I nodded, suddenly feeling sad for Zerus. I had always thought he enjoyed his own company above all else, and didn’t mind that he was one of the few in The Shade of marrying age who was alone. Obviously, it mattered more than I thought.
“I’ll remember that,” I vowed. “But don’t forget I have Aida and Serena too, and my other friends and family.”
“Of course you do,” he replied. “But you know I am referring to romantic love, little fae.” He got up on his feet, leaning against a tree as he stood. “I am off for a night-time ramble. Leave this soon, you can always return tomorrow.”
I nodded and wished him a good night. I had no intentions whatsoever of leaving the candle before I was done, but he didn’t have to know that.
Once again I closed my eyes, my fingertips hovering over the jar.
“Vita!”
My name echoed across the silence of the Sanctuary, and I looked up with a start. It was Aida, waving at me. Next to her stood her brother, Jovi.
The flame in the jar leapt up, almost scorching my fingers.
“Want to walk with us?” Aida called out.
I glanced down at the flame. It had reduced back to normal, but the brown marks at the top of the jar reassured me that it hadn’t just been my imagination.
“Come on!” she cried again.
I jumped up to my feet, Zerus’s warning about not closing myself off from others ringing in my ears as I ran toward my friend and her wolfy brother.
Serena
[Hazel and Tejus’s daughter]
The day after my parents’ acceptance of my college dreams, Aida, Vita and I were at Corrine’s house having the last adjustments made to our dresses. Tonight, we, along with the rest of The Shade’s residents, would be going to the In-Between to celebrate the birth of Queen Nuriya’s and Sherus’ baby boy. I’d been looking forward to this for weeks. I’d been to the In-Between, to the fire star, once before, but it was a long time ago, and the home of the fae held a fascination for all three of us.
“How big do you think it actually is?” I asked Corrine as she tucked in the hem of my dress. We had been talking about the In-Between all morning, and still none of us had tired of the subject.
“I’m not exactly sure. But vast—we have very little idea of all the planets and stars that it contains, or what creatures might live there. We have only ever encountered a few, and I imagine have only scratched the surface of the species that call it home.”
“The Oracle’s in the In-Between, right?” I asked.
“Somewhere, yes, we believe so. As you know, we haven’t heard from her since the events of Nevertide. I do sometimes wonder what happened to her…I half expected her to return to visit, but she never did.”
“Our mysterious fairy godmother,” Vita sighed. “I wish we could meet her. I want to know what she gifted us with.”
“I don’t know about gifts… I think she was just blessing you,” Corrine said.
“Not sure how blessed I feel,” muttered Aida, grumbling as she took in her appearance. “Why couldn’t she bless me with magnetic sex-appeal, or super fighting skills? Or lack of hair, for that matter.”
“Enough,” Corrine scolded. She disliked it when Aida spoke badly of herself. We all did. “You, madam, have a body to die for, thick beautiful hair, and your eyes are golden, for goodness’ sake—what more do you want?”
I laughed out loud. It was so true. Aida just had no clue how pretty she was. The color in her cheeks flared up at the compliment, and she fell silent. I didn’t really believe the myth about the Oracle’s blessing either—it had only come about because all three of our mothers had gotten pregnant at the same time, and Phoenix, Vita and Aida were born on exactly the same day… pretty much down to the same hour. It was amazing for sure, and possibly the Oracle’s touch had something to do with it, but that didn’t mean that they were gifted. None of them had noticed any “gifts” thus far in their lives, anyway.
“Speaking of the blessed, where is Phoenix?” Aida asked. “I haven’t seen him all day, but I take it he’s coming?”
I rolled my eyes. “Back in Hawaii. He’s dating another girl—she works in a surf shop, of course,” I replied.
“How many is that this summer?” Vita asked with a bemused expression.
“I’ve lost count. We’re almost in the double digits though. He’s so greedy.”
Vita and Corrine laughed, but Aida shook her head.
“I’m not sure about that, I think Phoenix’s a romantic at heart—he secretly wants to find someone that will make him as happy as your dad and mom are,” she replied with a smile. “You’re all too hard on him.”
“Believe that if you want,” I scoffed. “But I know my brother. He’ll never settle down with one woman—he loves them all too much. He’s like a kid in a candy store.”
Aida snorted at that, but I meant what I said. I knew he would never set out to deliberately hurt anyone, but I didn’t think he’d be able to help himself.
“Okay, I’m just about finished—have a look, tell me what you think.” With a wave of her hand, Corrine produced a mirror where a picture frame had been only moments before, and we all stood in silence as we surveyed her mastery.
“You really are amazing, Corrine. Thank you.” I sighed softly. The dresses were beautiful. We were so lucky to have a witch in The Shade who was more than happy to make such artistic creations. The girls might refer to the Oracle as their fairy godmother, but I felt like the real one was Corrine. She had helped in each of our births, watched us grow, and had always been there—facilitating our education, soothing scratches and treating injuries with her usual calm bedside manner, and then, like today, making us appear like royalty with her unparalleled seamstress skills.
