CHAPTER XLV
The Life Game
Trump cards you must have to win in the life game; and you must know howto play them, or a much poorer hand may beat you. You must know theexact time to play your highest trump, and there is no general rule thatis safe, but Belle had a woman's instinctive knowledge of the game.
In two weeks Jim was to leave Cedar Mountain. Belle had reasoned withhim, coaxed him, cajoled him into seeing that that was the right trailfor him. He must complete his college course, then they could marry withthe sanction of the Church and be assured of a modest living. But therules were strict; no ungraduated student might marry. The inadequacy ofthe stipend, the necessity for singleness of aim and thought, theimperative need of college atmosphere--these were absolute. Viewed fromany standpoint, celibacy was the one wise condition for the untrainedstudent.
It had taken all of Belle's power to make Jim face the horror of thoseclassrooms in the far East; and from time to time his deep repulsionbroke into expression. Then she would let him rage for a while, chew thebit, froth and rail till his mood was somewhat spent. And when theinevitable reaction set in she would put her arm about him and wouldshow him that the hard way was surely the best way, and then paint abright picture of their future together when his rare gifts as an oratorshould bring him fame, and secure a position in the highest ranks of theChurch. Thus she had persuaded him, holding out the promise that everyvacation should be spent with her; curbing her own affections, even asshe had curbed his, she walked the path of wisdom--determined,resigned--in the knowledge that this was the way to win. And Jim hadcome to face it calmly now, even as she had done. The minute details ofthe plan were being filled in. Then came those little words fromLou-Jane.
Had Jim been a worldly-wise person with many girl friends and a mouthfull of flattery for them all, Belle would have paid no attention to theproposed visit of Lou-Jane to Rochester. Knowing Jim as she did, andhaving a very shrewd idea of Lou-Jane's intentions, Belle realized thatthis was a crisis, the climax of her life and hopes, that everythingthat made her life worth while was staked on the very next move.
She said little as they walked home from the parsonage, but her hand,locked in his arm, clung just a little more than usual, and he was movedby the tenderness of her "Good-night."
Little she slept that night; but tossed and softly moaned, "That woman,that coarse, common woman! How _can_ he see anything in her? She isnothing but an animal. And yet, what may happen if he is East and she isplaying around, with me far away? It cannot be. I know what men are. Nowhe is mine; but, if I let him go far away and she follows----
"It cannot be! It must not be--at any price, I must stop it. I must holdhim."
And she tossed and moaned, "At any price! At any price! I'd doanything----"
The simple, obvious plan was to put him under promise never to see orhear from Lou-Jane; but her pride and her instincts rebelled at thethought. "What? Admit that there was danger from that creature? No,no--why, that would have just the wrong effect on him; she would becomedoubly interesting; no, that would not do. She would ignorethat--that--that snake. And then what?
"At any price, this must be stopped"; and out of the whirling maelstromof her thoughts came this: "If I cannot keep her from going, I'll go,too!" How? In what capacity? Belle knew enough of his mind to be surethat however the plan was carried out, it would shock his ideas ofpropriety and be a losing game.
Lou-Jane was playing better than she was, and it maddened her ever moreas she realized that the present plans could end only in one way--theway that she, at any price, must stop. And in the hours of tumult, ofreasoning every course out to its bitter end, this at length came clear:There was but one way--that was _marry him now_. It was that or wreckthe happiness upon which both their lives had been built. And yet thatmeant ruin to his whole career. She, herself, had told him so a hundredtimes. "He must go back to college. He must not marry till his threeyears were completed." These were her very words.
It seemed that ruin of his hopes was in one scale; ruin of hers in theother. And she tried to pray for light and guidance; but there do seemto be times when the Lord is not interested in our problems; at least,no light or guidance of the kind she sought for came.
And she wrought herself up into a state of desperation. "At any price,this must stop," she kept saying over and over. Every expedient wasturned in her mind and its outcome followed as far as she could; andever it came back to this--her hopes or his were to be sacrificed.
"_I will not let him go_," she said aloud, with all the force of astrong will become reckless. "It would certainly be my grave; but itneed not be his. There are other colleges and other ways. I'm not afraidof that. At any price, I must keep him. I'll marry him now. We'll bemarried at once. That will settle it."
* * * * *
The storm was over. The one plan was clear. That she would take--takeand win; but, oh, how selfish she felt in taking it! She was sacrificinghis career.
Yet ever she crushed the rising self-accusation with the "There areother colleges and other ways. I'll open the way for that." That was thesop to her inner judge, but the motive power was this: "At any price Imust hold him." And convinced that the time had come to play her highesttrump she fell asleep.
