Which was fine—after all, it was where she planned to go after she told him. She was exhausted and knew, if she had any hope of keeping the baby, she was going to have to catch up on her rest. It was all part of taking better care of herself. She’d even called Paul on the way over here to discuss taking a leave of absence from the CDC. He’d agreed, but had also told her she was welcome to work from the States for as long as it took.
She had told him she would think about it, and she would. But she took two weeks of vacation time, anyway, just to give herself some breathing room. She’d spent years of her life caring for others’ medical emergencies. It was past time that she took care of her own. And, if at the end of those two weeks she was still pregnant, then she would reevaluate. Talk to her doctor and see where she stood.
In all honesty, she probably should have gone straight home after her doctor’s appointment. But seeing Lucas had been imperative. He had a right to know about the baby and while she supposed she could have told him about it over the phone or via email, face-to-face seemed the right way to go about it. After all, it wasn’t every day a woman told her best friend that he was the father of her child.
Just the idea was turning her into a basket case. Their relationship had worked all these years because they were on even footing. Once she told him she was pregnant, that would change. Lucas would feel he had to take care of her, that she was his responsibility. And he never shirked responsibilities. But once he took her on as one more problem that needed fixing, she knew that whatever small hope she held out for them getting together would vanish. She would move from best friend and lover to woman he needed to take care of. She’d been around long enough to know it wasn’t a good move.
She hated that. Hated so much that she was about to become a burden to Lucas when she had always sworn that she would never be. He already had so much on his plate, already carried the weight of the world on his broad, sturdy shoulders. How could she knowingly add to that?
Then again, how could she not? Whatever happened in the future, at that moment she was pregnant with his child. If she knew nothing else, she knew that he deserved to know about it. Even more, she knew if she didn’t tell him as soon as possible, he would never forgive her.
“When were you sick?”
“It was touch and go for the last part of June and first part of July, but I’ve been on the mend for a couple weeks now.”
“This is on the mend?” He reached for her hand, not even bothering to be surreptitious about it as his fingers sought out her wrist—or more accurately, her pulse.
“If you think this is bad, you should have seen me before,” she joked.
He didn’t laugh, just looked at her with those serious blue eyes of his. “I want to check you over.”
“What? No! Believe me, I’ve been checked and double-checked. I’m fine.”
“Organ damage?”
“No.”
“They did ultrasounds of your kidneys and liver?”
“Yes, and they’re fine.”
“Brain damage?”
“Do I sound brain damaged?” His lips twisted and she reached out and smacked his arm. “Don’t you dare say it.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He reached for his stethoscope. “Your heart’s okay? The bleeding didn’t damage your arterial walls?”
“They’re fine. Everything’s fine.”
He squatted down next to her, took both her hands in his. “You don’t look fine, Kara. Your skin is sallow, your hair is limp, your pulse is too fast and you can barely keep your balance. That’s not fine.”
“You sure know how to make a girl feel beautiful.”
“You’re always beautiful.”
“Even with my sallow skin and limp hair?”
He slipped his hands up her arms to her neck, cupped her face in his hands while his thumbs probed her lymph nodes. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Exasperated, she shoved at his hands. “This isn’t how I wanted to do this part.”
He grew still, his eyes watchful. “Do what? What’s wrong, Kara?”
She’d wanted to ease him into things, had wanted to break the news gently. But while he was sitting there, staring at her with that immovable expression on his face, she knew that wasn’t going to happen.
She’d thought she was ready for this, thought she had it all worked out. But her doctor’s visit had thrown everything for a loop. It was hard to imagine telling him the truth when all she really wanted to do was to curl up in a ball and weep.
Finally, she just spit it out. “I’m three months pregnant, Lucas.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
FOR LONG SECONDS, LUCAS’S brain couldn’t process those four little words. Instead, he just stared at Kara incomprehensibly, waiting for his brain to decipher the statement.
When it finally did, he had to grab on to his desk to keep from falling over. It was like he’d swallowed a gigantic adrenaline cocktail, with every cell in his body wigging out at the same time.
“You’re…”
“Pregnant, yes. Three months.”
“You said that already.”
“Sorry. You look kind of shocked. I wasn’t sure you were tracking everything.”
“I feel kind of shocked, but I’m tracking just fine.” That didn’t mean he didn’t feel like his head was going to explode at any second.
Kara was pregnant.
Kara was pregnant with his baby.
Kara was pregnant.
In six months, he was going to be a father.
Kara was pregnant.
He had no idea what to think, how to feel, what to say. He’d always been so careful, always made certain that he would never find himself in this position. Yet here he was, with Kara.
“Are you okay?” he asked again.
