Tears trickled down her cheeks. It had all gone wrong somehow. All her bright, golden dreams of life with Galen in England seemed impossible now. She would have no choice but to go home. She had to face that fact squarely.
“I have some money put back, Lydia. I want you to take it.” Hannah went to the pantry and opened a crock. The coins clinked together as she scooped them up. “It should be enough to buy a ticket home, and maybe you can use the rest while you look for a position.” She thrust the coins and notes into Lydia’s hands.
Lydia’s tears fell faster. Hannah had been faithful. She deserved more from life than she had received. She certainly didn’t deserve a sister who spied on her. For the first time Lydia felt shame, and was relieved Hannah had no idea of all she’d done. “My thanks, Sister,” she whispered.
Hannah released a gentle smile. Her face was white with shock and fatigue, and her green eyes were shadowed with pain. “If I could go with you, I would, Lydia.”
Lydia grimaced. “The lighthouse, always the lighthouse. It is a harsh taskmaster, Hannah. Why do you not leave it and come away with me? We could seek our fortune together in New York or Boston. Your in-laws bear you no love. Why do you stay?”
The pain in Hannah’s eyes deepened. “I promised John. And it is an important task. Important to the revolution and to all the ships that ply these waters. Faith, but where would I go? Here I have a roof over my head, important duties, and a tie to my husband.”
“A husband you never loved.” Lydia didn’t understand her sister. She placed too much importance on duty. Did she never long to do what she wanted for a change? Her life was slipping by, and soon she would be too old for adventure.
“Maybe not in the way you mean. But I revered and honored him. He was good to me. But more than that, I need to be needed.”
Lydia had never heard her admit something like that before. “I need you too. Come with me and we can help each other.”
“I cannot.”
Lydia heard the finality in her sister’s words and nodded. “So be it. I shall let you know where I am. Now I had better pack my things.”
The next morning Lydia’s heart was heavy as Hannah took her into town in the trap. She dropped her at the stage stop. “You get your ticket and I shall duck into the general store a moment. I will meet you back here.”
Lydia nodded and hurried into the stagecoach office. The man behind the desk smiled knowingly as she approached. He obviously recognized her by the way his gaze raked her figure. “Where to, miss?”
She opened her mouth to say Charles Town, then hesitated. She would have to go through New York anyway, so why not simply buy a ticket there first and see if Galen had any suggestions to offer? “New York,” she said with an airy smile.
She was still smiling when Hannah joined her a few minutes later on the bench by the fire.
“You have your ticket?”
“I took the last seat.”
Hannah nodded. “Make sure you write the minute you get home.”
“I will.”
“And don’t talk to strangers.”
“I shall work on my knitting and ignore all other passengers.” Hannah smiled at her light tone, and Lydia smiled too. “I shall be fine, Sister.”
Hannah nodded and dabbed her eyes with a hanky. “But I am not so sure about myself. I have grown accustomed to your presence, and I will miss you dreadfully.”
Lydia’s own eyes filled with tears at her admission. She had wondered if she had been a burden to Hannah. “I will write when I get there.” The stage pulled in, and she stood. “I must go. Say good-bye to Olive and Mrs. Thomas for me.”
“I shall.” Hannah hugged her fiercely, then gave her a small shove. “Go then. And remember my prayers go with you.”
Lydia nodded and rushed to the door before she could embarrass herself further by breaking into sobs. She had been happy here. Anger burned in her belly, and she set her jaw and marched to the stage. She would show these hypocrites that they couldn’t tell her how to live her life. Someday she would come back through this place with her head held high. She would be dressed in fine clothes with a handsome husband beside her, fine children, and enough money to buy whatever she wanted.
And even Hannah, though she was different from the hypocrites at the Congregational church, viewed life through the narrow strictures of the Bible. Lydia would have to show her that duty wasn’t so terribly important. Someday she would show her. Shaking her head at the footman’s offer of help, she climbed into the stagecoach by herself and settled into the middle of the cushion where she would be warmer.
