This time he framed her face with his hands and in a way Mary Catherine never thought she’d experience again, he kissed her. Passion swirled around them, making her forget the chilly breeze off the ocean. She would’ve been breathless with a perfectly healthy heart.
His breathing was faster, too. “How can I ever be just your friend?”
Mary Catherine had no answers. She looped her arms around his neck and this time the kiss came from her. Yes, she could pretend. She could pretend that she was healthy and whole and Africa was only a distant dream, something she wanted to do one of these years when she got around to it. She could pretend that Marcus was the man she’d been waiting for. The one. Real and good and true.
The kiss was wonderful, and when they parted and caught their breath, the sky was already growing dark. A sad smile played on the corners of his lips. “We need to get back.”
She nodded, and he took her hand. They didn’t talk as they made their way across the stretch of sand and crossed Ocean Avenue. She wasn’t as breathless this time. Maybe she was too distracted by the sadness of it all. The fact that this could be the last time she’d ever see him.
When they were a block from her apartment, Marcus called for a ride. They had only a few minutes in front of her building. He kissed her again. “I’m not giving up.”
She closed her eyes and let her forehead fall against his chest. “If I don’t see you again—”
“Mary Catherine, you have to believe—”
“Please. I need to say this.” She looked up. “If I don’t see you again . . .” Tears welled in her eyes. “Just know I’ll always remember this. You surprising me. These hours.”
He looked like he still had more to say. But just then a black sedan pulled up. Marcus signaled to the driver to give him a minute. They kissed one final time.
“Remember something.” He breathed the words against the side of her face.
She waited, fighting tears.
“Friends talk.” He framed her face with his hands and searched her eyes. “Write to me, okay? Please.”
She nodded. “I will.”
They held on to each other until he kissed her cheek and whispered the word she never wanted to hear. “Goodbye.”
She blinked back tears, her voice strained. “Bye. Thanks for coming.”
He looked back once as he walked to the waiting sedan. But neither of them said another word. There was nothing to say. His plane was leaving in a few hours.
The setting sun had gotten the final word, after all.
6
JAG AND BECK’S NEXT TASK would be the toughest yet for one reason.
Marcus Dillinger was discouraged.
He’d been back from Los Angeles for nearly a week and though he’d texted Mary Catherine every day and emailed her twice, she hadn’t responded. Last night Marcus told Tyler he couldn’t understand what he’d done wrong. He was willing to cut ties with her for now. If that’s what she wanted. But the possibility made him feel defeated.
Jag and Beck had a plan to inspire the man.
Dressed like janitors, they moved stealthily to the back of the clubhouse. Beck had a key, so the two of them made their way into the building and then down a hallway to Coach Ollie Wayne’s office. Beck stood outside the door, keeping watch. Jag went inside and on the man’s desk were his notes for the morning. The title read, “Using Your Gifts for God.”
Good, Jag thought. Not good enough.
He opened a desk drawer and slid the notes in the back of a file marked “Messages.” Then he thumbed through the front of the file until he found the one he wanted.
Yes. Jag smiled. This’ll work. Jag set the document on Coach Wayne’s desk. Sunday morning chapel was about to have a change of plans.
Jag hurried out of the office, where he and Beck turned a corner and disappeared.
They would spend the night praying.
TYLER AND MARCUS took their time walking to chapel that Sunday morning. It was just before eight and the Arizona sun was already hot overhead. Marcus had almost skipped this one. He kept thinking about Mary Catherine leaving Los Angeles later today. She’d spend a few days in Nashville with her parents and then be off to Uganda.
“You’re quiet.” Tyler glanced at him. “Mary Catherine?”
Marcus drew a deep breath. “Yeah. I can’t figure her out.”
“She’s a tough one. Sami can’t explain it, either.” Tyler looked as baffled as Marcus felt. “She could at least write back. Especially after your visit. It sounded perfect.”
A darkness washed over Marcus again. “It was.” He shrugged. “At least I’ve been pitching better. Gotta credit her for that.”
Tyler gave him a sad smile. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. If it’s supposed to happen, it’ll happen.” He breathed deep. “Maybe I just need to let it go. For now anyway.”
They walked into the clubhouse and followed a few others to the chapel room. “I guess just pray. God will make it clear.”
“Either that or He’ll help me forget her.” Marcus hated even saying the words. He and Tyler took seats next to each other in the second row. The room was like any other office in the building. But for spring training it was a place guys could get away and think if they needed to. Somewhere they could pray.
Marcus opened his Bible app. Then he anchored his elbows on the desk and rested his forehead against his fists. Why did she do this? Just cut him off like they hadn’t had the most amazing day together? Was it all an act? He had asked her to pretend, after all. He remembered holding her in his arms, feeling her beside him. The crazy chemistry when they kissed.
It wasn’t an act. She had answered that question there on the beach. Nothing had ever been more real. That’s what she had said. No, what they shared wasn’t pretend. It was real. So then why? He clenched his jaw. There was something she wasn’t telling him, but what?
He looked up as Coach Wayne took his spot at the front of the room. A few times they’d had guest speakers for Sunday mornings. But usually Coach took the job. It was one more reason Marcus felt close to the man.