“Haven’t you ever thought about becoming a world-famous fashion designer in a Paris atelier?” I asked, only half-joking.
Corrine smirked. “If I did that, who would help you?”
“It wasn’t encouragement,” I replied hastily, “never leave us!”
“You are a genius though, Corrine,” Vita replied softly, her fingers running down the sides of her dress. Vita had the smallest frame out of the three of us, and so her dress was the simplest. It was a sheath of icy-pale blue that made her turquoise eyes pop and fell to her high-heeled feet, skimming her body. The straps were thin, showing off the delicate and pale skin of her décolletage. Her arms were left bare, her dark blonde hair tied in a low bun at the bottom of her neck. She wore a thin, silver chain around her neck that held a small fire stone amulet—a gift from her mom and dad.
Aida’s dress was a different style entirely, a body hugging creation that clung to her curves and showed off her figure. The material was a darker, richer hue of blue that perfectly set off her golden eyes. Her hair was left loose, tumbling down in thick, brown waves. The dress managed to look modest and unbelievably sexy all at once—gone was the battle-strong Aida I knew, and in her place was a complete temptress.
“Wow, Aida!” I exclaimed, taking in her appearance.
“I know.” She grinned. “I second Vita, you’re a genius, Corrine.”
I took my turn in the mirror, and was just as pleased with the results as my friends were. My dress was shorter than theirs, showing off my main asset—long legs, which kind of made up for my lack of bust and curves. It was a strapless, rich crimson chiffon-type creation that had a tight bodice, with multiple layers of skirt exploding beneath, almost like a ballet dancer’s tutu. It was incredible. My hair was worn loose too, trailing straight down my back—it had been so long since my last haircut, it almost reached my butt.
“Do you think I should do something with this?” I picked up a clump of my hair.
Vita, Aida and Corrine all shook their heads.
“No,” Corrine insisted, “you look perfect.”
We all hugged Corrine, and then it was time for us to change back into our boring day-wear, go home and pack. We’d be staying overnight in Sherus’ palace—another aspe
ct of the event I was looking forward to, especially as the three of us would all be sharing a room.
“Remember to keep the dresses on a hanger before you leave,” Corrine commanded us. We all nodded dutifully, all of us clinging to the fabrics like we never wanted to be parted from them.
We left Corrine’s home and got ready to go our separate ways.
“See you in two hours?” I asked the girls.
“Don’t be late!” Aida said.
Huh. Fat chance of that.
Field
My bags were already packed for tonight’s trip to the In-Between, my suit hanging in my parents’ house. I strode swiftly to Maura’s treehouse. Maura had meant to meet me earlier this afternoon so we could wrap the gift we’d chosen for Sherus and Nuriya’s child, but she’d never showed. I assumed that she’d just forgotten, but still, even that was unusual for her.
I arrived at their front door, and knocked. I could hear Orlando and Regan inside, though I wasn’t sure why the former was here. Normally it would be only Regan to come round and get ready with Maura for a special occasion, since her daughters liked to be left to themselves.
Orlando opened the door and cleared his throat while standing back from the threshold.
“Hey, Field.” A slight color rose in his cheeks, and he ran a finger across the inside of his shirt collar. By the state of his dress I could see that he was in the middle of getting ready. His dark eyes didn’t quite meet mine.
“Sorry to bother you. Maura in?” I asked, not really understanding why he was behaving so awkwardly. I knew Orlando too well for him to be treating me like a stranger.
“Yeah, she’s in her room… Do you want a drink?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Just want to see Maura. We need to be leaving soon anyway, right?” I asked.
He nodded, and then led me into the kitchen, the front door still wide open. I stared after him in puzzled bemusement, and shut the door myself. I made my way to Maura’s room, at the back of the house, and quietly rapped my knuckles on the door.
“Maura?” I asked.
The door was flung open. Within an instant, Maura had flung herself in my arms, squeezing me tight, her face buried against my chest.
“You smell so good,” she said, her voice muffled. I hugged her back, my hands trailing through her dark brown hair, a smile on my face. I didn’t know what had gotten into the siblings, but they sure were behaving oddly. I held Maura gently, waiting for her to release me.
“Are you okay?” I asked, after she didn’t move.
She nodded her head, burrowing into the crook of my neck. I glanced around her room, noticing that she hadn’t packed. The bag she usually traveled with was still on top of the wardrobe, untouched.
“Aren’t you feeling well?” I pressed. This time I pushed her gently away from me so that I could see her expression. She looked flustered.
“I’m fine,” she breathed. Her eyes closed for a moment, and then she took a deep breath, standing back from me, leaving me standing by the door. She looked everywhere but at me, and a kick of sickness jolted through my stomach. I’d seen this expression on her face before—the last time we broke up after an argument—but never quite as flustered as now. Something was very off.
“Look at me, Maura,” I said, wanting to read her gaze—wanting to know what was coming, and how much it was going to hurt.
Her eyes met mine.
I folded my arms across my chest, my throat dry.
“Field, I’m not coming tonight,” she stated.
