She knew the fox couldn’t understand what she was saying, but it still walked more slowly as they rounded the curve in the tunnel. Gray light spilled in ahead of them, painfully bright like before. The fox blinked and whined, rubbing its eyes with a front paw.
“It’s because you’ve been in the dark for a while,” Hollyleaf explained. “Keep going; you’re nearly there!” She reached up and licked the cub’s ears, and a picture of Squirrelflight doing the same to her burst into her mind. She’d fallen into a puddle and her mother had whisked her back to the nursery to dry her off. Her mother. Suddenly Hollyleaf missed Squirrelflight with a physical pain.
The fox jumped up and trotted on. It picked up speed as its eyes grew used to the light, and Hollyleaf hung back, resisting the urge to stay pressed against its warm fur. The cub didn’t belong here. It needed to be back with its mother, in their den in the woods. Suddenly the cub stopped, right at the entrance. It looked back at Hollyleaf and let out a questioning bark.
Hollyleaf shook her head. “I can’t come with you, little one,” she meowed. “This is my home.” The words caught in her throat like a gristly piece of fresh-kill.
There was a loud yelp from beyond the mouth of the tunnel. The cub’s head whipped around, its ears pricked. It let out a yip, and there was another bark, confident and joyous. “That’s your mother, isn’t it?” Hollyleaf whispered.
The cub bounded forward and vanished into the circle of whiteness. Hollyleaf crept along the tunnel until she could see the trees outside. The tunnel opened into a wood much like ThunderClan territory, with a mix of trees and dense undergrowth. The light crashed into Hollyleaf’s eyes and she narrowed them as much as she could. Her ears rang with the sound of leaves rustling, birds singing, and the thunder of paws as cub and mother fox raced toward each other. Blinking, Hollyleaf watched as they collided in a tumble of russet fur. The cub let out a volley of excited yelps as its mother bundled it over, sniffing every part of its fur.
“You’re safe now,” Hollyleaf murmured, trying to ignore the lump of sadness in her chest. “You’re back where you belong.” The sight of the cub butting his mother’s belly for milk mixed with images of Hollyleaf squirming with her littermates in the Clan nursery, bathed in comforting scents of food. I was happy then, before I knew the truth, she thought. But that life is over now.
CHAPTER 6
Leaf-fall had settled over the woods and the ground was covered in a layer of brittle red-and-orange leaves. As Hollyleaf watched from the mouth of the tunnel, the breeze snatched another flurry of leaves from a beech tree and dangled them in the air before letting them float down to the floor. A voice behind made her jump.
“Are you looking for the cub?”
Hollyleaf spun around, her fur pricking with guilt. “Fallen Leaves! How long have you been there?”
“Long enough to see how much you want to be out there,” meowed the ginger-and-white tom.
Hollyleaf stood to the side, leaving room for him to join her at the entrance, but Fallen Leaves stayed where he was, with his paws hidden in shadow.
“Are you hoping the cub will come back?” Fallen Leaves teased, but his voice sounded hollow in the echoing tunnel.
“Of course not,” Hollyleaf meowed. “I know he belongs out there, in the woods, with his mother.”
“And what about you?” Fallen Leaves pressed softly. “Do you belong out there, with your family?”
Hollyleaf turned her face away. “I have no family,” she growled.
“We all have family,” sighed Fallen Leaves.
“Really? Then where are your kin?” Hollyleaf challenged. “You say you came from a large group of cats, but what happened to them? We’ve never seen any traces of other cats living near here.”
Fallen Leaves looked down at his paws. “They left,” he whispered.
“Then let’s go look for them!” Hollyleaf declared. “There must be some signs of where they’ve gone.”
To her surprise, Fallen Leaves’s eyes stretched wide with horror. “No! I must stay here! If I leave, how will my mother know where to find me? She’ll come for me one day. I know she will.”
Hollyleaf fought down a spurt of impatience. “But we could find her first! Come with me. I’ll look after you.”