She ignored her companions’ attempts at friendliness and planned what she would say to Galen when she found him. She had enough money to pay for a cheap room for a few weeks. Mayhap Galen could help her find work in New York. She did not dare even hope he would suggest they wed immediately. Just to be near him would be enough.
A cold, sleety rain was falling when the stage stopped in New York. After days on the stage, Lydia was tired, dirty, and sore. She made her way to the same boardinghouse she and Martha had found on the way out. It was close to headquarters, and she would begin the search for Galen on the morrow. There was a vacant room, so she took it for two days. That would be long enough to find Galen.
She fell into bed with a sigh of thankfulness and did not awaken until the sun shone in her eyes the next morning. She dressed in a hurry with a sense of anticipation. It seemed years since Galen had held her in his arms, had kissed her and told her he loved her. But she might actually see him today. She just hoped he wasn’t gone from New York right now.
A different soldier was manning the desk at headquarters when she arrived. “I need to see Lieutenant Galen Wright.”
“I’m sorry, miss, Lieutenant Wright has gone to New Brunswick. He is expected to be there for several weeks at least.”
Lydia’s heart fell, and she stumbled back to the street. All her plans crumbled around her. She couldn’t wait here that long. But she couldn’t go back to South Carolina. She just couldn’t. The pellets of freezing rain struck her cheeks, but she hardly felt them. What was she to do? A great lump grew in her throat. Everything and everyone was against her. Just when she thought she had things figured out, the rules changed and she was left on the outside again.
She walked blindly back to her room. She had to make a decision. Her money wouldn’t last until Galen returned. She sat on the edge of the bed and burst into tears. The past few days had drained her. Ripped from a safe, though dull, existence in Massachusetts, she was alone in a big city with no one to count on but herself. She’d never been in such a predicament.
She could go to New Brunswick.
The tears stopped at the thought. Of course, she could go find Galen there. Why hadn’t she thought of it before? She threw her cloak around her shoulders, grabbed her valise, and raced down the steps and out the door to the stage station. Most people wouldn’t harm a woman. She had to take the chance.
Snow had begun to fall overnight, but Lydia didn’t care as she boarded the stagecoach for New Brunswick. Tonight she would be warm in Galen’s arms. Would he be as thrilled to see her as she was to see him? She smiled at the thought of his surprise. She knew he would be delighted. Hadn’t he told her he wished they could be together always? Other men had their wives with them in camp. She would be no different.
When she arrived at New Brunswick several days later, she found the streets teeming with soldiers. She heard snatches of conversation about a great rebel victory in Trenton. The soldiers seemed to be readying for battle—cannons rumbled along the streets, and lines of men marched alongside them. She scanned the crowd for Galen but saw no familiar faces.
An old man dressed in rough tweed brushed by her, and she stopped him to ask for directions to a boardinghouse.
He stared at her as though she were mad. “Are ye daft, miss? Every available bed is taken with the British soldiers. You’ll not find a place to stay here. I suggest you travel on down the road a pie
ce.” He didn’t wait for her response but walked away with a muttered oath.
No place to stay? Nothing? That didn’t seem possible. She approached an older woman with a baby on her hip and asked her, but the response was the same. No places available. Panic rose in her throat, but she tamped it down. She would just have to find Galen, that’s all. He would know what to do.
She wove her way through the throng until she found the British headquarters. As soon as she opened the door, she heard a familiar voice. Galen stood talking to another officer in the doorway. Lydia just stood and drank in the sight of him. How splendid he looked in his scarlet uniform! She must have made a sound, for he turned.
His eyes dilated at the sight of her, and his jaw dropped. “Lydia?” He strode toward her and took her hands.
“Hello, Galen.” She searched his gaze. He was glad to see her, wasn’t he?
He drew her to the side, away from the men stomping the snow from their boots and shouting orders to the men behind them. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to find you. I was banished from Gurnet.”
“Banished.” He frowned. “What did you do?”
