even a danger in making too many mistakes. Nanase knew of an actual case where a testee had made so many errors that the results were carefully gone over, and it was discovered that cards removed had been guessed correctly one after another. If Nanase had clairvoyant powers, then there was a great risk that in trying to avoid the right answers which would appear in Shinzo’s mind, she might unconsciously correctly guess the order of the cards from another place in the series.
Taking advantage of Shinzo’s all-too-apparent anger, Nanase put on an even blanker expression, placed her clenched fists on her knees, deliberately avoided looking at Shinzo and spoke in a plainly obstinate tone.
“I don’t want to take any psychological test.”
Inside Shinzo a desire to scream battled it out with his self-control.
The moronic girl. Don’t get angry. Isn’t this the response ordinary people always have towards psychology? Damn Kikuko. Just what kind of idiotic notions about my work did she fill the maid’s head with?
Keeping his emotions in check, he started talking to Nanase in what was for him a highly considerate manner. “Psychology isn’t the frightening science you think it is. I’m not going to be able to understand everything you’re thinking or hypnotize you or anything like that. What I meant by an experiment…”
For almost an hour he tried persuading her. Suppressing his emotions, Shinzo gently admonished her for accepting these misconceptions about psychology, brought up how intelligent her father was, and in the end even hinted that he’d pay her a fee.
Occasionally there would be a small emotional explosion: “Don’t you understand yet?” “How can I get through to you?”
But he’d immediately regain his calm and forge on with his appeal. The kinder he was, however, the more dubious Nanase looked, and the angrier he got, the more she pouted stubbornly. And she doggedly kept her silence.
Where does this ignorance and obstinacy come from? Such a non-human, animal-like girl is better off dead. She won’t talk any more. Damn her, she’s shut up like a clam.
Why do I have to suffer so, why do I have to take such horrible insults lying down, thought Nanase, suddenly breaking into tears in spite of herself. She started weeping uncontrollably.
Nanase’s tears were more than Shinzo could put up with. Tears of an ignoramus. Tears of a pig. I’ve had enough. Is it that awful? Then go do what you like.
“You idiot. All right. Just leave,” he screamed at her, no longer trying to hide his repugnance. Then he turned his back on Nanase, angry and frustrated. He hadn’t given up, however. He was already thinking of how to get another chance at her.
When Nanase left the study, sobbing, Shinzo’s fingertips were tapping the desk convulsively. She couldn’t stop crying. Her tears kept welling up. For the first time in her life, Nanase cursed her power from the bottom of her heart.
Nanase was still crying in the living room when she sensed nearby a consciousness churning violently like a storm. She looked up in surprise. It was Kikuko. When had she come home? She was standing upright, staring at Nanase with a look of shock on her pale face.
Even the maid! He’s even gone after the maid. Even the maid.
“You’re wrong,” Nanase almost screamed out, then quickly held her tongue. What a horrible misunderstanding.
“Oh, you’re back,” she said instead, hurriedly wiping away her tears. She put on a normal face and tried speaking calmly, but she couldn’t hide the trembling in her voice.
Kikuko was now sure that Shinzo had “gone after” Nanase. A fire burned inside her with a force never seen before.
The beast! The beast!
Once she was fully convinced of this, however, her elegant smile and gentle look returned.
“What’s wrong?”
She came up to Nanase anxiously, putting on an expression of benevolence befitting a saint. “Why are you crying?” she asked in a voice brimming with concern.
She’s been raped. She’s been raped. He raped her. She’s been raped by him.
“It’s nothing.”
“Oh.” Kikuko decided that it wouldn’t look right if she pressed the girl too much.
The wrathful fire burning in Kikuko reminded Nanase of the red blaze from a crematorium that she had seen when she was a little girl. Or perhaps she was recalling a tableau from a “Heaven and Hell” peep show at a temple festival she had gone to in her childhood. Then again, she might never have had such memories. Overwhelmed by the force of this violent, primitive anger, she had mistaken it for a memory, experiencing a sort of déjà vu.
To think that one human being could abhor another so much. The image was driving Nanase insane, and yet she could not take her eyes off it. She could only quake in fear at this explosion of primal anger.
I can’t work here any longer, thought Nanase. But she had to keep Shinzo from seeking her out. The only way to stop him was to present him with a crisis so enormous that it would make him forget her completely. In which case, she had no choice but to make use of Kikuko’s explosive anger.
