A voice I would recognize anywhere interrupted our conversation. “No, she doesn’t want to talk about it.”
For once, I let myself sigh because it was better than cursing. Deacon Evans leaned against a tree watching all of us. Jason would have known about his presence—he could smell everything and everybody—but Deacon had managed to sneak up on me. He was supposed to be timing the others while Jason and his pack guarded the woods for intrusive adults or werewolves. I stared at Deacon’s dark features, such a contrast to Jason’s golden aura.
I loved and hated Deacon.
One second he annoyed me, the next he was my very best friend. He wanted to be my boyfriend and that was totally out of the question. I’d had Jason. Then Chad. And finally Jason again. No way, no how could I take on another boyfriend. If I couldn’t make it work with Jason, I couldn’t imagine dating again. Maybe ever.
In this case, he’d read my mood correctly. I didn’t want to talk because I had no idea whatsoever what to say. Gosh, Jason, I’m questioning every decision I’ve ever made because tomorrow I have to lead everybody down into a vampire lair using homemade bombs to free the humans trapped down there being used as a food source.
Why did anyone listen to me? Why did they think I knew anything?
Too late for me to take it all back. Momentum had picked up—we were going to go bomb vampires. I couldn’t undo what I’d begun. Not anymore.
“Deacon, when I need you to speak for Rachel, I’ll let you know.” Jason growled when he spoke, which meant his wolf had surfaced. Not a good thing when dealing with a werewolf.
“Hey, wolf-boy….”
“Enough!” I shouted. If I didn’t stop them, they would go on like this forever. My fear was one day Jason would lose control of the wolf, shift, and Deacon would take the opportunity to view that as a threat. I noticed he was never without his machete. One of them would die.
Enough friends were no longer with us.
“I just need a walk, okay?” I tried to smile and hoped I didn’t look deranged.
“Rachel.” Micah stopped me. He’d been so quiet since we’d gotten out of the trench I’d all but forgotten he was there. “We beat our best time.”
I nodded. “That’s good.”
“So then you think we’re ready, for tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
How should I know if we were ready for tomorrow? The day I announced we were going to launch this little revolution to bring down the vampires, I had been distraught with grief over Chad. I still thought we’d made the right decision, but I didn’t think I should lead everyone and didn’t know how to tell them that. Nodding as if I was certain about our training, our plan, and our chances, I moved fast to escape them.
“Rachel, wait up. I’ll come with you.”
Jason’s consistency in his love for me made me feel like the bad egg in our relationship. Any time I couldn’t be exactly as sweet or loving with him, it seemed as if I kicked a puppy. He would hate that comparison if I could get up nerve to tell him my concerns.
“I need a few minutes by myself. It’s nothing personal. I just want to work out things in my own head.”
“Rachel.” His voice fell low. “Are we okay?”
Apparently, my few minutes alone would have to wait. “What do you mean?”
“Are you making plans to end us?”
For Jason to ask me that question meant I must have been sending out really horrendous vibes for him to sniff. He’d been so sure of us since the day he’d declared me his mate.
“I’m not.” I wouldn’t have the slightest idea how to break up with him, even if I wanted to. Besides, there was the whole inability to think about anything except how handsome he looked whenever he came near problem. Like now. I had to reach out and touch him because it felt as if I didn’t, I might not breathe again. Jason anchored me through the chaos of our world.
In two strides, I’d embraced him. My head fit perfectly against his chest. His heartbeat was strong and steady, like the guy himself.
“I’m getting so many conflicting emotions from you. Is it just the raid tomorrow or is there more going on?”
“Not sure.” Again, I’d told him the truth even if it helped nothing.
***
At first, lying to the adults around us had been difficult. As a rule, I had so few grownups in my life that cared what happened to me—my mother died during my infancy, and my father spent most of my childhood perpetually drunk—that I held on with both hands to the few adults who were there for me.
As time moved on, however, I found it easier to manage. In fact, it downright annoyed me that the so-called grownups didn’t seem to notice that we lied to them every day. Why didn’t they wonder where we disappeared to all the time?
I lived on my own but a lot of the young warriors in our small brigade still resided in their families’ tents. Shouldn’t someone have noticed?
My legs ached as I stepped out of the woods, having left Jason back at his camp with the other wolves. His father, Andon, wanted to have a pack meeting. This didn’t concern me. He did this at least once a week for pack cohesiveness. Jason wanted me to attend the meetings as his mate. His father preferred that I didn’t. For once, I agreed with the man who had all but ruined my dreams.
Jason and I hadn’t really mated yet. I didn’t know when I was going to be ready to and until that happened I wasn’t comfortable pretending we had. Acting like we’d physically consummated our relationship made me feel as though I’d already agreed to do so, when I hadn’t. To be fair, keeping us relatively chaste saved Jason as well. Until we were physical with one another, beyond the ways that we already were, Jason had a chance to walk away. His wolf wanted me but without the sex, he could get over me and eventually move on. After the down and dirty? He’d want me forever even if I didn’t want him.
While I felt conflicted, I wouldn’t bind Jason to me—no matter how much I wanted to when we were alone.
