CHAPTER XV
Another week over--and I am so many days nearer health, and spring! Ihave now heard all my neighbour's history, at different sittings, as thehousekeeper could spare time from more important occupations. I'llcontinue it in her own words, only a little condensed. She is, on thewhole, a very fair narrator, and I don't think I could improve her style.
In the evening, she said, the evening of my visit to the Heights, I knew,as well as if I saw him, that Mr. Heathcliff was about the place; and Ishunned going out, because I still carried his letter in my pocket, anddidn't want to be threatened or teased any more. I had made up my mindnot to give it till my master went somewhere, as I could not guess howits receipt would affect Catherine. The consequence was, that it did notreach her before the lapse of three days. The fourth was Sunday, and Ibrought it into her room after the family were gone to church. There wasa manservant left to keep the house with me, and we generally made apractice of locking the doors during the hours of service; but on thatoccasion the weather was so warm and pleasant that I set them wide open,and, to fulfil my engagement, as I knew who would be coming, I told mycompanion that the mistress wished very much for some oranges, and hemust run over to the village and get a few, to be paid for on the morrow.He departed, and I went up-stairs.
Mrs. Linton sat in a loose white dress, with a light shawl over hershoulders, in the recess of the open window, as usual. Her thick, longhair had been partly removed at the beginning of her illness, and now shewore it simply combed in its natural tresses over her temples and neck.Her appearance was altered, as I had told Heathcliff; but when she wascalm, there seemed unearthly beauty in the change. The flash of her eyeshad been succeeded by a dreamy and melancholy softness; they no longergave the impression of looking at the objects around her: they appearedalways to gaze beyond, and far beyond--you would have said out of thisworld. Then, the paleness of her face--its haggard aspect havingvanished as she recovered flesh--and the peculiar expression arising fromher mental state, though painfully suggestive of their causes, added tothe touching interest which she awakened; and--invariably to me, I know,and to any person who saw her, I should think--refuted more tangibleproofs of convalescence, and stamped her as one doomed to decay.
A book lay spread on the sill before her, and the scarcely perceptiblewind fluttered its leaves at intervals. I believe Linton had laid itthere: for she never endeavoured to divert herself with reading, oroccupation of any kind, and he would spend many an hour in trying toentice her attention to some subject which had formerly been heramusement. She was conscious of his aim, and in her better moods enduredhis efforts placidly, only showing their uselessness by now and thensuppressing a wearied sigh, and checking him at last with the saddest ofsmiles and kisses. At other times, she would turn petulantly away, andhide her face in her hands, or even push him off angrily; and then hetook care to let her alone, for he was certain of doing no good.
Gimmerton chapel bells were still ringing; and the full, mellow flow ofthe beck in the valley came soothingly on the ear. It was a sweetsubstitute for the yet absent murmur of the summer foliage, which drownedthat music about the Grange when the trees were in leaf. At WutheringHeights it always sounded on quiet days following a great thaw or aseason of steady rain. And of Wuthering Heights Catherine was thinkingas she listened: that is, if she thought or listened at all; but she hadthe vague, distant look I mentioned before, which expressed norecognition of material things either by ear or eye.
'There's a letter for you, Mrs. Linton,' I said, gently inserting it inone hand that rested on her knee. 'You must read it immediately, becauseit wants an answer. Shall I break the seal?' 'Yes,' she answered,without altering the direction of her eyes. I opened it--it was veryshort. 'Now,' I continued, 'read it.' She drew away her hand, and letit fall. I replaced it in her lap, and stood waiting till it shouldplease her to glance down; but that movement was so long delayed that atlast I resumed--'Must I read it, ma'am? It is from Mr. Heathcliff.'
There was a start and a troubled gleam of recollection, and a struggle toarrange her ideas. She lifted the letter, and seemed to peruse it; andwhen she came to the signature she sighed: yet still I found she had notgathered its import, for, upon my desiring to hear her reply, she merelypointed to the name, and gazed at me with mournful and questioningeagerness.
'Well, he wishes to see you,' said I, guessing her need of aninterpreter. 'He's in the garden by this time, and impatient to knowwhat answer I shall bring.'
As I spoke, I observed a large dog lying on the sunny grass beneath raiseits ears as if about to bark, and then smoothing them back, announce, bya wag of the tail, that some one approached whom it did not consider astranger. Mrs. Linton bent forward, and listened breathlessly. Theminute after a step traversed the hall; the open house was too temptingfor Heathcliff to resist walking in: most likely he supposed that I wasinclined to shirk my promise, and so resolved to trust to his ownaudacity. With straining eagerness Catherine gazed towards the entranceof her chamber. He did not hit the right room directly: she motioned meto admit him, but he found it out ere I could reach the door, and in astride or two was at her side, and had her grasped in his arms.
He neither spoke nor loosed his hold for some five minutes, during whichperiod he bestowed more kisses than ever he gave in his life before, Idaresay: but then my mistress had kissed him first, and I plainly sawthat he could hardly bear, for downright agony, to look into her face!The same conviction had stricken him as me, from the instant he beheldher, that there was no prospect of ultimate recovery there--she wasfated, sure to die.