* * * * *
The following morning found Belle fully prepared for energetic action.She cleared the table and washed the dishes, putting them in theiraccustomed places, and stopped suddenly with the last of the china inher hand, wondering how long it would be before she held it again.Upstairs, she quickly packed her hand-bag for "a one-night camp" and,keeping ears and eyes alert, noted when at length her father had gone tohis office and her mother had settled to her knitting. Then she went toher room and set about a careful toilet. The rebellious forelock wascurled on a hot slate pencil and tucked back among its kind. Over eachear, she selected another lock for like elaboration. She put on her mostbecoming dress and studied the effect of her two brooches to make surewhich one would help the most. She dashed a drop of "Violetta" on herhandkerchief and pinched her cheeks to heighten their colour and removethe traces of the previous night's vigil. The beauty-parlour methodswere not yet known in Cedar Mountain.
Jim always dropped in for a chat in the morning and it was not longbefore his cheery whistle sounded as down the street he came to the tuneof "Merry Bandon Town." In his right hand he twirled a stout stick in away that suggested a very practical knowledge of the shillelah. Theflush of health and of youth suffused his cheeks and mounted to hisforehead. All signs of worry over his impending fate were gone; indeed,no worry could live long in his buoyant mind; its tense electricchargement was sure death to all such microbes. Arrived at the Boyds',he did not stop to open the five-foot gate. Laying his fingers on thepost, he vaulted over the pickets.
Belle met him on the porch. From somewhere back, Ma Boyd called out athin-voiced "good morning," as they went into the front room.
"My little girl looks pale to-day," he said, as he held her at arm'slength.
"Yes, I didn't sleep well. I wish I could get out for a few hours. Can'tyou take me?"
"Sure, that's what I came for," he answered gaily.
"I don't feel much like riding, Jim. Can you get a good buckboard?"
"Why, yes, of course I can. Carson says I can have his double-harnessbuckboard any time, ponies and all."
"Good! Just the thing. I want to go out to Bylow's Corner to make acall, and maybe farther, if we can manage. I'll be ready by the time youare here with the rig."
She went to her desk and wrote a note to her father. Somehow, motherdidn't seem to count.
DEAR DAD: If I am not home to-night, I shall be with Aunt Collins. Lovingly, BELLE.
Then she put it in his tobacco jar, where he would be certain to see iton coming home for dinner, and where Ma Boyd would never dream oflooking.
When Jim returned she carried a hand-bag: "Some things I need," and shelaughed happily as he
lifted her into the rig and inquired if she wasn'ttaking a trunk. Then away they went, as they had so many times before.
Youth and health, love and beauty; October and the Dakota Hills--what awonderful conjunction! The world can do no better to multiply the joy ofbeing alive. If either had a care, it was quickly buried out of sight.Jim was in rollicking mood. Not a prairie dog sat up and shook its tailin time to its voice, but Jim's humour suggested resemblances to someone that they knew; this one looked like Baxter, the fat parson of theCongregationalists; "that little one's name is likely Higginbotham; seehow Hannah makes him skip around. And there goes Lawyer Scrimmons," hechuckled, as a blotched, bloated rattlesnake oozed along and out ofsight at the hint of danger. Two owls that gazed and blinked in silencewere named for a pair of fat twin sisters of their church; perfectlywell-meaning, but without a word of conversation or any expression buttheir soulful eyes. And a solitary owl that gazed from the top of a poststraight up in the sky was compared to an old-time Methodist woman withher eyes uplifted in prayer while the collection plate was shoved underher nose.
Bylow's Corner was reached all too soon. As Jim was about to draw upBelle said: "Let's go on farther; we can take them in on the road back.Let's go as far as Lookout Mountain." And Jim was happy to go.
They were six miles from Cedar Mountain now, with no more houses by theroad for miles. Belle had fallen silent. It was all as she had planned,but somehow the firm resolve of the night before seemed open to questionnow. She gazed absently away over the level, toward a distant hillside,and the smile faded from her lips. To his next light speech she barelymade response. He threatened to charge a "thank you ma'am" at high speedif she didn't laugh. Then, getting no response, he burst out:
"What the divil is the matter with my little girl to-day? Have yeanything on your mind, Belle?"
This was the fork in their trail: either she must tell him or give himup. For a fraction of an instant she lived through the agony of doubt.Then, with a certainty she had not thought possible, she said: "Yes,Jim, I surely have."
"Well, shake it off, Belle. Let some other mind have it. Use mine, ifyou'll allow that I have one."
"I haven't slept all night for thinking of it, Jim," she began.
"Thinking of what?"
"Your going away."
His face clouded; he became suddenly silent and she continued:
"Jim, dear, I've tried to keep my feelings out of it altogether; I'veargued it out, using nothing but my judgment, and it seemed the wisething for you to go back East to college. All my judgment says: 'sendhim back'; but, oh, all my instincts say 'keep him here.'" She coveredboth his hands with hers and put her cheek on them for a moment.
