I rolled my eyes, not backing down. If I did, I’d lose him.
Noah.
“I can buy real estate here too, Keith. If you’re so concerned about how I’m spending my money.”
“For fucks sake, Skyler! It’s like talking to a child!”
“I’m not a child!” I screamed back at him, getting just as frustrated as he was.
I wasn’t a child.
I had never been a child.
My life didn’t allow it.
“Then stop acting like one! You’re missing out on a ton of opportunity as it is, because you’re here and not there.”
“Like what?”
“Events, parties, charities, socializing with your peers, sponsorships. Do you need me to keep going?”
“Why does that matter?” I questioned, already knowing the answer. Everything and anything in this industry counted. No matter how big or small, it all mattered.
“Come on, Sky. You know why. This entire business is based on who you know and what they can do for you. And you’re missing out on all of that because you’re flying back to Southport, North Carolina! As Queen B of this redneck podunk town to do a photoshoot for a fucking country club magazine cover. A place no one is going to travel to because it’s out in the middle of fucking nowhere!”
“You’re not listening to me!”
He wasn’t, or maybe he was. I just didn’t know what the right or wrong answer would be when it came to moving, and that scared me more than anything. It was as life changing as permitting Noah into my world to begin with. Knowing if I did, there was a huge chance he’d leave me after seeing what I desperately tried to hide.
Me.
And that if…
Wasn’t worth it to me.
“Goddamn it! All I’m doing is respecting your mom’s wishes! Looking after you like I always promised her I would! It’s my job to take care of you! Because she’s not—”
“Stop it!” I pointed at him. “That’s a low fucking blow, and you know it!”
“It’s the truth! I’m all you have! And I’ll be damned if you fuck up your career thinking about a man who’s never been there for you! The only thing your dad ever did right by you was saving your—”
Abruptly covering my ears, I sang, “The sun’ll come out tomorrow, bet all those dollars that tomorrow!”
“Skyler, don’t pull this shit!” He ripped my hands away from my ears. “You’re not a little girl anymore! Enough!”
I reacted, enabling my demons to take over. “Who pays who here, Keith?! Because last time I checked, I was the one who signed your fucking paychecks! The goddamn ten percent of what I work my fucking ass off for!”
“And who gets you all that money?!” He tugged me toward him. “Those roles?! Those contracts?! The fucking publicity and the exposure! Me! So that you can pay me my goddamn ten percent. Because last I checked, Skyler fucking Bell, I was the one who made you a fucking star!”
Before the last word even flew out of his mouth, the door to my trailer slammed open, practically flying off the hinges. Snapping both our attention over to its source as the last person I expected to see hauled ass over to Keith with that murderous glare I was all too familiar with.
I instantly gasped, yelling, “Noah, no!”
He didn’t hesitate, roughly gripping onto the lapels of Keith’s suit jacket, getting right in his face.
Gritting out through a clenched jaw, “Raise your fuckin’ voice to her one more time, and watch what I fuckin’ do to you.”
Fully aware, he meant every last word.
TWENTY-FIVE
NOAH
Skyler sprang into action as the son of a bitch in my tight grasp jerked back, spewing, “Who the fuck are you?!” His hands flew to mine at the same time Skyler’s did.
“Stop! No, Noah! Please, let go of him! Now!”
“I’m the motherfucker who’s ’bout to teach ya some goddamn manners.”
“Please, Noah! Don’t do this! Please, I’m begging you! Let go of him! Please, don’t do this!”
It was her panic-ridden tone that made me defiantly let go by shoving him back, and he barely wavered.
Skyler instantly placed herself in between us with an expression on her face I’d never seen before. “What are you doing here?” she bit, almost knocking me on my ass again.
It wasn’t enough that I overheard their entire conversation about her moving, and how this fucking bastard spoke to her. Now she was giving me shit for wanting to surprise her at her shoot.
What the fuck?
