“Maybe for some it is.”
Thane growled, the deep-seated rage he’d kept buried for years now swirling around him, whispering its hateful words. “Durov, you cannot let you mind go there.”
The Russian looked him in the eyes. “It already has, multiple times. Do you not think I wanted to die when I found Tatianna drenched in her own blood? The only thing that kept me here was my mother. I could not bear to cause her that kind of pain.”
“Then why would you consider doing it now?” Thane demanded.
“When people find out I was assaulted by a woman, I will become the laughing stock amongst my kin and a source of embarrassment for my mother.”
“No one has to find out.”
Rytsar shook his head. “The truth will always find light, no matter how fiercely we guard it.”
Thane closed his eyes—the image of his father’s face when he pulled the trigger suddenly being replaced by Durov’s. “It is cruel to place that heavy burden on others.”
Durov tilted his head up questioningly, staring at Thane. “What about your own father?”
The blinding fury Thane had been trying to subdue erupted violently because of his simple, but loaded, question. Tears of rage rolled down Thane’s cheeks as he screamed the forbidden words he’d kept buried all these years. “I hate my father for what he did!”
Thane turned away from Rytsar, trying to keep the gut-wrenching sobs from escaping, but he could not. The anger and sorrow flowed from him like a turbulent river he could not hope to control.
He felt Durov’s strong arm wrap around him. “There, you have finally said it. I was wondering how long it would take.”
Thane looked at him accusingly, furious with himself for having voiced it aloud, when he loved and admired his father so profoundly.
Durov nodded in understanding. “Your father killed himself in front of you. How could you not be mad at him?”
Thane shrugged off his friend’s sympathy and stood up, walking over to the window. He needed distance from those unwanted emotions. In a voice ripe with pain, he admitted, “All this time I have run from the fact he committed suicide.” Thane turned to face Durov, and asked, “Do you know why?”
“Because he was weak?”
Hearing Durov associate that word with Alonzo rubbed Thane raw, but he shook his head and told him the truth. “No. I live every day afraid that I will make that same choice.”
Durov frowned, shaking his head adamantly. “You are the strongest man I know.”
“I’ve thought a lot about it. If we are simply products of our parents and circumstance, like you insist, then I have one of two paths ahead. I will either become a monster, or I will die by my own hands.”
Stillness filled the room as his greatest fear hovered in the air like a disease.
Durov met his gaze without blinking.
“I’m not okay with that,” Thane stated angrily. “I choose a different path, but I have to fight to stay on it every damn…fucking…day.”
Durov sighed heavily, nodding in agreement.
“Therefore, you must choose a different path, my friend—despite what happened to Tatianna, and despite what happened here. I guarantee it will be a hard fight, but I will be alongside you.”
“I don’t know…” Durov said, his voice raw with emotion.
“You must.”
Durov shook his head, looking down at his hands. “When Tatianna committed suicide, I felt as if my life was over. I had no idea it could get worse.”
Thane stated with complete sincerity, “If I could take your pain, I would.”
Durov looked up at him, penetrating him with those intense blue eyes. “I would never wish it on you, but I appreciate the heart behind the offer.”
“So you vow to fight?” Thane pressed.
Durov replied with a challenge. “If you will perform the blood-bond with me.”
Thane furrowed his brow. “What does it entail?”
“It is a vow of brotherhood. We promise our fidelity, protection, and comradeship to each other.”
Thane felt a quickening in his spirit. The connection Durov was offering was the very thing he had longed for after the death of his father. It was as if someone had heard the cry of his heart and answered it with this burly Russian sitting before him.
However, Thane could not make that vow unless he was certain Durov would keep his promise. “If I agree, will you vow not to leave this world until your appointed time?”
“Da,” he answered solemnly. “I give you my solemn vow not to rush my appointment with Death.” He then added with a humorous shrug, “Unless, of course, shit really hits the fan.”
Thane slapped him on the back. “You’ve had enough of shit for one lifetime. It’s going to be smooth sailing from here on out.”
“I hope you are right, comrade,” Durov chuckled sadly, walking over to a large, wooden chest on the floor. He unlocked it and pulled out a dangerous-looking blade. “This will do.”
Thane raised an eyebrow as he stared at the sizeable knife.
“We will not perform the ritual here,” Durov explained. “It must be done at a sacred place.”
“Like a church?” Thane asked, surprised.
“Nyet, but similar in nature.”
“Ah, then you must mean the ocean.”
Durov’s eyes lit up. “Da, that would do.”
“I know the perfect place then. Visited there many times after my father died.”
“Even better. A place that has meaning for you. Tomorrow night, then?”
“No, tonight,” Thane insisted.
Durov chuckled. “I approve of your Russian-like tenacity.”
“What else do we need?”
“Alcohol, a strip of cotton, and this beauty,” Durov answered, proudly holding up his blade.
Thane looked at the Russian, hoping this ritual commitment would give them the stability they both needed to connect on a deeper level. With Durov’s passionate nature and his level-headedness, Thane was excited to see how far they could go.
