I frowned at the memories, trying to bring together how much I'd personally witnessed her father spoiling her with the story I'd just heard from Diamond and Paisley. I supposed it was possible that since Allie and her mother had left, Kendrick had been trying to make things up to his daughters.
But none of that mattered at the moment. I needed to make things right with Paisley before I worried about the rest.
She collapsed down onto the couch and pressed her hand to her forehead, a heavy sigh escaping her. “This entire day…it’s been horrid.”
“Yeah.” I could agree with her there.
I moved to the windows and stared outside, wondering where Allie had gone. Was she alone or had she gone home with Tao? And who was he? She said he was her date, but it was clear that they were close. I was willing to bet he was the same guy who'd gone with her to get her dress.
The dress that I'd been wondering how she'd bought.
Had he bought it for her? Who was he to her that he would buy something that expensive? Did they have some sort of arrangement?
The thought made me sick, and I hated myself for even thinking it, but with Diamond and Paisley's words dancing through my head, I couldn't stop myself. If Allie really was as manipulative as they said, was it possible that she was sleeping with Tao so he would buy her things? Had that been what she'd intended for me? Or was I more personal? Had she chosen me to get back at her father's family? To get back at them for having what she never did?
“Come sit with me, baby.”
Paisley's voice brought me back to the present. Pushing the other thoughts from my mind, I went. I sat next to her, closing my eyes as she cuddled up against me. It should've felt natural, but it didn't. Paisley's body was thin, long, not the soft curves I wanted.
“It’s been such a horrid day.” She pressed her lips to my neck.
“So you’ve said.” I thought of how Allie had looked at me, the way she’d set her jaw before turning and walking away, shoulders squared.
“Just awful.” She kissed my neck, the light caress soft.
And I felt nothing. My mind stayed caught on Allie, on the things I'd learned, the things Diamond and Paisley had said. The girl I'd come to know.
It didn’t fit.
She’d been aware that I had money, and it hadn't impressed her. I'd seen that. I'd seen the truth in her eyes.
“Make me forget,” Paisley said, her voice rough and low.
Before I could react, she climbed into my lap and took my hands, lifting them to her breasts. My hands completely covered them, felt her nipples harden against my palms.
Staring up at her in the dim light, I realized I could see similarities between the sisters. In the line of her jaw, the slope of her nose. If I really tried, I could almost pretend–
I stopped myself right there. I wasn't going to betray either woman that way. I'd always prided myself on not being that guy, the one who had to fantasize about another woman to get off. I wasn't going to start here.
“Please, Jal.” She ground down on my lap, the friction barely getting a twitch of interest from my cock. “I need you.”
Slowly, I slid my hands down to her waist and tugged her closer. She kissed me, her lips cool against mine. Paisley tugged at my tie, pulled it over my head. Once she had it free, she went to deal with the buttons on my shirt, and I remained still, watching her. Seeing what she was really doing.
She wasn’t looking to make herself forget anything. She was trying to distract me, and I knew it was because she didn't want me thinking about Allie. She might not have known the specifics of what happened between Allie and me, but Paisley knew I cared, that I wanted.
And still, I couldn't bring myself to stop her.
“I know she’s pretty,” Paisley murmured against my mouth.
My entire body stiffened, and not in a good way.
“What?”
She reached up and freed the fastening at the back of her neck. The front of her dress fell to her waist, baring her breasts. She cupped them, rolled her nipples between her fingers.
“I know she’s pretty, Jal. Everybody always talked about it, even when she was a little girl. That mixed skin and Daddy's eyes.” She kissed me again, then moved her mouth to my ear. “But I’m pretty too. Aren’t I?”
I could answer that honestly. “Paisley, you’re beautiful.” My voice was rough as I added, “You don’t–”
She pressed her finger to my lips. “Hush. It’s okay. Whatever it is, I don’t need to know. It’s okay. You’re mine. That’s all that matters.”
She slid off my lap and onto her knees in front of me. Her eyes darkened as she pushed my knees apart.
Shit.
“I want to show you what I can do for you. I want to show you what I can make you feel.”
She undid my pants, her eyes still locked on mine. I should stop her, but I knew what she wanted. She wanted to show me that she was desirable, that she could make me want her.
I was still soft when she wrapped her hand around me, but she gave me a couple hard, quick strokes, the rough friction making me suck in a breath. I didn’t let myself close my eyes though. I wasn’t going to pretend she was somebody else. I owed her that much.
I wasn’t so convinced that I was hers, but I wasn’t going to use her like that either.
Guilt made it easier.
But when you have to remind yourself to stay on target, it takes some of the fun out of getting a blowjob, even one from someone as skilled as Paisley.
Pushing my hands into her short mahogany hair, I kept my gaze on her. She leaned down, took the tip between her lips. Her teeth lightly grazed the crown and I tugged hair. Her eyes flicked up to me as I arched up so she’d take me deeper. She let my cock slide across her tongue and bump against the back of her throat. I moaned as she held me there, unable to stop my body's natural response to the wet heat of her mouth.
My cock glistened as it emerged from her mouth. “That’s my boy.”
