“Then why did you break up with him?”
“Because it just wasn’t … working,” I replied.
Kerry frowned. “That makes no sense.”
“Think of it like this. Did you ever have a friend in one grade who you weren’t such good friends with in the next grade?”
“I’m not even in a grade!” Hunter cried.
“Kindergarten is a grade,” I told him. “It’s true, though. You probably don’t know what I mean. But I bet Kerry does.”
Kerry nodded. “I still don’t see what it has to do with Logan, though.”
“Well, there are some kids who you have a lot in common with in … say … the third grade, but by fourth grade you don’t have as much in common. You’ve both changed. So you find different friends.”
“Does this mean you found a new boyfriend?” Kerry asked.
“No! It means Logan and I have changed. We don’t always like the same things as much as we used to. It happens.”
Judging from Kerry’s unmelting frown, I still wasn’t making sense to her. But hearing my own words was helping me to understand the reasons I’d done what I’d done. At least I was getting through to me.
“I get it!” Hunter exclaimed. “I used to like this kid named Tyler but now I think he’s a big bully. Yesterday he hit my friend. Now I hate him.”
“It’s sort of like that,” I agreed. “Only Logan didn’t do anything bad to me, and I don’t hate him.”
“But you don’t like him either,” Kerry added.
“I do like him,” I insisted. “I just don’t think he and I should be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.”
“I don’t know….” Kerry’s face had softened a little.
“Try to believe me,” I pressed on. “I like Logan, and I still like the two of you. I hope we can always be friends.”
“Sure!” Hunter said.
“I guess so,” Kerry agreed less enthusiastically.
“Great,” I said. “Now, what would you two like to do?”
Hunter had a new computer game he wanted to show me. “That’s so babyish,” Kerry said, but sat down at the computer desk to play with us anyway.
The game was cute and it made the time pass quickly. Still, when I heard the front door open, I knew it couldn’t be six o’clock yet.
My heart raced. It could only be one person.
“Logan!” Hunter cried, jumping up from the chair and running to his big brother. “Good news. Mary Anne told us she still likes you!”
Logan looked at me quickly, his face full of surprise.
At that moment, I wished I could disappear.
“Mary Anne?” he said to me quietly.
I stood up and faced him. “Of course I like you. I’ll always like you.”
His face lit up hopefully. “Then maybe we can work this out?”
My stomach twisted into a knot. My mouth went dry. Flinging open the coat closet, I clutched my jacket, yanking it off the hanger. “I don’t think so, Logan. Look, I have to go. You can watch the kids now.”
“ ’Bye,” I called to the kids as I hurried outside.
With my head down, I began to run toward my house. I needed to go into my room, shut the door, and speak to no one.
The next day in school Kristy and I passed one of Logan’s track team friends, a guy named Lew Greenberg. I said hi to him and he looked right through me.
“What’s with him?” I asked.
“I guess he thinks he’s being loyal to Logan.”
“I’m his friend too! At least I thought so.”
“Some kids feel as if they have to take sides when stuff like this happens,” said Kristy.
“Guys sure do,” I agreed.
“They’ll get over it,” Kristy said with a shrug.
I saw Jim Poirier trotting down the hall toward us. He was on the football team with Logan.
“Hi, Jim,” I said.
“Oh. Mary Anne,” he mumbled, pretending he hadn’t seen me until that second. Then he hurried away.
“Did you see that?” I cried.
Kristy shook her head in disgust. “Who cares about Jim Poirier? He’s a dope anyway.”
“I just can’t believe this,” I said.
As we stood there, a guy named Dave Griffin approached me.
“What does he want?” I whispered to Kristy. “I hope he’s not delivering some hate letter signed by all the boys in the school.”
Kristy nudged me with her elbow, as if to say, Don’t talk crazy. But I noticed she stared at him suspiciously, folding her arms.
“Hi,” he said to both of us.
“Hi,” Kristy and I replied together.
There was an awkward silence. Dave kept looking at me. His expression was friendly, not angry or threatening in any way. That made me relax and stop worrying that he was a messenger from the We-Hate-Mary-Anne-Because-She-Dumped-Logan Club.
“I have to go,” Kristy said suddenly. Before I could say anything, she was hurrying down the hall.
What was going on?
“Mary Anne,” Dave said, “I heard about you and Logan.”
I tensed up again.
“So I was wondering if you’re going to the Fall Fling.”
“What?” I asked.
“The dance?”
“Oh, right,” I said. I sort of knew it was coming up but I hadn’t paid much attention to it. Logan and I usually decided at the last minute whether we wanted to go to things like that.
“So?” Dave asked.
“So what?” I replied. “Oh, the dance. No, I don’t think I’ll be going. Why? Did you want me to work on some committee or something?”
“No. I was asking if you’d like to go to the dance with me.”
I felt so dumb!
I hadn’t even realized.
“Me?” I gasped. It had been so long since a boy had asked me out.
“Would you like to go?” he asked again.
“Oh … um,” I stammered.
A confused expression came over Dave’s face. “Did I hear the story wrong?” he asked. “You did break up with Logan, didn’t you?”