For the first time, when Thane thought about the years ahead, they did not seem like a black hole.
Thane could envision a life with balance, both predictable and rewarding.
And that had remained true—until he met Brie.
~~~~~
Thane found himself back in the tobacco shop.
With an amused smile, he asked the young woman, “Miss, could I have a pack of Treasurer cigarettes?”
When she turned to reply, Thane instantly became captivated by those honey-colored eyes, framed by those long, brown curls.
“I’m sorry. We don’t carry those here.”
Feigning ignorance of the shop his uncle managed, Thane looked around and stated casually, “Satisfy my curiosity and tell me what brand is in the box over there.” He purposely pointed to a box just out of her reach.
She graciously bent down to open it up, and he was granted an enticing view of her shapely ass. When she turned around and caught him staring, she blanched and looked away.
Her reaction intrigued Thane.
The girl must have limited experience if she found it unusual for a man to be openly admiring that fine body of hers. It led him to wonder what else he might introduce her to.
The possibilities were endless…
“Do you like it here?” he asked.
Brie’s eyes flashed with excitement when she answered, “Not exactly…” She glanced sheepishly at the back of the shop where his uncle must be working on inventory.
Her answer was all the permission Thane needed. While he was unsure if she would be open to exploring her submissive tendencies, he suspected she would prove an excellent student.
“You don’t look as if you belong here,” he stated, giving her a rare invitation to join the Submissive school by including his business card under the hundred-dollar bill he slid to her as payment for his purchase.
As he left the tiny establishment, Thane was overcome with
a sense of providence.
He glanced back at the shop, certain now that the young woman would either prove to be his salvation or his utter ruin. The reason?
He’d felt an unexplainable connection to her the moment their eyes met. It both troubled and fascinated him.
~~~~~
Thane felt a crushing blow of grief knowing he was utterly alone now, stripped of Brie’s love in this unbearable and unforgiving darkness.
It was as if this Hell wasn’t simply satisfied to torment him with the past, but wanted to remind him of the future he had lost.
Mourning her as if she were dead, he retreated into himself, wanting freedom from all thought and emotion. In that inner silence, he heard her voice like a faint whisper on the wind. It was so soft at first it barely registered as sound.
Thane concentrated harder, begging Brie to speak again.
“Come back to me…”
Even though her voice remained impossibly faint, he heard the agony in her words.
Thane began screaming into the nothingness, demanding his life back. It didn’t take long before he realized it was a waste of mental energy.
Instead of getting discouraged, he switched tactics. Concentrating all of his thoughts, Thane imagined physically digging himself out of the Hell he had been cast into. He did not deserve to be here.
His place was by Brie’s side.
I AM…
With a sense of sheer horror, Thane made his way to the other side only to realize he was not only blind but completely paralyzed. The strange paralysis was cruel, because he could feel everything, yet was unable to react to stimuli.
He quickly concluded this was little better than the Hell he had just come from—except for two things. Although he had no control over his consciousness, when he was aware he could hear Brie clearly when she spoke.
More importantly—he could feel her touch.
She could not know how that anchored him in this terrifying new reality.
In this different version of Hell, he was a part of the world but could neither move nor respond to it.
Unwilling to give up, each time he regained consciousness, Thane forced himself to try to move every part of his body. He started with his fingers, trying to ball his hand into a fist, then he tried to move his wrists, and then his arms, trying to curl the muscle. From his neck all the way down to his toes, Thane concentrated on every muscle group, commanding them to move.
What he had learned about the brain in college, gave him hope now. The human brain was capable of making new connections when neural pathways died. It was truly miraculous, and gave Thane confidence that if he remained committed, he could retrain his body to respond.
The day that Brie leaned over and kissed his forehead, telling him she knew he was there and that she missed him, Thane wanted to shout to the rooftops and kiss her back.
Her gentle hands begin to caress his skin as she slowly and sensually bathed him with a sponge soaked with warm water.
To feel her intimate touch was sensually arousing—reviving a part of himself he had lost in the battle.
She began with his feet, making sure to give every toe individual care and attention. When she was finished, he felt the warm of her mouth as she lightly sucked and then bit down on his big toe. “That’s right, husband. I’m going to make slow, delicious love to your body as I bathe you…”
Even paralyzed, his body reacted to her sensual touch. He could feel the familiar ache begin to build in anticipation, as warm water cascaded down the calf of his leg when she gently sponged the length of it.
He would have groaned with pleasure if he could have made a sound.
After cleaning around his right leg which was covered in a cast, she began rubbing moisturizer into his skin. Her touch became like that of a masseuse as she stimulated his muscles, pushing hard while her hands glided over both his legs, inching ever closer to his upper thighs.
“You do know where I’m headed, don’t you?” she growled lustfully, lifting his gown to expose his shaft.
She continued to work his leg muscles, grazing the crease between his leg and groin, but never blatantly touching the sensitive area. He felt the rush of blood as his body attempted to prepare itself to please her.
How unfortunate he could not.