“I don’t need looking after,” Fallen Leaves hissed. “I just need to stay here. You go if you want. I can’t leave.” He turned and stalked into the darkness. Hollyleaf stared after him, feeling wretched. So many things he said didn’t make sense. Why hadn’t his mother come looking for him before? She must have watched him go into the tunnels, so why didn’t she start searching for him as soon as he didn’t come out? But Fallen Leaves never gave a straight answer. He seemed determined to be as mysterious as possible, and sometimes Hollyleaf wondered if he even wanted company in his underground home. Well, I don’t have to stay here with him. She lifted her head and let the scents of the forest drift over her muzzle: earth, leaves, squirrel, and the musky scent of a vole hiding among some pine logs.... What was she doing, lurking in the tunnels when she could be living outside, where she belonged?
Hollyleaf raced after Fallen Leaves. When she burst into the river-cave, he was curled beneath the rocky ledge with his nose tucked under his tail. He wasn’t asleep, though; his eyes were wide open, gleaming in the pale gray light.
“You saved my life,” Hollyleaf blurted out, skidding to a halt in front of him. “And I will always be grateful for that. But you’re right. I need to be outside, eating squirrels and mice instead of fish, where I can see the sky and feel the wind in my fur—”
“Then go,” Fallen Leaves interrupted her. “No one said you had to stay here.”
Hollyleaf stared at him. Did he care so little about her that he wouldn’t even try to make her stay? Well, she didn’t need him either! “Good,” she snapped. “I just thought I’d let you know that I’m going in case you wonder where I am.”
Fallen Leaves shrugged and flicked the end of his tail over his nose again. Hollyleaf had the distinct feeling that she’d been dismissed. Trying not to feel wounded, she turned and padded back into the woods-tunnel. She walked slowly at first, half-expecting Fallen Leaves to come racing after her, begging her to change her mind. But the shadows behind her stayed obstinately silent.
The wind was colder than Hollyleaf remembered, pricking her fur even though she tried to stay in the shelter of the widest trunks. The light was fading and shadows spread from the base of every tree, but somehow this darkness was less comfortable than being in the tunnels and Hollyleaf found herself tripping over every fallen twig and clump of moss. Gritting her teeth, she picked her way into a dense thicket of brambles. Had thorns always dragged her fur like this? And were the leafless trees always so noisy as they clattered their branches together? Hollyleaf’s ears were too full to pick up the movements of any prey, and her eyesight was oddly fuzzy when she tried to look farther than a fox-length. She kept telling herself that this was just the same as ThunderClan territory, but it wasn’t at all, really: There were no familiar scent markers or paths through the bushes, no sign that cats had ever been here before.
Hollyleaf battled her way to the middle of the brambles and turned in circles beside the knot of trunks until she had cleared a small, roughly circular space. She clawed at the dry grass to make a nest to lie on, then curled up and tucked her muzzle under her tail. Her belly growled, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten since her morning “hunt” in the underground river, but there was no chance of catching any prey tonight. Hollyleaf pressed her spine against the clutch of bramble trunks, wishing it were Fallen Leaves beside her. Even though he never gave off any warmth, he had been oddly companionable on the rare nights he’d shared her nest. Is he sorry that he let me go?
Hollyleaf woke before dawn, too hungry to sleep any longer. She crawled out of the brambles and sniffed the air. The scent of rain was carried on the wind and she shivered. Her prickly den wouldn’t be completely waterproof, so she’d need to find some b
ig leaves to weave into the stems immediately above her head. But first she had to hunt. Milky light was filtering down through the branches, just enough to reveal a tiny trail of footprints across the leaf mulch beneath a beech tree. Hollyleaf dropped into the hunter’s crouch, her muscles stiff and protesting after moons of not being used. She stalked forward, stepping lightly as she strained to hear the faint telltale rustle of prey. At the base of the trunk, a leaf moved and the tip of a smooth brown tail peeped out. Hollyleaf sprang and landed squarely on the back of the mouse, killing it with a swift bite to the neck.
It tasted like fresh-kill fit for StarClan. Hollyleaf ate where she crouched, relishing each mouthful. Her belly rumbled in appreciation—and almost at once clenched with pain. Hollyleaf hissed through her teeth. It had been a long time since she’d eaten this much. Perhaps she should have saved half the mouse for later, in her own fresh-kill pile. She lifted her head, looking around for the best place to store her catches. Then she shrugged. If she was only feeding herself, what was the point of storing prey? She’d hunt and eat when she was hungry, that’s all. Like a rogue would...
