“He’s Noah. My Noah,” I simply explained for him. Loud enough for Noah to hear me.
The expression on Eli’s face quickly softened, recognizing the name I called out in my sleep sometimes. Usually when Noah haunted my dreams, turning them into my worst nightmares.
“Jesus Christ, baby, he looks like a fucking serial killer.”
I scoffed out a chuckle, “I gotta go, okay? Cover for me.”
“Sky—”
“Please. He doesn’t know anything about this life, Eli. I just want a few hours alone with him. No bodyguards, no press, no Skyler Bell, alright? Please,” I whispered with pleading eyes.
After a long, exaggerated pause, he sighed and hesitantly nodded. “If you don’t text me before dawn, little girl, I’m going to assume he fucking kidnapped you or killed you. Because he sure as shit looks like he wants to do one or the other.”
I shook my head. “He won’t hurt me.”
“Then you better make sure I know you’re alright, or I’ll have no choice but to involve Keith. Understood?”
I nodded.
“Let me hear you say it, Skyler.”
“Yes, I will text you when I’m back in my suite, Daddy.”
“Fuck me… I could get used to you calling me that.”
I smirked.
“Now get out of here before I change my mind, and look at my phone to make sure he’s not on America’s Most Wanted list.”
I laughed, I couldn’t help it. “Thank you.”
Noah’s demeanor hadn’t changed as I made my way back toward him. He stood taller, crossing his muscular arms over his chest. His eyes void of any emotion, never wavering from mine. Pulling me in with an invisible chain, shackled to my heart. This must have been what his opponents saw right before he went in for the kill. A snake about to strike his prey at any second, quivering from his venomous stare.
With each step, I felt more vulnerable and exposed, unsure of how to proceed or where to even go from here. Our relationship had always been complicated, and if tonight proved anything at all, it still was. Distance didn’t make the heart grow fonder, it stopped time, making you relive the years apart at dangerous speeds. I met his stare, wanting to believe my boy was still in there, hiding behind the bad choices I’d made.
My eyes didn’t wander from his as I reached over and grabbed his hand, trying to ease his thoughts that were wreaking havoc on both of our minds. “Noah—”
“Not here.”
“I know, but—”
“Not. Here,” he gritted through a clenched jaw and turned around, taking me with him.
There was no uncertainty in his stride, as if he knew the protocol for how to escape unnoticed. Making me question what the hell he’d been up to since we last spoke. Once the coast was clear, he led me into a private stairwell located at the back of the club, I didn’t know existed.
“Noah, I can’t—”
He jerked around, getting right in my face. “What, Skyler? Can’t be seen wit’ me? Can’t leave your coked-out crew? What the fuck can’t you do now?”
I grimaced, feeling the years of his pent-up aggression firing shots at me. Just another thing to add to the list of faults. He wasn’t making this any easier with how to advance from the past. Not that I could blame him.
“I was just going to say I can’t walk down those stairs in these heels.”
He glanced down, taking in my six-inch stiletto pumps I angled to the side for him to see. “I’ll break my ankle.”
Relief washed over his features, and without another word, he let go of my hand, leaned forward, and picked me up by my waist. Throwing me over his shoulder like I was a ragdoll.
“Noah,” I huffed, pressing my hands on his upper back so I could look around. His strong hold tightened behind my knees to keep me locked in place. My ass right in his face. “You can’t carry me down all those flights of stairs.”
“Watch me.” He started down the steps. “I ain’t no pussy like your fuck buddy back there.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“Keep tellin’ yourself that, Cutie. Guys like him only snort coke off whores’ asses and tits. He must think pretty fuckin’ highly of ya, yeah?”
“Wow.” My mouth flew open. “Well, you must think pretty fucking highly of me too. Now put me down!”
He spanked my ass, hard.
“What the fuc—”
He did it again, harder. “Don’t fuckin’ cuss.”
“Are you kidding me?! You can throw low blows my way, but I can’t swear? That’s bulls—”
His hand shot up in the air, instantly silencing me from another slap I didn’t want on my ass.