Before she finished cleaning his pubic area, he felt the electricity of her lips on the head of his cock as she lightly kissed it.
Oh, what he wouldn’t give to command her to continue.
Alas, he felt her lower his gown to continue his bath.
Thane appreciated the softness of her skin as she lifted his hand to her cheek. “I’ve always admired your manly arms, Sir. They contain such strength and demand so much of my body, and yet…your touch can also be gentle.”
She placed his hand back down on the bed and purred in his ear, “I really love these hands.”
Brie untied his gown and carefully lowered the material to run the wet sponge over his chest. He felt her trace the scar of the lowercase “t” with her finger. He was moved by the gesture, remembering the branding ceremony they had shared together.
“Condors forever,” she whispered.
Brie then surprised him by taking his hand and tracing his finger over her own branding scar.
“Yours, Sir, until the end of time.”
I love you, babygirl.
Brie leaned over and placed her warm lips against the brand on his chest.
“Now for your handsome face…”
She ran her hand over the stubble on his jaw. “As much as I love your facial hair, Sir, I need to give you a shave so you don’t look quite so unruly.”
Brie’s soft laughter lifted his spirits.
With gentle hands, she spread a thin layer of shaving cream over his jaw. She had no idea how much he craved such simple stimulation.
The feel of the razor grazing his skin under her skilled hands, gave him pleasant chills. When she finished, she leaned over and left tiny kisses all over his newly shaven jaw. “So smooth and kissable…”
The last luxury Brie indulged him with was washing his hair. “You are a very lucky man, Sir, getting the full body treatment from a beautiful woman. Some men pay big bucks for this.”
I would not only pay it—but tip you a thousand.
“Don’t you love how it tingles? That’s what you do to me whenever you run your fingers through my hair. My whole body gets the chills. It’s heavenly.”
He felt her warm breath as she whispered in his ear, “I need you to fight through the fog that consumes you. Follow my voice, Thane…come back to me.” She kissed his cheek and went back to work.
I’m here, babygirl.
After his hair was washed, combed, and styled, Brie told him, “You’re one devilishly handsome man, Thane Davis.”
She moved away, and he soon heard the sound of his father’s haunting violin filling his ears. Then Brie lowered the bedrail and joined him on the bed, snuggling up against him while sighing in contentment.
Thane mentally groaned with pleasure. Even though he was stuck in this terrifying world between life and death, she had gifted him this moment of love and intimacy.
I will find my way back to you…
Brie was unwaveringly persistent in her mission to stimulate and encourage him in his recovery. She never stopped trying, day after day. The Dominant in him wanted her to rest and live her life outside this prison he was stuck in, but the man in him coveted her presence.
A few days after the sensual bath, she treated him to the latest entry in her fantasy journal. “Do you remember when you told me to write this, Sir? You didn’t get the chance to read it, so I thought I would read it out loud to you now.”
She caressed the page before beginning. “Just so you know, I was inspired by our Fiji experience…
“I lay naked before him as he gazes shamelessly over my body. Spreading my legs, he positions himself between my thighs. I turn away, not wanting to witness my descent into depravity, but he turn
s my head back, making it clear I’m to watch.
“His thick white member pushes into my darkness. For a moment, I cannot breathe as his fullness takes over my reality.
“I cry out as he takes hold of my hips and pushes in farther. He grabs my wrists and begins to thrust. Chills overtake my body, making my nipples hard and tight.
“The ghost is inside me.
“I stare up into his blue eyes, surrendering my soul to him—my descent complete.”
He heard Brie stand up and walk over to the bed, pressing her soft lips against his. She whispered softly afterward, “Wake up, my ghost.”
Oh, how he wanted to tell her he was awake and aware. That all he wanted to do was reach up and pull her to him, kiss her deeply, and let his hands express how much he wanted her.
“Hello, Brianna.”
Thane was shocked to hear that voice and howled silently.
Lilly.
Brie was clearly surprised, as well, the pitch of her voice rising when she answered, “Sir ordered you never to come around us again.”
The woman ignored Brie, moving in closer. “I hear congratulations are in order, Mrs. Davis. It appears both you and I will be having a child of Thane’s.”
Thane silently yelled for Brie to run as he berated himself for never telling Brie about Lilly’s blackmail attempt. He could only imagine the shock Brie was experiencing after hearing Lilly’s accusation.
To her credit, Brie stated, “I don’t believe you.”
“The proof’s right in front of your face. You and I both know what happened that night in China.”
The bed shook as Brie gripped the railing.
Kick her out. Protect yourself!
Lilly’s smooth voice filled the air with her lies. “I didn’t come here for myself, Brianna. I’m here to protect the rights of my child—Thane’s child. The honorable thing for you to do is to accept the financial responsibility you owe this baby.”
Brie snarled in disgust. “I still don’t believe you.”
But Thane could hear the quaver of doubt creeping into her voice.
No, babygirl. Don’t listen to her lies.
Lilly let out a condescending laugh. “Well, I’ve had a paternity test done. There is no question who the father is.”