I hadn't given up on getting her to confide in me, but I backed off for now. "Then what's on your mind?"
"What's going on with you and Jack?"
Excellent question from the Archer. "Well, we talked after his speech, about the past few days and such." Without a word, he'd led me behind a tent. . . .
"How you leaning, peekon?"
"I wish you hadn't broken your promise to me." He kept risking his life, going above and beyond, and I wasn't having it.
"These Azey soldiers respond to courage, and they needed to see it in someone they might back. Can you understand my thinking?"
I could. At so many points in this journey, I'd marveled at Jack's bravery. Though he was vulnerable, he put himself out there. Death was impervious, yet he only wanted to return to his sanctuary.
However . . . "And in the Shrine, Jack? What was that?"
Color tinged his cheeks. "I've probably done smarter things, me."
"If I picture us together, I see us working as a team, making decisions together. Not this Jack-runs-off-to-save-the-day shit." Otherwise, I should be with Death. Who at least was doing better--not worse. . . .
Now I batted away a wisp of ash, telling Selena, "He and I discussed my grandmother. I still want to find her, but Azey South's marching tomorrow."
Jack had grinned at my concern. "I can give them damn directions, Evie. Me and you'll take some men and head to the Outer Banks. After we find her, we'll meet up with the others in Louisiana." He sounded so confident. "You want to end the game, Evangeline? Then we will. Remember, together we can do anything. . . ."
"Then Jack and I touched on other stuff." Such as him finding something meaningful with the babe beside me.
He pinned my gaze with his own. "Selena's an ally and a friend, but she'll never be more than that. Because it's you for me, peekon." He curled his finger under my chin. "When she's nearby, she doan make everything in me light up like goddamned fireworks. You think I can give her my heart? After I already gave it to you? I can't offer what I doan have."
I cleared my throat, face flushing under Selena's scrutiny. "And, uh, we discussed Death."
"If you choose the Reaper because you feel more for him, then I got to accept that, me. But doan choose him because you got sympathy for someone with a shit fate." He leaned in closer, resting his forehead against mine. "I got one too."
"What does that mean?"
"I told you I couldn't keep doing life after the Flash, not without you. That's changed. I will go on--'cause I got a job to do now--but I will never be right. I've got to feel you with my every step, Evangeline."
I managed a casual shrug for the Archer. "We didn't get to talk long. Rodrigo needed him for that Shrine incursion meeting." Jack had pressed a kiss to the top of my head, then reluctantly left me.
"Uh-huh. And did you talk to Death?"
"Briefly. He was scarce for most of the night." At every opportunity, he read those chronicles, looking more engrossed than I'd ever seen him. Translating them must be critical, because his campaign to win me had taken a backseat.
When I caught up with him, I'd pressed him to tell me about his history with the Emperor.
"I can deny you nothing," Aric said with a defeated exhalation. "In the game before last, he killed you. I hadn't found you yet, hadn't had a chance to determine what you were like. Or if we could be together." He clenched his fists, his eyes gone starry. "The Emperor murdered my wife."
"Who took him out?"
"I did. To avenge you and punish him for separating us. In that game, I harvested your icon from him." Aric's voice went hoarse as he gazed down at his hand. "I stared at it as centuries passed me by."
So what would Aric do now if I chose to be with Jack?
"You've got a decision to make." Selena handed me back the canteen to close. "And frankly, I don't see what the issue is."
With all honesty, I told her, "The issue is that I don't know what's going on in my head right now."
"Well, figure it the hell out."
I waved airily. "There! Done. Voila."
"Seriously, if you can figure out how to get Dominija and J.D. to ride together and be civil, this should be cake."
I sighed, about to tell her it was complicated, brushing her off. But how could I expect her to confide in me when I wouldn't do the same in return? "I love Jack. But I have a connection to Aric." One forged over millennia, like an endless wave along a shore.
Today, he'd gazed at me, but not with his usual confidence. He'd looked shaken--as if he suspected I was drawing away. But I wasn't. My heart remained divided. "I . . . I think I've fallen for him as well." He'd come so far, had made such strides. I believed he could be a good partner for me.
