“After your burpees, I want 20 down and back sprints since you’re all taking it so easy on your suicides.”
Fuck!
No, Lexi could feel herself starting to get upset. She had to go back to her blank space but there were too many emotions floating through her body.
Fury started to trickle through her body as she worked her way through the list of physical demands yelled out by her devil of a coach. Anger, a lot of anger was rushing through her body now. Margo collapsed next to her and Lexi grabbed her by the arm making sure her friend didn’t get in any trouble.
“Come on Margo.” Lexi said in between huffs.
Sweat trickled down her back as Lexi felt like she was separated from her body and was watching herself run up and down the court from the rafters. She looked pathetic, useless and pathetic. Never in her life had she despised herself so much. When had she ever let her personal life affect her this much? Screw her dad and his drinking, screw her lack of plans for the future, screw the prick of an officer that gave her a ticket, screw her friends who hadn’t been there for her and screw Jake Taylor.
When they finally finished their coach’s previous demand, Lexi put her hands on her knees to catch her breath.
“Let’s hear it ladies, what do you have to say.” Still silence.
Lexi couldn’t take it anymore. She stepped out on the court and looked at her freshman. She pointed at them. “Tell coach whatever the fuck you did because I don’t want to be running on your sorry asses behalf anymore! Damn!”
Silence enveloped her as her bitch of a coach clapped slowly. Lexi looked at her coach with confusion.
“Thank you freshman, you were quite the actresses.”
“What the hell is going on?” Lexi asked, spinning around to look at everyone.
“Looks like you owe your team an apology, Lexi. You see it took, let’s see how many suicides, burpees and down and ups to finally light a fire under your ass.” Her coach got right in her face. “That is what a captain is supposed to do, control her team, not sit back and make errors while she wallows in her own self-pity. I’m just sorry I had to use your teammates as an example to get you going. You ladies are dismissed.” Her coach looked Lexi dead in the eyes and said, “Get your shit together, Knox or you’ll be warming the bench all year.”
Her coach turned on her heel and left Lexi in the gym all by herself.
This whole practice was because of Lexi? They just ran their asses off because of her? She had never been the one to cause the running and she just put her team through hell because she was letting her personal life get to her.
Feeling like pure shit, she leaned against the padded wall and slowly lowered herself to the ground. She pulled her knees into her chest, placed her head on her knees and cried. She let herself cry for a while. She let herself feel again and she let herself have one last pity party.
***
Jake looked all over his locker for his watch but couldn’t find it. Where did he put it? Practice wasn’t too bad today, he knew his coach was taking it a little easy on the guys because the past couple of games they have killed their opponents. Jake appreciated the break but after practice he went up to his coach and asked him to not let up on the guys anymore, they needed to continue to practice the way they had been so they could continue to play the way they were. Their coach agreed but also stated he didn’t want to run the guys ragged which Jake could agree with.
The guys were all going to the sports bar after practice but Jake decided to pass up since he was feeling tired and didn’t want to push himself. The last thing he needed was to get sick.
He gathered his items and walked out of the locker room. He was about to leave when he remembered he left his watch on the indoor track this morning when he was working out with Mason. Jake walked out onto the track grabbed his watch and was heading for his Jeep when he heard someone crying.
He looked around but didn’t see anyone. That was weird, he thought. He continued toward the exit when he heard another sob. He turned around and looked at the closed door to the gym. He heard there was a team in the gym that was getting their asses handed to him so he decided to take a peak to see if there were any stragglers.
When he looked around in the gym, he saw Lexi sitting on the floor with her head on her knees, crying. The only reason he knew the person on the floor was her was because she was wearing gym shorts with softball written on them and a massive amount of blonde hair was spilling over the girl’s shoulders.
He jogged up to her and knelt down. He startled her when he put his hand on her shoulder, which caused her to frantically wipe away her tears and clear her throat. He hated how she always had to be so tough around him.
“Lexi, what’s wrong? Are you ok?”
Lexi shot straight up from where she was sitting and then toppled over from being unbalanced. Jake caught her in his arms, trying to steady her.
She stared up at him with watery blue eyes that stole his heart. He hated seeing her in pain. He wanted to be able to wipe away all the pain in her face and make everything better. She struggled to gain her balance but continued to cry so she wasn’t having any success at holding herself up. Instead of helping her back down to the ground, Jake took charge. He escorted her out to his Jeep, buckled her up and drove her to his place. It was a little closer than hers and he didn’t have a key to get into her apartment.
He pulled her out of the passenger seat where she was curled up and carried her into his apartment. He placed her on the couch and got some water from his fridge for her.
Seeing Lexi so deflated made him nervous, he always saw her so strong and stubborn, never like the mess she currently was. He had never seen her so down before and it was crushing him. He sat next to her on the couch and pulled a pillow onto his lap. She rested her head on the pillow and cried.
“It’s ok” he said while stroking her head. He had no clue if it actually was ok or what “it” was but he knew whatever happened he was going to help her through it, he wanted to, he needed to.
