She shuddered as she drew in a long breath. “I’m pregnant. She’s pregnant. You’re going to be a father. And I…need to try to track down the guy I slept with.”
He forced her to sit up and turned her so he could see her face. “Eve’s…pregnant?”
“Yeah.”
“And you’re—”
“Pregnant. Yeah.”
“When did you find this out?”
“About an hour ago. I know exactly when I conceived, and if she hasn’t slept with any guys except you, we know exactly when she conceived. We’re a week apart.”
“Oh…fuck.”
“Yeah.” She grabbed his hands and squeezed. “I’m so fucking scared right now. What if the only reason she wanted to get married was because she felt guilty about what happened with you?”
He wrapped his arms around her again. “She loves you. I’m pretty sure she was terrified she was going to lose you.” Shock pulsed through him. “What the hell have I done?” he muttered, slowly rocking her.
Silence enveloped them, punctuated only by Kimbra’s sniffles.
“Does she know you’re here?” he finally asked.
“No.” She filled in the blanks about her morning. “So here I am.”
“Oh, boy.” He kissed her forehead. “I’m really sorry, honey. Do you think you can ever forgive me?”
A bitter laugh escaped her. “I don’t really have a choice. You’re going to be the father of my wife’s baby.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too. That’s why I’m so fucking pissed off right now.”
“So what do we do next?”
* * * *
Kimbra looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, what do we do next? If I’m going to be a father, I expect to be a part of that baby’s life. Every part of the process. You’re still my best friend, even if you hate me right now. I’m not walking away from either of you. And if you can’t find the guy, or he doesn’t want to be involved, then I guess I’ll be a father to both of them.”
Unexpectedly, the tears hit her again, hot and heavy. “Really?”
He cradled her face in his hands. “Uh, yeah. Really. I swear to god, Kimbra, I’ll make this up to both of you.”
“I got us a doctor’s appointment for Monday morning.”
“Then send me the info and I’ll take off work and be there. I’ll go with you to talk to the other guy, too, if you can find him.”
She thought about Ivan’s haunted gaze, his fragility. “No, I need to talk to him alone.”
“How do you know he won’t react badly? I really should be there for backup.”
“Ron, I love you, but I’m a big girl. I can do that.”
A beaming smile broke through. “Does that mean you don’t hate me?”
His smile widened at her aggravated snort. “Dude. You fucked my wife.”
“Technically she wasn’t your wife when I fucked her.”
She poked him in the chest. “You probably gave her Viking cooties, you asshole.”
His smile faded. He took her hands in his and brought them up to his lips, kissing them, holding them pressed to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he softly said. “I never meant to hurt you. You have every right to be pissed off at me, but I want to do the right thing. I want to be a part of his or her life from right here and right now. For both of you.”
“You realize you’re gonna get sent on midnight food craving runs, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And you’re gonna have to go to childbirth classes and stuff.”
He smiled. “Yeah.”
“And Papi is probably gonna wonder what the fucking hell.”
“Oh, boy. Yeah. But, hey, on the good-news side of things, he probably would never fire me because I’m going to be the father of one of his grandkids.”
She snorted, but that devolved into another round of tears. “I didn’t want any kids, and now I’m gonna have two!”
He held her. “Yeah, you are. You know what’s even worse?”
“What?”
He chuckled. “Now you have to tell Walt.”
“Oh, jesusfuck!”
Chapter Twelve
Eve lay curled up on the couch, crying, when Kimbra finally returned nearly hours later. She sat up, ready to beg Kimbra to forgive her, but Kimbra laid a finger over Eve’s lips before pulling her in for a hug.
“Tell me why you really wanted to get married,” Kimbra asked.
“Because I love you. When I woke up next to Ron, it scared me. I was terrified you’d hate me, and I was terrified I’d lose you.”
“So you two didn’t…actively collude to hide this from me until the day we got married?”
“I wasn’t even sure he remembered anything had happened until I brought it up.”
“And he didn’t force you?”
“No, Ma’am. From what I can remember, it was mostly me.”
“Tell me what you do remember.”
Eve managed to cry her way through it. “If you hate me, I understand, but please don’t hate Ron. He’s your friend and he really does love you.”
“I don’t…I don’t hate either of you. I’m just…upset. I need to work through this. I just had it out with him, and his version of events matches yours, except with a larger hole in his memory.” Kimbra sighed. “I made us doctor appointments for Monday morning, and he’s going with us.”
“He is?”
“Yeah. He’s gonna be a daddy, baby girl. He wants to be a part of this.”
“Are you okay with that?”
“I’m not okay with any of this.” Kimbra sat back, tipping her head back and staring at the ceiling. “But there’s not exactly anything I can do about it, either. It’s going to happen, and that’s it. I won’t cut Ron out of our lives, especially now.” She glanced at Eve. “So here’s my story.”
By the time Kimbra finished telling it about twenty minutes later, they’d both cried again. “So I guess I really don’t have much room to hold a grudge against you and Ron. There isn’t a moral high-ground here. We both screwed up, but now we’ve got two babies we’re going to have to bring into this world.”