If he didn't turn to coercion again. I dreaded the trick up his sleeve.
"Shit, girl. What'd you go and do that for?"
I glared. "Like I could help it?" My dreams of both of them had given me glimpses into how they'd become the men they were today. But those dreams hadn't helped me come to a decision.
She tugged a silvery blond tress from her cheek. "Granted, Death's different from what I thought, but would you really choose him over J.D.?"
"Aric told me I should give my blessing to you and Jack."
She snorted. "You can bless us all you want, but it's not happening."
I frowned at her. "You told me things had changed between you two."
"Yeah. As in, I made peace with the fact that I'll never be with him. It was a done thing between you two before I ever came into the picture."
"Why are you so sure?"
"After he heard you didn't want to have anything to do with him, J.D. took it bad--like head in his hands, pulling out his hair. So we got wasted together. I told him how I felt about him, and I tried to kiss him."
Jealousy scored me.
"And do you know what he did?"
I held my breath.
"He pushed me away, telling me that the people of his mother's blood fall in love once. They pray they get it right--because it can't be changed. He told me his mother loved his father, unrequited, and nineteen years of misery couldn't shake it."
The root of his mother's pain.
Selena gazed at him. "That's why you and J.D. have to get back together." The Archer's eyes could be so dark and cutting, but for Jack alone, they went soft. "I can't stand for him to hurt like that."
"You and he never . . . ?"
"Never. He doesn't even see me when you're around."
I felt guilty for doubting him in this. Maybe I could give him my trust again?
"Besides, I'm not settling for someone who can't love me totally. I mean, check me out--do I look like a girl who needs to settle?" She squared her shoulders. "A make-do runner-up? I've been number one at everything I've ever done."
Normally I would have groaned to hear her talk like that. Now a bit of my worry lifted. She would recover from the Lovers; I believed that.
"I'm not going to stop being number one just for a guy."
"What if the guy's perfect for you in every other way?"
"Not in the way that counts most." She admitted, "I even fooled around with Finn--in the form of Finn, mind you--to distract me. But the Magician's still hung up on Lark."
"What about Gabriel? You don't remember this, but before we went back in time, we got chased by the soldiers. The first person he evacuated was you. The Archangel has fallen for the Archer."
"Whoa, I was talking about hooking up with another card. But to fall for an Arcana?" She met my gaze. "Only an idiot would do that."
I didn't argue. I'd fallen for Aric, despite loving Jack. Idiot seemed fair.
42
FORT ARCANA
"You bagged the Lovers!" Finn hobbled into the courtyard to meet us, Cyclops at his heels.
When Selena paled, Jack stepped in to say, "They're done, podna." He dismounted, then helped her down. "I'll tell you about it once we've rested up."
Rest. All I wanted was to drop facedown a
nd starfish my cot. But I was itching to check on Matthew.
Plus, my decision. I gazed at Jack, then Death.
After the Flash, life was so precarious that time seemed to pass differently. A day, much less a week, was an eternity. I couldn't string this along. In any case, the army was leaving tomorrow a.m.
Jack would need to know if he was setting out with them--or heading to North Carolina with me.
Aric had waited long enough.
He alighted from his saddle to help me from mine. On the ground, I turned from him, from the question burning in his amber eyes.
Yes, I needed to give them an answer. I just wished I had one.
I faced Finn. "Where is everyone? Where's Matthew?" I hadn't heard any calls. But then, I'd been asleep in the saddle all the way up to the minefield.
"Joules and company vamoosed a couple of mornings ago. They smoked out the remaining traitors and exiled them. According to Joules, they were 'big feckers.' "
"Gabriel was okay with leaving?" He'd been so worried about Selena.
Finn sliced a glance at Death. "With you guys all heading home, and the Priestess hanging around, Matthew warned about convergence, was kinda stern about it."
Circe remained? On the way back here, whenever I'd passed a stream, memories of the High Priestess arose. In one, she and I had laughed so hard we'd cried. We would finally stop, look at each other, only to burst out laughing again. . . .
