“Mint chocolate chip?” he asked her.
She nodded and smiled, and he knew the crisis had passed.
Chapter Twenty
Dane insisted that Lily bring her ice cream cone to his hotel room. She appreciated him wanting to take care of her and really didn’t want to be alone anyway, so she followed him out to his hotel room’s balcony without complaint and sat in one of the two available chairs.
They ate in companionable silence, content just being in each other’s company. Street traffic passed beneath them a number of stories below. Nearby office buildings gradually darkened as even the after-hours cleaning crews wrapped up for the night. A steady breeze threatened to tug Lily’s hair from the pins Aria had used to secure it. Dane had dug up one of his hoodies for her since the temperature had lowered. After she finished her ice cream, she burrowed into the large, comfy hoodie, enjoying Dane’s scent on it as well as the warmth it provided her.
Still, Dane didn’t make any attempt to break the silence, clearly fine with waiting for her. It made such a huge difference being with someone who understood her. He didn’t push her to talk about how she was feeling, knowing she needed to settle herself first.
He always knew what she needed.
“If I can get my sisters a couple of tickets to one of the L.A. shows, I can get my family off my back,” she said at last.
Meeting her gaze, he nodded once and said, “Done.”
That simple word nearly undid her. “I love you,” she said with none of the hesitation she was used to with Johnathan.
“I know,” he said in the same easy tone. “Love has never been the issue between us.”
He was right. It made her all the more aware of what those issues were. Her mother’s intrusion that evening was a violent exclamation point on the fact that her life was filled with drama...drama Dane didn’t need smearing his reputation. Lily certainly didn’t need even more drama in her life by pairing herself with a rock star.
Somehow, though, her usual reasons for keeping Dane in the friend column didn’t matter as much to her as they once did. Now that Dane had made his intentions clear, her thoughts had realigned.
“Maybe it’s time to stop fighting fate,” she said softly.
Hope lit his eyes. “Yeah?”
“Yes. I’m tired of putting my happiness on hold out of fear over things that might not even happen. I can’t let Johnathan’s failure to contact me be my problem, either. I’ll talk to him when he finally reaches out to me. From this point on, I’m yours if you want me, Dane Archer.”
The smile that had formed as she spoke now faded. “You mentioned fighting fate, Lily, and I’ve felt that way since you walked into Magellan’s. But before this goes any further, there’s something important you need to know.”
She fought back the dread that wanted to creep into her thoughts. “Okay.”
He hesitated. Much as he hadn’t pushed her to talk earlier, she didn’t press him now. Eventually he took a deep breath. She tried to steel herself, not sure what to expect.
“The thing is,” he began, “I’ve signed a contract to participate in a reality show. It’s going to be called House of Archer and it will basically be a spotlight on me and the band. That guy you asked about at dinner is the production manager, Elijah Long. I’ve talked to him and he said they won’t release anything with you in it without your permission. If you give me the chance I’ve asked you for, you’ll have to agree to be a part of the show.”
Lily didn’t immediately react to his news. The part of her that was Dane’s best friend was positively thrilled for him. A reality show? Holy shit. She knew this was an unbelievable break for The Void.
But the part of her that had just offered him her heart felt savagely betrayed.
Her vocal chords were tight when she finally said, “You should have mentioned this sooner, Dane. You’ve been lying to me by omission.”
“I guess I have,” he admitted, running his hands briefly over his face. “I’m sorry, Lily. I had intended to tell you about it sooner, but when I saw you at Magellan’s, I chickened out. I knew you wouldn’t give me a chance if I started pursuing you after I said it would all end up on a reality show.”
Again, her reaction to his words was precariously balanced. As his best friend, she could see his point. She had already resolved herself to standing under a spotlight by entering into a relationship with Dane. This didn’t really change that much.
As the woman who loved him, though, she felt she should have been given such critical information well before now. If he hadn’t been up-front with her about something this huge, how much could she really trust him?
“I know this is a lot for you to consider right now,” he continued, leaning towards her and taking her hand in his. “I’m really sorry for not having the guts to tell you about the show before. I want you, Lily. I want you as desperately as I’ve ever wanted anything. Since my life is going to involve this show for at least the near future, I need you to be okay with it. Please.”
The desperation he mentioned reflected clearly in his eyes and tone. In this moment, he was giving her the truth...baring his soul to her.
But was it enough?
She carefully extracted her hand from his and pushed herself to her feet. “I...I need some time to think about this.”
“Lily.”
He spoke only the single word, but it conveyed so much. Her conviction teetered. Why did she continue to battle her own heart?
The sliding glass door behind them slid open and Trey stepped out. “Miss Lily, there’s a gentleman in the lobby asking to speak with you.”
She frowned. “I’m not expecting anyone.”
Trey cleared his throat. “He says he’s your fiancé.”
She inhaled sharply as Dane surged to his feet. “Johnathan’s here?” she asked.
“Yes,” Trey replied. “He requested your room number at the front desk and the hotel staff contacted me. I thought it best to inform you before clearing it with the hotel.”
