Julia looked at her engagement ring, which featured a large center stone surrounded by smaller diamonds. “He’s given me enough.”
“That’s a good-looking ring, honey.” Diane turned to Tammy, her eyes focusing on her left hand. “And so is yours. How’s married life?”
Tammy watched the halogen lights catch the facets of her engagement ring. “I never thought it would happen.”
“Why not?” asked Rachel, her mouth half full.
Tammy’s eyes darted toward the doorway. “Shouldn’t we serve dessert?”
Rachel swallowed. “The men have working legs. If they want pie, they can come and get it.”
Tammy chuckled and picked up her coffee, cradling the mug in both hands.
“Before I started dating Scott, I lived with someone. He was my boyfriend in law school. We talked about getting married, buying a house, the whole white-picket-fence thing. Then I got pregnant.”
Julia shifted uncomfortably on the bar stool, her eyes on the floor.
Tammy gave her friends a wistful look. “Scott told me that he was a surprise, but his parents were happy about it. I wish I’d had the chance to meet Grace. She sounds like a wonderful woman.”
“She was,” said Rachel. “Gabriel wasn’t planned either. My parents took him in after his mother died and later adopted him. It isn’t the planning that matters. It’s what happens after.”
Tammy nodded. “We’d talked about having kids. We both wanted children. Then, all of a sudden, Eric decided he wasn’t ready. He thought I got pregnant to trap him.”
“As if you got pregnant all by yourself.” Diane waved her fork in the air.
Julia said nothing, ashamed of the fact that she sympathized with Eric’s lack of readiness, although she deplored his actions.
“Eric gave me an ultimatum—the baby or him. When I hesitated, he left.”
“Asshole,” muttered Rachel.
“I was devastated. I knew the pregnancy wasn’t my entire responsibility, but I felt like I should have been more careful. I considered an abortion, but Eric was already gone. And deep down, I was happy about being a mom.”
Once again, Julia squirmed, struck by the sincerity of Tammy’s tone.
“I couldn’t afford the rent on my own, so I moved back with my parents. I felt like such a failure—pregnant, single, living at home. I used to cry myself to sleep thinking that no man would ever want me.”
“I’m so sorry.” Julia’s eyes began to water.
Tammy reached over and hugged her.
“Things got better. But I’ll never forgive Eric for signing away his parental rights. Now Quinn will never know his father.”
“Sperm donors aren’t fathers,” Rachel interjected. “Richard didn’t contribute genetic material to Gabriel, but he’s his father.”
“I don’t know who contributed genetic material to Gabriel, but he must have been good looking because that boy is fine.” Diane gestured toward the living room. “Not as fine as my man, but then, no one is.”
Julia giggled uncomfortably as she contemplated the notion that someone found her dad to be “fine.”
Tammy continued. “I was lucky I had a job. I worked at the district attorney’s office with Scott. We went out a couple of times while I was pregnant. We were just friends, but he was so sweet to me. I thought that once I had the baby, I wouldn’t hear from him again. But he came to see me a few weeks after Quinn was born. He asked me out and I was smitten.”
“He was smitten with you too, as I recall.” Rachel grinned. “He was in deep smit.”
Tammy touched her engagement ring, moving the band back and forth on her finger. “I was breast-feeding the baby, so I had to pump before he picked me up. My parents babysat. But Scott never made me feel awkward or weird. He saw me as a person, a woman, instead of simply a mom. I guess he had a little crush on me when I was with Eric.” She looked at her friends and smiled.
“I was so nervous about meeting you all. I was worried about what you’d think. But you were so welcoming.” She glanced at Julia. “I didn’t meet Gabriel until later, but he was nice, too. Even when Quinn ruined his suit.”
“You should have seen him before he met Julia.” Rachel made a face. “He would have handed Quinn the dry cleaning bill.”
Julia was about to protest on Gabriel’s behalf, when Tammy spoke again. “I can’t imagine Gabriel doing that. He’s wonderful with Quinn. And Scott? Well, fatherhood does something to a man. To a good man,” she clarified. “Scott gets down on the floor and wrestles with Quinn. He’s playful and gentle. It’s a whole different side to him.”
Julia pondered Tammy’s remarks, wondering what Gabriel would be like as a father.
“I can’t wait to have a girl.” Tammy smiled to herself. “Scott will treat her like a princess.”
“You want more kids?” Rachel asked, her eyebrows lifting in surprise.
“Yes. I think two kids will be enough for us, but if I have another boy, I’d like to try for a girl.”
At that moment, Scott entered the kitchen, carrying a sleepy twenty-one-month-old boy. He nodded at the other women before walking over to Tammy. “I think it’s bedtime.”
Julia smiled at the contrast between Scott, who was six foot three and strongly built, and the small blond angel he cradled protectively.
“I’ll help you.” Tammy rose to her feet. She kissed her husband and they went upstairs.
Rachel looked at the stack of dessert plates and at the pies. “I guess I’d better take the men their dessert.” She cut two slices of pie, plated them, and carried them into the living room.
Diane looked at Julia and fidgeted with her cup.