“Knowledge of our tryst that night became known.”
He gave a bark of laughter. “Count yourself fortunate those hypocrites did not put you in the pillory or whip you.”
“They considered it.” Why didn’t he sweep her into his arms and tell her how happy he was to see her? Disappointment, sharp as a dagger, stabbed her heart.
He put an arm around her and hugged her as a brother would. “Where are you staying?”
“I know not. I have been told there is no housing left.”
His face darkened. “You came all this way with no plans, no provisions for yourself?”
“You are angry with me.” She could see it in his face, in the muscle that twitched in his jaw.
“It was very foolish, Lydia. What if I had been moved and you did not find me? What would you have done?”
“I would simply get back on the stage and go to New York,” she said stiffly. He must not see how much he had hurt her.
He shook his head. “Wait here. I will see what I can do.” He walked over to a soldier at a table and spoke for a few moments. When he came back, his face was still flushed with temper. “There is nothing available. You shall have to share my room for the time being.”
Joy bubbled inside her. Stay with him? That was what she wanted to do. Wasn’t he happy about that at least? She touched his arm. “I do not mind, Galen.”
“Well, I mind. People will think you are a strumpet.”
The joy increased. He was concerned for her reputation. That was all. He was glad to see her, he just wanted to protect her. “I don’t care for my reputation. I would give up any good name I have for your sake.” But why couldn’t he see how that little problem would be corrected with marriage?
Instead of the smile she expected, his frown deepened. “Come with me,” he said abruptly. He took her valise and offered her his arm.
She slipped her hand through the crook of his arm. He would soon lose that surly countenance. She would charm it out of him and shower him with love and kisses. How could he resist her?
She practically ran to keep up with his long stride. They pushed through the crowd, and Galen led her to an imposing brick home at the end of the street. He opened the door and looked around, then motioned her to follow him up the steps. She felt a warm rush of love for his thoughtfulness at making sure no one saw her go into his room. If they had been so circumspect in Gurnet, she wouldn’t be here now.
He opened the door, hurried her inside, then shut the door. Lydia looked around at the clothes tossed haphazardly over the chair and the rumpled bed. He needed a woman to look after him.
“Now we must get something straight, Lydia.” Galen scowled. “If this is a ploy to force me to wed you, it will not work.”
He thought she would try to trick him? Tears pooled in her eyes. “How could you think I would do such a thing? I had nowhere else to go, and I thought perhaps I could find work near you so we could be together.” She struggled to keep back the tears. Hadn’t he said he would marry her if he could? Why was he saying these hurtful words now? Surely he didn’t mean them.
His sharp gaze softened at her tears. “Very well, then. I shall see what I can do.” He sat on the edge of the bed and smiled at her. “Now come kiss me and tell me how much you missed me.”
CHAPTER 17
The saltbox house on the top of the cliff echoed with loneliness. Even the friendly glow from the lighthouse did nothing to cheer Hannah’s mood. Aggravating as she could be with her rosy view of Galen, Lydia was bubbly and energetic. She had brought life to Hannah’s lonely world. The only inhabitants in the empty rooms now were memories. Memories of John, of Lydia, and most of all, of Birch.
How had he wrapped himself around her heart so completely and in such a short time? She just didn’t understand it. Tending the light in the wee hours of the night, she looked out over the dark water and wondered where he was. Did he ever think about her? In spite of his silence, she allowed herself to hope and to dream.
The knocker on the front door fell, and she dried her hands on her apron and hurried to answer it. Olive stood on the doorstep, her hands thrust into a fur muff and her cheeks red with cold.
“Olive, what a surprise. Come in, and I’ll fix some tea.” Hannah opened the door wider and smiled. She was glad to see someone, anyone. The last time another voice had spoken on this property had been the day Lydia left.
Olive shook her head. “I cannot stay. I am on my way to town. Mother would like you to come to dinner tonight.” Her gaze darted past Hannah into the room behind her.