“Keep lookin’ at me like that, motherfucker.” I nodded to him. “And I’ll make you fuckin’ regret it.”
She pushed me. “Stop it!”
“Who the fuck is this, Sky?! And what the hell is he doing here?! Security!”
She abruptly turned around, setting her hands on his chest. Giving him a much different response than the one she just gave me.
Again, what the fuck?
“Please, Keith! I’ll handle it. I promise! There’s no need to get security involved. I swear! Please! Just give me a chance! I’ll take care of it!”
His threatening regard went from my face to my clothes, shifting to my ink in a matter of seconds. Taking in every last one of my tattoos with nothing but an expression of disgust spread across his pretty boy fucking face. Before he locked eyes with my murderous stare.
“Who the hell is this low-life?”
“Keith, please…”
“I should have your ass thrown in jail for trespassing!”
“Keith, you’re only making it worse. Please…” Her hands were trembling along with the tone in her voice, making me feel like shit.
“He sure as hell isn’t here to play golf, Skyler. So I’ll ask you again, who the fuck is he?”
“He’s… he’s… he’s…”
I resisted the urge to tell him who I was for her, simply for the reason of needing to hear it from her mouth. Wanting some sort of validation of who I was to her. Even if it meant I had to swallow my fucking pride and let this piece of shit tear into me. It didn’t help that I could feel her nervousness, her turmoil, all her conflicting emotions radiating off her skin, burning into my core.
“Is he the reason you keep flying home every chance you get? The reason you’re so fucking exhausted?”
“He’s—I, please—just, he’s—”
“Jesus, Skyler.” He met her eyes. “If you were slumming it to see how the other side lived and he’s turned into some sort of stalker, then you need to tell me. Now!”
She jolted, and my fingers twitched. Anger rose, but I swallowed it back down. Hesitantly moving my glare from his face over to the side of hers. Quickly noticing the sweat glistening on her temple, how her cheeks were bright red, and the way she moved her head back and forth, internally battling something.
Was it fear for herself or for me? Or was that embarrassment? Had I been right from the start? Was she ashamed of me all these years? Is that the real reason why she won’t let me into her life? Why can’t she just answer him?
Question after question tore through my mind at full force, like there was a fucking gun to my head, waiting to go off when she replied. I could hear the ticking of the clock, her accelerated heart beating out of her chest, her breath leaving her lips, her mind racing for the right answer that would clearly end it all for me.
“This guy is obviously affecting you. Look at you, you’re shaking. What has he done to you? What has he got on you? Did he get you into something bad? Just say the word and I can make him go away for good. I’ll throw his ass behind bars.” He glared at me. “By the looks of it, he belongs there anyway. Who. Is. He?”
“He’s—he’s…”
“For fucks sake, I’ve had enough of this!” His eyes darted to the door. “Security!”
“He’s no one!” she finally shot out, proving me wrong.
The gun wasn’t pointed to my head, it was aimed right over my fucking heart. Digging into my skin where at any
moment, I’d be a dead man, laying here in a pool of my own tainted blood, bleeding out all my truths and lies when I’d never get to discover hers.
With one shot, Skyler ended me.
Destroying us.
“He’s nobody, alright?! He’s no one to me! Now just let me handle him! Please, Keith! Just go!”
He reluctantly nodded at her before eyeing me up and down as he backed away toward the door. His stare spoke fucking volumes, and I learned right then and there that Keith was a fucking snake in the grass. He knew what he was doing by ramming Skyler into a corner so she would answer how he wanted.
Fucking killing me inside.
She may have been holding the gun, but Keith made her pull the trigger.
“You have twenty minutes or I’m involving the cops.”
“Cops, huh? Ya that big of a pussy you can’t do it yourself?”
“Noah!” She glared at me, pretty much pushing him out the door. Instantly locking it behind him.
I didn’t waver, the adrenaline coursing through my veins wouldn’t let me. “I’m no one, yeah?”
