She gazed up into dark, troubled eyes. “Gabriel, you’re still tired from yesterday, and this is a stressful holiday. I know you didn’t mean anything just now. You feel better when you touch me. And truthfully, so do I.” Now she was looking at the floor again.
“Come here,” he whispered, reaching to envelope her in a warm embrace. “You’re wrong you know, I did mean it. Of course I feel better when I touch you. But I’m sorry to fly at you like that. I wasn’t thinking…” Gabriel appeared disgusted with himself.
“You didn’t hurt me.”
He smiled into her hair and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I will endeavor to be worthy of you. If you weren’t here, I’d have left already.”
“No, you wouldn’t have. Richard needs you. And you would never leave him in need.”
A pained look shadowed Gabriel’s features. He kissed her once again, more like a friend than a lover, and turned back to his suitcase.
Julia crept out of his room and down the stairs, wondering what would happen during dinner. She paused on the landing to check her appearance in the mirror, hoping that she didn’t look as if she had just stolen a sensual moment with her professor.
Chapter 25
Rachel planned the seating arrangement. She sat in Grace’s place at the foot of the table, so she could be near the kitchen, while Richard sat at the head. Scott and Aaron sat on one side, Julia and Gabriel sat on the other. Julia could feel his eyes on her, but he made no move to brush up against her under the table, much to her disappointment.
Rachel stared at Julia’s new Mennonite look and glanced over at Gabriel. He ignored his sister by focusing all of his attention on his linen napkin.
Before they began eating, Richard asked his family to hold hands so that he could say grace. A shock passed from Gabriel’s hand to Julia’s, making her withdraw hastily. Rachel’s eagle eyes saw the retreat, but she said nothing, especially since Julia eventually gave Gabriel her hand.
“Our Father, we thank you for this day and for the many gifts you’ve given us. Thank you for our country, our home, our food. Thank you for my beautiful family and that we can be together, for my lovely wife, the love of my life—”
Six pairs of eyes opened immediately. Five pairs of eyes swung to the head of the table. One pair of gray eyes immediately closed and his hands covered them.
It had been a mistake. Her description had rolled off his tongue as it normally did during family grace. But the effect was dramatic and immediate. Richard’s shoulders began to shake.
“Oh my God,” mumbled Julia.
Rachel was out of her seat in a flash, wrapping her arms around her father’s shoulders, fighting back her own tears. Aaron quickly finished Richard’s prayer as if nothing had happened, and at the Amen everyone else wiped away a tear or two. They began passing vegetables and turkey and Scott’s mashed potatoes.
Except for Gabriel. He sat stoically, hands clenched into fists at his sides as he watched his adoptive father cry. Underneath the table, Julia reached out a tentative hand to Gabriel’s knee. And when he didn’t flinch, or throw her hand back into her lap, she kept it there. Eventually, he took her hand in his and squeezed it.
Julia felt Gabriel’s body begin to relax before they withdrew their hands. For most of the meal, he brought his left foot to entwine with her right, keeping their continued connection secret.
While the family enjoyed a store bought pumpkin pie, Richard told Julia he was moving to Philadelphia in January in order to start a new job as a researcher in the Neurosciences Center at Temple University Hospital.
“You sold the house?”
Richard’s eyes went to Gabriel and returned to Julia. “Yes. I bought a condo near Rachel and Aaron. I’ll be able to focus on my research in Philadelphia, and I won’t have to teach anymore. I’m not ready to retire yet, but I’d like to do something different.”
Julia felt sad that the house was going to be sold, but she said only complimentary things about his plans. This must be why Gabriel wants to visit the orchard tonight.
“So, Gabriel, why don’t you tell everyone about your upcoming trip to Italy?” Richard smiled in his adopted son’s direction.
Several things happened all at once. Rachel and Aaron glanced at Julia. Julia continued eating her pumpkin pie as if nothing had happened, trying valiantly not to appear wooden. And Gabriel sought her hand under the table while he clenched his teeth. Julia could almost hear his jaw snap shut.