Lily once again felt like she was in the middle of a movie. It was like all of this had been choreographed to cause her the most stress in one night. Ultimately, though, that was right on par with the rest of her life. Nothing seemed to go smoothly for her.
“I’ll go talk to him,” she said. “Thanks, Trey.”
“Wait, Lily,” Dane began, reaching for her.
“No, Dane,” she said, stepping away from him. “Whatever my decision is about us, this is a conversation that has to happen. Let me go and handle it.”
It wasn’t lost on either of them that this was the second time that night she had said as much to him. As always seemed to happen with her, when it rained, it poured.
“Okay,” he agreed, lowering his hand. “Will you let me know how it goes?”
“Of course,” she said.
They didn’t say anything more as she turned to walk out of his hotel room. Her gaze moved around the sitting area as she walked through it and out the door. Now that she knew about the show, she couldn’t help but wonder if there were any cameras hidden there. Had they captured her kissing Dane earlier? The thought had her holding the hoodie more securely at her throat as she strode towards the elevator.
How could Dane have kept this from her? It was beyond huge and should have been disclosed while she was considering a relationship with him. Shouldn’t she have all of the facts before making this kind of decision?
Then again, could she really blame him for keeping quiet about it? After all, she was reacting just how he had feared.
Ugh.
She now faced one of the most difficult decisions of her life. Should she stay safely in the background and continue on her current path while Dane stayed on his, or should she expose herself to the world and follow her heart?
Being safe hadn’t exactly done much to help her throughout her life or her career. Hadn’t she joined the tour because she knew it would put her on a different path? House of Archer—and, oh, how that
title thrilled her inner literary nerd—could actually be a great opportunity for her. She was an entertainment writer touring with a band on the cusp of international fame. She was handling their social media content during the tour and she could incorporate her personal experiences during the show’s filming into that content, giving fans a kind of inside look. She might finally gain a foothold on her career.
Beyond that, she could commit to a relationship with Dane by agreeing to be on the show. Nothing had ever made her feel like she had felt the past few days, and no one else had ever meant as much to her as he did. Could she really afford to let her personal hang-ups stand in the way of the opportunities knocking on her door?
Her mental war waged strong as the elevator carried her down with a couple of other passengers. When the doors opened, she stepped out into the lobby’s airy atrium, barely registering the bubbling water in the hotel’s beautiful water feature dominating the space.
Her gaze immediately fell on Johnathan, who stood squarely in the center of the lobby waiting for her. She wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or saddened by the fact that she felt no spark of excitement over seeing him again. Instead, pain and regret over what was to come had her heart stomping all over her ribs and her palms growing damp.
He really was every inch the All-American boy with his sunny blond hair, bright blue eyes, and warm Californian tan. Even his light blue polo shirt and khaki pants fit the image. Like Dane, Johnathan had some scruff along his jawline, but he looked more like a laid-back beach bum than a dangerously sexy rock star.
Had she been so drawn to Johnathan because of his differences to Dane? At the moment, that sure seemed the case.
“There you are, Montgomery,” he greeted her with a big smile as she approached.
“This is quite the surprise,” she said, accepting his quick hug. She pulled back before he could kiss her though. “I’ve been trying to reach you.”
“I know,” he chuckled. “I’ve been on the road. I knew I wouldn’t be able to surprise you if I talked to you before I got here.”
Lily supposed this only made things easier on her. She had been stressing about not seeing Johnathan for twelve days when she really needed to tell him how she felt. But facing him right now didn’t ease her anxiety in the least. Her breath sounded uneven to her own ears.
“Johnathan, we need to talk.”
“I know,” he said, taking her left hand and dropping to one knee. “I can’t wait to talk to you about the wedding. But first I need to officially propose.”
Lily’s eyes flew wide as he pulled a ring box out of his shorts’ pocket. There were several gasps from nearby observers as they realized what was happening. At least thirty guests were milling around the lobby and now stopped to watch. More than one of them held a camera or phone in their hands aimed at her and Johnathan.
The absolute absurdity of it all had maniacal laughter bursting out of Lily’s throat. Had she really thought marrying Johnathan would reduce the drama in her life?
This right here was her reality. The confrontation with her mother in the restaurant that evening was her reality. Having sisters who drove her to downing antacids like they were candy was her reality. Being the best friend of a rock star was her reality.
Her life was not, nor would it ever be, normal...no matter how hard she tried.
“Johnathan, stop,” she said.
Her soft tone had him pausing as he fumbled to open the ring box. “What?”
“I really want privacy for this,” she said.
Glancing around, he seemed to notice the crowd for the first time. “Oh. I should have thought about that.”
She silently agreed with him. This display was one more huge indicator that he didn’t really know her. Admittedly, that was more her fault than his. She hadn’t really let him know the real her. And knowing this was all her fault was cutting deep. She’d bear the scar of this moment on her heart forever.
He got to his feet and gave her a sheepish grin. “Well this is awkward, isn’t it?”