“I’m fine.”
“When did you find out?”
“Three days ago.”
“The day you called me.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know then. I started putting the pieces together afterward.”
“You’re a doctor,” he told her incredulously. “How did you not know?”
“I switched birth control pills about five months ago. I put the changes in my cycle down to that and I didn’t really have any other symptoms until I was recovering from the DHF, so it really didn’t occur to me until—”
“Until what?”
“Until I realized my breasts were much bigger than usual, even with the weight I’d lost.” She tried to say it matter-of-factly—they were both doctors, after all—but he could feel her embarrassment, especially when his eyes focused on the body part in question. She was right. Her breasts did look much bigger.
“Okay,” he said. “So, you’re pregnant.”
“Yes.”
“You’re pregnant.”
“Yes. Why do you keep saying that?”
“It makes it more real.” He took a deep breath. “What are you planning to do?”
Her eyes darted away from him. “Well, that’s the tricky part.”
He braced himself. Did she want to have an abortion? And if she did, how did he feel about that? He’d always been a proponent of a woman’s right to choose, but this was his baby. Everything seemed different now, including his relationship with Kara.
He’d felt the trajectory of his life spin off course when she’d said she was pregnant. Now he feared that it would spin even farther off kilter if she said she didn’t want
to keep the baby. Not that he knew what he wanted yet—he’d only known about the baby’s
existence for two minutes—but he didn’t think he wanted that.
Kara, on the other hand, had a career that a baby just would not fit into. She’d have to give up everything to have this baby. Case in point, she was here, in his office, when she should still be in Eritrea working on the case that would make her famous.
“Lucas? Are you listening to me?”
Her voice finally penetrated the fog that had enveloped his brain and he snapped his attention back to her. “What’s kind of tricky?”
“As you know, I got pregnant that night, before Eritrea. Which meant I was pregnant when I caught dengue hemorrhagic fever. And I’m pregnant now, but—” Her voice broke. “But the doctor doesn’t know for how much longer. There are complications that come with getting a hemorrhagic virus while you’re pregnant and she doesn’t think the baby will survive.”
Just that easily, his reality adjusted itself again. This time, he did sit, because his knees felt a little weak and he wasn’t sure he could take any more shocks. “You’ve seen an obstetrician?”
“Yes. This morning. She wants to do some tests, but based on my records from Julian she’s not holding out much hope.” Her voice broke, but when he looked at her there were no tears on her face. Just an expression of such utter devastation that he knew he’d judged her incorrectly. Career or not, Kara wanted this baby.
Their baby.
Now, if only he could figure out what he was feeling.
“What’s your doctor’s name? I’d like to talk to her.”
She reached into her purse, pulled out a card and handed it to him.
“Don’t you need this?”
“I picked up a couple extras. I figured you’d want to find out everything you could about her.”
“The thought had crossed my mind.”
“I know.”
They sat there in silence for a little while. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what he was feeling, didn’t know how to communicate his confusion to Kara. Part of him wanted to get up, go for a walk. He needed to be alone for a while to assimilate all this and he couldn’t do it in this office, surrounded by people.
But there was Kara, sitting there with her pain naked on her face and he knew he wasn’t going anywhere. He needed to take care of her, needed to hold it together for her.
“What kind of tests does Dr. Beaumont want to run?”
“More blood work. An amniocentesis. Ultrasounds.”
He nodded. “I’ll take you wherever you need to go.”
She sighed. “I didn’t tell you because I needed you to take care of me, Lucas. I told you because you have the right to know.”
“What about my right to be there when they perform tests on my best friend, tests that will determine what’s wrong with my child. Don’t I have the right to be there for that?”
“Of course you do. I just don’t want you to feel responsible—”
“I am responsible. That’s my baby you’re carrying, right?”
She nodded.
“So I am responsible for you being pregnant. What’s wrong with me living up to my obligations?”
She opened her mouth to answer him, but just then the intercom on his desk buzzed. “Your mama’s on the phone, Lucas.” Tawanda’s voice came through loud and clear.
“Tell her I’m busy.”
“Got it.” But she was back a few seconds later, a subdued note in her voice. “She says it’s an emergency.”
“Damn it, I don’t have time for her bull—” He bit the word off. Tawanda didn’t need to hear about his issues with his mother. “Tell her I’ll call her back.”
“You need to take it, Lucas. It’s about your sister.”
There was something in the receptionist’s voice that alerted him, that had his heart beating faster. He leaned across the desk and picked up the phone. “What’s going on, Mom?”
“Lucas!” His mother’s voice was low and trembling, like she’d been crying—something she rarely did because it ruined her makeup and made her eyes puffy. “It’s Lisa. There’s been an accident.”