"Joules & Crew told me they'd check back in over the winter," Finn said. "Maybe spend the holidays with us."
Did holidays still exist? Okay, sure. "Is Matthew in bed?"
Finn's excited demeanor dimmed. "Uh. He kind of . . . split, too. Rode out the other day. I don't know where to."
"What do you mean by split ?" My glyphs began to glow.
"Hold it, blondie, Matto's a grown dude, and there was no stopping him."
I shoved my hair from my face, my gaze darting. "He's got a huge head start." He'd already been on the road when he'd visited me in that vision! Had he been telling me good-bye, for good ? "I have no idea how to find him."
"Don't," Aric said quietly.
"Excuse me?"
"The Fool knows this game and this world better than anyone. He can take care of himself."
"But he can't see his own future! And he was so sick." I glanced at Jack and Selena. Both looked torn.
"Matto was doing tons better than before," Finn assured me.
"Sieva, he'll travel with another person, reading his companion's future to safeguard his own. You know his weaknesses, but you ignore his strengths."
"What does that mean?"
His blond brows drew together. "Again, Empress, let him rest."
Could I? I ached to make sure he was okay. But I didn't want to be part of the problem. "Wh-when will he come back? Will I ever see him again?"
Aric's eyes were grave. "He'll find you when you least expect it. . . ."
In Finn and Selena's tent, I dropped onto a spare cot, still numb over Matthew's disappearance.
Jack and Aric followed me inside. They both stood so tall and built, seeming to soak up all the oxygen in the area.
"Coo-yon will be okay," Jack said. "He sometimes went off by himself."
Even if I accepted that Matthew wasn't in danger, I couldn't accept that he'd gone out on the road alone. Months ago, I'd left Finn's by myself, and I had never known such loneliness. For the first time in my life, I'd had no friends or family to talk to, no one expecting me.
Kind of like Aric Dominija's life for the last two millennia.
My couple of days versus his eons.
Too much to process. "Can we please talk in the morning?" I fell back on my old argument: no one could make me choose before I was ready. "Is there an extra tent where Aric can stay?"
"Ouais." Jack rubbed his hand over his black stubble. "But, Evie, before you make a decision, you need to consider something."
"What?"
He turned to Aric with an almost guilty expression on his face. "You saved my life, Dominija. You've done me right. But I can't lose my girl again."
Aric clenched his fists--as if he knew what Jack was going to say.
Jack faced me. "What if you can't stop the game? It spools on as long as more than one player lives, all the Arcana aging. Which means the Reaper's got to have a patsy."
"What are you talking about?"
"He's goan to kill every Arcana that's a threat. If you're the last two left, one of you will die first, leaving the 'winner' to walk the earth as an immortal. What if you get to be eighty by the time he dies? It doan matter if you're Arcana--at that age, you'll hurt, you might be sick--and you'll stay like that for centuries. How're you goan to fight in the next game?"
I swallowed. I'd been horrified by the idea of living so long--more so if I was forever cursed to be sick, to be in pain.
I gazed at Aric; he stared back at me as if his world was crumbling around him--and he could do nothing but let it.
"He's smart enough to have figured out all of the angles," Jack continued. "He woan condemn either of you to that, so he'll keep one other Arcana alive to take that fall, to be the winner."
I'd never thought of this. Jack with his tricky mind. "Aric, how had you planned to get around this?"
"We intend to end the game. But if we can't, the odds are exceedingly slim that we'll live to be eighty in this world."
"Answer the question."
His shoulders rose and fell. "Lark volunteered. She doesn't need youth or strength as long as she has her creatures. She wants to repopulate their numbers."
My jaw slackened. "You should've told me. Once again, you mapped out my existence without mentioning your plans to me."
Brows drawn, he admitted, "Yes."
My head started to pound again. I rubbed my temples, wondering how I'd gotten myself into this situation. No answers came to me; my mind limped along. "W-we'll talk in the morning. Just, both of you, give me time to think."