My stomach clenched at her words, and I knew what I said next would either break us completely or give us a chance. Right now, I didn't know where we would end up, only that I didn't want to risk alienating the mother of my child. I'd asked for time, and now I realized that I needed more. And I needed Paisley to know that I was still trying to figure it out.
“Suck on it, Paisley.”
Heat flared in her eyes at the command. She liked to play it rough, but she never admitted to it. When it was all said and done, it was my fault for talking her into whatever kinky thing we did.
Women like her didn't do things like that.
My fingers tightened in her hair. “It's not going to suck itself.”
In response, she slid her mouth down slowly, pretending reluctance. I gave her head a push, shoving my cock deeper into her mouth. She worked me up and down, cupped my balls and rolled them. Her teeth scraped me again, and I swore, yanked her head off of me.
“Ready to fuck me now?” She grinned at me. “Take me hard and fast? You want me to bend over the couch so you can spank me, or take me to the bedroom so you can tie me up?”
I glared at her. “That’s enough. We’re not getting that rough. You’re pregnant.”
“But you’re not.” She pouted up at me. “Besides, pregnant doesn’t mean fragile.”
“You heard me. Be nice.” I stroked my thumb across her lower lip, swollen now and wet. With another light tug on her hair, I guided her back to where she’d been. She slowly opened her mouth and went back to business, sucking and licking until I finally exploded in her mouth.
After she swallowed, she stood and dropped her dress to the floor. She straddled my legs, putting her pussy right at level with my face. “Now it’s my turn.”
Later that night, as I lay next to Paisley in her bed, my mind refused to let me relax. The orgasm should've been the precursor to a good night's sleep. The one I'd given her with my fingers and tongue had apparently done the trick. My brain, however, refused to turn off.
While I'd been going down on Paisley, I'd managed to keep Allie from my mind and focus on my fiancée – or whatever she was. Now, however, all I could think about was the woman I didn't have next to me.
I was in bed with one woman and dreaming about her sister.
I’d found myself in probably what was one of the more awkward situations in life. Engaged to one sister. Crazy about the other.
And that was the bottom line. It wasn't about the grass being greener, or getting cold feet. I wanted Allie, plain and simple. When I was with Paisley, I was thinking about her sister. And when I was with Allie, she was all I could think about.
If I'd known about the relationship between the two of them, I wanted to believe I never would have pursued her, but the truth was, I didn’t know. I had an almost obsessive desire for Allie, and nothing was going to change that. Even if I didn't act on it, it would still be there.
So…what to do?
Was I supposed to ignore the one woman who had ever really gotten to me?
Marry Paisley and ignore whatever this was with Allie?
Could I do that?
And aside from all of that, none of it even made sense.
Definitely not the way Diamond presented it.
Granted, she had reason enough to pretend things in her own way, so I knew I couldn't take anything she said at face value. Something told me Allie wasn’t going to be all that open with me, even if I did ask.
One thing was certain…I had to figure out what I was going to do.
It would help, though, if I could figure out exactly what happened to begin with. At least that was a place to start.
Chapter Nine
Allie
Tao held out a glass of wine, ignoring me when I tried to push it away. I reluctantly took it, knowing that he wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted. Despite his usually easy-going nature, Tao could be quite stubborn when he wanted to be.
“Just one,” he said, sitting down next to me with his own glass. “I think after tonight, we both deserve it.”
“Why didn’t I think about them being there?” Slowly, I sipped at the wine I didn’t really want. “Seriously, what was I thinking?”
Tao pressed a kiss to my temple. “You were thinking, honey, just not with your brain.”
Miffed, I shot him a dirty look. “Hey, I’m not the one here who has a penis. I don’t think with that part of my anatomy.”
“Allie.” He shook his head as he pulled me into his lap, somehow managing to do it without spilling my wine or his.
He was laughing at me, but it was a nice kind of laughter. I leaned against him as he took another sip of his wine.
He set down his glass and cupped my cheek, his expression soft. “I wasn't talking about sex. I was talking about your heart. I always knew that when you fell, you would do it hard, and you’re falling for this guy.”
I shook my head, protesting. “No. He’s hot but…”
Tao gave me a look that said he wasn't buying it. Setting my jaw, I looked away from him. What did he know?
Except...he knew me. Tao knew me better than anyone else in my life. Better than my family even. No matter how close my mother and I were, Tao was closer.
Groaning, I dropped my head onto his shoulder and sighed. “My life would be easier if you and I could just fall in love. You’d be happy. I’d be happy. My parents would be happy.”
“Love is a fickle bitch,” he said as he smoothed a hand down my back. “She isn’t worried about people being happy.” He sighed. “Maybe it'll all work out, Allie.”
I snorted, a decidedly unladylike sound. “Yeah. Maybe. And I’ll wake up tomorrow tall and thin and rich.”
“While we’re wishing,” Tao said, “we’ll both be madly in love, pleasing both our parents. We’ll get married and sail off into the sunset going fa-la-la-la.” Tao rested his chin on my shoulder.
I laughed. “Sure. Fa-la-la-la-la.”
“Any fa-la-la-la-la yet?”