Ever since he laid eyes on Lexi at the football party he couldn’t get her out of his head. Now that she was vulnerable and actually letting him take care of her, he wasn’t going to go anywhere, no matter what her problem was.
At that moment, he finally realized what it was like to have someone to care about. Even though Lexi barely gave him the time of day, he cared about her.
When Mason first started dating Brooke, Jake thought his friend was a fool. He always wondered why Mason would give up his bachelor life to be with one girl. Now Jake understood. It was about taking care of someone, having someone to lean on, to laugh with and to share life with. Right now, he wanted to take care of Lexi, he wanted to wash her pain away.
Her cries settled down into sniffs and then her breathing turned heavy. Jake continued to stroke her hair and realized that she had fallen asleep. He pulled a blanket over her without disturbing the way she was sleeping and made himself comfortable. Thankfully he had his phone with him because he was able to check ESPN for scores and updates while she slept.
Soon enough, Jake’s eyes started to get heavy and he drifted off into sleep as well, a very deep sleep.
***
A sharp pain radiated through Lexi’s neck, causing her to wake up. She shifted from where she was laying and almost fell off her bed. She caught herself right before she tipped over. Her eyes flew open from the adrenaline rush of almost falling to the ground and that was when she realized she wasn’t in her bed, she was on a coach. Her hand was on something hard. She looked over and saw that her hand was gripping a man’s thigh. She shot up from where she was laying and saw the man whose thigh she was grazing.
Jake.
Instant mortification took over her body as her whole body burn with heat. He found her at her worst moment and he didn’t run away. Instead he decided to take care of her. No, she told herself, she was not going to get into this with him. Wasn’t the practice they just had a big enough push away from Jake? S
he lost sight of what was important for her team and she wasn’t going to let it happen again. She couldn’t let Jake get in the middle of things. She couldn’t let him plant himself in her head again.
Her coach made it quite clear that Lexi needed to get her head out of her ass and focus on what was important. Lexi was able to succeed her entire college career because she never let a guy interfere with her goals. Jake was a distraction, a handsome distraction, but a distraction she couldn’t afford. This was her last year, she needed to focus on figuring out what she was going to do with her life and she needed to focus on her team. She needed to give them her one hundred percent, not wonder whether or not the hunky quarterback was going to ask her out again.
Lexi was able to slip off the couch without waking Jake up. She didn’t see any of her belongings around his apartment, probably because they were still in her locker. She had her workout clothes still on so she decided she would turn her trek back to the events center into a little workout, even though it felt like she pulled every muscle in her legs.
She looked at Jake one last time and then slipped out of his apartment. She stretched her back and started to jog over to the events center. The entire time she replayed what happened last night in her head. All she could remember was crying hysterically and Jake carrying her around. Her mouth went dry and her stomach ached. Life wasn’t fair. Finally she found a guy that was caring and sweet, yea he had a bit of a battered past but he had changed, before her eyes and it pained her that she couldn’t do anything about it.
Lord knew that she couldn’t handle being there for the team and having her own relationship, something had to give and that was Jake. Not that he wanted to be in a relationship with her, she didn’t know that but it did seem like he cared about her.
What was she doing? She cursed herself out and picked up the pace of her run. She reveled in the burn that was traveling the length of her legs from the asinine workout she put her team through.
She was supposed to be forgetting about Jake and putting him behind her. She wasn’t supposed to be analyzing his feelings for her and if he actually had any. This was never going to work.
She arrived at the events center and went to her locker room. Like usual she was the only one there. She pulled out her toothbrush and toothpaste she kept in locker and brushed her teeth at the sink in the bathroom. She hated having morning breath before a workout. She brushed her hair and threw it up into a messy bun, grabbed a towel and headed for the weight room.
After waiving good morning to the trainer she started working out on an exercise ball. She hadn’t done much ab work lately and since she was incredibly sore from yesterday’s practice she didn’t even want to attempt to do any squats or lunges.
Lexi worked out until she couldn’t feel her abs anymore. It was the only way she knew how to erase her current pain, by causing new pain to focus on, so she did. She spent half on hour on the exercise ball doing all sorts of balancing and weighted ab work. She looked at the clock and realized she needed to get in the shower and get up to class.
After an extremely quick shower and brush of her hair, she threw on her spare clothes and headed out of the locker room for class.
“Hey.”
Lexi stopped in her tracks and turned to find Jake waiting for her. He was leaning against the wall once again but he was wearing sweats and a t-shirt that showed off his amazing muscles. Lexi felt her voice get caught in her throat, so she just smiled at him
“So you’re just going to walk out of my apartment without saying anything?”
There was hurt in his eyes when he said his words. Lexi felt extremely guilty. She was trying to figure out what was best for her when she left Jake’s apartment, she didn’t even consider what it would be like for Jake. She was an ass.
“I’m sorry. I was just, uh, embarrassed.”
He walked closer so he was only a couple of inches away from her. “Why?”
