CHAPTER FIFTEEN
THE SUN WAS shining brilliantly. It cast a dappled patchwork of light and shade as it filtered through the pale green buds of leaves yet to unfurl on the massive red oaks edging Daniel’s backyard. The smoke wafting from the stone barbeque on the flagstone patio carried the tantalizing scents of bacon and barbecued ribs.
It was unseasonably warm for mid-April. An ideal jeans-and-sweater day after the long, harsh winter. The timing couldn’t have been better, since the weather allowed Daniel to move the get-together outside and have a barbecue, rather than the more formal sit-down dinner he’d originally envisaged.
Unexpectedly, as he wasn’t big on parties or other social gatherings involving lots of people, he’d enjoyed himself at the dinner the Bennetts had hosted. So much so that he wanted to return the favor. Before he left, he’d extended an invitation to everyone to dinner at his house. He’d also invited Charlotte and Stephen and had arranged private transport for them.
Daniel knew that Jason had been through-the-roof excited, and he could hardly wait for the day to arrive. To make it more enjoyable for Jason, Daniel suggested he bring a friend. Paige’s parents brought Iris, and Jason and his friend were alternately chasing or being chased by the little dog. Their giggles and Iris’s yips reverberated through the yard.
Daniel glanced around. Paige was sitting on a stone step near her mother and father. They were having a small celebration of their own; Charlotte had confided in him that through Stephen’s family practitioner, they’d found a highly qualified home-care service, the Oakridge Seniors’ Center, and—surprisingly—they could afford it. This meant that Stephen didn’t have to move to a long-term care home. Daniel could see that it was a huge weight off both Charlotte and Paige’s shoulders. He smiled a secret smile, knowing exactly how that had come about.
The Bennetts and Mr. Weatherly were engaged in a game of cribbage. Good thing he’d kept that old game without realizing people still played it.
Chelsea had offered to be sous chef and took her duties seriously. She was standing next to him and had taken over the preparations other than barbecuing the ribs and steaks. Daniel was adamant that he wasn’t giving that up.
“Thanks for this. It’s such a nice break for all of us,” Chelsea said as she lifted the barbecue lid. “Especially for Jason. It was terrific of you to suggest he bring a friend.” They watched as the two boys chased Iris around the yard, trying to get her to surrender the soggy tennis ball in her mouth. Chelsea pointed with the large fork. “Look at him! Sometimes it’s hard to believe he’s sick.”
“Yeah. He looks perfectly healthy. If his father could see him today, even he would think Jason’s fine.”
Chelsea moved to the barbecue and poked a baked potato with the fork. “Well, of course he would. He doesn’t know that Jason’s sick. Paige hasn’t told him.”
Daniel turned Chelsea’s words over in his mind, trying to understand what she’d just said. Finally, he asked, “What do you mean she hasn’t told Jason’s father?”
Chelsea stabbed another baked potato and glanced over at Daniel. “She hasn’t told him Jason has cancer again.”
Paige hadn’t told him? What was Chelsea talking about? Was it possible that she would be as close to Paige as she was and not know that Paige’s husband was dead?
Or was he? Daniel tried to recall the exact discussion he and Paige had about it months ago. Hadn’t Paige said Jason’s father was dead? No. Maybe not in so many words. But it was certainly implied. Otherwise, why would he have believed it? Besides, what other possible reason could there be for a father’s complete absence from his son’s life? “Where is Jason’s father?”
Chelsea lowered the barbecue lid. She put the fork down, placing her hands on her hips. “I’m not sure. I know he’s not in the state.” She compressed her lips and shook her head. “Paige may have mentioned it, but I can’t remember.”
“Does he have any contact with Paige and Jason?”
Chelsea shrugged. “I doubt it.”
Daniel lifted the wine bottle from the table and splashed more wine into Chelsea’s glass. “Why’s that?”
He noticed that she glanced over to where Paige was sitting with her parents. Then she shifted her gaze to Jason as he threw the ball to Iris again. “You should ask Paige about that.”