Nanase let down her latch to shut out Kikuko’s consciousness. She had to prepare herself mentally by blocking out her furious thoughts. She sidled up to her and began, “Mrs Negishi, there’s something I want to say to you.”
Ki
kuko smiled calmly at Nanase while cradling her fretting baby. “What is it?”
“The other day on my day off, I went to see a movie. And on my way back, I saw him.” All the while avoiding Kikuko’s gaze, she spoke in one breath. “Mr Negishi was leaving a hotel with a woman.”
If Kikuko asked, Nanase was prepared to tell her the name of the hotel and time: she had read it in Shinzo’s mind. But Kikuko remained silent, her expression unchanging. Instead, her baby burst out crying. Kikuko seemed to have squeezed him extra hard.
Nanase went on. “Once before I saw Mr Negishi with a woman in a coffee shop. I was already inside, but your husband didn’t notice me and sat down in the booth right behind me. Mr Negishi and this woman seemed to be… you know… I could tell by their talk.” Nanase stared straight at Kikuko. “That’s all.”
“Thank you.” Kikuko stared back at Nanase while rocking the baby, still maintaining her gentle smile. “But don’t tell anyone else about this.” She had clearly resolved to play the role of faithful wife who endured her husband’s debaucheries.
“You are sure, Mrs Negishi?” Nanase urged Kikuko on. “Your husband’s having an affair!”
“I understand how you feel.” Once again, Kikuko knitted her brow in concern. “My husband did do something to you after all.”
Kikuko was probably thinking that Nanase was telling on him because she felt sorry for her fellow victim. But Nanase didn’t make any reply. The longer she kept silent, the more furious Kikuko was likely to become.
“No,” Nanase finally denied weakly. “I’m all right.”
“I’m relieved to hear that.”
Nanase looked at Kikuko’s staring eyes. For whatever reason, huge teardrops welled up and came streaking down her cheeks.
While Kikuko kept on smiling, the tears flowed from her unblinking eyes. The weirdness of this was beyond description. Obviously they weren’t tears of relief.
Kikuko must now be firmly convinced that her husband had raped Nanase, but Nanase knew that she would never confirm it by asking him. And he wasn’t likely to tell his wife of his own accord about the ESP test; he knew she’d only ridicule it.
Suddenly Kikuko turned away, wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands, and casually asked Nanase the following question.
“What did my husband talk about with the woman he met in the coffee shop?”
“Both of them were bad-mouthing you,” Nanase answered. “They were making fun of you.”
All at once the latch in Nanase’s consciousness sprung open as angry waves came bursting into her thoughts.
“Ohh…” Nanase collapsed onto the linoleum floor. Kikuko’s violent anger had taken hold of not only Nanase’s mind but of her very body as well.
When she looked up, she saw Kikuko, the baby in her arms, consumed by a raging fire. Kikuko was standing erect in the centre of the blaze, still smiling benevolently, but with her eyes opened wide as she looked down at Nanase. In her anger she chanted sutras, whether consciously or unconsciously. The force and horror of her will made it impossible for Nanase to cut her fury off from her mind. All she could do was shake.
“Pl-Please…” Nanase screamed out hoarsely. “I want to leave.”
“Of course you do.” Licked by the flames, the virtuous woman had already lost interest in the girl. She smiled at her as she said goodbye.
Early the next morning Nanase left the Negishis.
Two days later Nanase read in the newspaper that Mrs Negishi had killed her baby and then committed suicide in the bath. It was not likely that Shinzo Negishi would ever try to find Nanase.
6
The Grass Is Greener
“Starting tomorrow, would you mind helping out the Ichikawas next door for a week?” Teruo Takagi asked Nanase. “Mr Ichikawa is working at home now.”
“It’s fine with me, but…” Nanase answered.
Teruo, who had a stubby neck and thick lips, frowned. “I’ve already spoken to Naoko.”
Then he returned to the medical report on his lap.
During the month Nanase had been working at the Takagis’, she had never once seen Teruo read a medical textbook while relaxing in the study-living room. He would either be leafing through thin reports or the newspaper. Otherwise he’d be watching foreign movies on TV. And yet Teruo was a doctor who ran a small clinic on the first floor of the apartment building.
Even though he was only forty, Nanase could tell that he had already lost interest in his work.
There were lots of medical texts lining the bookshelves, but Nanase wasn’t fooled. When she peered into Teruo’s mind, she found him preoccupied with his position inside the medical academy, the one and only interest he showed towards his job. His concern for his patients amounted to a momentary thought for a particularly troubling case. Needless to say, he hated emergency house calls.