My cheek rested on Tao's sweaty chest, my breasts pressed against his side. One of his arms was wrapped around me, his fingers tracing patterns on my skin. His other arm was behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. My entire body felt like I'd just run a marathon, and I was pretty sure his fingers were imprinted on my ass.
I chuckled, the sound coming in short bursts as I worked for my breath. “Nope. Sorry. A lot of yes, right there and fuck me, but no fa-la-la-la.”
“Damn. I was sure those fas were in there somewhere.”
I laughed and curled closer to his side. The position was comfortable, familiar. All of this was comfortable and familiar. The way he fit inside me, how he knew exactly the right amount of pressure to put on my clit, the perfect way to bite my nipples. He knew exactly how to get me off in every position, and loved to draw it out so that we used more than one. He had stamina, and thoroughly enjoyed every part of sex. Foreplay, oral, all of it. When it came to fucking, Tao participated enthusiastically.
I just wished there was some of that fa-la-la-la-la he’d been teasing me about. Some feeling beyond platonic love and basic physical attraction. If I could just fall for him, if he could fall for me...sex with him was great. Being with him was great. But when we weren’t together…
Just like that, the lightheartedness of the afterglow passed, and a cold knot of misery settled inside.
I was starting to think Tao was right in the worst way. That I wasn't simply lusting after Jal, but that I'd actually fallen in love with him.
It was one of my worst fears, not just falling for somebody who was so totally wrong, but falling for somebody who was completely out of my reach. I'd always told myself that I wouldn't repeat my mother's mistakes, but the events of the past couple weeks had blown that vow all to hell.
The hand I had laying on Tao’s chest closed into a fist, and he covered it. “What’s wrong?”
“I…” The moment I opened my mouth, for reasons I couldn’t even explain, I started to cry.
Without needing an explanation, Tao pulled me into his arms, rolling us onto our sides so he could stroke a hand up and down my back. He kissed the top of my head.
“I’ll tell you what, Allie. I don’t think I’ve ever sexed you right into tears before.”
The comment did what I knew he wanted. I smacked his chest.
“Jerk,” I managed to get out between sobs.
“Just trying to help.” He ran his fingers through my hair as his tone shifted. “It’s okay, Allie. It’s all going to work out.”
“How?” I couldn’t think of anything that would make any of this better.
No matter how much I wanted to deny it, the sinking feeling in my gut said that I'd fallen for the wrong man. And I had an equally bad feeling that after I'd left, he'd gone to Diamond for answers. I didn't even want to think about what she would've told him.
Diamond had never liked me, and she’d hated my mother. Granted, I couldn’t really blame her. My mother had carried on a long term affair with a married man, and I was the result of that. Diamond, however, hadn't been satisfied with hating from afar, or even confronting her husband. She'd never been physically abusive – that sort of thing was beneath her – but biting insults and other forms of verbal abuse had been constant whenever my father wasn't around.
No child should learn the meaning of the term bastard because they were one.
And I knew Diamond had shared all of that with Jal. Told him everything from her twisted point of view. As much as I felt for her as the woman who'd been cheated on, the way she'd treated me made any real sympathy nearly impossible. The thought of Diamond pouring out all of that venom and hate to Jal made me cry even harder. If he didn't hate me already, he would after Diamond was done.
Even as Tao's arms tightened around me, and I knew that Jal and I could never be together, I couldn't help but wish that he was the one comforting me, telling me that it would be all right.
Chapter Ten
Jal
The morning was cold,
wet, and gray. Pretty much the usual for March in Philadelphia.
Any other Sunday, I probably would have just rolled over and slept another few hours, then done all I could to avoid going outside. There was nothing good out there, I was sure of that.
Now, however, I knew there were necessary things out there. Like answers.
I'd spent most of my life balancing the life I wanted with the life I was expected to have, hiding the truth of who I was behind the public image I was supposed to maintain. Because I did it so well, my mother rarely interfered in the things I did behind closed doors.
But now, all of that was blown to hell. I was trapped by expectations I didn't want, and I knew that whatever I did next would shape the rest of my life.
A soft sigh came from the woman next to me, a reminder of just how very true all of that was. I was in bed with Paisley after a night of dreaming about another woman, and I couldn't deny that the idea of spending my life like this left a bad taste in my mouth.
That was the impetus I needed to sit up and kick my legs over the bed.
Paisley didn’t stir. No surprise there. She'd always slept like the dead. Even me getting up out of bed and walking around, gathering up the few clothes I’d discarded didn’t stir her.
I showered in the guest bathroom, although it wasn’t much bigger than a closet. Some people might've thought the disproportionate sizes of the rooms was strange, but I knew how Paisley thought. She wouldn't waste space on anything she wouldn’t personally use. Her bathroom boasted a tub big enough for several people, and an even bigger shower, but any guests she might have wouldn't need much more than the basic necessities. Right now, that was all I needed too. I had to wash away the scent of her perfume, of her.
Since they were for spontaneous situations, the clothes I’d packed in my overnight case consisted of jeans, a t-shirt, and a pullover. It took little time to dress, and by the time I was ready to head out the door, I had a message from my driver that my car was already out front.