“You’re going to Italy? Man, I wish I had a cushy trust fund that would let me do that. I would love to go to Italy.” Scott winked at Julia.
Richard gazed at Gabriel politely but expectantly. Julia saw a flicker of anger pass over Gabriel’s features before it disappeared.
“I’ve been invited to give a lecture at the Uffizi Gallery in Florence,” he announced stiffly.
“When will you go?” asked Rachel.
“The beginning of December.”
“How long will you be gone?” asked Aaron.
“A week or two, possibly more. My hosts have several events planned, and I had hoped to do some research for my book while I’m there. But that depends.”
Gabriel squeezed Julia’s hand under the table, but her hand had gone limp. She remained focused on her pie and chewed thoughtfully. No one noticed that her eyes had become watery. She didn’t dare look in Gabriel’s direction.
After dinner, the kitchen was crowded as everyone helped clean and put things away. Gabriel tried to speak to Julia alone, but they were constantly interrupted. Finally, he gave up and accompanied Richard out to the back porch while the rest of the family piled onto the couches in the living room to listen to very bad eighties music.
It had been Scott’s choice. And when he stood up to dance to Tainted Love by Soft Cell, Rachel and Julia mocked him mercilessly. Aaron didn’t understand the attraction to eighties music or the humor in Scott’s slightly eclectic dance routine, but he smiled politely as he sipped his beer.
When the song was replaced by Don’t You (Forget About Me), Julia knew it was time to get another drink. She floated into the kitchen and found herself looking out the window at Gabriel and Richard, who were wearing their winter coats and sitting in two Adirondack chairs on the back porch.
“Hey, Julia.” Aaron came up behind her and pulled another beer from the refrigerator. “Corona?”
“Thanks.” Julia took the bottle gratefully.
“Lime?” He pointed to a series of lime sections in a bowl on the counter.
After watching her struggle to force the lime into the narrow opening of the bottle, he took pity on her. “Want me to do that?”
“Please.”
Aaron was a Corona specialist. He pushed the lime into the bottle, and capping the opening with his thumb, proceeded to tip the bottle upside down, sending the lime to the very bottom. When he righted the bottle, he carefully let the air pressure out at a snail’s pace and with a smug look, handed the bottle back to Julia.
“That’s the correct way to do it,” he said, grinning at her.
She took a quick pull from the bottle and smiled. He was right. It was good. “You’re a good man, Aaron.” Julia surprised herself by speaking the words aloud.
He reddened but returned her smile. “How are you doing?”
She shrugged. “I’m fine. Grad school is a lot of work, but I seem to be doing well. I’m applying to different doctoral programs for next year. I hope I get in somewhere.”
Aaron nodded, and he fixed her with a serious but sympathetic look. “Rachel told me that Simon called. I don’t want to upset you, but we’re both really worried. Are you okay?”
Julia blinked slightly as she worked through what he’d said, realizing that Gabriel must have told Rachel about the phone call.
“I was scared. Even though I was so far away, he still found me. He wasn’t exactly happy with our conversation.”
Aaron gently patted her arm. “You’re with us. You’re part of our family, and we s
tick together. If he shows up, I’ll take care of him. Hell, I’ve been itching for a fight. What better way to work out your frustration than by teaching someone like him a lesson?” He grinned and took a swig of his beer.
Julia nodded but did not smile. “What’s happening with the wedding? Rachel said that you picked a date, but when I asked her about it tonight she clammed up on me.”
He shook his head. “Don’t say anything to anyone, but we were planning to get married in July. That is, until Rachel saw her dad break down during grace. She pulled me aside after dinner and said that there was no way she could bring up the topic of a wedding now. So we’re back to where we were before—engaged with no fixed wedding date.” Aaron hung his head a little and wiped at his eyes with the back of one of his hands.
Julia felt sorry for him. “She loves you. She’ll marry you. She just wants a happy family and a big, happy wedding. You’ll get there.”