“Can we talk for a minute, honey?”
“Of course.” Julia shifted her weight on the stool and turned to give Diane her full attention.
“I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it. I’ve been spending a lot of time with your father.”
Julia gave Diane an easy smile. “I think that’s great.”
“He met my mama and the rest of my family. He’s even started coming to church with me on Sundays, to hear me sing in the choir.”
Julia hid her surprise at the thought of her father in a church.
“When Dad asked if he could bring you to my wedding, I knew things had to be serious.”
“I love him.”
Julia’s eyes widened. “Wow. Does he know that?”
“Of course. He loves me too.” Diane smiled tentatively. “We’ve been talking about the future. Making plans . . .”
“That’s great.”
“It is?” Diane’s dark eyes searched Julia’s.
“I’m happy he’s with someone who loves him. As much as I don’t want to bring Deb up, I’m sure you know they were together for a long time. Nothing seemed to come of it. And I really didn’t like them as a couple.”
Diane was quiet, as if she were mulling something over.
“Your dad and I are talking about making things permanent. I want you to know that when we do that, I won’t try to take the place of your mama.”
Julia stiffened. “Sharon was not my mama.”
Diane placed a comforting hand on Julia’s arm. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not sure what Dad has told you about her, but I’m guessing it isn’t much.”
“I’ve let sleeping dogs lie. When a man’s ready to talk, he’ll talk.”
Julia sipped her coffee in silence. She didn’t enjoy talking or thinking about her mother, who died during Julia’s senior year of high school. Sharon had been alcoholic and indifferent for most of Julia’s life. When she wasn’t indifferent, she’d been abusive.
“Grace was like a mother to me. I was closer to her than to Sharon.”
“Grace was a good woman.”
Julia searched D
iane’s expression and saw hope in her eyes, mixed with a slight anxiety.
“I’m not worried about you becoming my stepmother. And if you and Dad get married, I’ll be there.”
“You’ll do more than be there, honey. You’ll be one of my bridesmaids.” Diane wrapped her arms around Julia, hugging her tightly. Eventually, she pulled back, dabbing at her eyes with her fingers. “I always wanted a family. I wanted a husband and a home of my own. I’m forty years old and finally all my dreams are coming true. I was worried about how you’d feel. I wanted you to know that I love your dad so you’d know I’m not with him for his money.”
Julia gave her a puzzled look before both women began laughing. “Now I know you’re kidding. Dad doesn’t have any money.”
“He’s a good man, he’s got a job, and he makes me happy. A woman finds a man like that, who’s fine to boot, she holds on to him and doesn’t worry about the money.”
Before Julia could respond, Tom joined them. When he saw Diane’s wet eyes, he strode over to her.
“What’s all this?” His hand went to her face, swiping the tears away with his fingers.
“Diane was just telling me how much she loves you.” Julia offered her father an approving expression.
“Is that so?” His voice sounded gruff.
“Not that you’ve asked, but you have my blessing.”
He looked down, his dark eyes meeting his daughter’s.
“Is that so?” he repeated, his tone softening.
Tom wrapped an arm around both women before pressing a kiss to the tops of their heads.
“My girls,” he whispered.
A short while later, Julia said good-bye to Diane and her father. She’d thought that perhaps they were living together, at least a few nights a week, and was surprised when Diane explained that they weren’t, out of respect for her mama, whom she lived with.
Now Julia began to understand why Diane was in such a hurry to get married and have a home of her own.
After dessert was served, Richard Clark sat on the back porch, drinking Scotch and smoking a cigar. The air was cool and quiet. If he closed his eyes he could almost imagine his wife, Grace, coming out the back door and settling in the Adirondack chair next to him.
Heaviness overtook his heart. She would never sit next to him again.
“How are you?”
Richard opened his eyes to see his daughter-in-law, Julia, sitting in the nearest chair. She’d tucked her slim legs up under her and was wrapped in one of Gabriel’s old cashmere cardigans.
Richard switched his cigar to his left hand and moved the ashtray so it wouldn’t bother her.
“I’m well, how are you?”
“I’m okay.”
“Dinner was great,” he offered. “Really exceptional.”
“I tried to replicate some of the dishes we had in Italy. I’m glad you liked it.” She leaned her head back against the chair, staring up at the dark sky.
He tasted the Scotch again, sensing that something was troubling her. But not wishing to force a confidence, he was silent.
“Richard?”
He chuckled. “I thought we’d agreed that you’d call me Dad.”
“Of course, Dad. Sorry.” She ran a fingernail down the arm of the chair, scoring the wood.
“No need to be sorry. We’re family, Julia. And if you ever need anything, I’m here.”
“Thank you.” She traced a finger across the wound she’d given the chair. “Does it bother you that we’ve changed things? Inside the house?”
Richard hesitated before answering.
“The bathroom needed to be renovated, and it was smart to add another on the main floor and in the master bedroom. Grace would have liked what you did with the kitchen. She begged me for granite countertops for years.”
Julia felt her heart clench.
“We kept a lot of things the same.”
