Grimm leveled the blade below the butcher’s ear, flush across his jugular. “Doona count on it.”
“Ye should be dead, man. There’s a hole in yer belly!”
“Grimm.” Quinn’s voice cut through the night air.
Pressing gently, with the care of a lover, Grimm pierced the skin on the butcher’s neck.
“Grimm,” Quinn repeated softly.
“Gawd, man! Get him offa me!” the butcher cried frantically. “He’s deranged! His bleedin’ eyes are like—”
“Shut up, you imbecile,” Quinn said in a modulated, conciliatory tone. He knew from experience that harshly uttered words could escalate the state of Berserkergang. Quinn circled the pair cautiously. Grimm had frozen with the blade locked to the man’s throat. The ragged lad huddled at their feet, gazing up with wide eyes.
“He be Berserk,” the lad whispered reverently. “By Odin, look at his eyes.”
“He be crazed,” the butcher whimpered, looking at Quinn. “Do something!”
“I am doing something,” Quinn said quietly. “Make no loud noises, and for Christ’s sake, don’t move.” Quinn stepped closer to Grimm, making certain his friend could see him.
“The whelp’s just a homeless ne’er-do-well. ’Tis not the thing to be killing an honest man for,” the butcher whined. “How was I supposed to know he was a fardlin’ Berserker?”
“It shouldn’t have made any difference whether he was or not. A man shouldn’t behave honorably only when there’s someone bigger and tougher around to force him,” Quinn said, disgusted. “Grimm, do you want to kill this man or feed the boy?” Quinn spoke gently, close to his friend’s ear. Grimm’s eyes were incandescent in the dim light, and Quinn knew he was deep into the bloodlust that accompanied Berserkergang. “You only want to feed the boy, don’t you? All you want to do is to feed the boy and keep him from harm, remember? Grimm—Gavrael—listen to me. Look at me!”
“I hate this, Quinn,” Grimm said later as he unbuttoned his shirt with stiff fingers.
Quinn gave him a curious look. “Do you really? What is there to hate about it? The only difference between what you did and what I would have done is that you don’t know what you’re doing when you’re doing it. You’re honorable even when you’re not fully conscious. You’re so damned honorable, you can’t behave any other way.”
“I would have killed him.”
“I’m not convinced of that. I’ve seen you do this before and I’ve seen you pull out of it. The older you get, the more control you seem to gain. And I don’t know if you’ve realized this, but you weren’t completely unaware this time. You heard me when I spoke to you. It used to take a lot longer to reach you.”
Grimm’s brow furrowed. “That’s true,” he admitted. “It seems I manage to retain a sliver of awareness. Not much—but it’s more than I used to have.”
“Let me see that wound.” Quinn drew a candle near. “And bear in mind, the meat butcher would have given no thought to beating the lad senseless and leaving him to die in the mud. The homeless children in this city are considered no better than street rats, and the general consensus is the faster they die, the better.”
“It’s not right, Quinn,” Grimm said. “Children are innocent. They haven’t had a chance to be corrupted. We’d do better to take the children off somewhere else to raise them properly. With someone like Jillian to teach them fables,” he added.
Quinn smiled faintly as he bent over the puckered wound. “She will be a wonderful mother, won’t she? Like Elizabeth.” Bemused, he drew his fingers over the already-closing cut in Grimm’s side. “By Odin’s spear, man, how quickly do you heal?”
Grimm grimaced slightly. “Very. It seems to be getting even quicker, the older I get.”
Quinn dropped to the bed, shaking his head. “What a blessing it must be. You never have to worry about infection, do you? How does one kill a Berserker, anyway?”
“With great difficulty,” Grimm replied dryly. “I’ve tried to drink myself to death, and that didn’t work. Then I tried to labor myself to death. Failing that, I just plunged into every battle I could find, and that didn’t work either. The only thing left was to try was to fu—” He broke off, embarrassed. “Well, as you can see, that didn’t work either.”
Quinn grinned. “No harm in trying, though, was there?”
Grimm begrudged a faint curve of his lip.