“When I’ve asked, there hasn’t been much discussion.”
Chelsea sighed, took hold of the mother-of-pearl pendant hanging around her neck and ran it along its gold chain. “I imagine not.”
“I’m just trying to understand.” He heard the frustration in his own voice.
Chelsea nodded, and Daniel could see the hard set of her face. The silence hung heavy between them. She raised her chin and continued to fidget with the pendant. “You’d have to ask Paige,” she repeated, reaching for her glass.
Daniel didn’t know if he could’ve gotten Chelsea to say more on the subject, but just then Jason rushed over. Rising up on the toes of his sneakers, he braced himself on Daniel’s knees. “Did you see Iris run after the ball? She caught it in midair!”
“I did. I also saw you throw the ball.” He playfully squeezed Jason’s bicep. “You’ve got quite an arm. I coach a kids’ softball team. We should ask your mom if you could come out and play with us.”
“Yeah! That would be great. When I’m feeling good,” he added. He snuck a look at his mother, who was approaching them. “My birthday is coming up,” he confided. “It’s May second. Do you think Mom would get me a puppy? If we could get one, I’d take good care of it.”
“Jason...” Paige had clearly overheard her son’s last comments. She tried to sound firm, but there was humor in her voice. Then she looked from Jason to Daniel to Chelsea, and her smile faded. “Did I miss something?”
“No. Not at all,” Chelsea responded.
“Just getting better acquainted,” Daniel said.
Daniel didn’t press Chelsea further. Nor did he raise his concerns with Paige that afternoon. It was a lot for him to digest. He mulled it over all through dinner. He couldn’t shake the sense of frustration. He was falling in love with Paige. In fact, he was probably already in love with her. Now two of the things he admired most about Paige—her honesty and her integrity—had been brought into question. She might not have lied to him, but had she deliberately misled him? And if so, why? If the boy’s father was alive, was she intentionally keeping Jason from him?
Knowing Paige, he found the idea hard to believe, but in his law practice, he’d learned that when it came to cases of marital discord or custody disputes, nothing surprised him. He considered himself relatively flexible and open-minded, but the law was the law. And parents, regardless of the circumstances, had their rights. He knew without a doubt that Paige would never do anything that wasn’t in Jason’s best interests. Her fathomless love for her son was another thing he admired about her.
Would she do something illegal? Perhaps to protect her child? Okay. Maybe he could accept that. But there’d been no indication in his discussions with Paige, or anyone else, that suggested Jason’s father was a threat to either of them. Nothing in her manner said she was afraid of him or even resentful. Mostly she seemed sad.
Once more, he shifted his gaze to where she sat with her parents. He wondered what had driven her to withhold Jason’s illness from his father.
He knew this gathering—this brief sense of normalcy—meant a lot to Paige and even more to Jason. He cared too much about both of them to cast a shadow over it. He had to put his questions aside for the time being. At the first opportunity, he needed to learn from Paige what the facts were. He felt conflicted by his strict code of right and wrong and his deepening feelings for her. As a lawyer, he made decisions based on facts, and at the moment, he felt he didn’t have them.
He’d gleaned a new piece of information, though. He’d learned that Jason had a birthday coming up. A puppy was out of the question. Paige had already told him dogs weren’t allowed in their apartment b
uilding. He’d have to find another way to make this birthday special for Jason.
When Daniel said good-bye to Paige that night, there was a remoteness he couldn’t mask. He knew she sensed it. He saw the bewilderment—and, yes, the hurt—in her eyes.
*
THE OPPORTUNITY TO discuss the matter came two days later. Jason was at an after-school spelling bee practice and Daniel met Paige at the end of her shift. They were picking up Jason together and having dinner. They had some time before Jason’s practice was over, so Daniel suggested they go for coffee.
The coffee shop was empty except for them. They took a table by a window.
Daniel tried not to sound like a lawyer doing an examination for discovery, but some things were deeply ingrained, and he couldn’t help it. He put the question to her bluntly.
