My throat felt bruised.
And when he pulled back and then thrust back in, slow and sure, I took him, desperate for more. He could have fed me his cock just like this for the next few hours, and I would have loved it. Mostly because of the low and rough sound of his voice as he kept talking to me.
I was pretty sure he could make me come from his voice alone.
“You like sucking my cock, Allie?”
I nodded as best as I could. I wrapped one hand around the base of his cock and pumped, but before I could do it a second time, Jal pulled on my hair. “I didn’t say you could do that.”
Pinpricks of pain went through my scalp as he pulled me off him, arching my head back.
“Do you remember what I told you about touching?”
“May I touch your cock?”
Jal smiled, the sexy slant pulling at something deep inside me. “Yes, you may.”
I dragged my hand down again, then back up before leaning in and wrapping my mouth back around his cock. His thigh muscles tensed, and his cock pulsed against my tongue.
“Aw, yeah…do that again, baby,” he growled as I sucked on him. His fist tightened in my hair, urging me to move faster.
I needed very little urging though. I'd always enjoyed giving head, but this was better than anything before. Raking my teeth along the vein along the underside of his penis, I moved quicker.
My clitoris was throbbing, pussy clenching. I could almost imagine myself coming, just from this.
“Allie…” It came out in a groan this time, one that shuddered and then faded into nothingness as he started to come.
His hand tightened in my hair, holding me steady as I drew the climax out.
When he finally released my hair, I pulled back and lay my cheek on his thigh. I was all but shaking with my own need, but I was content to just sit there for now.
This…I felt like everything I had with Jal was what I’d been missing my entire life. I started to lift my head, words I didn’t fully understand already forming on my lips, words that could maybe explain the vastness of emotions welling up inside me. I wanted him to know what this meant to me.
Jal was staring at me, a faint smile on his lips, eyes sparkling. “You know, baby, you suck cock better than any woman I’ve ever been with.”
The words that had been dancing inside me started to die. I felt frozen. Such blunt, basic words. Here I was thinking this all meant something to him.
And I guess it did.
It meant he liked fucking me.
He liked the way I sucked cock.
And he apparently didn't care enough to even notice the change that came over me. Instead, he reached for me, bent me over his bed. My brain was still numb when he thrust inside me.
“Oh, baby,” he groaned.
My body reacted to the friction, to the feel of him inside me, pleasure stretching through me until sensation and the exquisite torment he brought me was all that mattered.
Physically.
But my head was in another place entirely.
He brought his hand down on my ass, spanking me and I jerked automatically, a weak cry escaping my throat just as the climax broke over me. A purely biological reaction with no emotion behind it.
Just like him, I now realized.
It donned on me that we hadn’t used anything.
That was a mistake.
Yet another one.
One I didn't intend to make again.
You suck cock better than any woman I’ve ever been with.
I didn't say anything as he pulled me up onto the bed and stretched out behind me. I needed a moment for my treacherous body to recover.
“You’re still not out of my system.” He ran his hand down my spine.
The words made the ache inside me spread. “Is that what this is? You trying to get me out of your system?” I asked, my voice hollow.
He didn’t even notice.
“If it was, it sure as hell isn’t working.” He gripped my hip and pressed his semi-hard dick against my ass. “I wasn’t like this even when I was a teenager. You’re addictive.”
The bed shifted as he got up.
As soon as he disappeared into the bathroom, I got out of bed and started grabbing my clothes. He came out again just as I was buttoning up my shirt. Still naked and half-hard. He really was insatiable.
“Hey…” He frowned. “Where are you going?”
“I have to work tomorrow.” Shrugging, I sat down on the edge of the bed to slip my shoes on, grateful for an action that allowed me to look away from him. “I’ve got to drop my brother at school, shower…too many things to do and I’ll never get it all done if I stay here.”
“I’ll get you a car.” He came closer, but I edged around him before he could touch me.
“Don’t be silly.” I hurried down the hall, determined not to let him touch me. I couldn’t. I was barely keeping it together as it was. I had to get out of there before I broke down. I couldn't let him see what he'd done to me.
I'd learned that at a young age. Never let them see how much they can hurt you.
But when he reached out to touch me, I flinched and practically ran down the stairs.
Something flickered in his eyes as he followed. “Allie?”
I grabbed my purse. “I need to go,” I said again, forcing a smile.
“What’s wrong?” He sounded completely bewildered.
I paused at the door. “I’m glad I suck good cock, Jal.”
His eyes widened. “Allie, wait–”
I made my voice ice. “Don't ever touch me again.”
I slammed the door behind me and ran toward the elevator. I wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower, scrub away the feel of his hands, the smell of his body. And then crawl into bed and forget I'd ever met Jal Lindstrom.
Chapter Six
Allie
My call to Tao went to voicemail, and in a fit of borderline desperation, I threw my cell down on the bed and dropped down next to it. Grabbing my pillow, I buried my face in it and started to cry.
...you suck cock better than any woman I’ve ever been with.