“Yes, we broke up. I just don’t think I’m ready to go out on a date yet. I’m not … ready.”
“Are you sure?”
“No,” I admitted. But then, I didn’t want to mislead him. “I mean yes. I’m sure.”
“Okay,” Dave replied. “If you change your mind, give me a call. When you look up our number in the phone book, look under Dave. That’s my dad’s name too.”
“All right,” I agreed. “And thanks for the invitation.”
“No problem,” he answered, giving me a wave as he left.
What a nice guy, I thought, watching him go. Because of Logan, I hadn’t paid much attention to other boys at SMS. At least not in a romantic way.
I barely knew Dave. It surprised me that he’d asked me out. Had he liked me all along but never asked me out because everyone knew I was Logan’s girlfriend?
I was so involved with my thoughts that I didn’t notice Logan coming down the hall until he was only a few feet away from me. “Hi, Mary Anne.”
I jumped a little. “Hi, Logan.”
“You know, you didn’t have to run out of the house the way you did yesterday.”
I could feel my face heating up and knew I was blushing with embarrassment. “This is all so confusing,” I said.
It was the wrong thing to say.
“You mean, you’re not sure about it?” A hopeful look came into his eyes.
“No, that’s not what I meant,” I said quickly. “I mean I still want to be your friend, but it seems like we’re at war. And I don’t understand why that’s happening.”
“Oh.” He looked away from me. “You want this to be easy, but breaking up is never easy. I guess that’s just how it is.”
“I’m sorry, Logan,” I said quietly. “I’m sorry I’ve hurt you.”
“Whatever,” he said with a shrug. Then he walked away.
It was a depressing conversation, and pretty much wrecked my mood for the rest of the morning.
Lunchtime wasn’t any better.
From the table where I sat with my friends, I couldn’t stop myself from sneaking peeks at Logan. He was sitting with the other guys, but he wasn’t his usual happy self.
It made me miserable to think that I was the cause of his unhappiness. I was so used to thinking of Logan’s happiness as well as my own. Now, here I was, the one who had hurt him.
After dismissal, Claudia met me at my locker. She doesn’t usually do that. She used to meet Stacey. But since they’ve been fighting, that’s changed.
“How did things go with Logan today?” she asked as I packed up my books.
“Terrible. I know he wants us to get back together. And, in a lot of ways, that would be the easiest thing to do. But it wouldn’t be the right thing, at least not for me. I miss him, though. I feel so weird.”
Claudia sighed. “Everything is so complicated.”
“Tell me about it,” I replied.
We began walking down the hall together. We passed Jeremy and Stacey standing at Jeremy’s locker. I waved. Claudia pretended she didn’t notice them.
“She makes me so mad,” Claudia grumbled once we were far enough away.
“Can’t you just forget about it?”
“I wish I could, but I think about Jeremy all the time. I’m positive he would have liked me if she hadn’t jumped in between us. I can’t believe she was ever my best friend.”
I nodded, remembering when I thought of Logan as one of my best friends. There was also a time when I’d thought of my stepsister, Dawn, as a best friend. Then she’d moved away.
Why did things have to change?
“At least you and I aren’t pretending,” Claudia said.
“What do you mean?”
“I could pretend I wasn’t angry with Stacey,” she explained. “And you could act like you were still perfectly happy with Logan.”
We left the building and cut across the school yard. It was a breezy day, and the wind tossed our hair around our faces as we walked.
What Claudia said was true. We’d created the situations we were in.
Why?
We’d wanted to be honest, I suppose. We didn’t want to fake emotions we didn’t feel. That, at least, had to be a good thing.
“It takes guts to say how you really feel,” Claudia continued, “especially when it’s going to make someone unhappy.”
“That’s true. It does take guts. Everything was so much easier as a couple. I can already see that it’s going to be harder on my own. Much harder.”
“You’ll be okay, though,” Claud said. The confidence in her voice made me feel braver. She sounded so sure. Maybe she was right.
I smiled. “It might be interesting to discover who I am without Logan. Exciting, even.”
Mary Anne Spier, single girl, I thought. What would that girl be like?
I couldn’t imagine.
“Mary Anne, I had the greatest idea,” Stacey said to me in the hall the next day just before lunch. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before.”
“What?” I asked.
“Pete Black.”
“What about him?”
“We’ll get Pete Black to take you to the Fall Fling!” She smiled proudly, as if she’d said something unbelievably brilliant that was about to make us both millionaires.
Her smile slowly faded. Probably because I wasn’t smiling back at her.
“What’s wrong with Pete?” she asked. “He’s a great guy. I got to know him much better when we worked together on that video project for the movie-making class. And he’s cute, don’t you think?”
“Pete’s nice,” I agreed.
“Good,” Stacey said. “I already asked if he’s taking someone to the dance and he’s not. And listen to this.” She paused dramatically. “When we were talking yesterday, he asked me, ‘Did Mary Anne dump Logan for another guy?’”
Her big blue eyes went wide with excitement. I had a feeling she expected me to jump up and down.
“He’s nosy like everyone else,” I said.
“He’s not nosy, he’s interested. Interested in you. Why else would he have asked the question?”