Eve hugged her. “What if that guy doesn’t want to be a part of this?”
“Ron already said he’d be a father to both of them.”
“What are we going to tell our families?”
“Not a damn thing right now. We need to go to the doctor on Monday, first. And I need to talk to Walt.”
“To Walt?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Because one of the reasons we broke up was he wanted kids and I didn’t. I love that sadist too damn much to let him hear this second-hand from my family or our friends. I owe it to him to tell him to his face. I know if I tell him first, he’ll keep it a secret for me until we tell my family.”
* * * *
Kimbra stood and headed to their bathroom, where she scrubbed all the makeup off her face, most of which she’d cried off already. She didn’t bother reapplying it, either.
She needed to research Dr. Ivan Mercado and see where, exactly, he lived and try to find out where he worked.
Then she needed to go talk to Walt. Preferably alone, without Eve or Walt’s wife, Holly, there. Oh, she was friends with Holly, that wasn’t the problem.
But this was…between them.
If Walt told Holly after the fact, that would be up to him. Holly would no doubt hear about it sooner rather than later, once Kimbra’s family learned the news. Walt and Holly were welcome extended family around the Luzon household, Kimbra’s parents “adopting” Holly and her brother, Louis, once they learned about their family situation.
When Kimbra returned to the living room, she found her phone and showed Eve the picture she was now glad she’d never got around to deleting.
“I had enough brain cells to snap a picture of his license that night,” she said. “I remember thinking how damn young he was, that he barely l
ooked like he was eighteen. If it turned out later he was lying to me and underage, I wanted proof I’d done due diligence.”
“Damn, he looks young.”
“I know. But I remember when we were alone, what little we talked, he’s…I don’t know how to explain it. I remember he didn’t want anything to do with the leather Tops. He wanted a spanking, and that was it. Like he needed it.” She thought about the scars and healing bruises she remembered seeing on his thighs but didn’t mention them, unsure why or how he’d earned them, even though she had a suspicion.
That wasn’t her secret to tell, if she was even correct.
Kimbra grabbed her personal laptop and, settling in with Eve on the sofa, she started Googling. It only took her a minute to locate Ivan’s apartment complex on Google Maps. His address on the county’s voter registration list matched what she had from his driver’s license, and another search of the state licensing board records showed that he was currently working out of Proctor-Collins’ Med Center.
Only blocks away from Walt’s office.
Okay, then. That would make this logistically a little simpler to achieve.
“Ron’s coming over for dinner tonight,” Kimbra told her. “Can you please cook something? He’ll be here around six.”
“Yes, Ma’am. Where are you going?”
“Walt first, then to see if I can find Ivan.”
“Then what?”
“I don’t know.” She pulled Eve in for another hug. “I think the two of us need to do a lot of talking this weekend, don’t we?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
Her heart heavy, Kimbra set out after texting Walt to find out if he was at work today and if he had a couple of minutes to talk.
When the answer to both of those queries was yes, she knew she couldn’t delay or put it off. She’d visited him at work before and after being waved back by the receptionist, Kimbra easily found her way to his small office. He sat at his desk, working on his computer. When he spotted her there, he smiled and saved what he was working on before standing to give her a hug.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“Can I close the door?”
A shadow flickered across his features. “Sure.”
She did, then walked over to sit in the chair to the side of his desk. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m going to just grind through it, okay?”
“Are you all right?”
“No.” She forced a smile. “But I need to be. I also need you to please promise me not to tell anyone except maybe Holly until I have a chance to tell my family.”
“Sure.”
“Eve and I got married almost five weeks ago, for starters.”
“What?”
“Yeah. And we both just found out this morning that we’re pregnant.”
A mask she knew all too well slipped over his face as he slumped back in his chair. “Pregnant?”
She nodded. “Yeah. No, it was not planned. For either of us.”
“Wait…which of you is pregnant?”
“Yes.”
His mask slipped as his eyes widened. “What?”
She slowly nodded. “It happened a week apart. Copious alcohol consumption was a contributing factor in both cases.”
“Hold on—”
“No, we weren’t raped,” she quickly added when she spotted protective fury rapidly building in his gaze.
That evaporated into confusion. “Can you start over, please?”
She did, with Eve’s story first, then back-tracking to her tale. When she finished, he sat slumped again, staring at his lap.
“You’re both keeping them?” he softly asked.
“Yeah.” She leaned forward and touched his arm. “I’m so sorry, Walt.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Because I know how much you wanted kids.”
“Still do.” He wouldn’t meet her gaze.
“I haven’t talked to you in a couple of weeks. How’s that going, anyway?” Kimbra had actually performed Holly and Walt’s wedding ceremony, a small affair in Kimbra’s parents’ backyard, with Kimbra’s family and Walt’s in attendance, as well as Holly’s brother, Louis.
“She wants to keep trying, but I hate seeing her in pain. She stopped nearly all her supplements. It’s been less than a year since we’ve started trying, and even her doctor says it’s too soon to give up, but…”
He shrugged. “I fully get the irony that I’m a sadist and can’t stand seeing her in the bad kind of pain.” Holly endured a lot of chronic pain due to her fibromyalgia, caused by an attack by her step-father years earlier.