“Please don’t worry. Grace would have helped you redecorate the house gladly, if she were here.”
“Are you comfortable in the guest room? I was wondering if you’d changed your mind about staying there.”
“It’s good of you to ask, but I’m not bothered by any of these things. It troubles me that Grace is gone and she isn’t coming back. I’m afraid that feeling will never go away.”
Richard focused on his wedding ring, a plain gold band.
“When I’m inside the house, sometimes, I swear I hear her voice or smell her perfume. I don’t feel her when I’m in Philadelphia. My condo has no memory of her.” He smiled to himself. “Our separation isn’t so bad when I’m here.”
“Is it painful?”
“Yes.”
Julia sat for a moment, as she thought about how she’d feel if she lost Gabriel. She’d be devastated.
The length of a human life was uncertain. One could get cancer, or die in a car accident, and in the blink of an eye a family would be torn apart.
From somewhere, Julia heard a little voice whisper, If you had a child with Gabriel, you’d always have a part of him.
The voice, more than the thought behind it, made her shiver.
Noticing her reaction, Richard stood up and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “Do you like living in Philadelphia?”
“My research position isn’t quite what I expected. I’ve been thinking about retiring.” He flicked the ashes into the ashtray. “I moved to be closer to Rachel and Scott, but I don’t see them much. They’re busy with their own lives. All my friends, including your father, are here.”
“Move back.”
“What’s that?” He turned in his chair to face her.
“Move back to Selinsgrove. Live here.”
“This is your home now, with my son.”
“We’re only here during vacations. We can switch bedrooms immediately and you can move your things back from Philadelphia.”
He raised his cigar to his lips. “It’s kind of you to offer, but I made my choice. I sold the house to Gabriel over a year ago.”
“He’d be happier knowing you were where you belong.”
Richard shook his head. “I’d never go back on my word.”
Julia wracked her brain for a persuasive strategy.
“It would be a mitzvah for us. And we need the blessing.”
Richard chuckled.
“That’s the kind of thing I used to say to Gabriel, on occasion, when he was being stubborn. What kind of blessing do you need?”
Julia’s expression shifted.
“I have an unanswered prayer.”
When she didn’t comment further, he inhaled from his cigar and exhaled the smoke.
“In my opinion, all prayers are answered eventually. Sometimes the answer is no. But I’ll certainly pray that you receive an answer. I can’t pretend that the thought of moving back doesn’t tempt me. But you’ve put so much time into making the house yours. You’ve furnished the downstairs, you’ve painted walls . . .”
“You mortgaged this house to pay Gabriel’s drug debts.”
Richard looked at her in surprise.
“He told you about that, did he?”
“Yes.”
“It was a long time ago. Gabriel paid us back.”
“All the more reason for him to open his home to you now.”
“A father would do anything for his child.” Richard’s expression was grave. “I didn’t care about the money. I was trying to save his life.”
“You did. You and Grace.” Julia looked around the yard. “As long as the house is in the family and we can be together for Thanksgiving and Christmas, it doesn’t matter who owns it. Or who lives here.”
She tightened the blanket around her as a whisper of a breeze blew across the porch, caressing her face. “Gabriel
would never part with the orchard, though. He’s hired people to revitalize it. They’ve planted trees.”
“The old trees haven’t yielded a good crop in years. I’m afraid he’s a bit optimistic.”
Julia looked toward the woods, in the direction of the orchard. “Optimism is good for him.”
She turned to Richard.
“If you lived here, you could supervise the orchard. It would relieve Gabriel to know it’s in capable hands. You’d be helping us out.”
Richard was quiet for what seemed like an age. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse. “Thank you.”
She squeezed his hand before leaving him to his cigar and his thoughts. As he closed his eyes, a feeling of hope washed over him.
After her guests retired for the evening, Julia sat on the edge of her whirlpool tub testing the temperature of the water. She was looking forward to a few moments of relaxation.
She knew she should be working on her lecture, but the tumult of the day had left her weary. She wondered if she should call her therapist back in Boston. Surely Dr. Walters would have suggestions about how to deal with anxiety, marital conflict, and Gabriel’s renewed interest in starting a family.
It wasn’t a terrible thing to want a baby. Julia contrasted Gabriel’s tender enthusiasm with the cold indifference Tammy described in Eric. Of course, Julia knew which she preferred. She just needed to stand her ground and not let Gabriel’s passion overwhelm her and her dreams.
If anything, her conflict with Gabriel the day before illustrated how much they had to learn as a couple. They needed to learn those lessons before bringing a child into the world.
As she waited for the water level to rise, she felt the hairs of her neck stand on end. She turned to find Gabriel standing by the vanity. He’d unbuttoned the top three buttons of his dress shirt; a few strands of chest hair were now visible over the band of his white undershirt.
“I’ll never tire of looking at you.” He pressed a kiss to her neck before removing the plush towel she’d wrapped around herself.
“I should paint you.” He stroked her spine with his fingertips, up and down.
“You painted me the other night, Caravaggio. We got paint all over the floor.”
“Ah, yes. It pained me to have to clean it up. I was hoping we could add to it.”