“What about a happy Aaron?” he muttered, his eyes momentarily hard. He sighed and shook his head. “I didn’t mean that. I really didn’t mean that. But I love her. I’ve loved her for years. I never wanted to live together—I wanted to marry her as soon as we graduated high school. But she always wanted to wait. The waiting is killing me, Jules.”
“Some people think that marriage is just a piece of paper. Rachel is lucky you think differently.”
“It’s not just a piece of paper. I want to stand up in front of her and God, and all our friends and make promises to her. I want her to be mine. Not as my girlfriend, but as my wife. I want what Richard and Grace had, but some days I wonder if that’s ever going to happen.”
Julia shyly put her arm around Aaron’s shoulder and gave him a sideways, one-armed hug. “It’s going to happen. Don’t give up. Once Richard is out of the house and settled in his new life, Rachel will see that it’s okay for all of you to be happy again. Being in this house without Grace is hurting everyone. It’s so empty here without her.”
Aaron nodded and tipped back the rest of his beer. “Scott decided to play a slow song. Rachel will be wanting a dance. Excuse me.” He disappeared into the living room, leaving Julia alone with her perfect Corona and her imperfect thoughts.
Meanwhile, Richard and his eldest son sat outside enjoying Gabriel’s gifts—Cuban cigars that he’d smuggled from Canada and a bottle of Richard’s favorite Scotch, The Glenrothes.
“Grace would never have allowed this in the house,” Richard mused, blowing smoke rings toward the inky velvet of the November sky.
“I’m sure no one would mind now.”
Richard smiled at his son sadly. “But I would. For her. Thank you, by the way. These are probably the best I’ve ever had.”
“You’re welcome.”
They clinked glasses and wished one another cheers, falling silent to gaze out at the woods behind the house and up at the delicate strands of stars above.
“Julia looks well. Do you see much of her?”
Gabriel casually flicked the ash from his cigar into the ashtray between them. “She’s in my class.”
“She’s all grown up. She seems more confident.” Richard drew thoughtfully on his cigar. “Your university must agree with her.”
Gabriel shrugged.
“Grace loved her.” Richard watched his son’s face fail to register any reaction. “Now that I’m moving, we’re going to have to have a family meeting about the furniture and—other things. I know it’s going to be uncomfortable, but I think it would be better to have that conversation now rather than waiting until Christmas. You will be home for Christmas, won’t you?”
“Yes, I just don’t know when. As for the furniture, Rachel and Scott can have everything.”
Richard’s lips pulled together. “You’re part of this family too. Isn’t there something you’d like? What about the armoire that Grace inherited from her grandmother? It’s always been in your room. Wouldn’t you like that?”
Gabriel studied his father for a moment. “I assumed you’d be taking all of Grace’s things.”
“It’s just not possible. There are a few things I can’t part with. But as for everything else…” He sighed. “Truthfully, this is the most important thing to me.” He held up his hand and showed Gabriel his wedding ring.
Gabriel was surprised he was still wearing it, but only for an instant. Something told him that Richard would be wearing it for the rest of his life.
“Grace wanted her jewelry divided up. Rachel went through it yesterday. There are a couple of things sitting on the dressing table in our room for you.”
“What about Rachel?”
“She’s happy with what Grace wanted her to have, and the same goes for Scott. In fact, they want Julia to have something, if you don’t object.”
Gabriel rubbed his eyes. “No, I don’t object. What did they have in mind?”
“Grace had two sets of pearls. One of them I gave to her, but one of them came from her parents or she bought them herself when she was a student. I’m not sure. Those are the ones that Rachel would like to give to Julia.”
“That’s fine.”
“Good. Before you leave, just be sure to talk to Rachel about the rest of it. You’ll want to take them with you.”
Gabriel nodded uncomfortably, focusing his attention on his cigar.
“Grace loved you. She didn’t believe in favorites, you know. But you were—special. She believed God brought you to her. She just wanted you to be happy.”