Naoko came home. She had gone to have an autumn suit tailored at her favourite boutique. Since she never told her husband her plans, he had no idea where she had been.
Without a word, Naoko went into her bedroom to change. Teruo didn’t say anything either. He’d only come out with something sarcastic and then his wife would lash back with even more bitter sarcasm. Naoko treated him with contempt. But what Teruo didn’t understand was the real reason behind this contempt.
Since they lived in a three-bedroom apartment, Nanase was able to tune into their minds freely no matter what room they were in. While Naoko was changing in the bedroom, she was thinking of her next-door neighbour, Shogo Ichikawa. They had just exchanged nods at the entrance. At thirty-seven, he was the same age as herself. Shogo was an architectural designer specializing in stores and, unlike Teruo, was neither fat nor lazy. The reason Naoko, in spite of her age, blushed every time she met Shogo was because all his good qualities were lacking in her husband.
“I spoke to Nana,” Teruo said to Naoko when she came into the living room. “She says she won’t mind going.”
The nerve of ordering me to take care of such chores.
“Oh.” Naoko spoke without turning to face Nanase. “Do your best, Nana.”
“Whatever you say.” To gauge Naoko’s feelings, Nanase deliberately spoke slowly, hinting at some double meaning.
As she predicted, Naoko turned to look at her, startled. By peering into Naoko’s consciousness at that instant, Nanase learnt that she genuinely wanted her to help out at the Ichikawas’. Naoko was hoping that this would give her the opportunity to meet Shogo.
“Go inform the Ichikawas.” Teruo stared fixedly at Naoko.
He could tell that his wife was interested in their next-door neighbour. In the past she would always praise Mr Ichikawa for the way he did his work, but now she never said anything, a clear indication that her interest in him had taken on a new dimension. So to test his wife’s reaction, he had deliberately spoken with an unmerited gravity, in the imperious tone his wife detested.
“You don’t have to tell me that.” Picking up on what her husband was intimating, Naoko showed her anger.
Why don’t I just tell him I’d be delighted to go right now? Shogo’s not home. I should go later.
“I’ll go later.” Then she added by way of a retaliation, “Mr Ichikawa isn’t home now.”
Teruo tried to curve his lips into a smile, but ended up with quite a different expression. He knew that inside him lay a fragment of feeling approximating jealousy, and he was mulling this over unpleasantly.
“There’s no point in speaking to Mrs Ichikawa.” Naoko continued her attack as she watched her husband’s face twitch. Her remark was an indirect cut at Teruo for leaving all the bothersome matters to her.
Hearing this, Teruo was finally able to manage a bitter smile.
Next door, the husband makes all the important decisions. But in my household, this pushy woman…
For Nanase’s benefit, Naoko decided to say something nice about Mrs Ichikawa. “Mrs Ichikawa is so soft-spoken, isn’t she?” Then, realizing she had come out with the same sarcasm
Teruo would have directed at her, Naoko quickly disappeared into the kitchen.
Maybe Naoko’s figured out how I feel about Mrs Ichikawa, Teruo thought nervously. However, he immediately concluded that there was nothing to worry about, and then deliberately shouted his agreement into the kitchen. “She really is.”
Once more Teruo’s eyes fell on his report, but his mind was taken up with the petite, attractive woman next door. Compared to the large-framed, strong-willed Naoko, Mrs Ichikawa seemed much more feminine. He had examined her a number of times, and each time had been attracted to her white skin and shapely breasts. Perhaps she had sensed how he felt, for lately she’d been embarrassed at having him look at her body. Teruo, being a doctor, shared the common belief that after her husband a woman usually feels closest to her family physician. But that didn’t mean that he would ever seriously consider using his position to seduce her. He was content with his erotic fantasies.
After dinner, Teruo left on a house call. Naoko went next door for the longest time. Even when Teruo came home, she still hadn’t returned. Teruo didn’t try to hide his displeasure. He would never have dreamt, of course, that the nineteen-year-old maid Nanase knew all about his jealousy.
Why does this jealousy of mine keep getting worse and worse, Teruo wondered. More than ten years had passed since his wife’s dominant personality had started grating on his nerves. He had confidence in his own sexual prowess, and even had the strange conviction that a dark-skinned, muscleman-type like Ichikawa was probably not very good in bed.