“Good morning.” Coach looked around the room and then let his eyes land on Marcus. “Glad you’re here.”
“Thanks, Coach.” Marcus managed a smile. A chorus of responses came from the twenty guys gathered.
“Today should be interesting—at least for some of you.” He chuckled. “I had one message planned for today, but when I got to my office I found a different set of notes on my desk.”
Strange, Marcus thought. He shifted in his seat.
“I’m going with the new message. Godly Men Take Risks.” He shrugged. “Someone here must need this.” He paused and his demeanor grew more serious. “This is something we don’t talk about enough in the church. The fact that godly men have to take risks. They have to go after the things God is calling them to do.” He paused. “Even if it costs them everything.”
Marcus felt chills on his arms and legs. He glanced around at the other guys. Did that opening line hit anyone else the way it just hit him? Or was he the guy Coach Wayne was talking about?
The message was brief and powerful, and Marcus hung on every word. God brings opportunities and people into the lives of believers. But it’s up to each one to pursue what God presents.
“You hear guys banter around a popular phrase. ‘If it’s supposed to happen, it’ll happen.’ ”
Tyler kicked him under the desk. Marcus barely felt it. He looked down at his hands, at his phone still opened to the Bible app. He had said those exact words to Tyler on the way here. How could Coach have known?
God, if this is from You, I’m listening.
“Find Deuteronomy 31:8.” He hesitated as he opened his Bible. “God’s people were in battle through much of the Old Testament.” Coach Wayne looked at them. “Whatever battle you’re in—whatever you’re facing—the words here will give you direction. I believe that.”
Marcus found the section in Deuteronomy.
“Starting with verse eight.” Coach waited a few seconds. “It says, ‘The Lord, Himself, goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.’ ”
God would go before him? What did that mean when it came to Mary Catherine? Was he supposed to go to her again, tell her even more definitively how much he cared? Marcus listened intently.
Coach Wayne referred to other verses. “Turn to 1 Chronicles 28:20. Let’s read it together.” He waited. “David is talking to Solomon and he says, ‘Be strong and courageous and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you nor forsake you . . .’ ”
Marcus felt the words hit straight at the center of his soul. Something about the way Coach emphasized the words. Then they turned to 1 Chronicles 20. Marcus read along with Coach Wayne as he spoke the Scripture out loud. “ ‘You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you . . . Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.’ ”
The Lord will be with me. Marcus felt his head spin. Maybe this was his answer, the message straight from God to his heart.
Coach was winding up the message, encouraging them to be brave and courageous. What was God calling them to do? Walk away from some addiction or sin struggle? Have a conversation they’d been putting off? “Or maybe just make your intentions known in a certain situation. Letting your faith direct you to speak your mind. Finally.”
Marcus felt a deep courage stir within him. What was God calling him to do? That was the question. Maybe if he went to Mary Catherine one more time and told her how he really felt—how serious he was—then he would finally know. Her answer might set them both free to love . . . or it might break his heart. But in that case, the Bible was right. God would be with him.
Whatever the situation, he wouldn’t have to walk the road ahead alone.
When chapel was over, Marcus thanked Coach Wayne. Then he walked with Tyler back to their rooms. “Powerful.” Tyler raised his brow at Marcus. “Right?”
“Man, I thought he was talking straight to me.”
“Me, too.” He laughed. “I need to get that ring. Sami’s waited long enough.”
“Good for you.” Marcus patted his friend on the back.
They made a plan to meet in an hour for their next workout. Once Marcus was alone in his room, he walked to the window, slid the sheer curtain aside, and stared at the barren Arizona mountains. Marcus smiled. Tyler was going to buy a ring. His friend was right—it was time.
The message this morning left no room for doubts.
His smile faded and he found the single cloud in the sky. If only it were that easy for him and Mary Catherine. Marcus was slated to pitch later this afternoon. He wouldn’t have time today or tomorrow. He checked his schedule and chills ran down his arms again. Other than a few meetings and a single workout, he had Wednesday off.
The day Mary Catherine was flying to Africa.
Yes, he’d just seen her, and true, she’d told him not to wait for her. But something had to be wrong. Something more than her trip to Africa. Her feelings were as real as his—so she had to be keeping things to herself. Some problem he wasn’t aware of.
Well, maybe if he told her how committed he was, that he didn’t just want to wait for her and date her. Maybe then she would explain what was really holding her back.
He opened his computer and his fingers began flying across the keyboard. It wasn’t enough to tell her he wanted to wait for her, or that he hoped she might pretend for a single day.
He wanted to marry her.
It was time he said so.
7
MARY CATHERINE NEEDED EVERY MINUTE of the four-hour flight. Not just to rest, but to wrap her mind around all that had happened last week. The events about to happen. She settled into her seat and looked out the window.
The jet took off over the Pacific Ocean, over the water and waves she loved. Over every wonderful memory from the last few years. Her stomach felt nervous, a mix of excitement about her time in Africa and sorrow over the life she was leaving behind. She put her hand on the plastic window. Will I ever be back, God? Is this my last goodbye?