Gabriel nodded. “I know that.”
“Actually, she wanted you to find a nice girl and settle down, have children, and then be happy.” Richard smiled.
“That isn’t going to happen, Richard.”
“You don’t know that.” He reached out an affectionate hand and lightly gripped his son’s forearm. “Grace never gave up. Don’t you give up, either. If I know anything about Grace, it’s that she still loves you, and no doubt she’s lighting candles and praying for you, even now. She’s just a little closer to the source.”
For a moment their eyes met. For a moment, both sapphire and gray were damp with tears.
Pray for me, Grace. How am I ever going to live without you? thought Richard.
The two men blew smoke rings across the porch, silently savoring their Scotch and their memories. But saying nothing more.
When everyone finally decided it was time for bed, they ascended the staircase almost two by two, like animals lumbering to Noah’s ark.
Gabriel held Julia back slightly so that they were the last to go up. When everyone had disappeared into his or her respective chambers, he stood outside her bedroom door, gazing down at her with a somewhat hungry look on his face. Julia felt nervous all of a sudden and became fascinated by her feet.
He reached down with one hand and popped the top button of her blouse open, sliding his hand across her neck. “I’m sorry about this.” He touched the mark he’d made earlier.
Julia kept her eyes down.
“Julianne, look at me.” He coaxed her chin upward with a single finger, gazing at her with troubled eyes. “I didn’t mean to mark you. I know you don’t belong to me, but if you were mine, I would find a better way of showing it to the world than by turning your beautiful skin red or purple.”
Her eyes grew teary. Of course she was his. She had been his since she took his hand long ago and followed him into the woods.
“Wait here a moment.” He disappeared into his bedroom, returning with a familiar-looking British-racing-green cashmere sweater. “This is for you.” He handed it to her.
She accepted the sweater but gave him a puzzled look.
“I was worried that you wouldn’t be warm enough. I thought maybe you could wear this to the woods.”
“Thank you. But won’t you need it?”
He smiled knowingly. “I have others. And it pleases me to think that something of mine will be so close to you. If I had my way, you’d wear it all weekend.” He straightened his shoulders and took a step closer. “Perhaps th
is is a more humane way of marking you.”
Gabriel’s eyes shone in the dim light of the hallway. He took another step forward, as if he were about to draw her into an embrace, when Scott came lumbering out of his room, shirtless and wearing only a pair of boxer shorts. His boxer shorts had smiley faces on them.
At the sight of him, but before he could say something, Gabriel abruptly stuck his hand out. “Good night, Julia,” he said stiffly, shaking her hand.
Scott snorted loudly and scratched his ass as he walked toward the bathroom. As soon as the bathroom door closed, Gabriel pulled Julia into his arms and kissed her firmly on the lips.
“I’ll come to get you in an hour. Dress warmly and wear comfortable shoes.” He eyed her high-heeled boots with a sigh. It pained him to bid them adieu, but he knew that it was necessary.
“Good night, my—” He stopped abruptly before disappearing into his bedroom, leaving Julia standing alone.
She wondered what he had not said. She wondered if she should tell him that she was his.
Julia went into her room and changed into warmer clothes, wrapping herself in the scent that was Gabriel and his cozy cashmere sweater, which enveloped her like a lover’s embrace.
Chapter 26
When the house was shrouded in darkness and it seemed that everyone else was fast asleep, Gabriel and Julia stood staring at one another in the kitchen.
“I’m not sure you’re dressed warmly enough. It’s chilly out there.” He gestured to her coat.
“Not as cold as Toronto,” she laughed.
“I won’t keep you outside for long. Look what I found.” Gabriel held up a long, wide scarf made of thick white and black stripes. He wrapped it around her neck, expertly looping it at the front. “This is from my old college at Oxford.”
Julia smiled. “I like it.”
“It suits you. I found something else too.” Gabriel held up an old blanket that looked oddly familiar.
Julia reached out her hand to trace the edge of it. “Is that the one?”