Jack opened his mouth to say more, then closed it. At the tent flap, he murmured, "Peekon, it'll always be Evie and Jack." Then he was gone.
Aric crossed the tent, kneeling before me. In a low tone, he said, "I had something I was going to offer you that would guarantee you chose me. But you would accuse me of strategizing, of coercion."
This explained the recent doubt in his expression. "The trick up your sleeve. Your 'gift.' I've dreaded this."
"You see me in such a harsh light." He exhaled wearily. "And it's all my own doing. Fear not, I won't play it."
"Tell me what you were going to give me."
He shook his head. "I'm doomed either way. If I win you like that, it would be as good as losing." He removed a gauntlet. Eyes aglow, he laid his hand against my face, savoring the touch as if it would be his last. "Empress, I have learned about you in these days. I've realized that I can't compel you to go with me--or it's meaningless. And that I should tell you everything that affects your future. I've learned, sieva, but have I learned too late?"
I didn't reply, refusing to commit to anything.
"If you choose me, I want it to be because you love me in turn," he rasped, "so I offer you nothing this night. Just my hope."
Even in the face of my anger and confusion, Aric pulled at my heart. "It means a lot for you to say this."
"But does it mean enough?"
This man was a part of me, had been for epochs. I felt our soul-deep bond, could almost hear that endless wave along the shore. Still I had to whisper, "I don't know."
43
I'd been dozing on my borrowed cot when the Magician returned with Cyclops.
Finn maneuvered himself on his own cot, propping his leg up. "Can't sleep, blondie?" The wolf lolled on the floor beside him. Thump, thump, thump went his massive tail.
I shook my head. "Where's Selena?"
"Talking to Jack. Pep talking him, if I had to guess. You got a choice to make, huh? Whole fort's speculating about it. Seems like you'll be getting scarce t
omorrow either way."
"Yep." I sat up, rubbing my eyes.
"So which bachelor will it be?"
"I know who you would pick for me."
He nodded. "The Cajun's a class act. Death allied with Ogen, who flattened a mountain--while I was inside it. Ergo . . ."
"Death also helped us rescue Selena, and he saved Jack's life."
Finn scratched behind one of the wolf's scarred ears. "I get it. Things change. People change. We just have to keep up with the program."
"Like with Lark?"
"You think I should give it a shot with her?"
"I do. I know that she's got a good heart, and she cared for you."
Cyclops's tail thumped harder. So Lark was listening in?
"Yeah, I figure my chickie's worth some couple's therapy. Hey, I hope it's cool, but the wolf is staying here with me. As soon as I can ride, Cyclops will guide me to Lark."
"It's cool. I feel better knowing you have a plan."
If I chose Jack, I'd never see Finn or Lark again.
Aric.
Matthew? "Finn, what was Matthew like before he left? Did he bring supplies with him? Food?" He was always hungry.
"A metric shit ton of food."
"Did he tell you good-bye before leaving?"
"Kinda. You know Matto. He said a bunch of weird stuff."
"Like what?" Weird stuff from him could be critical.
Finn peered at the tent roof. "He told me, 'I see far' and 'the gods mark us all.' And something like 'All is not what it seems.' I thought he was kind of joking around, but he didn't laugh."
"Anything else?"
Finn snapped his fingers. "Oh, oh, and right before he rode out, he caught my eye and said, 'I've made peace with it.' "
With what ?
Long after Finn had passed out, I remained awake, listening to the rhythm of his breathing, his sleepy murmurs.
Sometimes he talked about surfing: "Sickest curl ever." Most times, he talked about his parents. "They coulda made it. Cali would be safe. Cali's always the best."
Strangely, Selena never returned to the tent. Where would she be this late?
I was still concerned about her, and I'd gotten used to having her around. As these hours crawled by, I wouldn't have minded some company. I was half tempted to go call on Circe.
Instead, I mused over my choices, readying to make the most important decision of my life.
I called to mind Aric's face. He was connected to me, a soul mate. Leaving him to wallow in misery went against everything in me. He did have a shit fate. But it didn't have to be.