She looked up into his green eyes and felt the walls she was trying to build this morning crumble to the ground, they were completely non-existent now.
“Because Jake. I mean who cries like that? It was embarrassing for you to see me like that.”
“Why do you care how I see you?” He was even closer now as he placed his hands on her hips. His hands felt so strong, protective, safe.
She looked down but he lifted her chin so she was looking at him. “I don’t want you to look at me differently?” she said.
“And how would I look at you?”
Lexi blew out an exasperated breath. “Like a weakling.”
“You have to know by now I don’t see you as a weakling. I see you as a strong, confident, sexy woman.”
“Well I wasn’t last night, especially the sexy part.” Lexi felt herself turn bright red from the thought of what she might have looked like last night. She knew she didn’t have a pretty cry face. She could only imagine the horror she might have caused Jake.
“You were human last night, it was charming. It made me like you even more.”
“Like me?”
He smiled at her and brought his head down toward hers. Oh God he was going to kiss her. She felt her body tense up and panic while at the same time her heart hammered against her chest. She wanted this, she wanted Jake. His lips were a breath away from touching hers as he cupped the nape of her neck.
“There you are! Thank…Oh, sorry I didn’t know.” Lexi shot away from Jake as if he was acid that was burning her skin off. She looked over at her grinning roommate and Lexi instantly hated herself. “I was worried about you, but if I knew you were with Jake…”
“I wasn’t with him, well not the way you were thinking.” Lexi looked at Jake who was sporting a deep frown and then she looked back a Margo who would not stop smirking. “I’m fine, I have to go. I’ll see you at practice.”
Lexi couldn’t even turn to look at Jake to say good bye because she couldn’t stand to see the hurt in his eyes again. She knew she was blowing him off but she couldn’t do this right now, this, whatever it was with Jake. Even though her heart and her body were telling her to skip class and invite Jake to breakfast, her brain was actually working and telling her to get her ass in gear. She had things to do and she couldn’t spend her day pining away at Jake.
***
Jake watched Lexi walk away without even acknowledging him. What the hell? He turned to Margo who was still standing in the hallway, grinning like an idiot. “Thanks a lot, Margo.”
She feigned shock. “Oh was I interrupting something, perhaps something that continued over from last night?”
Jake wished! “No, actually. I had to track her down here when she left my apartment after not saying anything.”
He told Margo about how he found Lexi in the gym crying and Margo told him all about their practice from the night before. Jake could completely relate to what Lexi was going through. He got ripped by his coach last year from not performing as a leader. Being captain was difficult because you had to be the best at everything while being a team leader. It was a tough spot to be in and if you were off your game for one day you were called out on it.
Jake shook his head. “I wish she would talk to me about it.”
“And why would she do that?” Margo asked.
“Because I care, because I want to help her. I would have thought she got that impression from what I did for her last night.”
Margo just shrugged. “Sometimes with Lexi, you have to voice what you’re feeling. I’m not going to get into it but she doesn’t have the best family life and it takes a lot out of her to trust someone, especially, no offense, someone with your kind of past.”
“I would tell her how I feel if she gave me the time of day.”
“You haven’t even talked to her for the past couple of weeks. If you’re interested in her you have to make it known. Stop pussy footing around and take what you want. Don’t take no for an answer. Make her feel special Jake, she deserves it and if you’re not up for the challenge then please
just let her be. She can’t take the distraction if you’re not going to be all in.”
All in, was he all in?
He thanked Margo for the advice and walked toward his locker room. He thought about last night and how great it felt to have Lexi so close to him, to take care of her, to run his hand through her hair and he thought about the moment they shared together right before Margo interrupted them. If being with Lexi meant having to be all in, then he was all in. He couldn’t walk away now. He was so close to something he never thought he would ever want, he couldn’t give up now. He was never a quitter and he wouldn’t start now.
He pulled out his phone and sent Lexi a text message.
Jake: Have dinner with me tonight, after practice. Please.
It didn’t take her long to respond.
Lexi: I can’t
Jake: I know you have nothing planned, please let me take you out. Just something casual.
Lexi: I don’t think that is a good idea Jake. I appreciate what you did for me last night but I think we should leave it at that.
Jake: I’m not taking no for an answer. I think after last night I at least deserve this.
Lexi: I’m sorry, you’re right. I will meet you after practice
Jake: Thank you. See you then and Lexi, have a great day. I will be thinking about you
Lexi: You too.
Jake stuffed his phone in his locker after reading her last text message and put on his running shoes. He was going to let Lexi know how he felt at dinner, he was going to take what he wanted and show her how special she was.
***
Lexi was a bundle of nerves while she was getting ready for her so-called date with Jake. Practice went much better today. Lexi felt like her old self again out on the field. She led the team every way possible, being the first on the field and the last to leave. She even got a brief nod from her coach knowing that was her coach’s way of showing her approval. Lexi might have let her guard down for a second but she was back in the game again. She was able to shut her personal life off when she stepped on the field, something she recently forgot how to do.