What I Didn’t Say
Keary Taylor
Copyright © 2012 Keary Taylor
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under U.S. Copyright act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or sorted into a database or retrieval system, without prior written permission of the author.
First Digital Edition: May 2012
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Taylor, Keary, 1987 –
What I Didn’t Say : a novel / by Keary Taylor. – 1st ed.
Summary: When high school senior, Jake Hayes, loses his ability to speak, he’ll learn to deal with being mute and find a way to tell Samantha Shay that he’s loved her for forever, even if he can’t talk anymore.
ISBN 978-1475156454
For Justin
10 months ‘til the Air Force
3 weeks since school started
There were three things that I knew for sure about Orcas Island:
One: The people here were generally weird. Half its residents were your run-of-the-mill hippies. The other half was a mix of extreme liberals, hermits, and multi-millionaires. Then there was a dash of us “normal” people.
Two: I came from the biggest family on the island. Seven kids made our family stand out and everyone on the island knew who the Hayes’ were.
Three: I knew everyone here just a little too well.
As I walked through the halls of Orcas High School, I could tell you the name of every single face that passed by. I could tell you that Christie Rose had lost her first tooth biting into a spoonful of macaroni and cheese in first grade. I could tell you that Henry Asher had peed his pants the first day of kindergarten. I knew that Miss Pence who taught ancient world history attended hippy dance parties regularly in the buff. I’d rather not say how I knew that one. And then Principal Hill was a die-hard Star War’s fan and had half a garage full of action figures, posters, costumes, and way too real looking light sabers.
On an island this size, with its whopping 5,000 residents, there are no secrets.
“Hayes!” my best friend since the first day of kindergarten, Carter Hill, called from behind me. A second later his hand slapped down on my shoulder. “Your family doing the team dinner tonight?”
“My mom’s been cooking nonstop since last night,” I said as I stopped in front of my locker and yanked it open. “You know how she gets about these things.”
“Hey, I’m not complaining. Your mom’s the only one who actually makes enough food. I’m not full until I feel like I’m going to hurl,” Carter laughed as he dug into his locker, which had been next to mine since freshmen year.
“Just try to make it to the back yard this time, okay?” I sighed. The carpet had smelled off for weeks after last year’s team dinner.
“We talking about Carter’s epic dinner hurl?” Rain Jones asked, opening his locker that was just a few down from ours as the warning bell sounded.
“Unfortunately,” I said as I pulled out my AP history book and stuffed it into my frayed backpack. I should have let Mom get me a new one at the beginning of the year when she offered.
“We eating in the backyard again?” Rain asked, unabashedly staring at my sixteen-year-old sister Jordan as she walked by.
“Dude,” I said, shaking my head at Rain. “Don’t do that in front of me. It’s gross.”
“What?” he said, still staring after her. “She’s hot.”
“Seriously, just stop,” I said as I closed my locker and headed toward class. Rain whistled after Jordan, in an attempt to draw a punch out of me. He wasn’t going to get the satisfaction.
The AP history class wasn’t exactly full. With only thirty-seven students in the senior class, a good handful of those on the verge of already dropping out, even though we were only three weeks into the school year, and another good handful full-time potheads, that didn’t leave many qualified to enroll in any AP classes. All five of them that our tiny school offered.
“Hey, Sam,” I tried to keep my voice cool as I slid into my desk.
“Hey, Jake,” she smiled as she glanced over at me just briefly.
“You coming to the game tomorrow night?” I wiped my palms against my shorts. Why was I sweating so bad?
“Depends on how much homework Mr. Hill gives us today,” she rolled her eyes.
It was a well-known fact that Samantha had the heaviest school load out of all the students in the high school. She was enrolled in every single AP class, except for European History, which she had aced last year, and if I remembered correctly, she also had several independent study classes. She was on track to be the valedictorian.
“It’s homecoming. Would be a shame to miss it.”
Samantha gave me a little smile before her eyes darted back to her book. Her mind was already elsewhere.
I tried to turn my attention to Principal Hill’s lesson on some war, or maybe it was about US economics? All I could think about was the way Samantha shifted in her chair, how her dark auburn hair fanned across her shoulder, the way she held her face in her hand.
Someday I’ll tell her, I thought.
I still couldn’t figure what that final week of school last year had been about. Samantha had been almost… flirtatious? My eyes would meet hers unexpectedly; she’d stand just a little too close at times. She even invited me to go to a movie with her and her friends, which I had quite unfortunately had to bail out of last minute due to family drama. Thanks Jenny…
But this school year? Nothing. It was like Sam was no more than an acquaintance. She was all school work and no wandering eyes.
“Earth to Jake Hayes,” a voice from the front of the room called.
My eyes snapped up to Principal Hill’s face, where he stared at me expectantly. “Care to tune in for a while?” he asked, one of his dark eyebrows arched.