She didn’t move, not one fucking inch with her back still to me. Her hands rested on the doorframe, like she didn’t know how to handle me.
Or worse.
How to respond...
To me.
“Noah, please…”
“Turn around, Skyler,” I snarled. “And tell me to my fuckin’ face that I’m no one to you.”
“Noah, please don’t do this.”
“Turn around, Skyler.”
“Noah—”
“Fucking do it!”
She jolted again, except this time it wasn’t because of Keith. This was all me. She still hadn’t moved from the goddamn door, still hadn’t looked into my goddamn eyes, and the last bit of my resolve holding me together fucking snapped.
It was loud.
Chaotic.
Taking ahold of me.
I was over to her in two determined strides, gripping onto to her arm, forcefully spinning her around to face me. Viciously taunting, “Do it, Cutie. Tell me… tell me I’m no one to you.”
She fervently shook her head, not meeting my eyes. Knowing what would happen if she did. Trying to mask her truths. The pain she was inflicting was unbearable, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
Not Keith.
Or her.
Without thinking, I grabbed her chin to make her look at me, but she jerked her face away, fighting me instead. Trying and failing to break free from my tight grasp, stabbing into her flushed skin. But in the end, I won. Our eyes locked. And hers were laced with so much remorse and regret, fresh tears threatening to surface.
“Tell me, Skyler, tell me I’m fuckin’ no one to you.”
“Please, stop,” she whimpered, blinking her eyes. Allowing tears to slide down her beautiful face.
“Tell me.”
“Noah, please…”
“Fucking tell me!”
“I can’t!”
“Why? Why can’t you? Say it. Fucking say it, Skyler!”
All I wanted was to hear her finally express those three little words, those three words that would make everything restored between us. Saving our future was in her hands. It had always been in her fucking hands.
The control I willingly gave her. Sacrificing what felt so fucking agonizing for me.
“Noah, please…”
It was now or never.
This was it.
The moment she would show me her true colors.
“Say it!”
She flinched, her lips trembling. Trying to find her voice, her mind, her fucking heart that I knew was mine.
“Please, Skyler, please…” I begged, ready to get on my knees if I had to. If that’s what it would take to finally make her admit she was mine, then I’d do it over and over again. Proving myself to her until the end of time. “Please…”
I shut my eyes, swallowing the bile that rose in my throat. Leaning my forehead on her shoulder for support, I turned my face, laying soft kisses down her neck. I kissed all along her cheeks, kissing away her tears that belonged to me now. Savoring the feel of her against me, all while battling the urge to fall apart. I wrapped my arms around her, wanting her to seek the comfort she needed in my embrace. Return the love I always received from hers.
I held her quivering body in my shuddering arms, physically feeling her soul breaking piece by piece. Every last part of her felt as if it was slipping through my hold and my heart. I slightly inched back, barely brushing my lips along her cheek until our lips were almost touching.
Breathing out against her mouth, “Say it, baby. I know you want to. Please, just fucking say it for me.”
She swallowed hard and rasped, “I’m sorry, Noah… I just can’t.”
Immediately making me let her go, her words were like acid on every inch of my skin. I stepped back, putting some much-needed distance between us before I manhandled her the way I suddenly wanted to.
While traitorous waves of betrayal rolled off me, I closed my eyes. Desperately trying to govern my breathing, my thoughts.
My fucking heart.
Fight or die.
Fight or die.
Fight or die.
Opening my eyes, I stared deep into hers. “I went to your house lookin’ for ya this mornin’.”
Her eyes widened, fueling my urgency to continue. Silently praying it would be the push she needed to let me into her life.
It was my last resort.
I’d have nothing else left in me after this.
“I know what happened to you, Skyler Bell Morgan.”
Her demeanor quickly changed, and her guard swiftly flew back up. As if nothing had just happened between us. “You don’t know shit.”
“I know it all. What happened to your family, to your mom. What your dad had to do, saving—”
“Stop it!”