Hannah suppressed a sigh. Olive still thought Birch would come back some day. Every time she came to the house she looked for him. Hannah wished she could be so certain herself. “I would be delighted, Olive. What time?”
“Come about four. That way we can visit first and you can come home before dark. Shall Mother send the carriage for you?”
Hannah shook her head. “I shall enjoy the walk.” It was just down the hill.
“Very well. Four o’clock.” Olive scurried back to the waiting carriage.
Hannah shut the door behind her sister-in-law and went back to her laundry. What had prompted this invitation? Whatever it was, she was glad of it. She was tired of sitting in this house alone. Besides, she really wanted to try to mend her relationship with John’s family. He would be grieved to know such strain existed between them.
Today was Wednesday. Lydia had been gone nearly a month. Perhaps there would be a letter today in town. She finished her laundry, then pulled on her heavy coat and rowed across the choppy seas to town. She could have hitched the horse to the cart and taken the long way around, but the weather was warmer than usual today, and the thought of being in the sunshine, even though it was cold, enticed her. She tied the coble to the dock and hurried to the general store.
Ephraim offered a polite nod when he saw her, but his wife pointedly ignored her. It had happened too often for Hannah to feel the slight anymore. Ever since Lydia was expelled from the community, some people had shunned her. She supposed word of her own behavior with Birch had traveled around the small community as well.
“Got a couple of letters here for you, mistress.” Ephraim riffled through a pile of papers under the counter and handed her two letters.
Her heart jumped, and she flashed him a wide smile. He blinked, then glanced nervously at his wife. Hannah felt a mixture of joy and relief at the sight of Lydia’s handwriting. Until this moment she hadn’t realized how much she had been worrying about her sister. She had been traveling without a chaperone, and Hannah had tried to push away the fear as she’d waited for news. She handed Ephraim a list of items she needed and went to a chair by the stove to warm up. Curious at the second letter, she was surprised to see it was from John’s brother, Harlis.
She broke the seal on the first
letter and opened it.
Dearest Hannah, I hope this letter finds you well. I know this will come as a great surprise to you, but I decided not to go to Charles Town. I am in New Brunswick with Galen, and we shall soon be going back to New York. I know this will distress you, but pray do not worry about me. I am very happy, and Galen promises we shall be wed soon. He has introduced me to many of his friends, and I have found them more than willing to accept me into their circle. Please, dearest sister, please try to be happy for me. I know this is not what you would have chosen for me, but you must let me make my own choices. I chose Galen long ago, and I am so happy he loves me.
Your loving sister,
Lydia
Hannah stared at the words until her vision blurred. Shock and disbelief choked her. How could Lydia do such a thing? How could she throw off the way she had been taught so completely? She knew fornication was wrong—she had just been punished for it. Had she no moral fiber, no knowledge of right and wrong? Tears sprang to her eyes, and she took a deep breath. There was nothing she could do about it. She bit her lip.
If only Lydia had been allowed to stay with her, this might not have happened. The church officials should have had more pity on a naive girl. They professed to be Christians, but they had shown nothing of Christ’s pity for her sister. Of course, Lydia had done wrong and deserved punishment, but some kind of punishment that led her gently back to Christ would have accomplished more.
She opened Harlis’s letter and read the short missive in disbelief. He wanted her to wait for him. He felt his brother would expect him to care for his widow and offered to wed her. Hannah shook her head. She would never marry Harlis, but it was sweet of him to offer. She would write him tonight.
She took her gunnysack of supplies from Ephraim woodenly and hurried back outside. The shock of the cold air cleared her head, but even thinking clearly she knew there was nothing to be done to salvage the situation now. Lydia had willfully started down a path to destruction. Only God himself could save her now.
She tossed her supplies to the back of the coble and climbed in. Rowing back to Gurnet Point, her thoughts tossed her emotions to and fro like the waves tossed her boat. She prayed for wisdom. Was there something she could say that would make Lydia stop and think about right and wrong, about eternity?