Hollyleaf stood up and trotted briskly through the trees. She wasn’t a rogue, was she? She was a Clan cat with no Clan, that’s all. Not a rogue, or a loner, or, StarClan forbid, a kittypet. None of those. A murderer, whispered a tiny voice inside her head, but Hollyleaf flattened her ears and ignored it, pushing on as the ground sloped upward. With her head down, she wasn’t aware of the woods thinning out until her fur was suddenly blasted by the wind. Startled, she looked up to see that she was nearly at the top of the ridge. Just a few paces more would take her to the peak, and she would be able to look down on the lake, and her old home.
Her paws stayed rooted to the grass. Hollyleaf felt her ears strain for any sound of cats: her former Clanmates on a border patrol, perhaps, or WindClan cats in pursuit of a rabbit. She heard nothing but the wind whistling over the crest and swooping down to rattle the trees below her. Almost without thinking, Hollyleaf started to back away. Part of her longed to hear the distinctive sounds of ThunderClan cats, and race over the ridge to join them; another part feared they might be looking for her to punish her for Ashfur’s death. Would Leafpool or Lionblaze and Jayfeather have revealed the truth by now? There was no way she would ever know, because she could never go back. Turning away, Hollyleaf raced down the slope and plunged into the sheltering trees.
A few days later, the first snowfall arrived. Hollyleaf opened her eyes to find her bramble den filled with a strange cloudy light. She pushed her way out and squeaked as a clump of sparkling frost fell onto her neck. She shook it off crossly and jumped clear of the remaining branches. Her paws sank into soft white snow and instantly chilled to the bone. Hollyleaf hissed under her breath as she bounded to the nearest fallen branch, where only a dusting of flakes had settled. The moss was slimy under her paws but at least she was able to shake them clear of the clinging white stuff. She’d be lucky to catch anything to eat today; all the prey would be burrowed far under a warm layer of leaves. In the Clan, Firestar would have stocked up fresh-kill in a hole outside the hollow, where the cold earth would keep it fresh. Hollyleaf’s belly rumbled at the thought, and she curled her lip, annoyed with herself for not being better prepared.
She was about to jump down from the branch and attempt to find something to eat when she noticed a trail of paw prints leading away between the trees. They were bigger than hers, but small for a passing dog. The hair prickled on the back of Hollyleaf’s neck. With a hiss of displeasure, she plunged her feet back into the snow and went to take a closer look. More than the size and shape of the prints, the distinctive smell told her who had walked this way: a fox! A young fox, judging by its small paws, and was it just her imagination, or did Hollyleaf recognize the lingering scent?
Yes!
It was the cub she had rescued!
Hollyleaf’s heart started to beat faster. At that moment, the prospect of seeing the little cub again filled her with more excitement than the idea of finding food. She followed the trail, leaping carefully alongside the tracks so as not to smudge them. They wound through the trees, heading along the shoulder of the ridge before swerving downward into a dense copse of pine trees. Hollyleaf’s legs were aching from jumping through the snow, and it got deeper the farther down the hill she went, but she wasn’t going to give up now. The scent of the cub had gotten stronger and the tracks were even clearer, as if it had only just walked this way.
The pine trees opened out in a little clearing where the snow was scuffed and heaped up amid deep claw marks and scarlet-stained feathers. Hollyleaf wrinkled her nose as the scent of blood filled the air. The fox must have killed a pigeon here, she decided, studying the broad gray feathers. She felt a flash of pride, as if she’d mentored the cub herself.
There was a noise behind her and the sharp smell washed over her more strongly than ever. Hollyleaf turned, a purr rising in her throat. The cub was standing at the edge of the clearing, watching her. Its ears were pricked and the tip of its bushy tail brushed the snow. This was definitely her fox! He was growing into a handsome male, his fur standing out against the snow almost as scarlet as the pigeon’s blood.
“Hello!” Hollyleaf meowed. “Do you remember me?”