'Oh, Cathy! Oh, my life! how can I bear it?' was the first sentence heuttered, in a tone that did not seek to disguise his despair. And now hestared at her so earnestly that I thought the very intensity of his gazewould bring tears into his eyes; but they burned with anguish: they didnot melt.
'What now?' said Catherine, leaning back, and returning his look with asuddenly clouded brow: her humour was a mere vane for constantly varyingcaprices. 'You and Edgar have broken my heart, Heathcliff! And you bothcome to bewail the deed to me, as if you were the people to be pitied! Ishall not pity you, not I. You have killed me--and thriven on it, Ithink. How strong you are! How many years do you mean to live after Iam gone?'
Heathcliff had knelt on one knee to embrace her; he attempted to rise,but she seized his hair, and kept him down.
'I wish I could hold you,' she continued, bitterly, 'till we were bothdead! I shouldn't care what you suffered. I care nothing for yoursufferings. Why shouldn't you suffer? I do! Will you forget me? Willyou be happy when I am in the earth? Will you say twenty years hence,That's the grave of Catherine Earnshaw? I loved her long ago, and waswretched to lose her; but it is past. I've loved many others since: mychildren are dearer to me than she was; and, at death, I shall notrejoice that I am going to her: I shall be sorry that I must leavethem! Will you say so, Heathcliff?'
'Don't torture me till I'm as mad as yourself,' cried he, wrenching hishead free, and grinding his teeth.
The two, to a cool spectator, made a strange and fearful picture. Wellmight Catherine deem that heaven would be a land of exile to her, unlesswith her mortal body she cast away her moral character also. Her presentcountenance had a wild vindictiveness in its white cheek, and a bloodlesslip and scintillating eye; and she retained in her closed fingers aportion of the locks she had been grasping. As to her companion, whileraising himself with one hand, he had taken her arm with the other; andso inadequate was his stock of gentleness to the requirements of hercondition, that on his letting go I saw four distinct impressions leftblue in the colourless skin.
'Are you possessed with a devil,' he pursued, savagely, 'to talk in thatmanner to me when you are dying? Do you reflect that all those wordswill be branded in my memory, and eating deeper eternally after you haveleft me? You know you lie to say I have killed you: and, Catherine, youknow that I could as soon forget you as my existence! Is it notsufficient for your infernal selfishness, that while you are at peace Ishall writhe in the torments of hell?'
'I shall not be at peace,' moaned Catherine, recalled to a sense ofphysical weakness by the violent, unequal throbbing of her heart, whichbeat visibly and audibly under this excess of agitation. She saidnothing further till the paroxysm was over; then she continued, morekindly--
'I'm not wishing you greater torment than I have, Heathcliff. I onlywish us never to be parted: and should a word of mine distress youhereafter, think I feel the same distress underground, and for my ownsake, forgive me! Come here and kneel down again! You never harmed mein your life. Nay, if you nurse anger, that will be worse to rememberthan my harsh words! Won't you come here again? Do!'
Heathcliff went to the back of her chair, and leant over, but not so faras to let her see his face, which was livid with emotion. She bent roundto look at him; he would not permit it: turning abruptly, he walked tothe fireplace, where he stood, silent, with his back towards us. Mrs.Linton's glance followed him suspiciously: every movement woke a newsentiment in her. After a pause and a prolonged gaze, she resumed;addressing me in accents of indignant disappointment:--
'Oh, you see, Nelly, he would not relent a moment to keep me out of thegrave. _That_ is how I'm loved! Well, never mind. That is not _my_Heathcliff. I shall love mine yet; and take him with me: he's in mysoul. And,' added she musingly, 'the thing that irks me most is thisshattered prison, after all. I'm tired of being enclosed here. I'mwearying to escape into that glorious world, and to be always there: notseeing it dimly through tears, and yearning for it through the walls ofan aching heart: but really with it, and in it. Nelly, you think you arebetter and more fortunate than I; in full health and strength: you aresorry for me--very soon that will be altered. I shall be sorry for_you_. I shall be incomparably beyond and above you all. I _wonder_ hewon't be near me!' She went on to herself. 'I thought he wished it.Heathcliff, dear! you should not be sullen now. Do come to me,Heathcliff.'
In her eagerness she rose and supported herself on the arm of the chair.At that earnest appeal he turned to her, looking absolutely desperate.His eyes, wide and wet, at last flashed fiercely on her; his breastheaved convulsively. An instant they held asunder, and then how they metI hardly saw, but Catherine made a spring, and he caught her, and theywere locked in an embrace from which I thought my mistress would never bereleased alive: in fact, to my eyes, she seemed directly insensible. Heflung himself into the nearest seat, and on my approaching hurriedly toascertain if she had fainted, he gnashed at me, and foamed like a maddog, and gathered her to him with greedy jealousy. I did not feel as ifI were in the company of a creature of my own species: it appeared thathe would not understand, though I spoke to him; so I stood off, and heldmy tongue, in great perplexity.