I wasn't an idiot. I knew what a comment like that meant, how it defined what I meant to him. Sex. I gave him physical pleasure because I was skilled at oral sex. That's what I meant to him.
If I'd only wanted a fuck, I would've stuck with Tao. At least, with him, I always knew where I stood, and I knew that he loved me. It wasn't romantic love, but Tao would never pretend what we had was anything other than what it was. My feelings, who I was as a person, mattered to him.
…you’re still not out of my system.
I rolled onto my side, hugging the pillow to my chest, as if it could somehow ease the pain in my heart. I'd put myself out there, trusted that when he said I was the only woman he was thinking of, it meant something. Or, rather, that it meant the same thing to him that it did to me.
Once again, that was my mistake. I'd put us on the same level, assumed that our social differences were simply material. I'd let myself forget the most basic lesson I'd learned when it came to rich men like my father, like Jal. They never thought about women like me as anything more than a body to use for their pleasure. Even when they were giving pleasure, it was still all about them, about their prowess as a lover.
Jal's words had reminded me of what I was to him, and I hated myself for forgetting.
The night played over in my head, a video on repeat. My chest started to ache, the pain building and building until I could barely breathe.
I’d knelt in front of him like some naïve little fool, spinning daydreams and fantasies while he’d been mentally comparing me to all the other women he’d fucked, rating my skills. He'd asked if I trusted him, but I could see now he meant it only in the physical sense. I'd been an idiot to think any different.
It was my own fault. He’d taken me out to dinner, and he’d offered a night of sex. He'd made it clear that it hadn't been expected, that it was my choice. It was my
own damn fault for seeing it as something more than what it was.
The knowledge, however, didn't stop the pain or the tears, and after a while, I stopped fighting them.
I lost track of the time.
And eventually, I lost track of consciousness, sliding off into sleep and losing my misery to the darkness.
Morning came too early, and my head was killing me as I woke. Curled onto my side, I stared dully at the window. Maybe I could call in dead since that was how I felt. I didn’t want to do anything except lie here and be miserable for a day...or three. Of course, that wasn't an option. I had responsibilities that didn't allow for self-indulgence.
TJ wasn’t awake yet. I’d woken up a good hour earlier than normal, but I knew there wouldn’t be any going back to sleep, and if I just laid in bed, I'd start thinking again, and that was the last thing I needed to do.
Sighing, I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed and knocked something to the floor. My phone. I scowled as I picked it up. Several notifications popped up. Messages from Tao and the last one had come in less than ten minutes ago.
Relief flooded me. He was awake.
I sent him a text, asking if he could come to the house and walk with me while I dropped TJ off. My shift didn't start until ten so we could get some breakfast, and I could talk.
His response popped up less than a minute after I’d sent the text.
Sure thing, gorgeous.
At least I had one man in my life I could count on. Okay, technically I had Tyson. He was a good step-father, but it wasn't the same thing.
I took longer in the shower than I usually did, letting the white noise of the water drown out the chaos in my head. Unfortunately, it was still waiting the moment I stepped onto the bathmat. Thoughts of his touch, the way he'd felt inside me, all the things I thought I meant to him. The pain that came with the realization that I didn't.
I muttered a curse under my breath. I couldn’t let him do this to me.
Jal Lindstrom was bad for my sanity, bad for my soul. Bad for me.
I had feelings for him. There was no denying that, no going back to before. I could only move forward. I needed to get past it, move on with my life. My real life, the one where people had to work for a living and rarely had the money to spend on frivolous things. The world where the best I could hope for was a friends-with-benefits relationship with my best friend. The life that revolved around taking care of everyone around me, and ignoring the things I wanted, because that's what I was supposed to do.
I’d let myself get too twisted up about him time and again, and each time, all I got was hurt. I was tired of being burned by people who said they cared about me. I knew the four people who truly loved me, and they were all that mattered. I didn't need anyone else. I was done with all of the rest.
I was at the window waiting for Tao, still working on boxing up my feelings for Jal, when a strange car pulled up in front of the house. Tao popped out of passenger's seat but didn't come up to the house immediately. Instead, he waited as a guy climbed out of the driver’s seat and walked around. They appeared to be finishing up some sort of conversation.
Tao smiled, and then the guy hooked his fingers in Tao's belt loops and yanked Tao toward him. Their kiss wasn't the quick peck between friends. This was a long, deep kiss that said the two of them were parting after what had most likely been a great night.
After a couple of minutes, they separated, and I stood so I could greet Tao when he came in. Unfortunately, he stepped inside just as my little brother came crashing down the stairs, sounding like a herd of elephants.
Tao came up short at the sight of me, and his mouth tightened.
“Not right now,” I warned him as TJ threw his arms around Tao's lean body. With TJ's back to me, no one but Tao knew what I said.
TJ's hands were already moving when he took a step back, the brisk, harsh movements clearly saying that he wasn't happy. “Where have you been? You haven’t come around much lately.”
Tao laughed and responded, talking as he signed, “Busy, kid. School, work, dates.”
“Girl or boy?”
“Both.” Tao winked. “You know me. I don’t like to restrict myself.”