“You’re wrong.”
Deacon’s voice froze me in place. Deacon, Micah, and Glen stood in the clearing. Their body language—stiff and hostile—told me they were in the midst of an argument. With everyone so tense about the wolves, the young warriors almost never argued amongst themselves. They usually reserved their hostility for me and spared each other.
“She’s freaking out. You should have seen how zoned out she got in the trench.”
I had no doubt who the she in Micah’s statement was. There had been a time, before my sixteenth birthday, when I’d been hopelessly devoted to Micah. If he paid me any attention at all, it was a huge deal. Now, I could really do without his constant focus.
Glen shrugged. “Rachel has never let us down. She went out into the world when Icahn wanted her dead and she survived, not once but twice. She’s our best chance at doing this and winning.”
I wanted to throw up. Closing my eyes, I gripped the closest tree like a lifeline. The only reason I’d survived my first trip above ground had been because of Jason’s interference. My next outing, I’d almost not come back and Chad hadn’t. On my own, I’d have died in a minute.
“Rachel has changed since Chad’s death. At first she was all gung-ho to get things done. I understood the feeling.” Micah made a fist. “I wanted to kill someone when he became a vampire. I still do. Now, she seems depressed.”
Glen shook his head. “If Rachel were depressed either Jason or Tia would know.”
Tia, Glen’s wife and the mother of their newborn son, had been my best friend in the world. Until she’d freaked out her first night fighting the vampires and opted to get pregnant to avoid having to face another fight. We didn’t have much in common anymore. Her son, Nero, made me want to make baby faces at him but he might as well have been an alien. I had no idea what to do with a three-week-old baby. It surprised me to hear Glen say that Tia would know what was going on with me. At least a year had passed since that had been true.
Even Micah, as her older brother, didn’t know what to do w
ith her anymore.
“Jason is so hung up on her, so desperate not to lose her, he’s not going to admit to anything that might cause her to throw him back into the woods. He prefers to pretend Chad never existed. If she’s still hung up on Chad, Jason’s the last person who would say anything.”
“But Tia—”
Deacon finally interrupted their discussion. “Rachel will always come through for us. Even if she doesn’t know that herself.”
“How can you be sure? I’m the one in the trench with her. Tell me why I shouldn’t insist she stay home tomorrow?”
He thought he could keep me home? I opened my eyes and snorted at his ridiculousness. Short of tying me up, Micah couldn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do.
“None of you have seen her as I’ve seen her.”
Micah held out his hand. “I don’t want to know what you mean. She’s like my sister. It’s bad enough I have to put up with Glen, knowing what he and Tia do.”
Glen groaned and Deacon rolled his eyes, his dimple showing as he smirked.
“I’m talking about the time she rescued me. I’d been locked in a cage. She took on a whole room of vampires to set the humans free, including me. She was the toughest, strongest, most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. She still is. Whatever she’s going through, whatever hang up she still has, I believe in her. Always will.”
Maybe I could hope he’d be right.
His words made me feel strange inside. Deacon Evans, the guy in the cage who had looked at me from behind his bars as if I was just another person who would let him down, had moved me to action when I’d wanted to run.
Without even knowing it, he’d just done it again.
Chapter Two
I wandered around the tent city that had become our home. We still called it Genesis.
The non-Warrior engineers had scoured below us in the original Genesis for months and they had managed—they hoped—to disable all the bombs Icahn had hidden there over the years. Our former leader might have hidden bombs. He could be counted on to be destructive. The habitat might still blow up. We’d never know for sure.
While a few brave souls had gone back down to spend the winter in the warmth beneath us, preferring the possibility of being killed to staying up and freezing with the rest of us above. Most of Genesis’ inhabitants had started to really create a life for themselves above ground.
Little communities had formed around the placement of tents. Those who lived below the river were referred to as the BR zones. They mostly consisted of farmers and teachers. We had to patrol their area a lot during the night. For the most part and there were real exceptions, they weren’t very good at protecting themselves. The vamps had figured that out and tried to break through our lines there. So far, they’d only managed it once.
But that had been one bad night.
On the other side, the AR held the rest of the non-Warriors. They’d taken better to the weapons training. I’m not sure exactly why. The president of Genesis, newly elected, lived there. President Davis Trumpest resembled a turtle so distinctly that we ended up referring to him as The Turtle. He watched me with serious eyes, as if he worried about me, or wanted me for a purpose I didn’t understand.
Then there was us. The Warriors. We lived up the hill, looking down over the rest. It gave us the ability to watch what happened, to protect the people around us. Our genes made us Warriors, physically able to fight vampires and werewolves. The non-Warriors could do it sometimes, with the right training, but we could do it almost by instinct alone. Add training to that and we could really do damage to monsters.
If only we could. The adult leaders preferred to just fight back and never fight forward. Put a bandage on the problem. Endlessly fix a leak. That’s why we had formed our secret society. We’d take out every vampire in the world until we located Icahn.
We’d find him someday too, and then we’d kill him. Of that, I felt certain. The man would die, brutally.