"I'm always trying to be wise, Jim, but I suppose I'm really very stupidand very weak like most humans; and there come times when I feel likekicking everything over and saying 'what's the use?' This time I'm goingto let my feelings hold the reins."
"Why, Belle darling! That sounds more like me than you."
"Jim, as I lay awake last night, a voice seemed to be sounding in myheart: 'Don't let him go. If he goes, you'll lose him, you'll lose eachother.' Jim, do you suppose God brought you and me together in this way,to be so much to each other, to be exactly fitted to round out eachother's life, to let us separate now?"
"Belle, I believe He sent me out here to meet you, and any one comingbetween us is going against God."
"I know, Jim. And yet I have the feeling, which I can't shake off, thatas sure as you go back to college, I shall lose you."
"Then, by Heaven! I won't go; and that settles it, Belle. I'll chuck thewhole thing." And his forehead flushed with passion.
She dropped her face on her knees and shook in a paroxysm of weeping.All the emotional side of her nature--so carefully repressed throughoutthese weeks and months of struggle--swept away their barriers. Now thatshe had spoken the fear that was in her heart, the reality of the dangerthat threatened their happiness crushed her down. Jim threw his armaround her. "Belle, Belle, I can't see you cry that way. Belle, don't!We are not going to part."
It was long before she found her voice. In broken sounds she sobbed: "Ican't give you up now," and she leaned toward him though still she hidher face.
"Belle, why do you talk of such a thing? You won't give me up, because Iwon't let you. I won't go, Belle, that's settled."
Her only answer was to cling to him passionately. After a long silence,during which the ponies dropped to a walk, she said half questioningly:
"Jim, we can't--give up all and--and--separate now."
"Belle darling," and Jim suddenly became calm and clear in thought, anda strange new sense of power came on him as he gripped himself, "thereare times when a man must just take the bit in his teeth and breakthrough everything, and I'm going to do that now. There's just one wayout of this; we're half-way to Deadwood. Let's go right on and getmarried. The college and everything else can go to the divil so long asI can be with you.
"Will you agree to that?" he asked, lifting her head from his shoulderand looking into her eyes.
"Jim," she said, pushing him gently away from her and leaning back sothat they occupied the sides of the wide seat, "let's be fair with eachother. For a long time you've had your fling at the hardship of goingback to Coulter while I have urged you to go. This is my fling atit"--she smiled at him through her tears--"my rebellion, so perhapswe're quits. But the problem still remains. I thought about it all lastnight and I decided I could not let you go--that it meant the end of ourhopes. When you first asked me, up the road, I doubted my right to tellyou the fears I had. But, oh, Jim, it is _our_ happiness, _ours_, notyours or mine alone. If we have that we can _make_ the rest come right.If we lose that----"
"But we're not going to lose it," he cried, "if you'll only answer myquestion, Will you marry me to-day if we go on to Deadwood?" He put outhis arms to her and she yielded with a happy sob to his ardour. Holdingher and pressing his lips to hers, he said simply: "I am very happy."
After a little while she took his head between her palms and lookinginto his face with eyes that sought his spirit, as though she wouldpledge her faith to his, she said: "You will never be sorry for this,darling."
* * * * *
At Lookout Mountain was the half-way house. They fed their horses,rested an hour, and then sped on. At four o'clock they reached Deadwood.Jim put up the horses at the little inn, whose parlour he remembered;together they went to the jeweller's shop, purchased a ring, and then tothe mayor's office.
The great man was busy with affairs of State, but the world has a kindlyheart for lovers and the experienced official can recognize them afar.He glanced over a crowd of many men advancing various claims, and said,with a knowing smile, "Hello!"
"License," was all Jim said, and a subdued "Ha, Ha!" was the amusedresponse.
The mayor pulled out a drawer, produced a form, and rattled off theusual questions: Name? Age? Married before? etc., filling it in; thendid the same for Belle. "Now stand up. You swear to the truth of eachand all of the statements?" Each of them raised a hand and swore.
"Want to finish it up now?" said the mayor.
"Yes."
"Put on the ring and hold her hand." Jim did so. The mayor stood up,holding their clasped hands in his left. He raised his right and said:"James and Belle, in accordance with the laws of the United States andof the State of Dakota, I pronounce you man and wife." He signed thepaper, gave each in turn the pen to sign, and said, "Now I want anotherwitness."
"Sure, I'd like to be in on that there dokiment," said a rough voice.
"Can you write?"
"Bet your life I can."
A big heavy man came forward; the mayor handed him the pen; and, afterthe word "Witness" he wrote, "Pat Bylow, of Cedar Mountain"; and thenwith a friendly grin he offered his hand to the Preacher, and theygripped hands for the first time.
"Two dollars, please," said the mayor.
Jim paid it, and he and Belle stepped forth as man
and wife.