TJ rolled his eyes, then asked, “Are the girls pretty?”
I smacked him in the back of the head. He grunted and looked back at Tao.
“Well?”
Tao slid me a look, his expression sobering. “There’s more to a woman than looks, TJ. But of course…she’s a knockout. Sadly, though…that’s all she had to offer.”
I arched a brow at him and nudged TJ. “Get your stuff ready.”
As he turned away, Tao told me, “I’ll tell you later.”
It looked like we both had things we needed to discuss.
He went first.
“So let me get this straight. You’ve been out with this chick twice – and by the way, I'm a little pissed I'm only hearing about her now. So after two dates, she thinks she can decide you two are serious enough that she wants you to stay away from men, not even check them out, because she’s not comfortable with it.” I shot him a look. “Did I get that right?”
Tao grimaced. “In a nutshell. Look, it’s some girl I know through work. We haven’t even really been out twice. We had lunch together one day, and we all know that's not a real date.” He rolled his eyes theatrically. “Then she asked me out to a movie. Hell, she’s gorgeous. How was I supposed to know she’d start laying out the rules five minutes later?”
“Sounds like you got a stalker.”
He shuddered. “Don’t joke.”
“I’m not.” Sliding him a look, I added, “Be careful.”
Not that I was in any position to be telling other people the best way to handle their romantic entanglements. I'd proven more than once over the last couple weeks that my own judgment sucked when it came to the heart.
Up ahead, TJ jammed the button for the crosswalk. While we waited, Tao hooked his arm through mine. I leaned my head on his shoulder, thankful for his familiar presence. I didn't even want to think about what I would do when he finally found the love of his life. Or loves, since he did tend to lean toward the polyamorous way of the heart.
“She might've been a mistake, but last night? Much better. Honey, this guy…” Tao gave me the dirtiest look his sapphire blue eyes could manage. “You’d want to be a gay man if you knew what he could do. Or at least a bisexual man, like myself.”
“I’ll take your word for it.” Amused, I eyed him a little more closely. “So you had a good time?”
“Yeah.” He smiled. “I did. He’s easy on the eyes, but…” Tao shrugged. “It was more than that. For once.”
“Good.” I was happy for him, but seeing how happy he was made me a little sad.
We were nearing the school, and I walked faster to catch up to my brother. I didn’t want to talk about the whole Jal thing until Tao and I were alone. I tried to keep TJ from seeing any negativity in my life, and this was definitely negative. As if he sensed what I was thinking, Tao changed the subject and started teasing TJ about the girls in school, firing off a hundred questions that I barely tried to keep up with.
By the time we got to school, I’d settled my thoughts and was able to face my brother with an easy smile.
Chapter Seven
Jal
I hadn’t slept worth shit, and at somewhere between misery and dawn, I decided to go for a run, hoping to clear my head. To get rid of the memory of the hurt I'd seen on her face, the last words she said to me.
I’m glad I suck good cock, Jal. Don't ever touch me again.
The misery in her eyes gnawed me the entire five miles, which completely nullified any good the physical activity might have done. I deserved it though. Deserved every painful mile, every sickening punch to the gut that the memories brought.
What kind of guy would say something like that to a woman he cared about? A total bastard, that was who. Part of me thought that maybe I’d been driven by fear. She
'd gotten under my skin, made me nervous, so much that my mouth had run away with itself.
I didn’t know how to handle anything about her. Even the gut-wrenching need between us that should have been easy, wasn't. There was nothing more fundamental than sex, but what we had wasn’t sex.
It was…everything.
And I’d gone and screwed it all up – again.
I came back from my run even more exhausted than I should have been, completely drained to the bone, an emotional wreck.
After a quick shower, I collapsed face-down on my bed and sent Mrs. Beck a text, telling her I’d be in late. Being the doll she was, she didn’t ask questions. I had no idea what my schedule was like this morning – she hadn’t updated me with meeting notes or anything important, so I had to assume there was nothing major, but things would be shuffled around regardless.
I needed sleep.
I also needed to quit thinking about Allie.
Despite my resolve, my mind was on the taste of her lips as I slid into a restless sleep.
I woke up with a hard-on, my hand wrapped around my cock and the sound of a fist hammering on the door.
Disoriented, I lay there, the dream of Allie replaying through my mind, and for a brief second, I almost forgot what an ass I'd been, and how fucked up my life had gotten over the past couple weeks. Tightening my fist, I dragged my hand up my shaft, remembering how amazing Allie’s mouth felt as she sucked on me.
Then came the memory of her voice.
I’m glad I suck good cock, Jal. Don't ever touch me again.
My hand froze, but before I could process, a familiar, strident voice sliced through the haze in my brain and shattered the memory. My erection deflated instantly.
“Harold Lindstrom, Junior, you open up this door right now!”
My mother, still talking to me like I was eleven years-old and peeking at a Victoria’s Secret catalog. The cool anger in her voice put my teeth on edge. That, combined with the decidedly not cool anger that had just exploded to life had me up and moving in seconds.