“I read the articles online. Why you had to hide this from the press.”
“Stop! I mean it, Noah! Stop it!”
“No! I’m not gonna fuckin’ stop! After everythin’ I have told you and you know ’bout my life. Why couldn’t you have told me this? I coulda helped you, been there for you like you’ve been for me.”
“Don’t do this, Noah.” She intensely shook her head back and forth. “Please don’t do this.”
“When then, huh? When is a good time? After you move to L.A.? Were you even gonna tell me this time? Or were you just gonna leave me like you always do?”
“That’s not fair! I’m working. It’s my life. You’ve always known this is my life.”
“No shit! I’m just on the back burner for ya, yeah? Like your piece of shit agent said, you just been slummin’ it wit’ the guy from the wrong side of the tracks. Wanted to see how the other side lived?”
“That’s not true! You know that’s not true!”
“Is that right? How do I know that, Skyler? When you keep every fuckin’ thing from me! I don’t know shit ’bout you. Not one fuckin’ thing, when I wanna know everythin’!”
“What do you want from me, Noah?! What do you want me to say, huh? What can I tell you that will make things between us any less complicated than what they’ve always been!”
“The truth! How ’bout you fuckin’ start there? What happened that mornin’ at the river when I saved your life?”
“Stop it,” she gritted out. “I mean it. Don’t you fucking dare!”
I should have listened, I should have stopped, I should have done anything, something other than what I did. What I said. But I was too far gone and at my wit’s end. I couldn’t control my emotions, actions, words, especially when it came to her.
Skyler Bell was my sunshine and happiness.
Skyler Morgan was my darkness and despair.
And they were both attached to the girl who’d always own my soul.
“What were you doin’ in the river? What have ya always been tryin’ to do in that fuckin’ river?!”
“Pl
ease, don’t… please, don’t say—”
“Tell me, Skyler! What were you doin’ in the river where your mom fuckin’ died?!”
She instantly covered her ears, catching me completely off guard. Loudly belting the lyrics, “Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya all the days and nights of tomorrow!”
Breaking my goddamn heart even more.
“Baby,” I ached, reaching for her, but she slapped my hands away. Trying to fight me off. “Skyler, stop! Stop it! Please! Let me be here for you! Stop fuckin’ fightin’ me!”
“No! You didn’t when I was begging you to stop! You didn’t fucking stop!”
“Please, baby… I just want ya to let me in! I wanna know who you are! Your family! Your life! Why is that so hard for you to understand? To let me in!”
“I have let you in!” She shoved me as hard as she could, and I barely wavered.
“To what exactly? Your pussy? ’Cuz you comin’ in your panties is the only thing I’ve ever been able to get outta ya.” I didn’t hesitate, even though the expression on her face told me this was my moment to make things right. To listen to her and stop, knowing this wasn’t going to end well.
I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
I shouted, “I love you! You hear me?! I fuckin’ love you!”
She abruptly jerked back as if I had slapped her. “Take it back! You don’t mean that. Take it back! Now!”
I stepped toward her, and she immediately stepped back. “Goddamn it! I mean that with every fuckin’ bone in my body, Skyler! I. Love. You.”
She scoffed in disappointment, shaking her head. “I told you from the beginning not to fall in love with me. From the very start, I warned you! Why couldn’t you just fucking listen to me?! You wanted something from me? Well here it is, fuck you, Noah Jameson! You hear me? Fuck. You.”
And with that, she turned away and left me.
For what I knew would be the last time.
TWENTY-SIX
SKYLER
Daddy buckled me into my booster chair in the backseat of his SUV and kissed me on the forehead. I was so happy he was at my Annie audition today. He got to see me light up the room with my voice that was too big and powerful for my six-year-old body. At least that’s what Keith said. Everyone’s faces were smiling, all wide-eyed as they listened to me belt out the lyrics with everything I had in me. Like my expression the first time I heard Annie sing on the video the production people said I had to watch before my audition.