“Sorry, Principal Hill,” I said, opening my book and trying to look busy with a notebook and pen. The class chuckled. I felt my face flush as I glanced over at Samantha. She had a tiny smile on her lips, but she kept her eyes glued to the pages of her book.
Day dreaming about Samantha Shay was about as good as day dreaming about catching the eye of a Victoria Secret model or maybe the Princess of some far away land. It wasn’t that I was too ugly to stand next to Sam. No one caught Sam Shay’s eye, at least not anymore.
Everyone knew the only thing Sam could see was school work and the finish line that was graduation. It was bizarre. A girl as pretty as Sam didn’t usually equal such enormously big brains and educational commitment.
She was smarter than all of us. And it only made me want her more.
3 years ago
First day of freshman year
I tried to stand as straight as I could as I walked through the doors of Orcas High School for the first time as a real student. I had yet to really hit a growth spurt. I didn’t want to be confused for an eighth grader.
My older sister, Jenny had shuffled off to her friends the second we stepped out of the car, leaving me on my own.
I’d never admit I was beyond freaked out about my first day of being a freshman.
I gave a little sigh of relief when I saw Rain walking toward the front doors. I jogged to catch up with him, slapping him on the shoulder with my palm. We shared one of those looks, like we were both scared out of our minds, but were pretending to be cool.
We stepped through the doors we would walk through a million times over the next four years. I half tripped over myself when I saw a girl with dark auburn hair that hung down to her waist talking with Principal Hill.
She had the most amazin
g end of summer tan and she sported super pink lip gloss.
“I told you, I’ve already finished Algebra two at my old school in Portland,” she said. She sounded like she was trying to keep her voice even.
“Who’s that?” I asked Rain as we walked across the commons.
“Never seen her before,” Rain answered. “Dude, there’s a little drool, there.” I suddenly felt Rain’s finger on my chin. I slapped his hand away without even looking away from the girl.
“I’ll talk to the Pre-Calculus teacher, but for now, you’re going to have to go into the Algebra two class. Here,” Principal Hill’s eyes suddenly flashed to my face, making me jump. “Jake!”
Rain and I stopped and walked back toward Principal Hill and the girl.
“Jake, this is Samantha Shay, she and her mother just moved here. Would you mind showing her to her first period class?”
Samantha’s eyes met mine. Even though I could tell she was frustrated, she gave a warm smile. Her entire face lit up.
“Yeah, I’d be happy to,” I responded. Had I not been so totally engrossed with the girl in front me, I might have noticed Rain making small gagging sounds.
Samantha looked back at Principal Hill. She was trying hard not to roll her eyes at him. “Guess I’m set. Thanks for all your help.” She then met my eyes again, that smile spreading on her face once more.
“You guys better get moving,” Principal Hill said as the warning bell sounded.
Just because I was a freshman didn’t mean that I didn’t know my way around the high school. With how involved John and Jenny were, I’d been in the school more times than I could count.
“Thanks for showing me around,” Samantha said as we started up the stairs to the second floor. Rain had already made some excuse and went off to do something with his empty locker. “I still can’t get over how weird this school is. It’s so tiny.”
“Yeah,” I said, hoping I could think straight enough for the new girl to not think I was an idiot. “It’s pretty small. You came from a bigger school?”
“Yeah,” she said with a laugh. I couldn’t help but smile when she did. “The high school I would have gone into down in Portland was a 5A school.”
“Wow,” I said, chuckling as we turned down the hall. “I can’t even imagine going to a school that big.”
“You grew up here?” she asked as we stopped in front of a random door. She dug her class schedule out of her bag and handed it to me.
“Yeah,” I said as I looked it over. She had English first period, just down at the end of the hall. We started towards it.
“So, are you like, super smart, or something?” I asked, handing her schedule back to her. Most of her classes were ones only juniors took.
She shrugged, her face turning slightly red. “Maybe I’m just weird, but I like school.”
“Not weird,” I said as we stopped in front of her classroom. “Someday we’ll all be working for people like you.”
She laughed and I mentally patted myself on the back.
“Well, thanks for showing me to my class, Jake…” she trailed off.
“Hayes,” I filled in. It was weird having someone on the island not know who I was. “Jake Hayes.”
“Nice to meet you, Jake Hayes,” she said, her smile blinding me.
“You too, Samantha Shay,” I said, stuffing my sweaty hands in my pockets.
“Sam,” she said, placing her hand on the door knob.
“See you later, Sam.” I smiled as I walked away.
Sam may have just stolen my fourteen-year-old heart.
24 hours ‘til the Homecoming game
10 months ‘til Air Force
The Hayes house wasn’t exactly tiny. When one has seven kids, each with a personality just a little too big for their own good, one had to have a lot of bedrooms and space. But with the entire OHS football team and a good handful of other parents in the house, the walls were in danger of being knocked out and the roof collapsing on us all as we weaved in and out of each other.