“Get some sleep, man.” Quinn lightly punched him on the shoulder. “Everything looks better in the morning. Well, almost everything,” he added with a sheepish grin, “so long as I wasn’t too drunk the night before. Then sometimes the wench looks worse. And so do I, for that matter.”
Grimm just shook his head and flopped back on the bed. After folding his arms behind his head, he was asleep in seconds.
CHAPTER 11
EVERYTHING LOOKS BETTER IN THE MORNING. WATCHING Jillian from his window, Grimm recalled Quinn’s words and agreed wholeheartedly. What lapse of judgment had persuaded him that she wouldn’t follow them?
She was breathtaking, he acknowledged as he watched her hungrily, safe in the privacy of his room. Clad in a velvet cloak of amber, she was a vision of flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. Her blond hair tumbled over her shoulders, casting the sun back at the sky. The rain had stopped—probably just for her, he brooded—and she stood in a puddle of sunshine that shafted over the roof from the east, proclaiming the hour to be shortly before noon. He’d slept like the dead, but he always did after succumbing to the Berserker rage, no matter how brief its duration.
Peering out the narrow casement window, he rubbed the glass until it permitted him an unmarred view. While Hatchard gathered her bags, Jillian linked her arm through Kaley’s and chatted animatedly. When Quinn appeared in the street below a few moments later, gallantly offered his arms to both ladies, and escorted them into the inn, Grimm exhaled dismally.
Ever-gallant, ever-golden Quinn.
Grimm muttered a soft curse and went to feed Occam before worrying about his own breakfast.
Jillian mounted the main staircase to her room, glanced about to ascertain she was alone, then detoured stealthily down the rear steps, smoothing the folds of her cloak. Biting her lip, she exited into the small courtyard behind the inn. He was there, just as she’d suspected, feeding Occam a handful of grain and murmuring quietly. Jillian paused, enjoying the sight of him. He was tall and magnificent, and his dark hair rippled in the breeze. His plaid was slung too low for propriety, riding his lean hips with sensual insolence. She could see a peek of his back where his shirt had obviously been hastily tucked. Her fingers itched to stroke the smooth olive-tinted skin. When he bent to pick up a brush, the muscles in his legs rippled, and despite her vow to make no sound, she exhaled a breath of unadulterated longing.
Of course, he heard her. She instantly assumed a mask of indifference and volleyed into questions to head off a potential verbal sully. “Why don’t you ever pen Occam?” she asked brightly.
Grimm allowed a brief glance over his shoulder, then started brushing the horse’s sleek flank. “He was caught in a stable fire once.”
“He doesn’t appear to have suffered for it.” Jillian traversed the courtyard, eyeing the stallion. “Was he injured?” The horse was magnificent, hands taller than most and a glossy, unmarked slate gray.
Grimm stopped brushing. “You never stop with your questions, do you? And what are you doing here, anyway? Couldn’t you just be a good lass and wait at Caithness? No, I forgot, Jillian hates being left behind,” he said mockingly.
“So who rescued him?” Jillian was determined not to rise to the bait.
Grimm returned his attention to the horse. “I did.” There was a pause, filled only with the rasp of bristles against horseflesh. When he spoke again, he released a low rush of words: “Have you ever heard a horse scream, Jillian? It’s one of the most bloodcurdling sounds I’ve ever heard. It cuts through you as cruelly as the sound of an innocent child’s cry of pain. I think it has alwa
ys been the innocence that bothers me most.”
Jillian wondered when he’d heard those screams and wanted desperately to ask, but was hesitant to pry at his wounds. She held her tongue, hoping he might continue if she stayed silent.
He didn’t. Silently stepping back from the stallion, he made a sharp gesture, accompanied by a clicking noise with his tongue against his teeth. Jillian watched in amazement as the stallion sank to its knees, then dropped heavily to its side with a soft nicker. Grimm knelt by the horse and motioned her closer.
She slipped to her knees beside Grimm. “Oh, poor, sweet Occam,” she whispered. The entire underside of the horse was badly scarred. Lightly she ran her fingers over the thick skin, and her brows puckered sympathetically.