“Once upon a time, I fucked Skyler Bell too. Along with hundreds of other dicks. And the funny thing is, I wasn’t her first. So now, I call it how I see it.”
My eyes widened, winded and dismayed. “Jesus Christ, Noah,” I breathed out, unable to form words. “I- it wasn’t- I- just- wow…”
“You didn’t think I’d notice? Oh, come on, baby. I’ve always noticed everythin’ ’bout you. Includin’ the fact that you’re not wearin’ any fuckin’ panties right now. But I wasn’t the only man to notice that, we could all see your cunt from the stage. Quite the cock tease these days, yeah?”
They say vengeance doesn’t make you feel better. It was a lie. Noah was getting off on this.
“It’s not what you think.”
“You keep sayin’ that. So why don’t ya tell me the truth then? Cuz I’d love to finally fuckin’ hear it.”
Letting out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, I murmured, “I’ve made mistakes. I have regrets, but you were never one of them. I... damn... I don’t know what to say that will make anything okay between us.” I shook my head, frazzled. “Put me down! I want down now!”
I couldn’t think straight being held captive. I needed some space to clear my head. I wanted to see his face, read his expressions, watch his lips move, but he didn’t budge. Instead, I felt his breath and nose begin to skim up the back of my thigh, lifting my dress.
He inhaled deeply. “Why would I do that? When your pussy is so close to my mouth?”
“Is this why you’re here?” I blurted, not holding back any longer. “To humiliate me? Insult me? Fuck me? Are you for real?”
“Stop pretendin’ you don’t like it. Your pussy is already so fuckin’ wet for me. I can practically taste you on my tongue.”
“You arrogant bastard! Put me down now!”
“You mad cuz you didn’t get to celebrate by snortin’ blow off your fuck buddy’s cock?” He abruptly set me down, holding me upright in front of him, while I regained my footing. Baring his gaze into mine, he eyed me up and down before stopping at my pursed lips. “I’ll make it up to you.” Peering up at me through the slits of his eyes, he spewed, “I’ll let ya snort it off mine.”
I thrashed around, trying to get away from him. Never imagining the pain of seeing his face again would be far worse than when I left him. His words were like a fist to my heart. The worst part of it all, was he intentionally wanted to hurt me and was fully succeeding at tearing me a part.
“I’ll put ya—” he backed me up against the wall, caging me in with his arms “—where I fuckin’ want ya.”
I stood taller, not backing down. “So what, Noah? You haven’t been with anyone since I left yo—” I halted, I couldn’t bring myself to say it, knowing this was all my fault.
He was being this coldhearted bastard toward me because I made him that way. I did this to him. Breaking my resolve a little bit more.
“Finish that fuckin’ sentence, Skyler, and you’ll have your answer.”
I wanted to scream at him, yell I came back for him, that I’d made a mistake and tried to make it right. But it was too late, I was too late. It was resting on the tip of my tongue, to shout at him I knew about her, about their baby. That I witnessed him starting a new life without me and it killed me inside…
That he killed me.
And up until I saw him in the club, until he held me, until this very moment with him standing in front of me with so much hate and so much love at the same time, I started living again.
Though it wasn’t until he viciously stated, “It’s alright, baby. I don’t know ’em, but I fuck ’em like they’re you,” I snapped.
With my heart pounding and my ears ringing, I forcefully shoved him as hard as I could. He staggered away far enough for me to pull back my fist and cold-cock him across the face. His head whooshed back as I cried out, “Fuck!” Instantly shaking my hand. “Oh, shit… I think I broke my hand. Ow…” He went to grab me, but I moved. “Don’t touch me! You made me break my goddamn hand!”
“Cutie—” He paused to rub his jaw from the sting of my unexpected blow, and for some reason it made me feel better. “Let me see.”
“Oh! Now, I’m Cutie again? A second ago I was just a whore.”
“I just wanted to feel your lips wrapped around my cock. It’s the least you could do on my birthday, don’tcha think?”