“I told you, he’s nosy.”
“There’s more,” she said eagerly. Stacey moved closer to me and lowered her voice. “Emily Bernstein told me that Pete said to her — wait till you hear this — ‘Mary Anne won’t be single for long.’ He thinks you’re really pretty and nice.”
“Wow, he said that?” I’d had no idea Pete thought I was pretty and nice.
Stacey took hold of my arm and began to pull me along the hall. “Why don’t we happen to pass by his locker?”
I pulled back. “This is dumb, Stacey.”
“No it’s not. Come on.”
I let her drag me down the hall. Although I hadn’t spent much time thinking about Pete, I’d always considered him a good guy. And cute. It might not be terrible to go to the dance with him.
The moment I saw him at his locker, though, I froze. I felt weird. Besides, I’d already told Dave I wasn’t ready to go out with him. It wouldn’t be fair or nice to then turn around and go to the dance with Pete.
I squirmed out of Stacey’s grasp. But she grabbed my wrist.
“Hi, Pete!” Stacey called.
He looked at us and smiled.
We made some chitchat about school, then Stacey said, “So, are you guys psyched for the Fall Fling?”
“I guess,” Pete said.
“Who are you going with, Mary Anne?” Stacey asked pointedly.
“No one,” I replied. (Pete had to know what she was up to.)
“I have to go,” Stacey said. “See you guys around.”
Before we could say anything, she hurried away, leaving Pete and me alone together.
Pete watched Stacey leave, then he turned to me and smiled. “Do you get the feeling we’ve been set up?”
“Definitely,” I replied.
“That’s okay, though. Would you like to go to the Fall Fling with me?”
I just stood there. “Thank you, but …” I began. “You know I went out with Logan for so long … well … it seems like it’s too soon to go out with someone new.” That was true. I’d meant what I said to Dave. I wasn’t ready for this.
“Okay,” Pete replied.
“Thanks,” I said again. “For asking … and for understanding.”
He nodded.
I backed away a few steps, then turned and walked away quickly. My stomach growled and I realized I was hungry for lunch. But as I turned a corner in the hallway, I stopped short.
Logan stood in the hall, talking to Kristy.
And they were laughing.
Kristy even put her hand on his arm as she laughed.
What could they be saying to each other that was so funny? Why was she being all buddy-buddy with him?
Then a horrible thought hit me. What if Logan asked Kristy to the Fall Fling?
Would she accept?
The idea almost knocked the breath out of me.
I backed up out of their sight and leaned hard against the lockers, my mind racing.
There was no reason Kristy couldn’t accept Logan’s invitation. I’d broken up with him. It wasn’t as if Logan had cut it off. I’d done the breaking up — so of course Kristy would think I didn’t care who he dated.
Then why was the thought so terrible?
It just was.
How could I stand to see Logan and Kristy together? To hear her talk about him, about the things they did together?
I couldn’t. But Kristy had been the one who stuck up for Logan when I told her I wanted to break it off. She liked him a lot. And he’s always liked her.
But I never thought he liked her in that way.
“Wait a minute,” I said to myself. “Get a grip.” They were only talking. Maybe Kristy was just trying to cheer him up.
Still … I
didn’t like it.
Then an even more terrible thought came to me.
If Kristy and Logan became a couple, I’d probably lose Kristy as a best friend. And she was the only best friend I had left in Stoneybrook.
Suddenly I had a lot more sympathy for Claudia, who’d lost her best friend and the boy she liked too.
“You okay?”
I looked up and saw Dave Griffin looking at me with concern on his face. “Are you sick or something?”
“No, I’m fine,” I replied, pushing away from the wall. My stomach chose that moment to growl loudly.
“Maybe you’re a little hungry,” Dave suggested with laughter in his eyes.
I had to laugh too. “I guess so.”
“How about if I walk you to the lunchroom, to make sure you don’t faint from hunger along the way?”
I smiled at this. “All right.”
When we turned the corner, Logan and Kristy were gone. I wondered if they’d walked to the cafeteria together.
“Should I bother to ask you to the Fall Fling again?” he said.
“I’m not ready to go out,” I replied. “But it’s nice to be asked. Thank you.”
“I don’t get it, but okay,” he said, still smiling. “I could understand if you just didn’t want to go out with me, but why wouldn’t you want to go at all?”
“I can’t explain it.”
“You’re different from any girl I’ve ever met,” he said.
“I think I’m pretty average.”
“No. Other girls would be out looking for a new guy right away. But not you.”
“Logan and I were very close,” I told him. “You don’t get over something like that so easily. And I disagree with what you said about other girls.”
“Well, maybe it’s not true. Anyway, I think you’re unusual. In a good way.”
“Thanks,” I said.
I enjoyed talking to Dave. We stopped in front of the lunchroom and kept talking.
He told me a silly joke about a frog in a bank trying to get a loan. I burst out laughing.
It felt wonderful to laugh. I laughed so hard that tears came to my eyes.
And then I had the strong sense of someone staring at me. I looked up and found myself facing Logan.
He looked shocked.
Instantly, I stopped laughing.
And Logan whirled around, disappearing through the lunchroom doors.