Tonight, however, I’d go back to my tent surrounded by the people who shared my genetic abilities and pretend nothing weird loomed on the horizon.
“Rachel, wait up.”
I turned around to find Keith Endover barreling toward me. There had been a time when I would have done anything for his approval. I stopped in my tracks. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t run away when Keith called my name. Even if I found it difficult to look him in the eyes because I couldn’t tell him what I did during the day.
Keith finally caught up to me. Slightly winded, he laughed. “You were really moving fast. I’ve been calling your name for ten minutes. Did you not hear me?”
What could I say to him? “Sorry, Keith. Just daydreaming, I guess.”
With his strawberry blond hair, chiseled cheekbones, and blue eyes, he always looked younger than his actual age, which this year was forty-two. He and his wife Tiffani had a baby nine months earlier. Levi looked cute, but I had the same problem as with Tia’s baby. I would stare and stutter. Not a pretty sight.
“How are things? We never see you.”
My dread at talking to Keith made me sad. Keith and Tiffani were the closest things I’d ever had to real family—outside of the Lyons, and that had gotten horribly complicated after I’d gotten Chad Lyons killed.
“I’m sorry about that.” I didn’t offer more. If I said little I wouldn’t have to lie.
“Right, well.” He put his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes. “Everything okay?”
“Yes.” I smiled, and I could feel the long, jagged scar on my cheek stretch. I’d gotten that annoyance from a vampire scratch and a subsequent infection that nearly killed me.
“Great. Then I’ll walk with you. Going to see Jason?”
I hadn’t intended to, having just left him. I meant to keep stalking around while I figured out how to get my emotions in order so I could lead an invasion down a vampire hole.
“Yes, I thought I’d see what Jason is up to.” Apparently, I’d be paying Jason a visit. Again.
“So, I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”
“Oh yes? Everything fine with you?” I pulled my coat tighter around my body.
“Yes. Are you cold?”
I shrugged. “A little.”
“Maybe you should go to the manufacturing area and get a new coat.”
“That could be a good idea.”
“Anyway, I spoke with Patrick Lyons.”
The name made my stomach clench up. The father of Chad, Micah, and Tia. The head of the Warriors. He and the Turtle ran Genesis. Patrick’s son was dead, and whether I’d meant for it to happen or not, I was responsible.
“What were you talking about?”
“We need to nominate someone from your year to step up and take over as leader.”
This stopped me in my tracks. If they intended to nominate me, I’d be surprised. Micah or one of the others was a much more acceptable choice. In any case, Keith had finally opened up a topic of conversation I wanted to have—even if it was really stupid to do so the day before I intended to break all the rules.
“Why are we still bothering with all of that?”
Keith rubbed his forehead. “What?”
“The mechanics of Warrior society is all a setup Icahn used to control our lives. Who cares who leads? What does it even matter? We were a game for his vampires to practice their feedings on. The Warriors. The rules. All of it. It’s nonsense. Why are we continuing on with this whole process? Nominating. What we can and cannot do. It’s nonsense.”
I knew I shouted but I couldn’t seem to bring down the tone of my voice. Keith, to his credit, didn’t flinch at my assault.
“Leadership is a tricky thing, Rachel.”
I shook my head. “Answer my questions, Keith. Unless you can’t answer them because there is literally nothing to say. Everyone has bought into this idea that we have to do as we always have done, when the truth is that we don’t have to do any of it. Not one thing.”
“If you had
let me finish, I would have answered you. We’re in charge of these people, whether we want to be or not. They can’t survive out here without us. That makes them our family, whether we want them to be or not.”
His words struck at me. That had to be how he felt about me. His responsibility—was that our relationship? His family because there was no other choice?
“What is that look on your face?”
I extended my hand. “Please continue.” Before I lost it and dissolved in a childish bunch of tears.
“Rules—even ones that Icahn created—give everyone a sense of security. There will be time to figure out what we need to change and what we don’t. Think about it. It’s only been a year since we lived underground. People have moved back down because they still can’t handle the shift.” He laughed, which surprised me. What part of the speech he’d just given had he found amusing? “You’re young. I get it. You’re ready to move on, to change things. Trust me, don’t rock the boat right now.”
“Why? What will happen to me if I do?” I had to be out of my mind to ask him. What if I accidently gave us away?
“I guess it would depend on what you did. What were you thinking about doing?”
“Nothing.” I stared him right in the eyes. “What would I be capable of doing? This is me we’re talking about here.”
He put his arm around my shoulder. “You have great potential. I’d hate to see you screw anything up.”
Keith nodded, as if he’d made an excellent point. Sometimes adults thought they’d taught me a lesson or given me a piece of advice, and then they’d act self-congratulatory at having accomplished their objective.
He continued. “So, what do you think about being nominated for the leadership role for the Ones and Twos?”
“That was Chad’s role.”
I almost never said his name. Other people liked to bring him up when they talked about me. Very few of my conversations included him. I couldn’t make it like Chad had never been born—I wouldn’t want to—I loved him, first like a friend and later like my boyfriend. But the sheer power of saying his name brought me to my proverbial knees and made me never want to discuss him.