A movement of Catherine's relieved me a little presently: she put up herhand to clasp his neck, and bring her cheek to his as he held her; whilehe, in return, covering her with frantic caresses, said wildly--
'You teach me now how cruel you've been--cruel and false. _Why_ did youdespise me? _Why_ did you betray your own heart, Cathy? I have not oneword of comfort. You deserve this. You have killed yourself. Yes, youmay kiss me, and cry; and wring out my kisses and tears: they'll blightyou--they'll damn you. You loved me--then what _right_ had you to leaveme? What right--answer me--for the poor fancy you felt for Linton?Because misery and degradation, and death, and nothing that God or Satancould inflict would have parted us, _you_, of your own will, did it. Ihave not broken your heart--_you_ have broken it; and in breaking it, youhave broken mine. So much the worse for me that I am strong. Do I wantto live? What kind of living will it be when you--oh, God! would _you_like to live with your soul in the grave?'
'Let me alone. Let me alone,' sobbed Catherine. 'If I've done wrong,I'm dying for it. It is enough! You left me too: but I won't upbraidyou! I forgive you. Forgive me!'
'It is hard to forgive, and to look at those eyes, and feel those wastedhands,' he answered. 'Kiss me again; and don't let me see your eyes! Iforgive what you have done to me. I love _my_ murderer--but _yours_! Howcan I?'
They were silent--their faces hid against each other, and washed by eachother's tears. At least, I suppose the weeping was on both sides; as itseemed Heathcliff could weep on a great occasion like this.
I grew very uncomfortable, meanwhile; for the afternoon wore fast away,the man whom I had sent off returned from his errand, and I coulddistinguish, by the shine of the western sun up the valley, a concoursethickening outside Gimmerton chapel porch.
'Service is over,' I announced. 'My master will be here in half anhour.'
Heathcliff groaned a curse, and strained Catherine closer: she nevermoved.
Ere long I perceived a group of the servants passing up the road towardsthe kitchen wing. Mr. Linton was not far behind; he opened the gatehimself and sauntered slowly up, probably enjoying the lovely afternoonthat breathed as soft as summer.
'Now he is here,' I exclaimed. 'For heaven's sake, hurry down! You'llnot meet any one on the front stairs. Do be quick; and stay among thetrees till he is fairly in.'
'I must go, Cathy,' said Heathcliff, seeking to extricate himself fromhis companion's arms. 'But if I live, I'll see you again before you areasleep. I won't stray five yards from your window.'
'You must not go!' she answered, holding him as firmly as her strengthallowed. 'You _shall_ not, I tell you.'
'For one hour,' he pleaded earnestly.
'Not for one minute,' she replied.
'I _must_--Linton will be up immediately,' persisted the alarmedintruder.
He would have risen, and unfixed her fingers by the act--she clung fast,gasping: there was mad resolution in her face.
'No!' she shrieked. 'Oh, don't, don't go. It is the last time! Edgarwill not hurt us. Heathcliff, I shall die! I shall die!'
'Damn the fool! There he is,' cried Heathcliff, sinking back into hisseat. 'Hush, my darling! Hush, hush, Catherine! I'll stay. If he shotme so, I'd expire with a blessing on my lips.'
And there they were fast again. I heard my master mounting thestairs--the cold sweat ran from my forehead: I was horrified.
'Are you going to listen to her ravings?' I said, passionately. 'Shedoes not know what she says. Will you ruin her, because she has not witto help herself? Get up! You could be free instantly. That is the mostdiabolical deed that ever you did. We are all done for--master,mistress, and servant.'
I wrung my hands, and cried out; and Mr. Linton hastened his step at thenoise. In the midst of my agitation, I was sincerely glad to observethat Catherine's arms had fallen relaxed, and her head hung down.
'She's fainted, or dead,' I thought: 'so much the better. Far betterthat she should be dead, than lingering a burden and a misery-maker toall about her.'
Edgar sprang to his unbidden guest, blanched with astonishment and rage.What he meant to do I cannot tell; however, the other stopped alldemonstrations, at once, by placing the lifeless-looking form in hisarms.
'Look there!' he said. 'Unless you be a fiend, help her first--then youshall speak to me!'
He walked into the parlour, and sat down. Mr. Linton summoned me, andwith great difficulty, and after resorting to many means, we managed torestore her to sensation; but she was all bewildered; she sighed, andmoaned, and knew nobody. Edgar, in his anxiety for her, forgot her hatedfriend. I did not. I went, at the earliest opportunity, and besoughthim to depart; affirming that Catherine was better, and he should hearfrom me in the morning how she passed the night.
'I shall not refuse to go out of doors,' he answered; 'but I shall stayin the garden: and, Nelly, mind you keep your word to-morrow. I shall beunder those larch-trees. Mind! or I pay another visit, whether Linton bein or not.'
He sent a rapid glance through the half-open door of the chamber, and,ascertaining that what I stated was apparently true, delivered the houseof his luckless presence.