“He was burned so badly, they said he wouldn’t live,” Grimm told her. “They planned to put him down, so I bought him. Not only was he wounded, he was crazed for months afterward. Can you imagine the terror of being trapped in a burning barn, penned in? Occam could run faster than the fleetest horse, could have left the blaze miles behind, but he was imprisoned in a man-made hell. I’ve never penned him since.”
Jillian swallowed and glanced at Grimm. His expression was bitter. “You sound as if you’ve been trapped in a few man-made hells yourself, Grimm Roderick,” she observed softly.
His gaze mocked her. “What would you know about man-made hells?”
“A woman lives most of her life in a man-made world,” Jillian replied. “First her father’s world, then her husband’s, finally her son’s, by whose grace she continues on in one of their households should her husband die before her. And in Scotland, the husbands always seem to die before the women in one war or another. Sometimes merely watching the hells men design for each other—that’s horror enough for any woman. We feel things differently than you men do.” She impulsively laid her hand against his lips to silence him when he started to speak. “No. Don’t say anything. I know you think I know little of sorrow or pain, but I’ve had my share. There are things you don’t know about me, Grimm Roderick. And don’t forget the battle I watched when I was young.” Her eyes widened with disbelief when Grimm lightly kissed the tips of her fingers where they lay across his lips.
“Touché, Jillian,” he whispered. He caught her hand in his and placed it gently in her lap. Jillian sat motionless when he curled his own about it protectively.
“If I were a man who believed in wishes on stars, I would wish on all of them that Jillian St. Clair might never suffer the smallest glimpse of any hell. There should only be heaven for Jillian’s eyes.”
Jillian remained perfectly still, masking her astonishment, exulting in the sensation of his strong, warm hand cupping hers. By the saints, she would have ridden all the way to England through the savagery of a border battle if she’d known this was waiting for her at the end of her journey. She fancied her body had taken root where she knelt; to continue being touched by him she would willingly grow old in the small courtyard, suffering wind and rain, hail and snow without the slightest care. Mesmerized by the glimpse of hesitation in his gaze, her head tilted up; his seemed to move forward and down as if nudged by a serendipitous breeze.
His lips were a breath from hers, and she waited, her heart thundering.
“Jillian! Jillian, are you out there?”
Jillian closed her eyes, willing the owner of the intruding voice to hell and farther. She felt the soft brush of Grimm’s lips across hers as he quickly, lightly delivered a kiss that was nothing like the one she’d been anticipating. She wanted his lips to bruise hers, she wanted his tongue in her mouth and his breath in her lungs, she wanted everything he had to give.
“It’s Ramsay,” Grimm said through his teeth. “He’s coming out. Get up off your knees, lass. Now.”
Jillian stumbled hastily to her feet and stepped back, trying desperately to see Grimm’s face, but his dark head had fallen forward to the spot hers had occupied a moment before. “Grimm,” she whispered urgently. She wanted him to raise his head; she needed to see his eyes. She had to confirm that she’d truly seen desire in his eyes as he’d gazed at her.
“Lass.” He groaned the word, his head still bowed.
“Yes?” she whispered breathlessly.
His hands fisted in the folds of his kilt, and she waited, trembling.
The door clattered open and shut behind them. “Jillian,” Ramsay called as he entered the courtyard. “There you are. I’m so pleased you joined us. I thought you might like to accompany me to the fair. What’s your horse doing on the ground, Roderick?”
Jillian released her breath in a hiss of frustration and kept her back to Ramsay. “What, Grimm? What?” she entreated in an urgent whisper.
He raised his head. There was a defiant glint in his blue eyes. “Quinn is in love with you, lass. I think you should know that,” he said softly.
CHAPTER 12
JILLIAN DEFTLY ELUDED RAMSAY BY TELLING HIM SHE needed to buy “woman things”—a statement that appeared to set his imagination to flight. Thus she was able to spend the afternoon shopping with Kaley and Hatchard. At the silversmith she bought a new buckle for her da. From the tanner she purchased three snowy lambskin rugs—thick as sin and soft as rabbit fur. At the goldsmith’s she bartered shrewdly for tiny, hammered-gold stars to adorn a new gown.