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugged. “It is what it is.” She hated his sad sigh. “You haven’t told Momma and Papi yet?”
“No. I want to talk to Ivan first.”
“You sure you should talk to him alone?”
“Honey, he’s about eighty-five pounds soaking wet. I think I got this.”
“Why are you here today?” He finally met her gaze again.
“Because I’m always gonna love you, Fingers, even though we weren’t meant for forever. I didn’t want you hearing this second-hand from someone else. You know before the baby daddy knows.” She smiled. “You’re gonna be an uncle.”
His sad smile gutted her. “We’ll be happy to babysit. I’m sure Holly will want to be a nanny for you guys. If we can pry the babies away from Momma and Eve’s mom.”
“Yeah.” She squeezed his hand. “Are we okay?”
“What? Yeah. Of course.” But she could tell her revelation had stunned him. Rattled him to his core.
“This isn’t what I wanted,” she said. “But…” She finally laughed. “Guy’s only thirty-four. I might be asking your advice, if he signs on to stay around.”
“Why? Oh, because he’s a subby?”
“Yeah.”
“If he doesn’t take care of his responsibility, he’d better not show his face around Venture.”
“I’m honestly not sure I’d blame him if he backs out. He didn’t ask for this, we were both drunk as skunks, and I kinda was the one who pushed him. Not like I’d need his money. The boy’s gay. Just like Ron’s gay.”
It finally hit her as she sat there. All of it. She reached over and plucked a tissue from a box of them that sat on the corner of Walt’s desk.
This is why I didn’t wear makeup.
“Honey, are you all right?”
“No.” She dabbed at her eyes. “I just realized what I did bordered on assault.”
“Did he tell you no, or safeword?”
“No, but you know as well as I do that doesn’t necessarily mean consent. And I feel shitty about that. It’s a little different with Ron and Eve. He’s a Dom, and he’s a big guy. Yeah, they were both drunk, but not like she could have physically overpowered him. Not really. But this kid, Walt. He’s a damn kid. I mean, he’s thirty-four, so he’s only nine years younger than me. But he’s…fragile. If I have to pick a word to describe him, that’s it. I think I might have pushed him. That’s another reason if he decides he doesn’t want anything to do with me that I’m not holding it against him.”
He leaned in for a hug. “Go talk to him, sweetie. Maybe he remembers more than you do. Maybe he was perfectly willing. You don’t know.”
“I’m not sure it’ll be better if I do know.”
* * * *
Walt walked Kimbra out to her car after she pulled herself together.
“Don’t wait too long to tell Momma and Papi, huh? They’re going to be so happy.”
“Yeah, but I need to come up with a cover story. Last thing we want to admit is two drunken one-night stands resulted in oopsie babies. I don’t need my family hatin’ on those two boys. It’s more our faults than it is theirs.”
“Hell of a story.” He smiled. “But seriously, let me know what the cover story is.”
“Probably’ll be IVF. I don’t know. I haven’t even gotten that far yet. I can’t think.”
S
he said her good-byes and headed over to the hospital. The front desk gave her a visitor’s pass and pointed her in the correct direction, but Ivan wasn’t in the hospital today, and when she wound her way through a maze of corridors to the attached office building next door where his office lay, he wasn’t there, either. She might have let the receptionist assume she was a pharmaceutical rep, which helped in trying to get information she suspected she wouldn’t otherwise obtain.
In fact, Ivan was out of town at a conference, and not expected back until Monday. Except he’d be in surgery all day Monday, and probably not back in the office until Tuesday or Wednesday.
Dammit.
Well, nothing was going to happen until Monday, at the earliest. Dejected, she headed for home.
Chapter Thirteen
Ivan loosened his tie as he trudged across the baking-hot parking lot to his car Friday evening. He’d parked on the far side of the lot, as far as he could get from the hotel where the conference was being held, lest someone see what he was actually driving.
He’d already removed his conference name badge and tucked it into his laptop bag before he’d left the last meeting of the day. And he’d checked out of the hotel during the lunch break, stashing his suitcase in the trunk of his car.
He was ready to leave the Orlando hotel, except he wasn’t heading home. He’d decided he’d make this a whole-weekend stay at the Toucan, since he hadn’t been in the office the past couple of days and there was no chance of him being called in tonight.
This had been a stressful several days in many ways, trying to keep his doctor mask on and firmly in place in the face of so many other professionals who seemed to have their shit together—
And then there’s me.
He didn’t understand how everyone else did it, and he felt like an utter failure, no matter how often his high survival rates and low infection rates and surgical skills were praised.
At least no one had died on him over the past few days, so there was that. But the strain of trying to people had taken its toll. He knew if he tried to go home and cope alone in his usual way it would only make matters worse in the long run.
Better to spend not one, but two nights at the Toucan, hopefully spend them getting what he needed, and start Monday fresh and reset, able to face the work week ahead.