I sometimes wished my parents would send the younger kids to friends’ houses or something when we had these dinners. I could be grateful that at least John and Jenny were away at college. That was two less bodies. But that still left us with Jordan, sixteen; Jamie, thirteen; James, ten; and Joshua, seven. But my siblings were almost a part of the team. They didn’t seem to care if their ages were in the should-not-be-cool-cause-you’re-like-this-big range, and most of the team was pretty cool with them.
“Jake!” Mom yelled from the kitchen. Her light-brown, curly hair was sticking in every direction, giving her a crazed but warm look. “Take this to the table.”
“This” translated to a huge bowl that contained a salad, a scalding hot dish that contained something I didn’t even recognize, and another huge bowl full of rice. It was pure luck that I made it to the table without dumping something hot on someone’s head. Dad then instructed me to herd the thirteen chickens we owned back into the coop. I seriously hoped none of them had laid any eggs in the yard. There was nothing like ruining a team dinner by stepping on some hidden rotten egg in the yard.
Sadly that had happened before. The same night Carter had barfed in the living room.
“Excuse me, Blake Shaw?” I heard Mom scold from inside. “You know better than to use language like that. I don’t care if you’re a teenager and a football player. You will not talk like that in my house.”
“Sorry, Mrs. Hayes,” I heard Blake apologize. “It won’t happen again.”
“It better not, or I’ll wash your mouth out with soap, and don’t think I won’t.”
I chuckled as I closed the door to the chicken coop. Mom had no tolerance for foul language, something she engrained so well in her children I had literally never let a swear word slip passed my lips, ever, even when I was just with my friends. She’d instilled the same values in half the kids on this island, since half of them had spent a good amount of their summer in our house or backyard.
Finally it was time to sit down and eat. Not only had Mom cooked enough to feed the army that was the football team, she could have fed a whole other army. Everyone spoke too loud as we reached around each other for food, endless taunts and pep talks rose up about the game the next day.
The people on the island may have been weird, but they were generally good people. You didn’t find people like that in other parts of the country. You wouldn’t find someone who would ask if your pet alpaca was feeling better after a bout of suspected chicken pox. You wouldn’t find people who would unexpectedly bring over dinner or show up to clean your house just cause your mom wasn’t feeling too great. When you needed help, you’d get all your friends out, as well as a dozen strangers, sometimes whether you wanted them or not. The people on the island took care of one another.
As I looked around at them all, I felt just a little twinge of self-doubt in my decision to leave the island so soon after graduation. I’d always been so excited to leave this tiny island and its tiny and weird people.
Until that night, with my departure looming so close, I didn’t think I’d miss any of them except Samantha.
5 months ago
2 months ‘til the end of junior year
Every time I finished a solo flight it felt like I was on some kind of drugs. I always wondered if that was what feeling high was like.
I couldn’t stop smiling as I walked from the Bronco to the front door. I didn’t even notice how our huge, eleven passenger van was missing, Mom and the younger kids out somewhere for the night. I closed the door behind me and peeled my jacket off.
“That you, Jake?” Dad called from the back door leading out from the kitchen into the backyard. I could smell something floating through the house. Steak? Dad didn’t grill steak often. With so many mouths to feed, steak got a little expensive.
“Yeah,” I said, following my nose. “Just finished flight number seven.” I found Dad closing the door to the backyard behind him, carrying a plate with two monstrous
sized steaks. “One of those for me?” I asked hopefully. My stomach instantly started growling.
“Yep,” Dad said, setting the plate on the counter. “Your mom is out with a few friends, and your siblings are off playing with the other island hooligans.”
“Just the two of us tonight?” I didn’t hide my surprise. I couldn’t remember the last time it had just been me and Dad in the house. Dad just nodded.
We didn’t say a whole lot as we piled food onto our plates that was sure to clog our internal workings. When they were fully loaded, we headed to the loft and Dad turned on a basketball game.
Half way through dinner, and just after the second half started, Dad nudged something on the coffee table with his toe. “This came in the mail for you today.”
I glanced to the table, and suddenly froze, the fork halfway to my mouth. It said Air Force on it in big, bold letters.
“You want to talk about that?” Dad asked, breaking his eyes away from the game to look at me.
Letting out a big sigh, I set my fork down on my plate.
“You thinking of joining the Air Force?” Dad asked when I took too long to answer.
“Yeah,” I responded, my eyes not quite meeting his.
“How soon you think you’d join?”
“I was thinking pretty soon after graduation,” I said, not sure if I should be nervous about this conversation or not. I’d only decided for sure that I was going to join a few days ago. I’d requested the information from the Air Force’s website long before then. “Like, September?”
Dad’s eyes glanced back to the game when the commercial ended. “You sure about it?”
I swallowed hard, meeting Dad’s eyes again. “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m ready to see more of the world. I’m not afraid. And I love flying more than almost anything else.”
Dad just nodded. A smile slowly started growing on his face. “Okay. I’m proud of you Jake. That’s an honorable thing to do.”