His entire body tensed. “What kind of accident?”
“She crashed her car. She’s at the hospital. She’s in bad shape, Lucas. They’re not sure she’s going to live.” Her voice broke on the last word and she started to sob.
“Which hospital is she at?”
“Piedmont.”
He opened his desk drawer, pulled out his keys and wallet. “I’m leaving now. I should be there in forty minutes.”
“Hurry, Lucas. We need you.”
“Have you called Jenn yet?”
“No. I’ll do that after I hang up with you.”
“Call her now, Mom. She can get there quicker than I can.”
“But I need you.” Her voice quivered.
“I’m coming. But I have to hang up the phone before I can leave.”
“Okay. Bye, Lucas.”
He hung up the phone, turned to Kara. “Lisa—”
“Was in an accident. I heard. How bad?”
“As bad as it gets, it sounds like.”
“Okay. Where are we going?”
He strode toward his office door, held it open for Kara before heading out himself. “You’re going home to rest. I’m going to Piedmont. I’ll call you when I know something.”
“You don’t actually think I’m going to let you go by yourself, do you? You’re shaking.”
He shrugged her off. “I’m fine.”
“No. You’re not.” She grabbed his arm. “Let’s go.”
On their way through the waiting area, Kara said, “Tawanda, call—”
“Jack. Already done. He’s on his way in. You just go be with your sister, Lucas. We’ll take care of everything here.”
He nodded, half-dazed. Lisa? Dying? His carefree, live-for-the-moment, life-of-the-party little sister? Dying? He couldn’t wrap his mind around it.
* * *
KARA KNEW LUCAS DIDN’T want her to go to the hospital with him, but as they walked out to the car, she knew he was lost in his own little world. She didn’t like it, or the way his eyes seemed a little glazed, a little off. Oh, he said all the right things but it was pretty obvious he wasn’t firing on all cylinders. Still, she knew better than to push it with him. She made it a point not to depend on anyone but herself. Lucas had practically made it a religion.
But as he deposited her at her car and prepared to climb into his own, she couldn’t let him go. Not like this, when he was so obviously lost. He’d had a hell of a morning—finding out he was going to be a dad, then finding out he might not be, now finding out his baby sister was badly injured. It was a lot for anyone to take in, let alone a control freak like Lucas. In her opinion, it was amazing he was still on his feet.
“Come on,” she told him. “Get in.”
“What?”
“I’ll give you a ride over to Piedmont.”
He looked confused for a second, then narrowed his eyes at her as he said, “I’m fine, Kara.”
“I never said differently. But we both know I’m a faster driver, so come on. Get in.”
“I’d prefer to arrive at the hospital alive, thank you very much.” He turned, headed for his car then stopped a few feet away. “But if you wanted to ride with me, I wouldn’t object too much.”
Wow. He was more shaken up than she’d thought. Grabbing her purse back up o
ff the passenger seat, she locked her car and headed over to him. Then, looping her arm through his, she let him guide her toward his car.
She felt much better going with him, not letting him face whatever was waiting for him at that hospital by himself. Because of her job, she hadn’t always been around when he needed her. It felt nice to be around now. Almost like a new beginning, one where they actually worked hard to be there for each other.
Whether that was true or not, as she slid into the passenger seat of Lucas’s Volvo S60, she admitted that for now, she really, really liked the feeling. Which, considering the circumstances of the next few months, was probably a very good thing.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE DRIVE TO THE HOSPITAL was something of a blur for Lucas. He concentrated on the road and the traffic—damn Atlanta and its massive urban sprawl—in an effort to keep from going crazy.
When he’d gotten up this morning, things had been pretty okay. Not great, as he was worried about his relationship with Kara, but okay. Now everything had gone to hell in a handbasket and he didn’t have a clue what he was supposed to do to fix any of it. Kara, the baby, Lisa. He didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t a feeling he was used to or one that he liked.
He knew he should have insisted that Kara go home. She needed to rest, to build up her strength, and sitting with him at the hospital wasn’t going to let her do any of that. At the same time, there was a part of him that was grateful she was here. Grateful that he didn’t have to do this alone. But it scared the hell out of him. He wasn’t used to needing anyone.
That was another monologue for another time. Right now he had to concentrate on getting to his sister, on making sure that she and his mother and Jenn were all okay. Then he’d worry about this strange breach in his own defenses.
Forty-two minutes after he left his clinic he pulled into the emergency room parking lot of the Piedmont Hospital. Of course, there was no parking, even at one in the afternoon, and it was all he could do to keep from growling in frustration.