“No.” Paige shook her head, eyes slightly narrowed. “Jason’s father didn’t die. Where did you get that idea?”
“From you.”
She raised her brows. “I didn’t say that. I’m sorry if I left you with that impression. I didn’t intend to.”
“Okay. But you haven’t told me anything about him. I would’ve thought, especially under the circumstances, that he’d be very present in Jason’s life. Does he know about Jason’s condition?”
“No.”
Daniel already knew as much from his conversation with Chelsea, and he let that go for the time being. He reached for her hand, squeezed it. “You’ve got to trust me at some point.”
In an edgy gesture, Paige pulled her hand away, linked her fingers and placed her hands on the table. “Jason was only three when Mark left.”
“That’s when he was first diagnosed with cancer, wasn’t it?”
“That’s right.”
“He just left?”
Paige nodded.
Daniel couldn’t imagine any human being abandoning his or her family during a crisis, but he didn’t voice his opinion. He’d never met the man, but if that was what he’d done, he was developing a strong dislike for him. He rose, needing to move. He strode to the window, his back to Paige.
She sighed. “I know it sounds terrible, but don’t judge him too harshly. He had his reasons.”
Daniel spun around. “Reasons? What possible reason could a man have for leaving his family, his child, at a time like that?”
“Mark was simply incapable of dealing with Jason’s illness. Since he was a child, Mark has had a fear of hospitals. Perhaps understandable, based on what he went through as a kid, but he couldn’t—or wouldn’t—put his fears aside to do what needed to be done for Jason.”
Daniel continued to stare at her, unable to understand.
“It was the first time in our marriage that I didn’t back down. That I didn’t concede to him when we had a difference of opinion. Based on the very best medical advice, it was clear what Jason needed medically. Mark didn’t want to subject Jason to anything other than proven drug therapies, and certainly not to the risk of surgery. I must’ve seemed like the proverbial fierce lioness protecting her cub. He ultimately gave up fighting me. What I didn’t realize at the time was that by making him give in to me about Jason’s medical care, I’d chased him away.”
Daniel’s anger was ready to boil over. “Now you’re making it sound as if it was your fault.”
“Maybe it was.” She held up a hand. “Please, let’s not argue about that. Let me try to explain. Mark couldn’t deal with the possible consequences. He was so terrified of the potential outcome, he cut all ties with us. I assume he believed that what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. Does it seem rational and sane to you and me? Probably not. But it was part of his nature.”
Before Daniel could say anything, she went on. “A weakness. A flaw? Call it what you will, but Mark was a damaged person. I hadn’t known that when I married him.” Paige shrugged. “Not that it would’ve made any difference. I was naive and in love. I thought love could change the world. If I’d known about his circumstances at the time, it still wouldn’t have made a difference to me. I still would’ve thought love could fix that, too.” A smile played briefly at the corners of her mouth. “But it wasn’t enough. He was terrified of loss, and he compensated by being controlling. Wanting everything his way. With the best of intentions, to protect and preserve what was his.”
Daniel shook his head. “But—”
“I tried to be there for him,” she broke in, “to talk things through and support him. I suggested counseling, and I got him to go once. Nothing seemed to help, though, and the longer we were married, the more controlling and emotionally inaccessible he became. Admittedly, when Jason was first diagnosed with cancer, I was so focused on him and his needs, I couldn’t help Mark with his issues at the same time.”
Daniel shook his head again and sat down. He reached for her hand. Her fingers were cold.
“Whatever issues he had, it’s irrelevant. Jason and his needs should’ve taken priority, and he should’ve been there for both of you.”
“As I said, it’s not that simple. Mark had his own demons from his childhood.”
“I can’t imagine anything that would justify walking away from his family like that.”
“He had his reasons.” Paige closed her eyes. Based on her expression, Daniel assumed she was having an internal debate about how much she wanted to share with him. He was about to interject when she continued. “As a young child, Mark idolized his older brother, Chad. Mark was so much younger, but he always wanted to prove to his brother that he was all grown-up. That he was worthy of doing things with his brother and his friends. Of being included.”