My chest heaved when I raised my other fist to punch him, but he caught it mid-air. Tugging me toward him. “How ’bout you use this hand for the only thing it’s good for. And I don’t mean fightin’.
“Do you want me to use it to take off my stiletto and shove it up your ass?”
He let out a low laugh, grabbing my injured hand. “Open and close it for me.”
I reluctantly did what I was told, hissing the entire time. It throbbed. He carefully bent my fingers back and forth, and then slowly flexed my wrist up and down before he cupped my entire hand in his to form what looked like a proper fist.
“You punch like a girl. You gonna come at me like a man, then learn to hit like one.”
I glared at him.
“It ain’t broken, it’s just sprained.” With that, he simply stepped back and picked me up by my waist again, throwing me back over his shoulder.
“What the fuck—”
Smack.
Smack.
Smack.
Smack.
The son of a bitch had the balls to spank me even harder. Not once, but four damn slaps to my bare cheeks in the same spot.
“Keep cussin’, and you will have a permanent reminder on your ass.”
“So this is how it is now, Noah? You treat me like shit and manhandle me?”
“Why? Is it makin’ your sweet pussy wanna come on my face? Cuz I could eat, I’m fuckin’ starvin’.”
“Are you kidding me?!” I pounded on his back as he carried me through a long, dark, narrow hallway that led to an emergency exit. The house music bumping on the other side of the wall. “I would never let you touch me again!”
“Is that right?”
“Yes! You’re an assho—”
My legs wrapped around his waist, and I was backed up against the solid wall before I even saw it coming. My back collided with a hard thud, knocking the air out of my lungs. With one firm grasp, he had my wrists pinned above my head and the other gripped onto my ass. Pressing his dick into my bare core with his mouth so close to mine. Immediately feeling as though I was about to be in a wreck, waiting for the impact.
“I could fuck you until you begged me to stop right now,” he rasped, slowly licking his lips. Grazing my sensitive skin in the process, sending a cold shiver straight down my spine.
Get it together, Skyler.
“So tell me, baby… how many cocks have been inside of you, makin’ you come like mine?”
My chest rose and fell with each word that fell from his lips. Only making him hold me tighter.
To feel him…
“Not nearly as many pussies you’ve made come with yours.”
He grinned, rubbing the tip of his nose with mine. Purposely bringing back all the memories this loving endearment provoked in me. My stomach somersaulted like old times, making me weak in the knees and heavy in the heart. If he hadn’t been holding me up, I definitely would have fallen hard to the ground.
This was his chance to tell me about the girl and their baby. I waited on pins and needles for him to say something, silently praying they weren’t together or even worse…
There was no baby.
Feeling like the worst piece-of-shit for wishing an innocent life away.
What if they were still a family? Would he be talking and touching me this way? Was I now the other woman?
“Hey, baby, baby, baby… where’d ya go?”
I shook off the aggravating thoughts. “Why are you here, Noah? What do you want?”
My breathing hitched and my lips parted when he started lightly grazing the crease of my inner thigh and cheek with his fingers. Palming my ass with his warm calloused hand, right next to my pussy.
“What I’ve always wanted. You. Do you wanna piece of me too?” Up until this point, his anger had been attacking me in waves, but it wasn’t until he added, “Cuz, sweetheart, that’s all that’s left of this man since you left him behind,” that he completely pulled me under his riptide with him. Hearing pure misery and desperation in his tone. His voice was trying to tell me the story of the past four years of us being a part.
Leaving me wanting more.
Craving everything.
Lingering in my mind.
In my heart.
In my goddamn soul.
“That’s not fair, Noah.”
His jaw clenched as he stared deep into my eyes. “Or you can just get on your knees and show me how sorry you are… but, if ya wanna talk to me ’bout fair, Skyler? I’ll tell you what’s not fuckin’ fair, yeah?”
Swallowing hard, I braced myself for the bullet firing at full speed toward me.
“As much as I wanna fuckin’ hate you with every bone in my body, I can’t stop lovin’ you just as much.”
I bit my lip, battling the tears as he continued to lodge bullet after bullet into my chest.