Unbearably, she thought.
Looking around at everyone observing them, she gave them a little wave. “I’m not a crowd person,” she said loud enough for them to hear. “Sorry.”
There was a round of awws and a couple of people asking if she intended to say yes, but she ignored them as she pulled Johnathan over to the elevator. She was grateful that the car was still in the lobby so the doors opened as soon as she pushed the call button.
“Why do I suspect this isn’t about crowds?” Johnathan asked her the moment the doors closed.
He had always been perceptive. It was what made him a good reporter. He had given her the perfect opening, but emotion clogged her throat when she met his gaze. She kept thinking about how excited he had looked when he saw her step off the elevator only minutes ago. Now she was going to obliterate his heart.
His fingers brushed the spot her mother had slapped earlier. “Lily, is everything all right?”
She shook her head and wiped at her eyes to keep tears from falling. “No, it’s not.”
“Did your mother...?”
She knew he was asking if her mother had caused the bruise and nodded.
He briefly closed his eyes. “I didn’t think...is this because I told her where you were staying?”
She realized then that he hadn’t deliberately set out to hurt her by telling her mother where she’d be that evening. In some ways, she wished he had. Then she could have used it as an excuse for what she was about to do.
Instead she shook her head again. They didn’t say anything more until they reached her hotel room. Aria and Sydney were still out with the band, so the room was dark and silent as they entered. Lily shoved her key card back into the hoodie’s pocket and turned on the closest lamp.
“I assume you’re about to tell me something I don’t want to hear,” Johnathan said, not moving beyond the small entryway.
It was one of the hardest things she had ever had to do to face him and give him the truth. “I’m afraid so.”
“Look, maybe the proposal came too soon,” he began.
“No,” she said, unwilling to string this out and cause either of them more pain. “I’m so sorry, Johnathan. I can’t marry you. I knew that deep down before I said yes, but I ignored my own feelings.”
He toyed with the ring box in his hands as he tried to process what she was saying. “But you said yes. There must be a reason why. We can build on that.”
She couldn’t tell him that the reason she had accepted his proposal was because she had been afraid of her own heart. This was horrible enough as it was.
Her voice shook when she said, “I don’t want to hurt you, Johnathan, and I’m sure that anything I say will do only that. I wish I felt differently. I’ve been trying to convince myself that I do. But saying yes would be wrong for both of us.”
“How can it be wrong? I love you.”
She wiped again at her damp face and fought the sharp bite of emotion clawing at her throat. He looked so devastated. God, this was impossible.
“I...I don’t love you,” she whispered. “Not the way you deserve.”
“Wha...”
That was all he got out. She would never know what more he intended to say. Without another word, he turned, grabbed the door handle, and hurried from the room.
“I’m so sorry,” she cried after him before the door slammed closed.
She allowed a sob to escape as she collapsed into the desk chair. Her brain would forever be ingrained with the image of Johnathan reacting to her admission that she didn’t love him. She might as well have just ripped out his heart. He had physically jolted as though she had done just that.
How could she have screwed things up so badly? She had known the truth of her feelings for Johnathan ages ago. Rather than break up with him, which would have been the sensible and humane thing to do, she agreed to marry him even though Dane was the one her heart truly wanted. It was clear from his reaction that Johna
than would never be the same.
Was she really any better than her mother, doing this to him?
“Lily, let me in. This is my last warning.”
She blinked at Dane’s insistent tone and the loud series of knocks that followed. How long had he been at her door? Remembering the shattered door at the restaurant, she got up and let him in.
He didn’t even pause. He just stepped into the room, grabbed her, and pulled her into a hug. She immediately sank against him and allowed herself to weep.
“I’m a horrible person,” she said after the tears eased.
“You’re not,” he argued, placing a comforting kiss on the top of her head. “Telling someone the truth is hard. If anything, you’re stronger than anyone I know. You told Johnathan the truth, where I kept it from you because I was afraid. You awe me.”
And with that, her wounded heart ached just a little less. Leave it to Dane to make her feel like a hero after she had convinced herself she was anything but.
She leaned back and met his gaze. “I guess this means I’m single again,” she said.
His brow furrowed. “Does that mean you’re taking back what you said earlier?”
“No. What it means is you have some convincing to do, my friend.”
“Convincing?”
“Yeah.” She patted his chest and deliberately stepped back. “Convince me that even though you essentially lied to me by not telling me about House of Archer, I’m making the right choice by choosing you.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Regina twirled her empty martini glass by its thin stem and tried not to look too desperately for the waitress who seemed to be taking an eternity with her fresh drink. She knew she had to keep her attention on Elijah Long or all of her efforts that evening would have served no purpose.
She was sitting with the producer in the hotel’s lobby bar, having suggested the nightcap after the...interesting dinner outing. Oh, the conversation at her table with Long and Christopher Donahue had been as agonizing as she had imagined, but the unexpected arrival of Lily Montgomery’s mother had made it worth sitting through that.