Daniel nodded, not sure how else to respond.
“One day, he hid in a motorboat his brother and a friend had taken fishing. He was just climbing out from under a tarp when they hit a large wave caused by the wake of another boat. The boy who’d been steering must have overcompensated, and Mark was knocked off balance. He tumbled over the edge, and his brother dove in after him, but the friend panicked and steered the boat around. The hull caught Chad hard, resulting in serious head trauma requiring surgery.
“The surgery was bungled, and Chad became disabled and ultimately died. Mark’s parents were awarded a large sum of money, which Mark inherited as a college student when his parents died in a single-car accident. His parents had been drinking. Mark connected their drinking to the loss of their son. He was probably right about that.”
Paige paused, but resumed the story a moment later.
“It was too much for Mark. He dropped out of school and let the money define him. As a child, he’d felt he had no control over anything. He couldn’t change being the youngest son. He couldn’t change his brother not accepting him. He couldn’t change losing his brother and his parents.”
“So...”
“So money became a means to an end for Mark. A way to control people and manipulate them. He tried to exert that control over me. The money had never mattered to me. But over the years, he’d insidiously taken control of our lives. I could no longer make decisions about anything. Until Jason was diagnosed with cancer.”
“And then?”
“I had to put a stop to it. The situation wasn’t just about me any longer, accepting whatever Mark wanted, even if it conflicted with my wants. I had to do what I considered right for my son. Nothing took priority over that. Mark didn’t want to hear about any treatment or surgery that had risks. Of course, that included virtually everything the doctors recommended. Mark and I clashed over it. Despite the best medical advice available to us, he was terrified by the thought of surgery. For him, I think the fact that the tumor was in Jason’s brain connected it more directly with what had happened to his brother.”
She shook her head. “He made it clear that if I pursued the recommended course of chemo and possible surgery, he wouldn’t have anything more to do with Jason...or me.”
“I still don’t understand how it’s possible for a father to walk away from his son.”
“Ma
rk always said it had to do with his past. What I just explained to you. He didn’t want anything to do with Jason once he became ill. At the time, I couldn’t understand it, either. But now... Mark saw his brother’s decline...and then lost him and his parents. I don’t think we can appreciate what that would do.” Paige dropped her head in her hands, running her fingers through her hair.
With her head still lowered, she murmured, “I don’t know. Mark loved Jason. There was no question about that. He doted on him. I guess he couldn’t deal with losing someone he loved again. By shutting us out, he wouldn’t know, and he wouldn’t have to deal with...things not turning out well. If the chemo hadn’t worked, surgery was the next step. Mark drew a hard line there. We weren’t even at the decision stage, but the thought of it, and my being adamant that if surgery was what was needed, that’s what we’d do, seemed to be the final straw.”
She shook her head again slowly. “I just don’t know if I let Mark down in some way. If I could’ve helped him with his problems...”
Daniel clenched his fists and felt a quick flash of anger, but he knew that wouldn’t do her any good. Fighting back his irritation, he relaxed his fists and placed a hand on her forearm. “Paige, you can’t feel guilty about what happened...about what he did.”
“If I hadn’t pushed...if I’d been more willing to talk things over...if I’d been more supportive...”
Daniel raised his hand to cup her face. “Paige, no. Don’t beat yourself up over this.” When she finally looked at him, he held her gaze. “It’s not your fault. No,” he cut her off when she was about to protest. “In no way was it your fault.” He felt he now had the facts about her husband’s departure. But he still had an equally important question, one he needed an answer to. “Under the circumstances,” he began, trying to soften the blow, “have you been keeping Jason from his father?”
“What?” Her head jerked up. She grabbed the edge of the table. There was a hot fire in her eyes. “My son always comes first with me,” Paige said vehemently. “I did what I had to for the sake of his health. To break free from Mark’s control, I accepted an agreement surrendering all financial support in exchange for sole legal custody of Jason.”