With a snarl, the fox leaped at her. Yellow teeth snapped at the air where Hollyleaf’s neck had been, a heartbeat after she scrambled backward. She crashed into a pine tree and spun around to claw her way up the trunk, with the creature snapping barely a whisker’s length from her paws. The tree was circled with moss halfway up and Hollyleaf’s claws lost their grip; she slithered down, feeling branches jab her ribs and flanks, and the cub jumped up, yelping with hunger and excitement. Hollyleaf dug her claws into the bark and managed to stop her fall just as teeth closed on the fur at the end of her tail. She tore herself free and scrambled to the topmost branches, fear propelling her upward. Below her, the cub snarled in frustration.
Hollyleaf huddled on a thin branch that swayed beneath her weight. She peered down through the dark green pine needles and watched the fox circling far below. Of course he doesn’t remember me. I’m nothing more than prey! Hollyleaf sank her claws into the branch, closed her eyes, and waited for her heart to stop trying to punch its way out of her chest.
When she opened her eyes again, it was dark. Fear and flight must have exhausted her enough to sleep on her uncomfortable perch. The woods were silent, and all she could smell was snow and the stinging scent of pinesap. The cub was long gone. Above the trees, a full silver moon floated in the sky, surrounded by dazzling stars. The forest was bathed in crisp white light, and Hollyleaf could see all the way to the top of the ridge. On the other side, the four Clans would be meeting on the island for the Gathering. Would her name be mentioned? Did any cat ever wonder what had happened to her? Hollyleaf felt a wave of misery so intense she almost lost her grip on the branch. When it dipped alarmingly beneath her, she came to her senses and eased herself down the trunk to the snowy ground.
There was a sharp pain in her belly, and as Hollyleaf trekked back through the trees she paused by a clump of yarrow that had been sheltered from the snow to eat a few leaves. But the ache inside her persisted, and Hollyleaf knew it was more than hunger: It was loneliness, and regret, and sadness. There was only one place she could go. Fluffing up her pelt against the bitter cold, Hollyleaf began to trudge up the slope.
Dawn was breaking by the time she arrived, lightening the shadows cast by the trees in the moonlight and rousing a few birds into song. Hollyleaf staggered the last few paces and paused at the entrance, gasping for breath. The tunnel yawned ahead of her, warm and dark and welcoming.
“Fallen Leaves!” she called as she plunged inside. “Fallen Leaves, are you there?”
CHAPTER 7
Hollyleaf slept for two whole days after her return. Fallen Leaves brought her fish to eat when she briefly stirred, and some herbs that she didn’t recognize for the niggling cough that developed as soon a
s she was out of the constant wind. Her nest was where she had left it, but softer and deeper than she remembered.
“I added more feathers,” Fallen Leaves admitted shyly. “In case you came back.” Then he climbed delicately alongside her, and curled his cold body around hers while she drifted back to sleep.
Finally she woke with a clearer head, feeling hungry and restless. Yellow light seeped into the tunnel, hinting at sunshine outside. Hollyleaf was alone in her nest but Fallen Leaves appeared almost at once, carrying a minnow.
“Here, eat this,” he urged, dropping it beside her.
It didn’t taste as good as the mice and squirrels in the woods—nothing would taste that good again, Hollyleaf suspected—but she swallowed it obediently, feeling strength flow back into her legs. Fallen Leaves sat beside her nest and watched.
“I saw the fox cub again,” Hollyleaf announced as she cleaned the last traces of fish from her whiskers.
Fallen Leaves looked surprised. “Are you sure it was the same one?”
“Definitely. I knew its scent right away.”
“Did it recognize you?” Fallen Leaves asked.
Hollyleaf looked down at her paws and shook her head. She felt stupid and embarrassed to admit what she had done, but she hoped Fallen Leaves wouldn’t judge her too harshly. “It saw me as a juicy piece of prey,” she mewed quietly. “I only just got away.”
She felt something soft on her ear as Fallen Leaves touched her with the tip of his tail. “I’m so sorry. You save his life, and he repays you like that? Honestly, some animals have no gratitude!”
There was a note of barely suppressed amusement in his voice and Hollyleaf looked up to see his eyes shining with humor. “I guess it was kind of mouse-brained to think he’d remember me,” she admitted.