I nodded slowly.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she continued, her voice high and tight. “You’re the most incredible boyfriend. Really, you are, and I’ll always, always love you.”
I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach.
“But,” she continued, now looking at the floor, “I can’t be with you anymore. It’s been creeping up on me the last year, and I’ve realized I’m more than ready for kids. But in spite of how long it’s been, I don’t feel our relationship is ready for them…We’ve been stable the last two years, but I don’t know what next year will look like. Now, I’m sure you’d say you’d have them with me, settle down and marry me, if I asked you to—but I also know it would only be to make me happy.” Her voice broke, becoming raspy and hollow. I wanted to take her in my arms, hating to see the obvious pain whipping across her face, but I couldn’t move. The sick jolt I had felt when I’d first understood what was coming had spread through my body, seizing up my muscles, so I could only stand and stare, waiting for her to deliver the final blows.
“We’re not forever, Field. I think we both know that by now. We don’t have the kind of steady, abiding love your parents have, or other couples I see in The Shade. I know you care for me deeply, but you don’t look at me the way Ben looks at River. I know you love me, and you’d do anything to make me happy—but I want more. And I… I want you to have more. We both deserve that. I’m doing this because I know you never will. You would never do anything to hurt me—so I’m going to have to hurt you instead.”
As the words left her, she bent double, her arms wrapped around her body as she sank onto the bed. “Please believe me when I say this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I know it’s the right thing.”
I stood frozen, still not moving from my position by the door.
How can this be the right thing?
I could see her pain, and I could feel my own. If a permanent breakup was going to be this heartbreaking, then I just didn’t understand why she felt it was the right thing to do.
“I want all the things you want—children, to settle down. I just thought we were taking our time, because we had time… lots of time, to do all that we wanted to do.”
Maura shook her head.
“It doesn’t work like that,” she whispered. “When you’re with the person…the one you’re meant to be with, all the lifetimes in the world just don’t seem enough.”
We were silent for a long moment, Maura with her head in her hands, not wanting to look at me, me leaning on the doorframe, feeling completely powerless and reeling from her words.
I thought about the conversation I’d had with my mother, years ago. I remembered feeling reassured by the idea that Maura and I were just ‘slow burners’. Our love for one another would grow over time, not the arrow that pierced straight through the heart, but the potion that slowly suffused the body—gentler, but no less valid. Not a lesser love. But clearly it hadn’t been enough. That was what hurt the most. That I must have been hurting Maura all along. How long had she known that what we had wasn’t real?
“You should have said something earlier,” I managed. “I could have done something…made you feel more loved.”
She turned to me, her face tear-stained, but with a gentle smile on her face.
“It doesn’t work like that,” she replied softly. “If it did, I wouldn’t be doing this.”
I nodded, swallowing. I didn’t think I could say anymore. Her eyes reflected my own sorrow and pain, but there was also a look of resolve and determination. And perhaps more harrowing was the look of relief.
“Thank you for being honest,” I said, with difficulty. I desperately needed to get out of that room, get out of the house—perhaps out of The Shade as a whole, just for a while. We both needed space and time to grieve.
“I’ll always love you, Field,” she said, noticing my shift in energy, indicating that I was about to leave.
“I’ll always love you too,” I replied quietly.
In the next moment, I had gone.
I walked in the direction of my parents’ house, dragging in lungfuls of air. My entire body felt taut and heavy. I was hardly aware that one foot was stepping in front of the other. The last thing I felt like doing was celebrating the birth of a child at the fire star, but right now it seemed like the best option—my absence would be missed by my parents and my brothers. It would be easier to attend, and not have to explai
n anything. I wouldn’t even know where to start.
Vita
[Grace and Lawrence’s daughter]
When I arrived at the port, Serena and Aida were already there, looking beautiful in their gowns and chatting animatedly while they admired the splendor of the other members of GASP. I took a deep breath before I joined the crowds. Social events like this weren’t exactly comfortable for me. I always felt gauche, and was paranoid that I was boring people when I joined in with small talk. I felt a wave of gratitude for my friends—what would I do without them? When I was around Serena and Aida, I could just hide behind their exuberance. Aida might have been self-conscious in front of the opposite sex, but she was naturally outgoing and loud, and Serena constantly brimmed with confidence and, no matter what the occasion, always seemed to enjoy herself.
They caught sight of me and waved me over. I turned to my mom, giving her hand a squeeze.
“See you there?” I asked.
“Of course,” she smiled at me. “Just remember to have fun tonight… no running off to practice your fire abilities.”
I shook my head, blushing. My mom knew me too well.
“Ah,” my dad replied, raising an eyebrow in my direction, “is that why my usually reclusive daughter is so willing to join a huge social event?”
“It was,” corrected my mom. “Not anymore. I want to see you on the dance floor at least once.”
“All right,” I held up my hands in surrender. “I’ll remind you later how weird it is that you want me to party and not study…but whatever.”
My mom rolled her eyes at me. “You know we think both are important. I just don’t want you to miss out.”