But all the while her mind was back in the courtyard, lingering on the dark, sensual man who’d betrayed the first glimpse of a crack in the massive walls around his heart. It had stunned her, bewildered her, and fortified her resolve. Jillian didn’t doubt for a moment what she’d seen. Grimm Roderick cared. Buried beneath a mound of rubble—the debris from a past she was beginning to suspect had been more brutal than she could comprehend—there was a very real, vulnerable man.
She’d seen in his stark gaze that he desired her, but more significantly, that he had feelings so deep he couldn’t express them, and subsequently did everything in his power to deny them. That was sufficient hope for her to work with. It didn’t occur to Jillian, even for a moment, to wonder if he was worth the effort—she knew he was. He had everything to offer that she’d ever wanted in a man. Jillian understood that people didn’t come perfect; sometimes they’d been so badly scarred that it took love to heal them and allow them to realize their potential. Sometimes the badly scarred ones had the greatest depth and the most to offer because they understood the infinite value of tenderness. She would be the sun beating down upon the cloak of indifference he’d donned so many years ago, inviting him to walk without defenses.
Her anticipation was so strong, it made her feel shaky and weak. Desire had shimmered in Grimm’s gaze when he looked at her, and whether he realized it or not, she’d seen an intense, sensual promise on his face.
Now all she had to do was figure out how to release it. She shivered, rattled by the intuitive knowledge that when Grimm Roderick unleashed his passion, it would definitely be worth waiting for.
“Are you chilled, lass?” Hatchard asked worriedly.
“Chilled?” Jillian echoed blankly.
“You shivered.”
“Oh please, Hatchard!” Kaley snorted. “That was a daydreaming shiver. Can’t you tell the difference?”
Jillian glanced at Kaley, startled. Kaley merely smiled smugly. “Well, it was, wasn’t it, Jillian?”
“How did you know?”
“Quinn looked very handsome this morning,” Kaley said pointedly.
“So did Grimm,” Hatchard snapped immediately. “Didn’t you think so, lass? I know you saw him by the stables.”
Jillian gaped at Hatchard with a horrified expression. “Were you spying on me?”
“Of course not,” Hatchard said defensively. “I just happened to glance out my window.”
“Oh,” Jillian said in a small voice, her glance darting between her maid and man-at-arms. “Why are you two looking at me like that?” she demanded.
“Like what?” Kaley fluttered her lashes innocently.
Jillian rolled her
eyes, disgusted by their obvious matchmaking efforts. “Shall we return to the inn? I promised I’d return in time to have dinner.”
“With Quinn?” Kaley said hopefully.
Hatchard nudged the maid. “With Grimm.”
“With Occam,” Jillian flung over her shoulder dryly.
Hatchard and Kaley exchanged amused glances as Jillian dashed down the street, her arms overflowing with packages.
“I thought she brought us to carry,” Hatchard observed with a lift of one fox-red eyebrow and a gesture of his empty hands.
Kaley smiled. “Remmy, I suspect she could cart the world off on her shoulders and not feel an ounce. The lass is in love, for certain. My only question is—with which man?”
“Which one, Jillian?” Kaley asked without preface as she fastened the tiny buttons at the back of Jillian’s gown, a creation of lime silk that tumbled in a sensuous ripple from clever ribbons placed at the bodice.
“Which one, what?” Jillian asked nonchalantly. She ran her fingers through her hair, pulling a sleek fall of gold over her shoulder. She perched on the tiny settle before a blurry mirror in her room at the inn, itching with impatience to join the men in the dining room.
Kaley’s reflection met Jillian’s with a wordless rebuke. She tugged Jillian’s hair back and swept it up into a knot with more enthusiasm than was necessary.
“Ouch.” Jillian scowled. “All right, I know what you meant. I just don’t wish to answer it yet. Let me see how things go this evening.”
Kaley relaxed her grip and smiled. “So you admit to this much—you do intend to select a husband from one of them? You’ll heed your father’s wishes?”
“Yes, Kaley, oh absolutely yes!” Jillian’s eyes sparkled as she leapt to her feet.
“I suppose you could wear your hair down this evening,” Kaley begrudged. “Although you should at least allow me to dress and curl it.”
“I like it straight,” Jillian replied. “It’s wavy enough of its own accord, and I don’t have time to fuss.”