Like most flights departing Los Angeles International Airport, the plane made a U-turn a few miles over the ocean. Mary Catherine could see it all clearly. One last look at the beach, and then the city, the places where she’d worked, the streets where she rode her bike. And then Castaic Lake and the desert where she’d landed after skydiving.
All of it blurred together like the most beautiful kaleidoscope of laughter and living color and life. She lifted her eyes to the deep blue sky. The adventure ahead would provide a host of new memories, fulfilling times that she had looked forward to for years. Africa would be amazing. Instantly she would have a few dozen children—kids who would love her like the mother they didn’t have. She could hardly wait.
But that didn’t ease her anxiety.
She closed her eyes. Sleep. She needed sleep. Then she’d be better able to handle the clash of heartache and happiness whirling together in her heart and mind.
She leaned her head back against the seat.
A host of recent memories lined up on the screen of her heart. Starting with last night.
The beach had been calling to her all day, but she wasn’t finished packing. So instead of a final walk to the shore, Sami helped her organize her bags.
“Four suitcases?” Sami had laughed. Both of them had tried to keep things light. “You’re coming back after six months, right?”
Mary Catherine never actually answered. She laughed about not really needing so much, and how two of the bags were school supplies. By then Mary Catherine had made her decision. She wouldn’t tell Sami about the transplant, not until she returned from Africa. Besides, she would only be an email away.
When they finished zipping up Mary Catherine’s bags, they talked about the teen mentor program. “I’m still worried about Lexy.” Sami’s eyes clouded over. “Did she ever get ahold of you?”
“No.” Mary Catherine hated that she and Lexy never talked. “I called her a few times and left messages.” She shook her head. “Nothing.”
Otherwise the Youth Center was doing better than ever. More neighbors on board, more people finding life outside the gangs. Their conversation continued through dinner until they watched Saving Mr. Banks. Both of them were wiping tears when it ended.
Sami had turned off the TV and looked at Mary Catherine. “I don’t want to say goodbye.”
“I know. I hate this.” Mary Catherine had forced a smile. “Six months will go quickly.” She had used her savings to pay six months’ rent up front. So she would have a home to come back to. If she lived that long.
Like when she was with Marcus last week, Mary Catherine hated not telling Sami the whole story. She might love Africa so much that she would choose to stay until her heart gave out. Yes, she’d paid her rent in case she returned to LA. But truthfully she had no idea if she’d ever come back.
Before turning in for the night, the girls had hugged. Sami promised to pray for her every day. “I try to think about the kids you’ll be helping.” She put her hand on Mary Catherine’s shoulder. “So I don’t feel sorry for myself.”
Her mention of the African children made Mary Catherine smile. This was her purpose now, her passion. “I can’t wait. I’ve dreamed about going back for so long.”
They prayed together, that God would bless Mary Catherine’s time in Nashville with her parents, and that He’d guard and protect her on the way to Uganda and every day she was there.
“Until we’re back here together again.” Sami finished the prayer. “In Jesus’ name, amen.”
“Amen.” Mary Catherine had felt exhausted. So many goodbyes, so much finality.
Sami had still been asleep this morning when Mary Catherine took a ca
b to the airport. Sami had offered to drive her, but Mary Catherine gently declined. Better to take a cab and not drag out their goodbyes. As for her car, rather than sell it, she left it behind. Sami planned to drive it a couple of times a week—just to keep the engine working. Mary Catherine would ask Sami to sell it if she stayed longer than six months or if . . .
The thought dangled in the shadows of her mind. What if . . .
A voice came over the plane’s PA system. The captain introduced himself and gave a rundown of the hours ahead. They expected clear skies, a smooth flight. “Right now we’re flying over Arizona.” He paused. “Let our flight attendants know if you need anything at all. For now, sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight.”
Arizona.
Mary Catherine opened her eyes and looked out the window again. The desert stretched out below, and somewhere in the landscape was the Camelback Ranch facility. She had checked the Dodgers’ schedule. Marcus would be getting ready to pitch later today. He’d tried to reach her a number of times, and always—though it hurt her terribly—she hadn’t responded.
What was the point? He needed to get on with his life. The greatest gift she could give him was her silence. I’m sorry, Marcus . . . God, let him know I’m sorry. Please.
After a while Mary Catherine fell asleep. She woke up as they were landing in Nashville. This time the window gave her a glimpse of everything familiar. The deep green rolling hills and picturesque trees. From the air, Nashville looked like Mary Catherine expected heaven to look.
One day soon she would know if she was right.
THE TIME WITH HER PARENTS was special for all of them. Mary Catherine and her mother made dinner each night, taking turns with favorite new recipes—all of them ketogenic and low carb.
“You look beautiful.” Her mother commented on the fact often. “A little thin, though. And your blood sugars are good?”
Sometimes Mary Catherine’s mother would look at her a little longer, as if maybe she suspected something was wrong. Once while they were making Mary Catherine’s no-carb pizza, her mom stopped and stared at her. “You’re sure you’re okay? You seem quieter. Like something’s on your mind.”