You deserve it, Skyler. This and more.
“I’ve had to watch ya live your happy, perfect fuckin’ life through magazines, on the TV screen, the newsstands on every fuckin’ corner. See you travelin’ all over the world, hangin’ on other men’s arms when it shoulda been mine. Flauntin’ your tits and fuckin’ ass in movies and more goddamn magazines that I ripped the fuck a part! Wishin’ it was you my hands were destroyin’! You have no fuckin’ idea how much I hate you, and still fuckin’ love you!”
His eyes glazed over, and I saw it clear as day. He was no longer the boy I fell in love with since day one. He was now the man who killed for money. Leaning back to look at me with nothing but that murderous glare and those dark, seedy eyes. Seeing this side of him emerge was like being dragged back in time to when I was a young girl and he showed me all his demons.
Noah was out for blood.
My blood.
“Please, Noah, I can’t… just please, stop…”
It was all for show! It’s my persona! I’ve been dead without you! Don’t you see? Can’t you see me?
“You have no fuckin’ idea what you did to me,” he snarled in an eerie tone, causing my body to tense, and I swear I stopped breathing. He felt it too, his taut grip on my wrists tightened to the point of pain.
I winced, and for a second, my pain broke through his uncontrollable rage, but he shook it off, simply blinking it away.
“Skyler, you ripped my fuckin’ heart out and shit on it. I gave you everythin’. All of me, every fuckin’ ounce of me. I woulda done anythin’ for you, but that wasn’t good enough. Was it?!”
I shuddered, fueling the wrath of his fury.
“I was never good enough, was I?!”
“That’s not true.”
Tell him, Skyler! Tell him you went back for him! Tell him you love him! Just fucking tell him!
“You wanna know what’s so fuckin’ real? How much I truly fuckin’ hate you for makin’ me fall in love wit’ you. Manipulatin’ me into thinkin’ I was your world, your best friend, when I was nothin’, yeah? Remember, I’m nobody.”
&
nbsp; “Noah, please just—”
“What, baby? What else can I fuckin’ give ya? Huh? What does Skyler want now? What does she need this time? Wit’ you cryin’ those worthless fuckin’ tears, they mean shit to me now. The same way I wish you did too.”
No! He doesn’t mean that! He’s just trying to hurt you! You know he doesn’t mean that!
I was the first to break our connection, shutting my eyes. My heart, my mind, my sanity couldn’t take it anymore. He was pulling every sentiment from my body, every last emotion out of me I didn’t even know I had. I strained, locking up, staying firmly rooted to the happy place in my head.
“The sun’ll come out tomorrow, bet all those dollars that tomorrow.” Surrendering, seeking refuge within myself for however long I could.
He didn’t stop.
He wasn’t mentally there with me anymore, and a huge part of me wasn’t there either.
“I never imagined a life without you, Skyler. Not for one fuckin’ second. After you left, I broke down, and all I wanted was to just be forgotten. I wanted to lay in my bed and fuckin’ disappear, cuz at least there’d be no more fuckin’ pain. You broke my goddamn heart beyond repair. You took away the one thing I never thought I’d live without… you.”
More tears streamed down my face, I didn’t even try to stop them. They were his now. “Just thinkin’ about tomorrow. Clears away the sadness, the rain, and the emptiness. ‘Till it’s not there.”
“My girl, my best friend, the only fuckin’ family I had for so long. I lost it all. You may have left, but your presence stayed inside of me, in our safe haven, and it never left me alone. Not for one fuckin’ day. Your scent still lingers there even after all these years. You might as well have ended me that night, put a gun to my heart and pulled the fuckin’ trigger. You coulda put me out of my fuckin’ misery.” He finally let go of my wrists, but his grip went right for my face. “Open your eyes.”
I didn’t let his firm grasp deter me from my safe place. “So just hang on ‘til tomorrow and work through the pain.”
“Open your fuckin’ eyes, Skyler!”
“Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya all of the days and nights of tomorrow!”
“I shoulda let you drown in that river!”